What am I doing wrong...?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    Okay...

    So in the past few months there's been four guys, at separate times, that I've been legitimately talking to. All situations where we chat for a week or two, online or by text, and there seems to be a significant level of interest and it feels like we're going somewhere...

    Then all of a sudden, they just go silent and I just get ignored. Meanwhile, I'm like WTF and wondering what's going on. And it not the greatest feeling to send out an innocent "hey, whats going on?" (or something of the like) and not getting anything back.. I end up feeling like a creeper and I just lay off and leave it at that.

    Soooooo... I don't get it. Is it the luck of the draw that I find four initially likeable douchebags in a row? Or is it me?
    I can carry a conversation and I'm more or less sure that I'm not vapid troll.
    Which brings me to think I must be doing something wrong.

    I'm confused. What could I be doing wrong?

    icon_confused.gif

    Boys are trouble.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2011 4:26 AM GMT

    lol, boys are not trouble, any more than you would be, being a boy, right? icon_wink.gif

    These guys are just not the right fit. Patience, and another lol, because you'll do just fine, I think.

    -Doug
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    Jun 13, 2011 4:46 AM GMT
    eh men are fickle, dodged a bullet imo, if thats how they are with just chatting imagine elsewhere.
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    Jun 13, 2011 4:47 AM GMT
    I don't think you did anything wrong. These guys be it friendship or morem they are not on the same page with you. What happens is meeting new people is exciting, but only continues when both parties are on the same page; you will see some progression. However, as you described maybe these guys drop off because they may not be wanting the same things you are looking for, even if they tell you. Their true feelings always reflect in their actions. I think that is common on most online websites meeting people. The internet is a great place to meet people however it is also at the same time an inpersonal medium. So don't take it personally when they don't respond. The nice guys are still out there and worth your undivided attention. icon_smile.gif
  • Life_Is_Good_...

    Posts: 109

    Jun 13, 2011 4:53 AM GMT
    1. They were all the same guy with different screen names.

    2. They have no social skills.

    3. Maybe they wanted to spank it more than chat.

    4. They were intimidated by you. (not always a bad thing)

    5. I would like to type it but I do not know you.

    Be yourself and always be careful and safe
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2011 5:04 AM GMT
    Yes boyz are trouble icon_mad.gif Don't get yourself too invested or too serious in this dating stuff.

    Or, have you tried insulting them? It's not like you're gonna talk to them any more anyway. That might not be a bad way to get their attention. Bitch them out. I'll help you. Who is it? Let's get them kicked out of RJ by disposing the horror and hurt that they imposed on you. I'm sure you're not the first victim. icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2011 5:39 AM GMT
    "Patience is a virtue", said some old guy once.

    Too bad my patience tank is almost on 'E'.
    Electronic "relationships" blow; it's about time I find a real one.

    That said, I'm still optimistic. =)


    cityaznguy saidYes boyz are trouble icon_mad.gif Don't get yourself too invested or too serious in this dating stuff.

    Or, have you tried insulting them? It's not like you're gonna talk to them any more anyway. That might not be a bad way to get their attention. Bitch them out. I'll help you. Who is it? Let's get them kicked out of RJ by disposing the horror and hurt that they imposed on you. I'm sure you're not the first victim. icon_neutral.gif


    This actually sounds great. If you're interested, I'll hire you to bitch out a few guys that I know could use a good verbal slap-around. icon_razz.gif haha
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jun 13, 2011 5:54 AM GMT
    The only thing you're doing wrong is taking it personal. If they're online buds, you'll see them around. And when the time is right, you'll reconnect in a forum or privately. They didn't take the time to get to know you if they didn't like you.

    There are a thousand conversations going on here. People move on to other areas, make new connections. There is only so much time in a day and the emails pile up if you drop off for a few days.

    If you were heading toward dating these guys it's a different story. In that case I know that too much chat can work against you. As connected as you may feel, there is a lot of projection taking place. You have to get out and meet in person to see if there is real chemistry. Otherwise, in the mean time they're meeting other guys online, at work, at parties...in person..while you remain an enigma.
  • shutoman

    Posts: 505

    Jun 13, 2011 11:26 AM GMT
    I read your profile, You are a very strong character with a range of surprisingly complex views. You say you hate indecisiveness - but a lot of men have difficulty committing, to the extent that it is the constant complaint of women :-)

    Let's face it - the guy who can handle you is going to be both ferociously intelligent and strong-willed as well as possessing a whole host of other criteria (looks, bod, etc) which you may not mention, but probably want. So, your standards are very high,* and not many people will match up to that :-) You probably do intimidate in that sense; I think your perfect guy will probably be in the military.

