Partner Says: I Can't Do Any Better

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    Jun 17, 2011 6:33 PM GMT
    Hi Fellas - Just trying to get some feedback on this one. I've been in a relationship for over a year and not sure what to make of his latest comment of "I can't do any better" when asked why he was with me if he had all these negative impressions of me. So basically he is with me because he feels HE can't do any better than me. This was asked after he said that I'm insecure and that I will never feel secure with anyone. On top of that, he says that I don't trust him. Also, for 6 months into our relationship he constantly talked about his ex and 2 weeks ago the ex called him. He says he don't care if he calls him or not because he can't control what he does.

    This situation is getting out of hand, I really do love him but with his recent statement it almost feels like he is "settling" for me if he REALLY thinks this negatively of me.
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    Jun 17, 2011 6:57 PM GMT
    are you a human doormat? is there some reason you didn't eject him from your life? is he rich and you can't support yourself otherwise? seriously.....is there some reason you didn't break his jaw? fuck that.

    if someone says you're a piece of shit, and you don't counter, you're either tacitly agreeing and/or you're enabling them to abuse you.

    it's funny he says he "can't do any better"...is there some requirement that people be coupled off? why would you rather be with this man than single if he treats you like this?

    none of my suggestions would lack criminal charges, so i'm just going to say i'd walk out and live under a bridge.....

    doing otherwise is agreeing with him.
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    Jun 17, 2011 8:57 PM GMT
    You need to dump his ass. The guy sounds like a douchebag and YOU can certainly do better.
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    Jun 17, 2011 8:59 PM GMT
    What he said. Dump his sorry ass.
  • mybud

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    Jun 17, 2011 9:25 PM GMT
    You take the fucker... Tell him I can do better than his sorry ass and kick his ass to the curb...Dude...you need to find that guy who feels lucky to have you by his side...Your bf has the attitude of I'm parkin it here til something better comes along....Jump kick your esteem....dump his ass ASAP.....BUD
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    Jun 17, 2011 9:28 PM GMT
    Is that post for real or is it a troll thread?
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    Jun 17, 2011 9:32 PM GMT
    mybud saidYou take the fucker... Tell him I can do better than his sorry ass and kick his ass to the curb...Dude...you need to find that guy who feels lucky to have you by his side...Your bf has the attitude of I'm parkin it here til something better comes along....Jump kick your esteem....dump his ass ASAP.....BUD


    Well that about sums up my sentiments as well. It may be difficult to let him go, but he has already made it very clear that he doesn't value you. Sorry to hear that, OP. Best of luck to you.
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    Jun 17, 2011 9:32 PM GMT
    Just because he can't do any better than you doesn't mean you can't. I have a feeling that he needs help, and frankly, your being a doormat to his abuse doesn't. Leave him, because that's not healthy to be with him at this point in time.
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    Jun 17, 2011 9:39 PM GMT
    This really has nothing to do with your boyfriend, it has to do with you What are the boundaries of acceptable respect and behaviour in your relationship. If you're ok with this, then so be it, .. if not, then there you go.

    Why are you asking others for their opinion? It's about you, what do you want.. are you cool with it? If so, then there's no issue. If not, there's your problem.

    Trust your instincts.

    At the end of the day, if someone says they are with you because they can't get any better, .. it makes me wonder how long they'll be around when they find someone 'better'.

    Time to take the trash to the curb.
  • HndsmKansan

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    Jun 17, 2011 9:41 PM GMT
    Probably would be helpful if we heard more, but based on what you've said, I'm certainly alarmed. I really dislike commentary like that "I can't do better than you" or vice versa. What you've described isn't respect or love.
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    Jun 17, 2011 9:59 PM GMT
    AllUp saidHi Fellas - Just trying to get some feedback on this one. I've been in a relationship for over a year and not sure what to make of his latest comment of "I can't do any better" when asked why he was with me if he had all these negative impressions of me. So basically he is with me because he feels HE can't do any better than me. This was asked after he said that I'm insecure and that I will never feel secure with anyone. On top of that, he says that I don't trust him. Also, for 6 months into our relationship he constantly talked about his ex and 2 weeks ago the ex called him. He says he don't care if he calls him or not because he can't control what he does.

    This situation is getting out of hand, I really do love him but with his recent statement it almost feels like he is "settling" for me if he REALLY thinks this negatively of me.

    Does not sound good for you. Earlier today around noon we were sitting poolside (a community swimming pool in this condo complex), waiting for another gay couple to get ready and go out to lunch with us. And a straight guy and his wife told me, after my partner had gone off for a minute, that they had never seen Cxxxxx (some RJ members have met him) happier in all the many years they've known him. Starting when he & I got together. For which they gave me the credit.

    Now wasn't that lovely to be told? And his best gay friends, going back over 20 years have told me the same thing before, as well as his own sister. And his older brother, a crotchety old homophobe I was warned about (but managed to tame), said I was the best thing that ever came into his brother's life, and we're actually quite good friends now.

