Can't bottom EVER for medical reasons

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    Jun 14, 2011 4:23 PM GMT
    I've been struggling most of my life with my sexuality. I'm 21 years old, and have never been in a relationship with anyone, had sex with anyone, or even kissed anyone (embarrassing, I know).

    Although I find myself attracted to men, the few times I have gotten close to doing something with a male friend, I became uncomfortable and just didn't go any further. Sometimes I am attracted to women too though.

    I've started to come to terms with who I am, figured I'd just take it day by day. If I meet a guy that I like, maybe I'll hook up with him. If I meet a girl I like, maybe I'd do the same.

    However, when it comes to my sex fantasies with a guy, I've always imagined myself as the bottom. Now I've learned that being the bottom could be very dangerous for me, due to intestinal surgeries I had when I was 16 because of my Ulcerative Colitis. I had most of my colon removed, and sort of a "new" colon constructed from my small intestine. (You can read more about it if interested here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ileo-anal_pouch)

    Being the bottom could cause something to tear/rupture and it would be very dangerous. Not to mention there is barely enough room for a penis to enter. I have read of some people having some success with bottoming, but it is very risky and takes a lot of preparation and patience. Not sure if it's even worth risking after all I've been through with the illness and surgeries I had, but I just feel like my sex life could be over before it's even started.

    I just feel like everytime I get over one hill in my life, I have to go over another. I'm afraid that I'll be rejected and probably be alone forever, like I have been so far. I don't know what to do anymore. icon_sad.gif

    Sorry for the long post.

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    Jun 14, 2011 4:53 PM GMT
    You don't have to stick a cock up you, you can use slim/short vibrators which unfortunately might be your plan b option. There's tons of nerve endings in the arsehole that will get you the enjoyment of anal play without the penetration and there's rimming and finger play to consider as well. Fingers in my opinion can be better than cocks when it comes to hitting the prostate. The only thing you might miss out on is the feeling of being 'full' of dick but sometimes that's not such a bad thing, it's not always that great if the dude can't use it right. When you find someone (and you will), it will be something that you can explore together and that's something I think to look forward. Everyone has their limitations it just that you know yours more clearly.

    A lot of gay guys experience their sexuality later in life because of the same reasons you have. I didn't kiss a person until I was 18 (a drunk female friend) and I consider only one guy in my relationship span to be a boyfriend and I'm 28. I grew up in the country and for me it wasn't a hard lifestyle but I knew that I wasn't quite like everyone else but I couldn't put a word to the reason why I felt like an outsider. My best friend in high school that 'came out' to me since we left school (and me to him on Gaydar of all places) has told me stories of him experimenting with some of our friends back then and I've felt so cheated of not having those memories and I've realised that I can't have everything. It's a shitty realisation but the centre of your universe doesn't end with you either.
    But comparing yourself to 'others', whoever they are, doesn't really amount to much when you think that everyone will be ready in their own time, take the chance when it seems right (it's always a leap of faith) and their experiences are something you don't experience so it shouldn't concern you so much. Life's not a competition and you have a massive amount of time to tick things off the proverbial list.
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    Jun 14, 2011 5:14 PM GMT
    Can't bottom EVER for medical reasons

    OK, let's list some stuff: a gay guy can get blowjobs, and give them, which I find a lot of fun. He can give handjobs or get them, and I've developed some techniques that have guys swooning from the pleasure. A gay guy can be a top or a bottom. Less common things to do, that nevertheless I had some friends who were into, include frottage (rubbing your body against his to get off). It gets a bit kinkier after that, even perverted, and a much smaller percentage does those.

    So out of the "mainstream" list you can't do one of them: bottoming. But you can do the others, right? I'm sorry you want to bottom and can't, but lots of guys don't WANT to bottom, tops only or doing something else. So you locate yourself a bottom, like other tops do.

    I mean, I know it's not what you want, but Hell, it's not like you're being expelled from the gay sexual world. And BTW, I've got chronic prostatitis, flaring up again right now, causing, I believe, the current spike in my PSA to almost 13 (other guys here will know how alarming that can be, and my GP is trying to scare me with cancer again, so I see a urologist in 2 days). And that means I'm too tender to bottom, hurts like hell.

    Oh, well... In the meantime I blow my partner until I have him howling like a banshee. You and your gay lovers DO have options.
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    Oct 25, 2011 1:46 AM GMT
    I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I've somewhat come to terms with it. I mean I've spoken to someone online who had the same surgery as me and he has given me some tips, but it doesn't seem like it's something safe for me to try. It's pretty depressing.