Making gay friends (Single vs In a relationship)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2011 9:30 PM GMT
    There is the topic "Is it hard to make new gay friends?".
    My answer: Yes it is, especially if you're in a monogamous relationship.
    I felt it on my own skin. Even here on this site. Some guys stopped talking to me when I found a bf. I mean, we can still be friends even if I have a bf, right?
    It happened in my real life also and for my bf also. Our best mutual friends are all straight and only one is gay. We both had some gay friends but all of them lost interest when we got together. Some even tried to split us up with lies, probably being jealous of our happiness.

    May it be all about the chance of having sex with a guy???

    Do you find a guy that's in a relationship as interesting as one who's single? Be honest...
  • kredone

    Posts: 15

    Jun 14, 2011 1:32 AM GMT
    I agree that it is difficult to make gay friends sometimes. I have very few gay friends myself.

    I do, however, have a few gay friends that don't live near me that are in relationships or were in a relationship when I first started talking to them and I don't think they are any less interesting to me than they would have been if they were single. Perhaps it helps that I don't live near them?

    I have been close with a couple and felt really uncomfortable around them. I sometimes felt like I was being hit on by one of them and made me feel really uncomfortable.

    I am really long winded - I think some guys are interesting because they are in a relationship, especially long term relationships because I often wonder if they can work. I want them to work.
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    Jun 14, 2011 1:46 AM GMT
    Friendship is friendship, but the friends who knew you prior to your partner know that they will automatically take a lower position on the totem pole. Your first allegiance will be the partner.

    I once invited a couple of friends over to my place for a lunch. They did not know each other, but when they met it was love at first sight. After they became partners, I rarely saw or heard from them. You see the problem there, don't you?
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    Jun 14, 2011 1:50 AM GMT
    Out of all the friends ive made who are/were in relationships, they all wanted to "include" me in their relationship at one point or another, i mean im not going to judge, and i politely said no, were still friends, but it just seems.. things just cant stay platonic, once i learn youre in a relationship, i draw a line, and that line is to never be crossed.
    so yeah, i find a guy whos in a relationship just as interesting as a guy whos single, at least for now i do.
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    Jun 14, 2011 1:54 AM GMT
    It is possible to make new gay friends. I've made many during the past 8 years me and my other half been together.
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    Jun 14, 2011 2:58 AM GMT
    Buckyou saidThere is the topic "Is it hard to make new gay friends?".
    My answer: Yes it is, especially if you're in a monogamous relationship.
    I felt it on my own skin. Even here on this site. Some guys stopped talking to me when I found a bf. I mean, we can still be friends even if I have a bf, right?
    It happened in my real life also and for my bf also. Our best mutual friends are all straight and only one is gay. We both had some gay friends but all of them lost interest when we got together. Some even tried to split us up with lies, probably being jealous of our happiness.

    May it be all about the chance of having sex with a guy???

    Do you find a guy that's in a relationship as interesting as one who's single? Be honest...


    I have witnessed some of my better friends (back when I used to have a friendship circle) get 'married' temporarily. I always found it easier if I'm going to be friends with someone in a relationship, to be friends BEFORE they get into that relationship.

    Most guys always say, "I have a BF, but we can be friends" crap. But you know when you are an attractive guy and look GOOD you may be perceived as a potential threat, an outsider; however small to the relationship. Which is why I have never actually become real friends with someone in a relationship. Like even my next door neighbors, I felt they couldn't really trust me. I'm a Single guy next door, from out of state, more muscular than the fiance...wife almost the same age as me. So we hung out 1 time, and then after that they started flaking out on me. So I just stopped trying to be friends with them. I didn't even get around to telling them I was gay.

    But it was always nice to be able to exchange dating experiences with friends who were in a relationship...AFTER we were friends. I witnessed some of my friends go thru 4 or 5 boyfriends within a year and all the same things I dealt with they dealt with too.

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    Jun 14, 2011 3:51 AM GMT
    kredone saidI agree that it is difficult to make gay friends sometimes. I have very few gay friends myself.

    I do, however, have a few gay friends that don't live near me that are in relationships or were in a relationship when I first started talking to them and I don't think they are any less interesting to me than they would have been if they were single. Perhaps it helps that I don't live near them?

    I have been close with a couple and felt really uncomfortable around them. I sometimes felt like I was being hit on by one of them and made me feel really uncomfortable.

    I am really long winded - I think some guys are interesting because they are in a relationship, especially long term relationships because I often wonder if they can work. I want them to work.

    I sincerely agree with this post. It has everything I want to say.