Any good advice

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2011 7:08 AM GMT
    All my life I've known I was gay. Nobody really knows except for a few people. I'm afraid to tell people because some part of me is ashamed and I know I shouldn't be but I am. I'm ashamed of a lot of things, my friends tell me I have a great body but I never take off my shirt (lack of confidence I'm a total nerd). I'm ashamed of every relationship I've gotten into has contributed to my low self confidence by the fact that each guy treated me kinda shitty. All I've ever wanted was to fall head over heals madly in love with somebody. Somebody who accepts my stupid flaws, my corny sense of humor, and my averageness and says "your not average, your everything I've ever wanted and more, you're beyond average your phenomenal and I'm glad for every moment I've had with you," and then I'd awkwardly reply, "your the greatest thing that's ever happened to me."

    Idk. I mean I'm about to go off to college, I'm young, I'm optomistic about meeting the one...but I'm just no good at finding and starting relationships. In school I was known as one of the good public speakers but for the life of me I can't pull it together for five seconds to get anyone. And I know this is probably alot for one thing, but just bare with me a little longer I'll stop complaining about myself in a second I promise!! I have a story that perfectly explains what I mean...

    It was freshmen year in an all boy catholic school (fantasies playing already) he walked into my P.E class and I just stared at him for the longest time. He had this beautiful curly blonde hair with golden California skin and this amazing blue and hazel eyes. But what really got your attention everytime was his smile. It was incredible to say the least. I was too nervous to talk to him, we were completely different we had little in common I thought. And then months later he talked to me. He saw me drawing one day and asked me to draw him a picture, and I did nervously as he looked over my shoulder his breath on the back of my neck...when I finished the picture we became friends just like that. He made me genuinely laugh every time, and he made me feel like I was worth more than anyone else in the world....on the last day of school we rode the metro to our usual spots but for some reason I got off and went with him when he switched trains...I joked that I was just trying to see how the rich people lived...he sat so close to me that day, when we weren't surrounded by any of our other friends, just me and him. He turned to me and he said I'm going to miss you. Like we would never see each other. I said I would miss him too but it was only a summer...when he rose to get off he turned and invited me to his place, his parents wouldn't be home for a while, I FROZE...my dad was asking where I was and I should of I should of done it...but i always follow rules, and my dad needed me home so I went home and told the boy of my dreams I'd see him some other time...we never saw each other again...he moved, and every day since I've regretted not getting off that train and for once breaking rules for something extraordinarily impossible and crazy and wonderful. I should have gotten off that train. Probably the one, the only guy ive every truly wanted and still think about 4 years later, and I let him get away.

    One day i saw he was in a relationship...You can see everything on the internet these days...he had moved on, so i thought i should too. Since then I have to find replacements for him, failing at every turn.

    I'm a nice enough guy I do my best to keep people happy and cheer them up when they're down. I don't gossip or try to hurt other peoples feelings. I'm just shy that's all really idiotically shy. And everyday no matter how many friends i have im still alone. What I'm asking the people who lasted to this point (I know it was long, sorry) what do I need to do to find the one for me? Im about to go to college and I dont want to be the idiot that's always alone on Saturday night...Feel free to be harsh if you like, some say sour medicine is usually the best medicine...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2011 6:06 PM GMT
    Since no one has replied to this, i figure i would with some realistic, practical and sensible advice.

    I think your quest to find a relationship is a bit misguided. A relationship will not complete you. There's no doubt that your background has led you to believe that now it's time for you to feel 'complete' and you may be ready to accept love in your life. That is both acceptable, and realistic. Unfortunately, relationships and love are not available a-la-carte. Relationships are like mold - they just happen (per se). icon_smile.gif

    You've heard that old saying that when it happens it will happen, and when it is meant to be it will be. There's a reason people use that expression.. because it's valid.

    I recently got out of a long term relationship, and for the first few months, I was feeling a bit pathetic on Saturday nights. Now, I am so busy with friends, and doing this and that, that I wouldn't even have time to date someone. The trick is to meet great people, and by doing that, you will go to new places, experience new things, and meet their friends, and eventually it will fall into place. You have to be open to it, and ready for it. People who 'look' for relationships never find it. It's like looking for a key in a dark room.

    So be open to it, but fulfill the other parts of your life (friends, hobbies, etc) so that you become a person with a greater sense of balance in your life. if you do not, and you become involved with someone, you will end up putting too much focus on that relationship, and should it crumble, you may crumble as a result.

    A boyfriend, lover, etc is only one part of your life, and should only be one part. You're ready for it, so fine, now focus on the other parts and let it happen.

    Don't worry. It will. Trust.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 18, 2011 3:24 AM GMT
    Great SAGE advice Hawken!!