Is it wrong to be skeptical of guys in open relationships?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2011 10:24 PM GMT
    Hey everyone. Since coming out its been bugging me how many guys I've noticed are in "open relationship." I don't think less of someone if they're in that sort of a relationship, but I can't help of think of that sort of relationship as a joke. I feel like its an excuse for people to have the best of both worlds, and I'm highly skeptical that someone is truly in love with their partner if they want to be opening to having sex with other people, even if they're only "playing together." I've seen a lot of variations on this sort of arrangement: looking for a third person to join the relationship, guys can hook up individually, guys can only hook up if their partner joins in, live-in houseboy, etc.

    How can these people be serious? I feel like as soon as you told your partner you'd rather be monogamous, that would be the end of the relationship...which shows the guy didn't really love you as much as you thought he did. Are gay guys just not ready for a real commitment? Besides I think sleeping with someone new that frequently is unsanitary lol. By the time you're 30 the number racks up to a jaw-dropping number.

    What are your thoughts on this?

    I ask this because a while ago this guy, who had a boyfriend told me he wanted to hook up. I wasn't interested in getting with a guy who is in a relationship, and I don't do the hook up thing anymore. Apparently there's a difference between fuck buddy and friends with benefits. I don't see any.
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    Jun 13, 2011 10:47 PM GMT
    Nah, don't let them tell you that bullshit...Most of these so called 'open-relationships' are actually guys being sneaky behind their partners. That's why they don't show their face online.

    Like the guy I met who told me he was in an open relationship. Really? Is that why you live in Denver but your profile says California with an un-listed city? Is that why when you seen me at the gym you couldn't even speak to me when you were with your bitch but then you emailed me online from 2 different profiles? That's not being open. That's closed.

    I feel anyone who accepts an open-relationship, which is basically accepting crumbs because you will never be 100%, #1. I think that's the most degrading relationship to ever be in. Might as well hookup with someone single. Unless you're getting fairly and reasonably compensated for it then I wouldn't bother.
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    Jun 13, 2011 10:49 PM GMT
    A+ response lol. I agree whole-heartedly. Or guys that are in relationships but still have their grindrs and a4as. Its like really? No respect to your partner.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 1:28 PM GMT
    there are multiple threads on open relationships that cover it in depth.

    my answer to your question is no, it is NOT wrong to be skeptical.
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    Jun 14, 2011 1:41 PM GMT
    BambinoRex saidthere are multiple threads on open relationships that cover it in depth.

    my answer to your question is no, it is NOT wrong to be skeptical.




    I'm not skeptical of open relationships, nor is Bill. Neither of us were able to cope in them before we met. We're monogamous.

    Realjockk89 said,

    "How can these people be serious?"

    Some people in both open and closed relationships make a mockery of their relationships. You can't lump all the shallow people in with the ones that aren't.

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    Jun 14, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    My opinion is, different strokes for different folks. Not everyone thinks the same way and I don't presume to dictate to other people how they should conduct their relationships and to claim mine is better than theirs.

    I've not had an open relationship myself, though I have had sex with guys who were in open relationships, and you know what, it worked for them. That's fine, it's not hurting anyone, so live and let live.

    There's way too much judgement in the gay community, IMO. Not everyone is the same as you or wants to live their life the way you live yours - and why should they?
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    Jun 14, 2011 2:26 PM GMT
    the reason to be skeptical is that it's that you can't have the luxury of knowing people by their actions on a topic like this. you only have words. the term "open" can mean so many different things. and it's open to interpretation at the choosing of the person sharing the data. people often have agendas when disclosing this data. so it's suspect because you won't get an objective disclosure most of the time.

    that's not judging whether it's right or wrong to have open relationships. it's just being conscious of the nature of the market if you are running into them.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 14, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    If you don't want to be in an open relationship, then don't be in one.

    If you're single and don't want to get involved with a guy who in in an open relationship, then don't.

    Otherwise, the dynamics of other people's relationships really don't concern you. It's the same as when straight people say gays shouldn't be allowed to marry.
  • awm55

    Posts: 619

    Jun 14, 2011 2:50 PM GMT
    For me if a couple wants to included a third person on occasion into their sex life I can sort of understand that if after a few years things get stale, but to be in a relationship where both people can go out and screw around by themselves just does not make any sense to me. Not only would you have to use to condoms all the time with your partner to prevent disease transmission, but it would inevitabley end with one partner screwing around more than the other resulting in jealousy.
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    Jun 15, 2011 5:49 AM GMT
    I used to go out and see these really hot couple together. They were so much built than me so I didn't see what they seen in me back then. They would always make passes at me. Well, one night can't remember how it happened but one of them invited me back to his place. I think they were broken up at the time. Well, we messed around til like 5 am.

    Then, he hit me up another night and it was him and his BF. And we fucked. All 3 of us. Taking turns. And it was nice.

    So yes, not recommended to get serious about but it can be damn fun! If they seen me now, we'd be fucking all over again.