Did your parents use a belt on you growing up? Is it okay to use today?

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    Jun 14, 2011 5:43 PM GMT
    My 7 year old little sister is going through this phase right now where she steals just about anything she gets her hands on and my parents feel that spankings would only make it worse...but I remember when me and my brother were growing up, the belt made a visit to our asses at least 3 times a week and I think it's because of that that we grew up a lot more disciplined...were you raised the same way? Why aren't parents using it as much nowadays?

    **side note: how do you break a kid from a stealing habit??; None of us steal so we don't know why she's picked this habit up...it's kinda embarrassing and sad because she gets notes sent home and her classmates won't play with her. She's even stealing and taking things from her big sister. I keep telling my parents that I think it needs to be broken now because it'll only get worse with age.
  • commoncoll

    Posts: 1222

    Jun 14, 2011 5:50 PM GMT
    Yes and Yes

    But in this case physical punishment may not solve the problem.

    It would be better to find out why by talking to her. Does she do it out of revenge, thrill? Is she very angry or stressed and she wants others to feel the same emotion? Is she doing it for attention and feels unloved? Is she doing it to impress her classmates? Is she being bullied to get these things?-This is a big concern for 7-yr old

    Sitting down and talking to her when your whole family is present would be a good solution. A beatdown usually doesn't solve these habits. Also what if her things start going missing?
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    Jun 14, 2011 6:03 PM GMT
    My father, not my both parents, used his belt on me, but never on my younger sister. My mother preferred to slap our faces.

    It was the 1950s, and considered normal behavior for parents. It's often said that children treated in such a way will treat their own children the same. I did not. I remembered those childhood moments, and absolutely refused to use them on my own sons, for the very reason that I hated that treatment on me.

    One time my youngest at 5 was acting up quite a bit. And I did say to him if he didn't cut it out he was getting a spanking. In all innocence he asked me: "What's a spanking?" He honestly didn't know, never had one, and never did get one. But both boys were remarkably well behaved, no need for severe discipline.

    Except a few times when restraints were needed, the oldest one very seriously ADHD, and prone to violent fits, and well as sleep-walking with "nighttime terror" episodes that would wake us all up. And he'd have to be constrained for his own good, until they passed, and I know he remembers them as his father hurting him. It ripped my heart out, against everything I wanted for him, but the best doctors & experts said this is what we must do at times.

    But a belt? I've never taken a belt to a person in my life. And I would bring the police in if I saw an adult using such a thing against a child, if I didn't first turn the belt on that person myself.
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    Jun 14, 2011 6:06 PM GMT
    I plan on having a kid next year and hitting him is definately not on my list of things to do. Children have brains and can be reasoned with. Lots of people who are corporally punished love their parents, but those incidents of my childhood are my worst memories.

    Looking back, it's like people did it to feel big about themselves.
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Jun 14, 2011 6:08 PM GMT
    I think it is a terrible thing to do. I can remember being slapped a few times. Had my mouth washed out with soap. But other than that? a belt? I'm almsot certain that's child abuse, I know ehre in Ontario it is...
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    Jun 14, 2011 6:09 PM GMT
    Hands, belts, thorn bushes, bamboo stalks, water hoses, wire coat hangers, paddles, paddles with holes, everything but a clinched fist...you name it, it was used on me.

    The reason corporal punishment isn't used today as often is for that very reason: Give parents the authority to spank, and they'll take it as an opportunity for child abuse, and spank the kids with anything just because they're mad at them...not because they want to correct the kid's behavior.
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    Jun 14, 2011 6:14 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidBut a belt? I've never taken a belt to a person in my life. And I would bring the police in if I saw an adult using such a thing against a child, if I didn't first turn the belt on that person myself.
    The last spanking I ever got was at age 17, with a belt. It was the last one because I took the belt out of mom's hands and threw it down. When dad got home, he was gonna spank me for doing that, and I did the same thing to him, then threatened to get a gun (14 in the house) and shoot him dead if he picked the belt up to try again. He saw I was serious, and never hit me again.
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    Jun 14, 2011 6:18 PM GMT
    My mother only gave me one spanking during my childhood and not with a belt. She felt terrible about it. It was worse for her than it was for me. She did all the crying, not me.
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    Jun 14, 2011 6:36 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Art_Deco saidBut a belt? I've never taken a belt to a person in my life. And I would bring the police in if I saw an adult using such a thing against a child, if I didn't first turn the belt on that person myself.
    The last spanking I ever got was at age 17, with a belt. It was the last one because I took the belt out of mom's hands and threw it down. When dad got home, he was gonna spank me for doing that, and I did the same thing to him, then threatened to get a gun (14 in the house) and shoot him dead if he picked the belt up to try again. He saw I was serious, and never hit me again.

