I don't want to pry but is there any particular reason why you are still closeted? I thought initially you may be from a country that is very homophobic, but I don't think Arizona falls into that category!
I did not start acting on my feelings for guys until I was 25, and did not tell my family until I was 29.
Each person is different in terms of coming out of the closet. If you come from a very religious family it can be rough initially.
I do know that young gay people are coming out at a younger and younger age. Being gay in North America can still be rough but it is not nearly the big deal it was in the 1970's or earlier. In many parts of the world though it can be literally a matter of life or death.
I am just glad ChuckyStud did not see this post, otherwise your self-esteem may have been set back 10 years!
Wysiwyg60 said[quote][cite]Aznewbie said[/cite]I am and it fucking sucks bigtime.
I don't want to pry but is there any particular reason why you are still closeted? I thought initially you may be from a country that is very homophobic, but I don't think Arizona falls into that category!
I did not start acting on my feelings for guys until I was 25, and did not tell my family until I was 29.
Each person is different in terms of coming out of the closet. If you come from a very religious family it can be rough initially.
I do know that young gay people are coming out at a younger and younger age. Being gay in North America can still be rough but it is not nearly the big deal it was in the 1970's or earlier. In many parts of the world though it can be literally a matter of life or death.
I am just glad ChuckyStud did not see this post, otherwise your self-esteem may have been set back 10 years! [/quote]
Oh Chucky would NOT have liked this post! Well, I'll tell you, if you're not married and you're OK with it yourself, then just let people find out on their own. No need for a "coming out" party! Might want to let mom and dad know but don't do what some of us did, refused to accept it and then later in life (after a family and all) realize the mistake we made. You have to be OK with yourself, your sexuality and the timing and no one can tell you when those, and the stars, will align for you!
Good luck man, it can be tough but you've come to the most supportive group of guys I've ever seen!
Well, I came out to my mother OVER THE PHONE! I wanted to tell her in person but she robbed me of being a man for that one because of the total naggin', YIKES! Surprisingly, I have been gay for as long as I can remember & she NEVER picked up on it unless her needin-pussy-to-validate-his-existence man said something. It was something that was to be discussed between me & my mother, not someone who, by far, isn't my father. I was 19, nonetheless & I was evil enough to see my mother fly through the roof with my own 2 eyes but that never happened. It's still nice to see it happen in my mind if it went my way but alas, we don't always get our way. Being in the closet sucks, I'm sure. But to me, it basically says you're pleasing everyone else but yourself. When society, including our own, makes remarks or give funny looks, just simply look the other way & say FUCK THEM! For them to make crude comments as such are the ones who are unhappy with themselves, PERIOD! You can't find that "perfect man" or a "str8-acting" lover to call your own because, well, he's open & comfortable in his own skin & well, you have to hide & lying, my RJ friend, is a part of life & everyone. And ask yourself, do you really want to lie, partake & hide all at once just to have it both ways? Just think about it. When you gotta go through those things, you wear yourself out & still, you're alone. Along with this, everything you do has a consequence behind it. Just think of the cop in Columbia, MO, who killed that college kid because he wanted what he did in darkness to never come to surface. Now he's outed & facing life in prison. So being honest with any openly gay men with what your intentions truly, whether it's gettin' your rocks off or looking for something outside a one-night stand, makes a whole world of difference. When you have to lie, be shady, sneaky & underhanded just to have it your way, it will come back to bite you in the area you least expect. I do feel sorry that you are going through this but the one person to overcome that obstacle in itself is the person who has to deal with it. Now that I think about it, where is ChuckyStud with his remark for this? I only hope that he will have kind words for this.
I am 42, in closet, probably for the rest of my life. Living where I am , what choice do I have. It not to bad really. I probably dont have a freedom to show off my bf, sexual conquest , brag about having sex or marriage licence but everything else just like you folk in the West. I love, date and fuck just like the rest of you. I just need to be careful and dont get caught.