    * that Oxford comma is especially for you :-)
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Jun 13, 2011 11:50 AM GMT
    There is a saying that I can't recall now but the dirty version of it is
    Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free.
    Try being a little more aloof. Don't seem like you are just waiting for them. The chase is 1/2 the fun.
    Enjoy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2011 12:23 PM GMT
    Maybe you seem too much like boyfriend material when what they want is just a casual bud? That being said, I don't think you should minimize your character for the sake of an online relationship. You are definitely much better served by being yourself and also by meeting people in real life.
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    Jun 13, 2011 1:04 PM GMT
    Can you give us an example of your dialogue with these guys?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 13, 2011 1:05 PM GMT
    Sounds like they are saying, "I'm not that serious"... about the impotance of .... maybe doesn't mean they don't want to get to know you, but it isn't a priority. I don't think you are really doing anything wrong, provided you aren't texting or initiating contact too much. Just know your objectives and theirs may be different.

    Be open minded and move forward. Be friendly, but don't spend too much time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2011 1:12 PM GMT
    wild_sky360 saidIf you were heading toward dating these guys it's a different story. In that case I know that too much chat can work against you. As connected as you may feel, there is a lot of projection taking place. You have to get out and meet in person to see if there is real chemistry. Otherwise, in the mean time they're meeting other guys online, at work, at parties...in person..while you remain an enigma.


    I think wild_sky360 is right on. This has been my experience.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2011 5:05 AM GMT
    My approach is pretty easy-going. I'm not really trying to send an "I'm looking for something serious" vibe, I'm not dragging it on forever, and I'm not blowing up anyone's phones/inboxes with emails. On the last couple, I've been pretty gentle.



    So far I have come to the conclusion that men are like deer. You try to approach and they notice you but just stand there at first. Then you're like "oh wow, I'm actually getting close to this deer". Then, something you do that you barely realize that scares them away. You then make this face "icon_sad.gif" while the pretty little thing darts away.

    Logic: If men are indeed like deer, then I might need a shotgun... icon_confused.gificon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2011 7:30 AM GMT
    It's because they are creeping. Guys online are creeping all the time.

    Think about it, why would a single interested guy suddenly flake? Because he's being sneaky and his boyfriend caught on to his shit.

    That's why I'm over this online bullshit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2011 7:40 AM GMT
    It's because they are creeping. Guys online are creeping all the time.

    Think about it, why would a single interested guy suddenly flake? Because they are trying to juggle too many people at once.

    Go out 1 night to a bar or club and I bet you will see them there, with someone else. They can't focus on their own plate. They gotta eat off someone elses. People online can be flaky to the maximum...I deal with incessantly.

    cityaznguy said
    Or, have you tried insulting them? It's not like you're gonna talk to them any more anyway. That might not be a bad way to get their attention. Bitch them out. I'll help you. Who is it? Let's get them kicked out of RJ by disposing the horror and hurt that they imposed on you. I'm sure you're not the first victim. icon_neutral.gif


    Amazingly, this is true. Sometimes I'll tell a guy, "look dude, obviously I'm not worth your time so I'm going to delete your number". All of a sudden it's, "no it's not like that, I'm sorry....just busy don't take it personal". But by the time they have given me the signal they aren't interested, I've already moved on.

    wild_sky360 saidYou have to get out and meet in person to see if there is real chemistry. Otherwise, in the mean time they're meeting other guys online, at work, at parties...in person..while you remain an enigma.


    This pretty much sums it up.

    I try to get guys to meet quickly, within 1 week 2 at the most while we are texting/emailing. Otherwise I get bored very quickly. I am not going to let some mother fucker waste my time by texting and emailing me without any dates. That's boring. What the fuck we going to talk about if we haven't met?

    Once I find a guy can't meet within a week or 2, I just moved on. Not worth my time. I'm too busy for that bullshit. And generally if they can't make plans or agree on plans to meet within a couple of days of the initial email chat then they probably won't meet at all.