The Real Reason Gay Men Don’t Get Fat

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    Jun 14, 2011 5:44 AM GMT
    I love this article. Makes for good laughs. How true is this?

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    The Real Reason Gay Men Don’t Get Fat
    http://gawker.com/5811493/the-real-reason-gay-men-dont-get-fat

    Brian Moylan — New York gay about town and Barneys creative director Simon Doonan just sold a manuscript for a diet book called Gay Men Don't Get Fat. While this is true, the real reason why gay men don't get fat might not be the most marketable message.

    I'm a little upset at myself that I didn't think of this idea first. Doonan's book seems to be a take on the best-selling book French Women Don't Get Fat, which makes an argument that if you follow the culturally ingrained diet and lifestyle of a French woman, you too can be skinny, fabulous, and look good in Chanel. The advice from French woman (and millionaire CEO) Mireille Guiliano is cute, fun, and witty.

    Doonan's advice will probably be equally cute, fun, and witty. The book is supposedly, "a stylishly slimming discourse that proves gay men really ARE French women: prone to disdain, favoring cheeky underwear, convinced of their own artistic brilliance, and (of course) calorie-obsessed." Clever, but where does that obsession come from? The advice as to why gay men don't get fat isn't as palatable.

    There is only one thing that keeps gay men in shape: fear. Yes, every gay—at least those of the stereotypical abdominal-obsessed physique that populates Fire Island and Palm Springs—is brought about because gay men are afraid that they will be alone for the rest of their lives. If a gay man is not "serving body" while competing to find a trick or boyfriend in one of the more muscle-bound climates of gay culture, he will be sorely shut out. That is why gay men don't get fat, because if they don't have pecs, guns, and glutes, they're going home alone.

    Gay men, unlike their straight counterparts, don't have the luxury to stay in "fighting shape" just long enough to find a partner before letting their bodies fall to shit afterwords. No, gay men have to get buff, get married, and stay buff. Why? Because of three-ways, obviously. I'm going to let you in on a little secret: There are countless committed gay couples out there who like to either play on the side or invite guest stars into their beds. And you're not going to get any A-list guest stars if you're giving D-list torso with a four-star gut. Yes, gay men go to the gym to stay competitive, but since the man-eating marathon doesn't end after marriage, they just keep on competing and competing until death do they part.

    The funny thing about the gay competition is that, because men (especially of the gay variety) are so visually stimulated, the only piece on the chess board that matters is having that traditional lean body. If straight men are lacking in some area, they usually make up for it by becoming rich or powerful, things that some women (see: Real Housewives of Orange County) find just as attractive as a washboard stomach dusted with natural body hair. But for gay men, only body will do. If a gay guy is a little short, his solution is to go to the gym. Got a shitty job? Go to the gym. Busted in the face? No biggie! Head to the gym and no one will look above your neck. Totally shy and doesn't socialize well? Gym, baby, gym! A good body is the only currency in this game.

    What also makes this unique for gay men is one of the other strange quirks of homosexuality. Gay men are attracted to, essentially, themselves. No straight man wants to look like a woman (and certainly not the reverse) but gay men find what they are physically attracted to and often remake their bodies in the image of their ideal mate. Since society tells us to want muscle-bound athletes, that's what gays want, and that's what they make themselves look like in the pursuit of their ideal. If you want to bed muscles you have to have muscles, if you want to land a twink, you better be a twink (or at least some other type that is easily cast in any gay porn movie).

    Still, gay men come in all shapes and sizes (embrace the rainbow, people) but still gay culture and iconography is largely dominated by the same juiced-out body type (and awful tribal tattoos) that you'd find on Jersey Shore. While there are plenty of average-physiqued homosexuals (who barely merit mentioning) there has been a reaction to all this body fascism over the past so many years. Yes, the "bear" movement, spearheaded by gay men who are hairier and chubbier than average, is forever gaining steam. Mostly it's because these guys gave up on the regular competition and decided to host a competition of their own. Theirs, instead of relying on protein shakes and bicep curls, relies on barbecue ribs and beer guts. These men only socialize (and sexualize) with other men that are as big and burly as they are. While they might be reversing the normal aesthetic ideals of gay culture and American culture at large, they still discriminate just as much based on physicality as their circuit party-loving brethren.