    My incident was at about 15 or 16. My Father threatened me in the TV parlor about something like not starting my homework, or whatever. He started to take his belt off and I reached out to stop him.

    "You will never hit me with a belt again!" He took a swing at me and missed, and I delivered a quick1-2 punch to his chest. He staggered back, half falling to his knees and almost slamming against the TV, gasping for breath.

    He was 6 foot, me about 5'5" and all of maybe 125 pounds, and where I learned to box I have no idea. Boys summer camp, perhaps, or just street fights with neighborhood bullies, whom I usually decked or they ran away, despite my small size. I was ferocious, and I remain pugnacious to this day.

    Well, I cracked 2 of my Father's ribs. He wore chest wrappings for nearly 2 months, but he never spoke about it again. Nor ever threatened me with physical harm again.

    Oddly I loved him dearly, and my mother, despite having cat-fights with them fairly often as a teen. They were really very good to me, incredibly generous, despite this generational thing of employing physical violence. In their later years I took care of them, especially my Father. But neither would I allow any more abuse from them, and they learned to know that.
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    Jun 14, 2011 6:53 PM GMT
    Actually, a riding crop, before I knew what it was, which is why today I'm riding crop-averse - sorry, guys. It was no big deal because back then spankings and belt whippings were the norm.
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    Jun 14, 2011 7:32 PM GMT
    commoncoll saidYes and Yes

    But in this case physical punishment may not solve the problem.

    It would be better to find out why by talking to her. Does she do it out of revenge, thrill? Is she very angry or stressed and she wants others to feel the same emotion? Is she doing it for attention and feels unloved? Is she doing it to impress her classmates? Is she being bullied to get these things?-This is a big concern for 7-yr old

    Sitting down and talking to her when your whole family is present would be a good solution. A beatdown usually doesn't solve these habits. Also what if her things start going missing?


    I actually just talked to her...I'm watching her today because she got kicked out of summer camp for not listening and she told me the reason she takes things is because she likes what other people have. I asked her what would she do if someone took something of hers, she said she would fight them. Since I'm like the 3rd parent, In my eyes, a good ass beating is what she needs, but my parents are like no, so I've kept quiet about it to them, I've left it totally up to them.
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    Jun 14, 2011 7:35 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidHands, belts, thorn bushes, bamboo stalks, water hoses, wire coat hangers, paddles, paddles with holes, everything but a clinched fist...you name it, it was used on me.


    Same here (plus other abuse), except for the bamboo stalks. I hated them for decades and left that family about 10 years ago because of their denial. I am come to peace with my childhood and I still have fantasies about having them arrested. lol

    As for the 7 year old, seems to me like she needs a jail scare. Do you have a friend, relative or neighbor who is a police officer?
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    Jun 14, 2011 7:36 PM GMT
    hitting kids doesn't help. it just makes them angry. sometimes a slap on the wrist gets their attention or shocks them into listening, but an actual beating wouldn't be helpful. if she's that troublesome, punishment would have to happen to get her to stop, maybe be creative about it though.
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    Jun 14, 2011 7:44 PM GMT
    "Did your parents use a belt on you growing up? Is it okay to use today?"

    Absolutely not!
    That's the lazy, uncaring, closed minded, uneducated way to do it. There are many other ways without involving violence to teach kids lessons.
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    Jun 14, 2011 7:44 PM GMT
    I don't know about the US, but here in Denmark child abuse is against the law icon_rolleyes.gif

    and like someone said, children are open to other forms of communication.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 14, 2011 7:45 PM GMT
    I hardly ever got a belt growing up, thank god and it shouldn't be a part of any disciplinary action, stealing or no.

    I like the "if you take, you give up" approach. If you steal, you'll have to give up in return, meaning privileges, etc.
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    Jun 14, 2011 7:46 PM GMT
    blackhawksfan said
    paulflexes saidHands, belts, thorn bushes, bamboo stalks, water hoses, wire coat hangers, paddles, paddles with holes, everything but a clinched fist...you name it, it was used on me.