I was, but over the past few years I've come out. And I've met a lot of men who came out at all stages of life, some long after their thirties. It may seem at times like everyone turns nineteen and comes out and no one else goes through this later, but that's not so. It's something you will do when you're ready. I found that in my case it was almost never as big a deal to anyone else as it was to me (I'm talking about friends and co-workers; family are of course a different story). Simply joining a forum like this suggests to me that you're unhappy enough with the way things are that you're preparing to come out.
Also, as anyone will tell you, coming out isn't a one-time deal. You come out to people in stages. You might come out to many of your friends long before you come out to co-workers or your family.
There is one person in my family that knows. That person is my mom. I came out to her 3 years ago. At that time she asked that I not tell anyone else in the family for now. I am respecting her request, we talk alot and she brings it up but still says that it is better that I keep what I do in my own bedroom my business. Now understand she has a younger brother that is gay and out. I hate it very much. I hate when I am seeing someone they come over only as a friend. Not that I am big on PDA in front of my family. But it would be nice to answer that question are you seeing anyone? With yes his name is.... Instead of No I am not looking too busy for that, but thank you for asking..
Okay guys, take this for what it's worth... I know I'm new to the forums, so I keep finding topics that are "dear to my heart" and then I'll think..."you know, I wrote a piece in my journal about this very topic".... So, I share it...
Now before you get your panties in a wad....this piece may offend you....its not meant as a personal attack nor am I attempting to be hurtful. Simply a point to ponder. I have alot of friends who are closeted....I'm not talking about here...I'm talking about in my "real" life.... They would tell you...I don't ever point my judgemental finger their way and attack like the killer Queen Bee I am. I simply urge them to stop lying to themselves and to others and realize how they hurt themselves and those they love more then they realize....or want to admit. I'm not only talking about a wasted emotional life, a life living for the acceptance of people who aren't worthy of acknowledgment, but also their physical health. Lies beget stress, and emotional ills, which can result in all sorts of crippling mental and physical ailments. I was never comfortable pretending to laugh at those fag jokes my straight friends would tell. Their quiet snickers upon contact with an "obvious" man "light in his loafers". I'm NOT saying I never found common ground. I'm saying the ground was shaky at best. It wasn't until I openly accepted myself, and acknowledged myself to others, did I become aware of the firm ground. Ground where I could stand with straight folk. I'm talking mainly about men here, of course. In a sense I was denying myself the chance to even form friendships. Real friendships, with straight men. I knew I was pretending to be something I was not. ...so how could I build a relationship with anyone when its entire foundation was based on lies or "hidden" facts? Now, I can be a friend to a straight guy, without feeling that dreaded "fear of discovery"! I make sure everyone I deal with knows straight up (pardon the pun) that yeah, "I'm gay". If they can't handle it, it's their problem, not mine. I'm out, happy and proud to be and that is something I wish all closeted men could experience. It didn't take me a long time to get to the point of accepting myself....probably longer than I wished, but by 21 (before I'd even had a sexual experience), I was out to everyone but family...and I had "the talk" with them by 24. (and except for my Mom, who was in total denial, it came as no-shock...it actually improved my relationship with my Dad). I will never again deny my sexuality. And, since I define a good part of my self-image by my sexuality, I will never again, in any way, short change myself or others by pretending to be anything I am not. Yes, there are portions of my life I want to improve, but those improvements never involve pretense. I'm gay......and, in my mind, it's not open to interpretation. Yes, there are degrees of gay. There was a time when I would have argued that point. No more. Closeted men, hiding who they are from everyone including themselves, are one degree of homosexuality, and the stereotype, the flaming, openly gay men dressed like Cher and shouting "We're queer and we're here!," on every street corner, is another. Both examples are extremes, but they exist and deserve to be acknowledged. Acknowledgment is, in my opinion, one of the most important factors in self-comfort. By acknowledging my own homosexuality, even when I didn't think I was ready to do it, changed my life. It opened a new world of emotional security for me. I no longer define myself