    Doonan is trying to capitalize on those skinny gay men of legend, but what governs them and governs the bear is really the same thing: fear. Many gay men spend their adolescence as outcasts or misfits, and when they finally get to a place where they can join the gay culture at large, they react to their years of social solitude by conforming with the sort of fervor usually reserved for packs of teenage girls. That means looking the part, which, of course, means joining the gym and becoming a regular. It has nothing to do with being healthy or looking good, it has to do with that deep-seated fear that one day you will wake up and it will be just like high school all over again, with people hating you or picking on you for being different. Never again!

    That middle-of-the-night terror is not an easy thing to teach, and it's not really the kind of advice that you can slap a sassy cover photo on and get millions of people to pay $22 for. Most gay men get it for free, and now, with this book, you too can be a pariah for years, then enter a conformist culture of casual sex and glistening bodies, followed by a lifetime of hookups with your significant other and the waxed dolphins you pick up on Grindr. That's the secret of how gay men don't get fat.

    For me, well, I'd much rather be French.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 5:53 AM GMT
    icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 12:06 PM GMT
    .....there are no fat gay men??


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    Jun 14, 2011 12:10 PM GMT
    There definitely are fat gay men.lol called Bears
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    Jun 14, 2011 12:13 PM GMT
    If gay men don't get fat, then explain 90% of adam4adam and manhunt. icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 14, 2011 12:23 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidIf gay men don't get fat, then explain 90% of adam4adam and manhunt. icon_lol.gif



    HARSH!! - and a little bit true ;)

    Very interesting article though ;)
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    Jun 14, 2011 12:42 PM GMT
    Waxed dolphins rofl.

    Funny article! Hits on some good points, too. The kind of points you would never admit are true but kinda are.
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    Jun 14, 2011 1:32 PM GMT
    Yeah, way to perpetuate stereotypes. Sadly though, all stereotypes are based on some unfortunate truths. His opinions though are grossly exaggerated and based on the anecdotal experiences of someone who limits their social interactions to the highschool lunch room table antics of young, gay, NYC.

    Are there gay men who resemble his article? Yes, of course... sadly, there are many. Does EVERY gay man leave the house riddled with fear? Obviously not, and the ones who grow out of that game rarely get media coverage.

    The one "truth" I will give him is in regards to the bear crowds vs muscle crowds:

    Brian MoylanWhile they might be reversing the normal aesthetic ideals of gay culture and American culture at large, they still discriminate just as much based on physicality as their circuit party-loving brethren.
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    Jun 14, 2011 1:49 PM GMT
    Wow interesting article.

    While I believe we all try to keep in shape for different reasons, a lot of this article makes sense.

    One thing in particular i have to agree with is that being a gay man, I turn myself on. I mean how many of u don't blow a load in front of a mirror now and again. Especially after the gym, when u got the pump.

    So I workout not only so that others are interested in me, and for my health/strength bit because I turn myself on.

    Besides IS being turned on by muscles really a bad thing?
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    Jun 14, 2011 1:57 PM GMT
    There are no fat gay guys? Just like there are no fit straight married guys?

    lol icon_rolleyes.gif

    thx ava for posting that was good laugh icon_smile.gif

    Don't let Mohammed see this article though, or he'll start going on a 10-page vent on how thou shall not generalize or make stereotypical assumptions. icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 14, 2011 2:10 PM GMT
    I didn't notice the author of this initially - his 'early years' growing up in Reading were the basis for a UK sitcom called 'Beautiful People' which I absolutely loved!
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    Jun 14, 2011 2:21 PM GMT
    this article plays to the str8 ideal of what a gay man is... most gay men could not give a f*ck about their pecs... but would admittedly like to be more in shape than they are!
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    Jun 14, 2011 2:21 PM GMT
    Pure saidI didn't notice the author of this initially - his 'early years' growing up in Reading were the basis for a UK sitcom called 'Beautiful People' which I absolutely loved!


    beautiful people... LEGENDARY!!!
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    Jun 14, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    Pure saidI didn't notice the author of this initially - his 'early years' growing up in Reading were the basis for a UK sitcom called 'Beautiful People' which I absolutely loved!


