Mistakes you made as a gay/bi noob

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2011 9:59 AM GMT
    What mistakes did you make Or misconceptions did you have as you first started exploring your gay/bi identity?

    I remember being a teenager and watching muscle bear porn I’d downloaded off of limewire and every vid had the title bareback on it. I thought bareback was what they called muscle bear porn.

    So when I first started seeing guys, around age 18, guys would ask me what I was into and I would say I really enjoyed bareback. Some guys would get extremely excited by that and others I would never hear from again and I didn’t understand why.
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Jun 17, 2011 11:17 AM GMT
    I thought being top meant that you liked guys upper half of the body more and bot that you like the legs and stuff more. So silly...

    Funny too though icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 17, 2011 11:22 AM GMT
    Daelin saidI thought being top meant that you liked guys upper half of the body more and bot that you like the legs and stuff more. So silly...

    Funny too though icon_razz.gif


    lol!
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Jun 17, 2011 11:35 AM GMT
    Uh...wish I came out a decade earlier, closer to when I realized I had a gay identity.
  • Glorfindel

    Posts: 277

    Jun 17, 2011 12:59 PM GMT
    Some of those first hookups I had. Even though they just wanted to blow me.... they were kind of gross people. Should've been more selective, but at the time I guess I just wanted to get my rocks off. icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 17, 2011 1:04 PM GMT
    Wish I had came out earlier, had not been willing to lay with just about any guy, and had a hard time believe all the nick name titles were really how the community classified itself lol im still learning them all twink bear otter lion wolf troll cowboy drag queen etc...
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    Jun 17, 2011 1:56 PM GMT
    Glorfindel saidSome of those first hookups I had. Even though they just wanted to blow me.... they were kind of gross people. Should've been more selective, but at the time I guess I just wanted to get my rocks off. icon_lol.gif


    Second that brother
  • SomeSiciliano...

    Posts: 543

    Jun 17, 2011 3:35 PM GMT

    I had a bad habit of crushing on my totally straight friends....going to an all male Catholic school didnt help matters.

    My gaydar was...well...i didnt have any gaydar. Never made a move on any of my buds because I didnt want to fuck up our friendship....but it really ate me up inside when I was a youngin'.
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    Jun 17, 2011 3:51 PM GMT
    A buddy and I got into a relationship when we were 16, but we were closeted and freaked out and it fizzled.. I'd like to go back and be stronger and see where it might have gone.
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    Jun 17, 2011 3:54 PM GMT
    I thought I would marry the guy I lost my virginity to. After he blocked me from his life 2 days later I thought I'd marry that second guy I was with. After he blocked me from HIS life after a couple days I was like "huh, there's a lesson to be learned here about how things work".
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    Jun 17, 2011 3:54 PM GMT
    Should not have waited 5 yrs to come out
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Jun 17, 2011 4:12 PM GMT
    Mistakes you made as a gay/bi noob

    Thinking being gay would create enough commonality between myself and other gay guys that friendships would happen more easily but I think what I learned is that being gay in and of itself is not enough despite having shared experiences good or bad. I just thought that because of some of the pretty bad things gay guys go through and struggles it would have created a kind of automatic understanding and be more conducive to bonding. I think part of the problem is that gay guys are at so many different levels of development emotionally, sexually, and even in terms of psychological age vs chronological age.
    For example 'new' gays might be looked at as a burden by more 'old' gays for example. Or some people with harsher experiences have different issues to deal with that others with more positive experiences don't want to deal with or witness because they are trying to move ahead with their own lives and development. Or they might not even be able to relate with it at all.
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    Jun 17, 2011 4:15 PM GMT
    Liked a guy, dated his cousin.

    Fail!
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    Jun 17, 2011 4:29 PM GMT
    mmm wish I been less shy when i was younger. Wish I would have jump on opportunities when a guy showed me interested but I was so scared back then.
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    Jun 17, 2011 4:44 PM GMT
    I went to my first gay club. Over 300 men packed onto the dance floor. An experienced older gay man escorted me and after we left I was floating.

    "Did you have a good time?" he asked.

    "Oh YEAH!" I cried. "I spotted at least 6 gay guys!!"

    "They were all gay, Doug." he replied with a rather pitying smile.

    I was shocked and refused to believe him for the next half hour. icon_lol.gif

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    Jun 17, 2011 5:18 PM GMT
    meninlove said I went to my first gay club. Over 300 men packed onto the dance floor. An experienced older gay man escorted me and after we left I was floating.

    "Did you have a good time?" he asked.

    "Oh YEAH!" I cried. "I spotted at least 6 gay guys!!"

    "They were all gay, Doug." he replied with a rather pitying smile.

    I was shocked and refused to believe him for the next half hour. icon_lol.gif






    Lmao that's awesome
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    Jun 17, 2011 5:22 PM GMT
    not being clear enough when i was interested in someone. sometimes you have to beat people over the head, which is not my style.
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    Jun 17, 2011 5:25 PM GMT
    I forgot to get my gold card.
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    Jun 17, 2011 5:29 PM GMT
    Clinging after being used and rejected / showing my desperation / taking too long to realize it was his loss, not mine.
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    Jun 17, 2011 5:30 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidI thought I would marry the guy I lost my virginity to. After he blocked me from his life 2 days later I thought I'd marry that second guy I was with. After he blocked me from HIS life after a couple days I was like "huh, there's a lesson to be learned here about how things work".



    well this won best lesson in my book.
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    Jun 17, 2011 5:42 PM GMT
    Not using lube my first time bottoming or for that matter sex ever.
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    Jun 17, 2011 5:42 PM GMT
    Nothing. I am who I am, 'cus where my past has led me.
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    Jun 17, 2011 5:44 PM GMT
    Misconceptions I had were:

    a.) That gay men were more relationship oriented. That they desired romance & intimacy.

    b.) That there would be LESS labels & MORE embracing of other guys because of shared experiences.


    a.) What I discovered is that: Men are men, regardless of orientation. Many men share the same perspective as other men (bi/straight) regarding sex. For a majority of guys, the act of sex is more of a physical thing than an intimacy experience. I was projecting my own ideals on that subject - as I reflect back.

    b.) What I discovered was an entire gay glossary/vocabulary/nomenclature that I've never even knew of?! [Twink/Jock/Bear/Top/Bottom/Vers/and so on and so on] From labels to describing your physique, your age, your attraction, endless amounts of other traits about a guy.

    Also discovered that there are certain traits that are collectively shunned, or worse, treated as 'less than' o_O

    Discovered that diversity may be more rhetoric than reality.
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    Jun 17, 2011 5:45 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete saidClinging after being used and rejected / showing my desperation / taking too long to realize it was his loss, not mine.

    I definitely agree with that, but the reality of the matter is that....

    ConfederateGhost saidNothing. I am who I am, 'cus were my past has led me.

    ...you are the winner.
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Jun 17, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    I thought that being the head of the GSA was going to get me dates left right and centre. I ended up jut being preachy. I helped a lot of people, sure. So I don't regret it.

    Oh and being ugly in grade 9 didn't help, nor did being a scene kid in grade 10/11.

    Lips rings, a setpum, and crazy CRAZY fucking emo/scene hair is NOT FUCKING HELP.

    lord.