by my relationship status. I don't need a man in my life to feel complete. Sure, I might like one, but needing one isn't an option any longer. I define myself by myself. Being safe and happy in your own skin means exactly what it sounds like it means. I'm happy with the person I am....well as I've pointed out before.....I am happy with the gay person I am. I want closeted men in the world to know the same feeling of emotional security and freedom. I don't have any real advice on how to handle coming out, without sounding like a NIKE commercial, but to offer the proverbial: "Just Do It." Being gay isn't why I have gay pride. I have gay pride because I have overcome my fears of being different from others in society, and I revel in that difference. I've overcome the ignorance of our homophobic society, and I defiantly, face that ignorance nose to nose. I will not conform. I will not hide. I will not be what you want me to be. I will not hide my self to make others feel superior in their ability to oppress me. Straight society, needs reassurance. I face them and reassure them of their heterosexuality. I'm already secure in my sexuality, and it is those who try to oppress me, the homophobes and closeted fags, who through their own self-denial promote homophobia by sending the message of inferiority and shame. I know coming out, or even acknowledging to yourself the possibility of being different from society, is difficult. But, I believe it is the one essential move every gay man and woman must make in order to take those first steps toward feeling comfortable in their skin. Some argue they are comfortable in their denial, but I believe a person can only be comfortable in positive emotions. Denial is a negative emotion. Well, for you closeted fags who sit there telling yourself "I just can't be gay," it's time you acknowledged that possibility. Embrace your shade of white. Enjoy the freedom of feeling comfortable in your own skin.
I'm in my 40's and have never felt compelled to come out. Come out to what? The openly gay life as I see it offers nothing better than being in the closet. I simply don't fit in with much of what the out community is into from what I've seen (except we share a love of fitness). I don't know how many times I have tried to have a conversation with a gay man and it all boiled down to "are you a top or bottom" or are you Black?". I know I might be generalizing, but for me being in the closet will probally be a lifetime endevor as long as I'm happy with it.
zakariahzol saidI am 42, in closet, probably for the rest of my life. Living where I am , what choice do I have. It not to bad really. I probably dont have a freedom to show off my bf, sexual conquest , brag about having sex or marriage licence but everything else just like you folk in the West. I love, date and fuck just like the rest of you. I just need to be careful and dont get caught.
Twincam: Not coming out because of your negative impression of the gay community is a major cop-out. The community is what we make it. If you don't like something, hiding from it won't change it. Besides, coming out doesn't mean you are new best friends with Coke Head A, Drag Queen B, or Angry Lesbain C. Coming out, at it's very core, simply gives those around you a heads-up that you may be bringing another man that you love into your family. It also solidifies your love for yourself.
So I'll dangerously go out on a limb here and say you are using this "community=bad" assertion as a scapegoat when in reality you're simply afraid.
At the very least, you've subscribed to the wrong feedback loop.
Aznewbie: Just think about all that you truly deserve, and then be brave.
The gay community is so diverse, it is what you make of it. Plus, you do not have to be in gay circles. just be yourself.
I came out at 15, and have enjoyed being out for half my life. I find that being out is a core part of who I am. Its not my sole identifier but it definatly comes with the package. No hiding and no second guessing.
Be yourself and stop thinking about what others think or how you fit in. Find yourself and be true to it, the rest will follow as it should.
I was outted on campus at South Dakota State by someone I thought cared about me. He still considered himself "straight," but honestly, if I wasn't outted, I would still be in the closet.
It was a blessing in disguise and you know, I've gone through so much fucking shit since I came out. I'm glad I have though.
I've always considered myself brave, but i just can't imagine coming out. Being in the closet though has made me a recovering pot head and an alcoholic which seems so crazy that I'm so into sports and fitness. Anyhow, I really appreciate all the tremendous advice, i guess someday i will just "go for it." Till then i guess i will just live in hell.
On a side note, i just want to commend all of you that have come out, you truly are the bravest of the brave!
XRuggerATX said: Not coming out because of your negative impression of the gay community is a major cop-out.