    I LOVED THIS SHOW! I have both seasons. The mother and the aunt are simply two of the greatest characters ever.

    xx
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    Jun 14, 2011 2:30 PM GMT
    Student_90 said
    Pure saidI didn't notice the author of this initially - his 'early years' growing up in Reading were the basis for a UK sitcom called 'Beautiful People' which I absolutely loved!


    I LOVED THIS SHOW! I have both seasons. The mother and the aunt are simply two of the greatest characters ever.

    xx


    I love his mum. And what she said to him when he 'came out' was so touching.
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    Jun 14, 2011 2:50 PM GMT
    The Real Reasons Gay Men Don’t Get Fat:

    1) Fat makes your penis looks smaller.
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    Jun 14, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    Num1Passion saidThere definitely are fat gay men.lol called Bears

    Yeah, agree, I was thinking that myself. Apparently an author living in a very narrow part of the gay world, that doesn't include bears.

    Now I'm not a bear myself, nor a bear hunter. But I know bears exist, and that's part of gay culture, too. You can't exclude them or other types in such theories.

    The "fear factor" in dieting & weight control has always been known, this isn't breaking news. He mentions French women, but haven't American women also been known to practically kill themselves (and actually sometimes literally do) trying to diet themselves into a storybook marriage with a man of their dreams?

    Nor do women wanna die alone, either, or at least not until their husbands have provided for them with a secure income for life, so they can live comfortably after he passes on. Which he usually does first, as actuarial tables prove.

    The vanity factor hasn't been stressed by this author, either, more implied. And ALL men can be vain, it's part of the male peacock response. I remember my Freshman college roommate in 1967, who refused to ever close the blinds to our second-floor dorm room, leaving us open to view to a mall outside where women walked, especially at night when the room was lit up.

    "I don't want them seeing me naked," I'd complain, having just come from the shower and getting dressed. And equally naked himself, he'd reply: "Oh man, they love this bod, that's what they like to see."

    Well maybe so, he was a husky football player (but with the worst case of body acne I ever saw, which NOBODY wanted to see), and I'd say: "Well I don't want them seeing MY "bod" so I'm closing the blinds! If they wanna see your bod then arrange for a private showing."

    Never underestimate male vanity.
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    Jun 14, 2011 2:59 PM GMT
    I'd rather be French too. icon_confused.gif
  • SoDakGuy

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    Jun 14, 2011 3:01 PM GMT
    Real reason I don't get fat ... I don't want to lose my sexual endurance. icon_twisted.gif

    And I enjoy the eye candy.

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  • swimmer8671

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    Jun 14, 2011 3:25 PM GMT
    hahahahha that is sooooo true!!!!

    I mean honestly gay men work out a LOT more then straight people, and its just like they say, because after straight people get married they let themselves go, but gay men have to keep working out and stay beautiful and perfect otherwise they end up alone, or they are forced to lower their standards.

    If you don't have a 6 pack in the gay world you are very hard up to be the center of attention.

    ^Fact icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jun 14, 2011 3:31 PM GMT
    swimmer8671 saidIf you don't have a 6 pack in the gay world you are very hard up to be the center of attention.

    ^Fact icon_rolleyes.gif
    I don't have a 6-pack but I get plenty of attention because I'm a ~cute ginger~
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    Jun 14, 2011 3:32 PM GMT
    I have a pic on my phone which demonstrates I can get very fat.
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    Jun 14, 2011 3:56 PM GMT
    I'm seeing dopplegangers
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    Jun 14, 2011 5:31 PM GMT
    Anduru said
    swimmer8671 saidIf you don't have a 6 pack in the gay world you are very hard up to be the center of attention.

    ^Fact icon_rolleyes.gif
    I don't have a 6-pack but I get plenty of attention because I'm a ~cute ginger~


    yes you are
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    Jun 14, 2011 5:53 PM GMT
    oh no. I'm already fat. I'm gonna be alone.