Age gap dilemma

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 1:03 AM GMT
    I know there have been countless "age gap" threads, but they are usually just talking theoretically.


    I met a guy a few weeks ago and we get along extraordinarily well. We have joked about being lesbians because we've spent 13 of the past 16 days together, and I'm seeing him again tomorrow. I feel more comfortable with him than I do with people I've known for years.

    We:
    - both enjoy shopping (we've gone 4 times and it's so much more fun together)
    - have a similar sense of humour (moreso he likes my sense of humour, which i know you all love~)
    - have similar taste in music (but know different artists and are able to introduce each other to new music)
    - have similar taste in movies (same as music - we introduce each other to movies)
    - have similar taste in food (both adventurous & enjoy trying different cultures food)
    - both have quite a bit of knowledge about and definitely a fascination for Asian cultures (especially Chinese, Korean, and Japanese)


    The reason I'm in a dilemma is because of our ages. We've talked about it and he understands that it is a concern, because I've explained to him that my ultimate relationship would be with someone I can bring home to my family without them worrying about my safety or sanity or anything like that, especially because when I was younger I put them through more shit than they deserve and they've always been loving and accepting. I've also always wanted to be one of the few gay couples that have the balls to be openly affectionate in public (e.g. holding hands) because, as I've mentioned in other threads, I think it's important for gay couples to do so because you never know if other gay people (possibly closeted) will see you and feel that much more comfortable about themselves. The age gap creates a different type of relationship though; you're not just a gay couple then, you're a "younger & older" gay couple.


    So I guess the question is... what do I do?

    If we don't end up together I know we'll still be really good friends, we get along too well not to be, but honestly I can't fucking stand dating people that always end up disappointing me anymore. So far he hasn't done anything for me to not trust him, unlike other guys who I'm not able to read and am left confused after just one or two dates.

    Oh and I'm 21, he's 52. He's one of those lucky people that has amazing genes and looks about mid to late 30s, and he definitely doesn't act his age - we text a lot and skype sometimes, he usually goes out dancing with his friends on the weekend, and many of his friends are around my age.
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    Jun 14, 2011 1:16 AM GMT
    Quit over-analyzing your great luck and enjoy the ride! You never know what the future holds for the two of you individually or collectively. You are both of age and sounds like you click on multiple levels....the "dilemma" only exists if you think it is one. Fuck what others think...it is YOUR relationship! now go have fun whith this great guy, you lucky bastard! LOL! icon_cool.gif
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    Jun 14, 2011 1:22 AM GMT
    Sporty_g saidQuit over-analyzing your great luck and enjoy the ride! You never know what the future holds for the two of you individually or collectively. You are both of age and sounds like you click on multiple levels....the "dilemma" only exists if you think it is one. Fuck what others think...it is YOUR relationship! now go have fun whith this great guy, you lucky bastard! LOL! icon_cool.gif



    I agree
    You would probably be one of the first on here to tell someone to stop worrying what the fuck other people think if they were worrying about something.. so follow your own advice and go with the flow for as long as it lasts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    I had a similar thing but the answer to the question was "oh i'm dating my ex now"....

    At this point don't worry about it. Just be happy. It's when you get to a more serious part of the relationship that age will be an issue because then you'll have to think about the long run.
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    Jun 14, 2011 3:48 AM GMT
    Enjoy what you have right now and don't worry about holidays with the family just yet. If you are having that much fun - take it for every last drop. If your ages and life experiences are too different to work out in the long term, that will be obvious soon enough. Until then, just be greatful that the two of you found each other at all.

    When I was in my single days I usually dated much older men. In my early 20s, I dated guys in their 50's and 60s. My first "husband" (deceased) was 12 years older. My second (amicably ended) was fourteen years older. My Partner now (13 years in December) is 7 years younger than me.

    Kindred spirits don't ask for I.D.

    Best of Luck!!!
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    Jun 14, 2011 3:51 AM GMT
    Anduru saidI know there have been countless "age gap" threads, but they are usually just talking theoretically.