I made honest attempts to come out to the "Community" in my late 20's. I found the community to be difficult to put it nicely. And I'm not talking about the popular stereotypes of drag queens and such (they were actually some of the most kind and respectful). It would be easy for you to say with your Eurocentric view of what coming out should be like, but for many minorities, it's much more difficult. Just ask any of us you know - especially Black Americans. Many gay men with good intentions make generalizations for themselves that they dont realize are impractical if not downright impossible for others to subscribe to. Being in the closet is only bad if it stops you from doing what you really want to.
p.s. I have actually come out to a few of the most important people in my life. To what extent my sexuality affects someone determines who I think should know. Turns out it effects so few that it's not most people's business.
Twincam saidXRuggerATX said: "Not coming out because of your negative impression of the gay community is a major cop-out."
I made honest attempts to come out to the "Community" in my late 20's. I found the community to be difficult to put it nicely. And I'm not talking about the popular stereotypes of drag queens and such (they were actually some of the most kind and respectful). It would be easy for you to say with your Eurocentric view of what coming out should be like, but for many minorities, it's much more difficult. Just ask any of us you know - especially Black Americans. Many gay men with good intentions make generalizations for themselves that they dont realize are impractical if not downright impossible for others to subscribe to. Being in the closet is only bad if it stops you from doing what you really want to.
p.s. I have actually come out to a few of the most important people in my life. To what extent my sexuality affects someone determines who I think should know. Turns out it effects so few that it's not most people's business.
How is anyone to know that you are a minority ethnicity? You don't even show your face or indicate it in your profile! Now suddenly you point this out, along with this "eurocentric" view I'm supposed to have. Guess what, it's a human view. So...race? Another copout.
Besides, you don't have to come out to the community to come out. You come out to those you love. Do you love anyone?
If you don't come out then people don't really love you for who you are.
It's a nice way of telling who the real friends and family are in your life and for me they all were very accepting.
I came out at 19 and when I came out it felt like 2000 pounds was lifted of my shoulders.. If I knew years before that it was going to be like that i'd have come out in high school which is now my biggest regret of life.
I came out on good friday 2005.. I have this thing for stealing other peoples thunder Sorry Jesus xo
Just out of curiuosity, what do those of you who are closeted (and are NOT in living in a country where you risk imprisionment and/or death for being gay) fear the most about coming out?
And that's understood, but if ... it's hard to explain. When you have someone kicked your ass out of the closet instead of YOU doing it, it's a little different.
Anyway, back to what I was saying, if friends, family or job doesn't like the fact you are gay and turn your back on you, in all honesty - you don't need them at all. You can do better.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I realize that there are so many fears about coming out. However hard it may be to get past them, they are only temporary concerns. Once you coe out, it is not your problem anymore. You do not have to make anyone accept you. You are just being true to yourself. Its people who are unable to realize that you have many sides and peices that add up to the whole you. They need to learn to accept you for all of those. Whether they approve or not is not really an issue you need to deal with.
Loss of job and family are definatly concerns. However, you need to make a decision on how much you are willing to be strong for yourself and fight for your rights. Any job that might fire you, you should reconsider. why would you want to be in that environment. And if you do, then fight for your legal rights.
With familiy and friends, why is it your responsibility to hide part of who you are and place boundaries around how free and genuine you can be just so that you can make other feel better about themselves and not stir the pot. Try putting yourself first.
How is anyone to know that you are a minority ethnicity? You don't even show your face or indicate it in your profile! Now suddenly you point this out, along with this "eurocentric" view I'm supposed to have. Guess what, it's a human view. So...race? Another copout.
Well, unfortunatly I can't hide my race (or face) in the real world. Dispite my college education, nice clothes, people still will see me a Black or Hispanic first - and sometimes with all the baggage that follows. Race is still a big issue and gays are no different than the rest of America. Coming out offers no benefits to me because I simply don't define myself by my sexuality. Any guy on this site who wants to see my face pic or know more about me can simply ask.
I guess I'm throwing this out there because I think Twincam and Rugger sort of hit on it, and I thought I could add a bit of clarity.