    The point? Unless YOU see that kind of response with your man, unless YOU are told by others that they've never seen him happier, or say YOU have never looked happier, as I do, then there's a good chance it's a bad match. And to be told by him that he can't do any better than you is fatal.

    I guess this is on my mind today because of that poolside conversation I had just a few hours ago. Either you are happy together, and it's evident to everyone, or else you are not. So what do your friends say of this match?
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    Jun 17, 2011 10:03 PM GMT
    I agree. How can someone love you, or even be in love with you if they are only with you because they don't think they can do better?

    He obviously doesn't love you and has no respect for your feelings or hurting you.

    If what you say is true, change the locks now and set his things outside. Get a roommate if you need one, but his butt should be gone today.

    Take pride in yourself.
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    Jun 17, 2011 10:20 PM GMT
    AllUp saidHi Fellas - Just trying to get some feedback on this one. I've been in a relationship for over a year and not sure what to make of his latest comment of "I can't do any better" when asked why he was with me if he had all these negative impressions of me. So basically he is with me because he feels HE can't do any better than me. This was asked after he said that I'm insecure and that I will never feel secure with anyone. On top of that, he says that I don't trust him. Also, for 6 months into our relationship he constantly talked about his ex and 2 weeks ago the ex called him. He says he don't care if he calls him or not because he can't control what he does.

    This situation is getting out of hand, I really do love him but with his recent statement it almost feels like he is "settling" for me if he REALLY thinks this negatively of me.


    Ask yourself this - do you feel you can do better?
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    Jun 17, 2011 10:22 PM GMT
    PaulNKS saidI agree. How can someone love you, or even be in love with you if they are only with you because they don't think they can do better?

    He obviously doesn't love you and has no respect for your feelings or hurting you.

    If what you say is true, change the locks now and set his things outside. Get a roommate if you need one, but his butt should be gone today.

    Take pride in yourself.

    Yeah. I told my late partner, and now my current partner as well, that they were each the best man in my life. And it was true, or I wouldn't have picked them.

    And these guys said the same thing of me. And I tried to live up to that. A guy who says you're the best he can do is not the best that YOU can do. I truly think a replacement is in order. And I suspect the OP already knows it, too.
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    Jun 17, 2011 10:34 PM GMT
    Show him you can and get the hell out now.
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    Jun 17, 2011 10:35 PM GMT
    I think your man is very smart. He's done his market analysis and he knows his worth. A keeper for sure.
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    Jun 17, 2011 10:39 PM GMT
    Definitely not the things a good and healthy relationship are made of. Get out for both your sakes.
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    Jun 17, 2011 10:59 PM GMT
    Hmm... sounds like YOU believe you can't do better than him.
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    Jun 17, 2011 11:32 PM GMT
    AllUp saidI really do love him

    Hey, Allup.

    WHY do you love him? Can you give us reasons?
    How did you guys meet and fall in love in the first place?
    I'd like to hear HIS side of the story too.
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    Jun 17, 2011 11:37 PM GMT
    Or, maybe the guy genuinely believes he couldn't do better because no one could. You know how to gauge what he meant better than any of the well-meaning but ultimately ignorant guys on here. Are you insecure because of this guy or because that's the way you are?
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    Jun 18, 2011 12:09 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidProbably would be helpful if we heard more, but based on what you've said, I'm certainly alarmed. I really dislike commentary like that "I can't do better than you" or vice versa. What you've described isn't respect or love.


    this, without respect and love, its best to cut it out
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    Jun 18, 2011 12:14 AM GMT
    mybud saidYou take the fucker... Tell him I can do better than his sorry ass and kick his ass to the curb...Dude...you need to find that guy who feels lucky to have you by his side...Your bf has the attitude of I'm parkin it here til something better comes along....Jump kick your esteem....dump his ass ASAP.....BUD
    ^^^this
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    Jun 18, 2011 12:21 AM GMT
    Not sure why people create threads like this when it's so obvious what the responses will be. You already know this is not acceptable behavior without asking a bunch of dudes on RealJock.........don't you?
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    Jun 18, 2011 12:34 AM GMT
    Austinlawdog saidOr, maybe the guy genuinely believes he couldn't do better because no one could. You know how to gauge what he meant better than any of the well-meaning but ultimately ignorant guys on here. Are you insecure because of this guy or because that's the way you are?


    as in he thinks he cant do better, because the OP is the best he'll ever have, in the good way? Interesting way of interpreting.. guess the OP needs to find out for himself which it really is
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    Jun 18, 2011 12:39 AM GMT
    Scruffypup saidNot sure why people create threads like this when it's so obvious what the responses will be. You already know this is not acceptable behavior without asking a bunch of dudes on RealJock.........don't you?


    +1