    As for the 7 year old, seems to me like she needs a jail scare. Do you have a friend, relative or neighbor who is a police officer?


    Not here, but in Jersey I do. I think something like that would be good for her too...I like children, but bad children turn me the wrong way. I'd probably be like the strictest parent ever.
  • TadPohl

    Posts: 259

    Jun 14, 2011 7:46 PM GMT
    Some kids steal because they feel something is missing in their lives. What's missing may be love or attention. Or simple things like food and clothing. They may be angry, sad, scared, or jealous. They might steal as a way to deal with the situation.

    Other kids might have personal problems that lead them to steal. They may feel jealous of what others have. They may feel unloved and neglected. Or they may be upset that their parents are arguing or getting divorced. A kid might steal, in this case, to make up for something that's missing.

    A dialogue must get started to understand the reason, the cause and the consequences of stealing. It sounds as though it has already become a habit and that habit (pattern of behavior) must be changed through reinforced behavior change..... to focus on something else when the itch to steal starts.


    If discipline from spanking is necessary(last resort), a parent should always use their own hand and never a belt to properly estimate through touch how hard they are spanking the child. Spanking should only be on the butt as it is the largest muscle on the body. And the dialogue must be set up for after the spanking so that it's understood in a crystal clear form that it's a consequence and not a random act of violence.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Jun 14, 2011 7:47 PM GMT
    Most of society's problems can be traced back to a lack of ass-whoopins.

    My mom used to make sure I knew who was in charge.

    This one time I decided to throw a fit in a Wal-Mart. I was on the floor screaming and kicking in front of like 10 people. My mom looks at me and says "WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?" and walks off. Needless to say I shut up REAL quick and got an ass-whoopin when I got home. Needless to say...That was the last fit I threw in public.

    I guess this means I firmly believe in smackin a kid around when its necessary.
  • OCstang

    Posts: 12

    Jun 14, 2011 7:53 PM GMT
    I got my dad's belt or a wooden spoon if I got in trouble. Honestly, I hated it at the time. But my siblings and I did learn our lessons and quickly stepped back in line. So I definitely appreciate that strong upbringing. Kept me out of trouble later on.

    I think there needs balance. I just don't think putting a kid in time out works after awhile nor do I think a beating a kid works. There has to a balance.
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    Jun 14, 2011 7:54 PM GMT
    I was spanked once, and never again.

    My mom spanked me when I was 5 (I think, or really young) when I was standing, I lost my balance, fell and hit my head on a chair. It hurt like fuck.

    She never hit me again.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Jun 14, 2011 7:54 PM GMT
    OCstang saidI got my dad's belt or a wooden spoon if I got in trouble. Honestly, I hated it at the time. But my siblings and I did learn our lessons and quickly stepped back in line.

    I think there needs balance. I just don't think putting a kid in time out works after awhile nor do I think a beating a kid works. There has to a balance.

    I always used "time out" as a way to do it again without getting caught.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 14, 2011 7:54 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI was spanked a lot but never whipped with a belt.

    My brother once stole some musical instruments from his school and the police came to our home. My mother punished him by whipping him with a belt.

    Dang, I knew from his experience not to steal. icon_twisted.gif


    Although the idea of standing over you with a belt, does have some fascination value... LOL

    icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 14, 2011 7:55 PM GMT
    Yep and Yep. When I was 9 years old, my cousin Tim spent the summer with us. He talked me into doing something (going to pick plums) that we were told NOT to do early that morning. Well, when we got home, my grandmother whipped us, then our grandfather whipped us, then my mother whipped us and then his mother whipped us. 4 in one day. That was the only time I had ever been whipped or needed to be. Never disobeyed there after.

    Simplistically, two problems with today's kids. Their parents are kids themselves and parents are afraid the kids will call DSS for child abuse. That is the main reason I stopped teaching after one year. Not all kids have to be whipped, but some need their asses whipped on a daily basis.
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    Jun 14, 2011 7:56 PM GMT
    pffft. belt? that's an easy day. try bats, clothes hangers, brooms. my dad once threw a sharp fork at my leg and yeah, it pierced through my skin and I bled.

    ....you guys have it lucky and you don't even know it.