Twincam, you say that you're not out of the closet, but that you've told a few people close to you.
For me, I say that I'm out because the people closest to me (that are impacted by it) know. I'm also pretty open about telling anyone else (including people I work with), but only when it's appropriate. Being gay is just another part of me, and I don't need to tell everyone I meet. I don't consider myself out because I tell people I work with. I consider myself out because people in my life know about me.
I really strongly believe that coming out is a process, and you can take it as far as you want to. The most important part is being out to yourself first. The rest of it is just figuring out what you're comfortable with. If you've told some of the people you care about, and that's all you want to, maybe that's good enough.
I guess to further hammer on this, I really like watching the occasional chick flick. When I meet someone, I don't let them know immediately. It's a part of me, and something people might be surprised to know. Do I have to tell everyone about it? No. Does this mean I'm in the closet about liking some chick flicks? Maybe, but at the end of the day, who cares? My partner knows about it (because he sometimes has to watch them with me), but no one else really needs to know.
I don't understand why people who are not out think that coming out means broadcasting to the world who you like to f*ck, as well as befriending all the self-destructive and damaged gay folks out there. You guys like to take it all to the Nth degree, so of course you're scared.
As I said before, coming out means respecting the people you love enough to let them know you might be marrying a guy someday. If they cannot respect you back, either try to work with them or say goodbye (which may only be temporary).
The whole closet-case notion that being honest with people you are close to about what love means to you is the same as "defining yourself by your sexuality" is pure hyperbole and yet another a cop-out. I would go so far as to say that the feeling of possibly defining yourself by your sexuality probably stems from an overwhelming feeling that you are defined by your own fear of your own sexuality and how it may be consuming you and dominating your thoughts...at least for many closeted guys.
This is a complicated issue that for some may be a long term process - it has been and is for me. If I wanted to hear self rightious preaching, I could watch daytime tv or listen to talk radio. Truth is for many coming out is not worth the risks. For me a huge burden was removed by telling my 2 of my closest freinds. As for my friendly associates, I will stay in the closet. I never expected this forum to produce such strong feelings on the matter. It suggests to me that we are no more open to differences than any one else.
Yes it is a long term process and I respect that. What I am challenging is the thinking that leads to statements having to do with defining yourself by your sexuality or thinking you have to associate with the troublesome parts of the community. I contend that they're just excuses.
Yes it is a complex issue. If it wasn't, the replies would be shorter.
But guess what...if you want to hear "self-righteous preaching" you go to web sites with bulletin boards that allow people to express opnions. It's the nature of the beast. In other words, you got what you should have expected.
Give it a name if you want..."self righteous preaching" sounds slick enough I suppose. But you and I both know it was a thoughtful response that just might have happened to cause discomfort. But is that discomfort my fault?
For what it's worth, if those around you who are important to you know you're gay, then you seem to be "out" anyway. If this doesn't include friends and the topic of hot chicks comes up, I wonder how this is handled.
But as AllAmericanTX used to always say on these boards, defiantly closeted guys are mooching off of the hard work of out guys (and Lesbians). They get to troll around anonymously and have the sex, as well as reap the rewards of the fight for our rights, but they will have contributed nothing to get those rights, and may even be enabling the homophobes around them. We out guys bravely went through all the anguish, judgement, and mind-changing within our circles back when we were brave enough to come out. So I hope you can understand how difficult it is for us to have sympathy for people who refuse to progress (and this may or may not be you). Sure, we can say "I was there too and I understand what you're going through" because experience leads to understanding. But when guys refuse to come out and make excuses, our feelings and our experiences leave us with the idea that this sort of person is a pussy. I don't want to offend Aznewbie though. He has come on this site and told us that he's closeted and it sucks. I consider that moving along in the process, so of course he deserves some support and sympathy.
Naturally, regional issues can affect our level of sympathy as well. A closeted guy in Beijing gets a lot more sympathy than one in Vancouver, for example.
