Could you date a guy who wasn't out?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 8:50 PM GMT
    So if you were into a guy and found out he wasn't out, would that be a deal- breaker? Would you give him an ultimatum? Are you even out? Does being out depend on maturity?

    I'm the kind of guy who's not going to broadcast it, but I've left obvious hints, like when I had Facebook, leaving the "Interested In" portion blank, or declining to talk about my private life. If anybody asks, I'll tell them. Me personally, waiting till I have my own place before breaking it to my parents, hence why my facial pics are private icon_razz.gif

    Personally if he was in-denial, I wouldn't pursue a relationship. It's just that at my age so many guys are terrified and some...rightly so based on their backgrounds and are depending on parents for financial support, etc. Probably why I'm happily single and not really looking as every guy who's into me seems to be on the down-low, won't acknowledge my prescence in the company of close friends, has a girlfriend...it's just a mess. I refuse to be a secret.

    Just wondering about others' thoughts.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 14, 2011 8:57 PM GMT
    dealbreaker, no thanks
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    Jun 14, 2011 8:58 PM GMT
    Timbales saiddealbreaker, no thanks


    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 9:11 PM GMT
    spaghettimonster said
    Timbales saiddealbreaker, no thanks


    +1
    +2
    It would be a slap in the face for the 19 years I've been out.
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Jun 14, 2011 9:14 PM GMT
    I have yet to meet a single guy who would want to date while still being the closet. They're all too frightened that dating would result in them being outed in some way. So, I chalk this up to sheer impossibility.
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    Jun 14, 2011 9:17 PM GMT
    I don´t think that it would be much of an issue for me. If I like the guy and I want to date him why not? I´m in no position to dictate how someone else should live their live
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    Jun 14, 2011 9:18 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    spaghettimonster said
    Timbales saiddealbreaker, no thanks


    +1
    +2
    It would be a slap in the face for the 19 years I've been out.


    +3
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 9:19 PM GMT
    It would depend. I've never really done the whole 'coming out' thing because I don't see the need. My sexuality isn't a secret, nor do I feel the need to scream and shout about it. Therefore I can only judge someone else by those standards. If they were ashamed of that part of who they are, I wouldn't be interested. However, I'd be equally uninterested in someone who it obsessed with 'being gay'.

    It's high time (and I can only really talk about living over in the UK) that we got past the whole gay/straight dichotomy and accepted that we are all just people who are attracted to other people - regardless of their gender.

    (Yes, I realise I am an idealist) icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 9:19 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    spaghettimonster said
    Timbales saiddealbreaker, no thanks


    +1
    +2
    It would be a slap in the face for the 19 years I've been out.


    Definate dealbreaker, If he can't handel his own issues I would'nt want to either. Been there, done that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 9:21 PM GMT
    I would.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 9:23 PM GMT
    No.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 14, 2011 9:51 PM GMT
    Dont have to be out to everyone but at least have the door to the closet open so some air can get in...it smells like sex and old jack off rags in there
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    Jun 14, 2011 9:53 PM GMT
    That is a big NO.
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    Jun 14, 2011 11:24 PM GMT
    I'd wish him well but nope.
  • Ryvick1212

    Posts: 29

    Jun 14, 2011 11:27 PM GMT
    I've dated two guys in the closet, and I can say with no reservations that I will never do it again. It tends to bring way to much stress to the relationship that isnt necessary. For me, it doesnt matter so much if he is totally out, but if he isnt out to his parents, and his parents still help him financially, its a deal breaker.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jun 14, 2011 11:48 PM GMT
    yes i would date a guy who was not out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2011 6:34 PM GMT
    Of course. I wasn't "out" when I met my ex who wasn't "out" either, and we had a perfect relationship for several years. There are many reasons why a gay guy would choose to stay in the closet and, often times, it's not because he hates being gay or he's conflicted.
  • Spiritreaver

    Posts: 2086

    Jun 15, 2011 7:04 PM GMT
    No I couldn't, but if he is just newly out or coming to turns with his sexuality, I can deal with that. I'm not out and loud, but I'm very much open and honest about my sexuality. Everyone close to me knows, and I have no issues telling people if they need to know. I also have no issues with PDAs or being seen with gay people. It would be such a conflict of interest to date someone who felt differently.

    I really feel like the hard times of being gay/coming out are coming to an end. Maybe this is just because it's been nearly a decade since I first stepped out of the closet, but I just feel people today have a much easier time with acceptance that if there's someone or something holding you back from being honest about your life, you can find other people and places to surround yourself with to live that life of honesty.

    Don't take this as a blanket statement though. I understand how it's still a big deal to come out, I'm just saying for a lot of people the ride is easier than it has been in the past.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2011 7:14 PM GMT
    Actually too much risk for him, and too boring for me! So defo a no!
  • eddieross69

    Posts: 841

    Jun 15, 2011 7:25 PM GMT
    NO
  • nubScotty

    Posts: 282

    Jun 16, 2011 2:59 AM GMT
    Nope, been there done that. Being "the friend" sucks and causes massive amount of friction in the relationship, especially when you have to go back and forth between different groups of friends; it's tiring as hell.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 16, 2011 3:00 AM GMT
    no
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2011 5:34 AM GMT
    Yeah... I mean, I'm still kinda in the closet. So I can understand it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2011 5:35 AM GMT
    What's with the +1 fad? This site's become an internet memefest since I last left. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2011 5:36 AM GMT
    Gaydar saidWhat's with the +1 fad? This site's become an internet memefest since I last left. icon_sad.gif


    true its so annoying icon_eek.gif