    Oh and I'm 21, he's 52.
    .



    oh and btw.... let me throw this at the very end no big deal.... hahahahaha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 3:54 AM GMT
    but I just think it was funny... I agree with everyone else on here cause I am attracted to older guys too. We have enough to worry about as it is... don't add any extra unnecessary stress and worry
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 4:03 AM GMT
    My boyfriend/partner is 27 and I will be 45 tomorrow. We are perfectly fine, and have no issues. Remember your relationship is for YOU not others. Don't live it that way.
  • squash4dave

    Posts: 180

    Jun 14, 2011 4:06 AM GMT
    Love has no age. If you get along well and are physically attracted to one another, WTF. It's your life and your happiness. If you think that you love him, or might, and he is a good guy, see where it goes. One of the big mistakes in my life was when I first started coming out, I met this great guy, who was a lot older than me. I didn't go out with him again, not because he was older, but because I wasn't ready to "be gay". I used to see him out at one of the dance clubs that I frequented. One day he came in with another guy, who he ended up in a relationship with. I realized then that I had royally screwed up. Don't do the same thing.
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    Jun 14, 2011 4:08 AM GMT
    You should definitely practice what you preach in this case!

    Enjoy it for what it is. If nothing else, at least you've made a very compatible friend. Just see how it goes!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 4:08 AM GMT
    I say enjoy it. Who cares about age? It's just a number. It's not easy to find people who you get and / or who gets you.

    With that said, I do have one concern though. How's his health? I'm asking because if this turns into a life-long companionship (I might be thinking WAY too ahead but hey, you never know, lol), chances are he might get sick more often than you, and you'll need to take care of his health. There might also be a few activities that he can't participate with you, e.g., the more physical things like rock climbing, white river rafting, surfing, camping, etc.....LOL who am I kidding? You're not into those things either. So if he enjoys video games, shopping, and have similar taste in music, likes the similar movies, I said go for it. But DO keep the health thing the back of your head though, if you decide to pursue a LTR.

    p.s. icon_smile.gif missed ya Andrew when you were gone!
  • bikj2003

    Posts: 19

    Jun 14, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    if you r happy n he is happy go for it ... I have been in a happy unhappy happy unhappy relatinship with an amazing young man but he cant be happy cuz he dosent know how to be .....only makes me wish da best for him.....AGE IS IRRELAVANT AND HAPPINESS IS EVERYTHING
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    Jun 14, 2011 4:27 AM GMT
    Cash said

    Kindred spirits don't ask for I.D.



    ^^This
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 4:43 AM GMT
    Cash said Kindred spirits don't ask for I.D.


    +10,000

    I have plenty of friends at/near my age but also as young as their 20's and as old as their 80's. One of my wildest flings was with somebody fifteen years my senior (me 24, he 39.) I've been in relationships where the age difference was mere months, others where it was closer to two decades, and in between. Sex has been smokin' hot with guys as much as a generation apart from me, and a fiasco with some born in the same year, as well as "epic" with peers and "fail" with men notably younger/older.

    If you're mentally and spiritually compatible with this guy you have a definite keeper at the platonic level. Before taking it to the sheets I'd give it a lot of serious thought if I were you, though. Sex can and often does change everything. The scrutiny and criticism will be relentless if you become a couple. Only a relationship on completely solid ground can withstand that for the long haul.

    Personally, I'd only consider someone within 5-10 years of my age to be LTR potential. Beyond that disparity it's not realistic for a number of reasons. Friends? Absolutely. F-buddies? Why not! Monogamous boyfriend/partner or even husband? Ain't gonna happen.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 1:11 PM GMT
    Carpe diem. There are more important factors than age. If you're feeling it, follow your heart.
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    Jun 14, 2011 1:59 PM GMT
    Cash said
    Kindred spirits don't ask for I.D.



    This made my night.
    It is is beyond cheesy and made me feel a bit woozy. icon_smile.gif

    I do agree with the sentiment though.

    Age is nothing man, go for it!

    xx
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Jun 18, 2011 8:47 PM GMT
    Sounds familiar to me. I'm 51 and my buddy is 21. We met playing soccer, started as a mentor/friend thing with no sex. One night after a game we were grabbing a beer. He asked if he could get kinda personal, I said sure, he said he was into me as more than a friend. I resisted, he was persistent, and that night there were fireworks. We've been together almost a year now. We each have our own lives, but also hang out and do a lot of stuff together, text and skype a lot when we're apart. And it is just works. No drama, no daddy/son thing. Just a great relationship. I'm his first m2m relationship, so I'm trying to give him plenty of room, and I also understand we are at very different stages in life. But there is plenty of stuff that brings us together, not to mention the hot sex.

    "kindred spirits don't ask for id" is about as perfect response as I can imagine. Good luck, have fun.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2011 3:24 AM GMT
    Just wondering if the advice would be the same if the ages were 16 and 43.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    Relationships with age differences like this exist with heterosexual couples as well.

    I think that if you're both legally adults and happy (which you are), then enjoy and be happy.

    I just turned 30 and my boyfriend will be 41 in October.