I must take issue with your asertion that your hard work or struggle as an out person is being taken advantaged by people in the closet. If anything you might be benefiting from the struggles of people who don't look or think like you from a generation ago. I doubt that I'm benefiting in any way by your being out. I know that here in Columbus OH, many out gay people have been pioneers in urban renovation and have benefited the community as a whole, but that's different than the assumption that every single gay man sleeps around and thanks to Stonewall, it's now safe to be in the closet. I don't sleep around (even when single), because I'm in love with someone special and secondly the positive benefits I mentioned are local and do not always manifest themselves in social acceptance in a given community. I expressed my feeling about my experience with the gay community. Your's was obviously different. I find it difficult to understand that you can't accept that someone might not come out partly because they can't relate with the gay community. Community means everything, especially if you come out. If your not comfortable with the people in the gay community in your town, why even come out if you can't relate to your supposed support base?
Twincam saidI must take issue with your asertion that your hard work or struggle as an out person is being taken advantaged by people in the closet. If anything you might be benefiting from the struggles of people who don't look or think like you from a generation ago. I doubt that I'm benefiting in any way by your being out. I know that here in Columbus OH, many out gay people have been pioneers in urban renovation and have benefited the community as a whole, but that's different than the assumption that every single gay man sleeps around and thanks to Stonewall, it's now safe to be in the closet. I don't sleep around (even when single), because I'm in love with someone special and secondly the positive benefits I mentioned are local and do not always manifest themselves in social acceptance in a given community. I expressed my feeling about my experience with the gay community. Your's was obviously different. I find it difficult to understand that you can't accept that someone might not come out partly because they can't relate with the gay community. Community means everything, especially if you come out. If your not comfortable with the people in the gay community in your town, why even come out if you can't relate to your supposed support base?
You've already established that you are out. You've also already established that you reject the gay community (although I contend you are looking at it through shit colored glasses). So there really isn't much of a debate here. But one thing is certain...those who take on the risk of being out are helping those who aren't out yet, because they're fostering acceptance by merely making their presence known to those they love. Those people, with a few exceptions, learn to accept and often correct the ignorance of others.
But congrats on fervently shielding yourself from the evils of the gay community. I hereby nominate you for the inaugural RealJock Pure and Pristine Award.
Well, to answer the original question, no, I wasn't in the closet in my 30s. My views are similar to those of XRuggerATX and I think that if you're in a western country and don't live with your parents, there is no reason not to come out anymore and in fact, your staying in the closet only enables those who demonize out homosexuals and those who like to say that being homosexual is a preference, homosexuality is only a lifestyle choice (whatever that is), there's something seedy about being homosexual, or that there's a big homosexual agenda. I mean really, did you guys have a big meeting and not invite me or what?
I particularly take issue with the seediness issue because its the closeted (and often married) guys who are the ones trolling around for sex everywhere giving the majority of homosexuals a bad name. I am not saying that some out homosexual men don't troll for sex in all the wrong places, but the majority of the men doing this are a) in the closet, or b) in the closet and married.
In so-called western countries (Western Europe, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, USA) coming out is not nearly as hazardous a step as it is in places like Saudi Arabia, Nigeria, Iran, even China.
It is important to remember that there a lot of gay men living in societies that do not have much of an option about coming out. To do so could mean prison or even death.
I would recommend anybody that is an independent adult living in a society that is more tolerant of gays, to come out at least to family members and close friends. Your life will be a lot simpler and less stressful in many ways. Also you would be surprised how often people close to you suspect anyways. They just don't want to pry, but want you to make the first move.
I know there will be some people on this website that will not take this step, and I respect their choice. I would ask you though to think carefully what price you are paying both physically and mentally.
Well I did not come out until I was 33. I have always known I was gay. Since the Dukes of Hazzard it wasn't Daisy that I was watching it was Bo and Luke. I think that was my first realization. I was so afraid that people would reject me do to my choice. Then I realized I wasnt happy with the choice of not living the life I was ment to.
