Jun 13, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
Here's the situation: My spouse's daughter and her kids live in a house that my spouse and I own. We bought the house for her to live in at a time in her life when she was struggling to go to school and make ends meet. She has never paid us anything for rent, and this wasn't a problem initially. In the ensuing 10 year period, she's graduated from college, landed a reasonable job, and got married to a mistake of a guy who she's in the process of divorcing currently. She still doesn't pay rent to live in the house.
The problem: I'm closer in age to her than I am to my spouse. So, I socialize with her occasionally, and I am witness to a lot of things that she does that she doesn't want my spouse to know about. I've only told him a few things that were critical, but mostly I've kept my mouth shut, until recently. I went over to her house because the air conditioning stopped working. I was pretty stunned when I walked into the house and discovered that she's on her way to being a hoarder. Moreso, I also discovered that she's made some changes to the house that I don't approve of. I was really upset that she has spent money to buy new appliances and threw out the old ones. She hasn't paid rent, but she bought new appliances!
The tough love part: I had to escort an HVAC guy around the house to estimate the new system that has to be installed. I was really embarassed because of the mess, and I decided to take pictures. I showed the pictures to my spouse and told him that we can't continue on this path. So, I've pushed him now to seriously consider how we're going to get out of this situation because it needs correction soon.
Okay, so here's the question for you -- what would you do? How would you resolve this in a way that's positive for everyone -- without ruining the relationship and trust, and without totally messing her up for the future? I'm interested in hearing your point of view and how you'd proceed.
The problem: I'm closer in age to her than I am to my spouse. So, I socialize with her occasionally, and I am witness to a lot of things that she does that she doesn't want my spouse to know about. I've only told him a few things that were critical, but mostly I've kept my mouth shut, until recently. I went over to her house because the air conditioning stopped working. I was pretty stunned when I walked into the house and discovered that she's on her way to being a hoarder. Moreso, I also discovered that she's made some changes to the house that I don't approve of. I was really upset that she has spent money to buy new appliances and threw out the old ones. She hasn't paid rent, but she bought new appliances!
The tough love part: I had to escort an HVAC guy around the house to estimate the new system that has to be installed. I was really embarassed because of the mess, and I decided to take pictures. I showed the pictures to my spouse and told him that we can't continue on this path. So, I've pushed him now to seriously consider how we're going to get out of this situation because it needs correction soon.
Okay, so here's the question for you -- what would you do? How would you resolve this in a way that's positive for everyone -- without ruining the relationship and trust, and without totally messing her up for the future? I'm interested in hearing your point of view and how you'd proceed.