The most difficult thing I have ever done in my life was to come out to my MOM. Here is the kicker I am sitting their tryin to tell her all emotional and scared. When I finished and her reply was thats it? Well lets just say i regret waiting. I know im lucky. My family has been amazing.
I dont wear being gay on my sleeve its who I choose to love and share things with. I dont drive my car around with the rainbow across the back. I do goto pride events because I have pride for myself and respect myself. People dont know if I am gay. I dont announce it. If someone asks then I say yes.
I read posts about the lifestyle well all ways of life have a dark side. What it comes down to is How you want to live your life. We all make choices. What you have to remember is you are the only person living your life and your happiness is in your hands. SO live for YOU and not others. Good Luck
You've already come out to yourself. Some people go through their whole lives denying their orientation.
If you have a lover (or ever have had a lover), you're out to him.
The next step is to come out to one additional person. If you can't think of anyone you want to come out to maybe you would consider talking it over with a therapist. A therapist is not going to judge you (and is prohibited by law to reveal your situation to anybody else.) Just being able to say "I'm gay" to someone in a safe, therapeutic setting can be very freeing.
Maybe you will decide to come out to more people or maybe you will decide to stay in the closet a bit longer. Whatever feels right to you and makes you feel good is the right thing for you. Don't feel like you have to come out to the whole world just because other people say you should.
First of all, let us cut each other some slack . . . these matters are extremely complicated.
Case in point. I came out when I was 19, to my best friend, and then soon thereafter, effectively, to the university I attended at that time. Trust me, please trust me, that this was an act of colossal courage (my former best friend is now a fundamentalist Baptist preacher). An absolute brazen assault on the status quo, and an absolute severing of my ties to my past self.
I came from a background of died-in-the-wool Southern Baptist fundamentalism and I was groomed to assume a leading role in that world. But then AIDS emerged and I was scared and bewildered, judge me if you will. So, I lived a sequestered life for a long time.
But then I finally came out to my sisters and then later I took a job at an organization at which I can be quite out.
So, long story short, there is no formula. There are vicissitudes and detours along the way. But an intrepid, stubborn soul will prevail.
Twincam saidThis is a complicated issue that for some may be a long term process - it has been and is for me. If I wanted to hear self rightious preaching, I could watch daytime tv or listen to talk radio. Truth is for many coming out is not worth the risks. For me a huge burden was removed by telling my 2 of my closest freinds. As for my friendly associates, I will stay in the closet. I never expected this forum to produce such strong feelings on the matter. It suggests to me that we are no more open to differences than any one else.
If you've told some people everyone else knows too.
Chiming in quite late here, BUT my verdict is as such.
COME OUT OF THE CLOSET, MAN, BECAUSE THERE WILL BE MANY PEOPLE WHO WILL HELP YOU THROUGH ANY DIFFICULTY THAT ARISES.
In addition, I think that true family will always find a way through what is misunderstood. However, the longer people stay in the closet, then the longer the battle will be for human rights around the globe.
! I wanted to tell her in person but she robbed me of being a man for that one because of the total naggin', YIKES! Surprisingly, I have been gay for as long as I can remember & she NEVER picked up on it unless her needin-pussy-to-validate-his-existence man said something. It was something that was to be discussed between me & my mother, not someone who, by far, isn't my father. I was 19, nonetheless & I was evil enough to see my mother fly through the roof with my own 2 eyes but that never happened. It's still nice to see it happen in my mind if it went my way but alas, we don't always get our way. Being in the closet sucks, I'm sure. But to me, it basically says you're pleasing everyone else but yourself. When society, including our own, makes remarks or give funny looks, just simply look the other way & say FUCK THEM! For them to make crude comments as such are the ones who are unhappy with themselves, PERIOD! You can't find that "perfect man" or a "str8-acting" lover to call your own because, well, he's open & comfortable in his own skin & well, you have to hide & lying, my RJ friend, is a part of life & everyone. And ask yourself, do you really want to lie, partake & hide all at once just to have it both ways? Just think about it. When you gotta go through those things, you wear yourself out & still, you're alone
It can be done. 
Sorry Jesus xo
