Never had sex. Never had a bf.

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  Jun 18, 2011 3:46 AM GMT

  Ok. I am on summer break and going to be a junior this year but none the less, I have never had sex or a bf
  
  I mean, am I doing something wrong? Am I not attractive? Its probably because Im big (by the way, I just now realized that this is a site for active men and individuals who have muscles) anyways I really think my weight has a big factor in me still having my virginity. any advice??
  
  I am beginning to think that I am going to be stranded on virgin island for a looooong time.
  
  
  P.S. I do have a car (just thought I'd let you know) And I would like to hear some stories about your first time.
  
  Also, I am still inside the closet but I'm pretty sure that my mom has a clue. Not even that, Im pretty sure she knows im gay.
  
  -Tyler
  
  
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  Jun 18, 2011 8:27 AM GMT

  If you feel that your weight is whats stopping you from being comfortable enough with yourself than set a goal for yourself and work on it. There are a lot of great articles and resources on this website that will help you with this. I think you`re gorgeous and there is nothing wrong with you. Just remember in order for people to be drawn and attracted to you, you will first need to be comfortable and happy with yourself. Be social, friendly, sweet, have good morals, and stay humble and I`m sure the right guy will come along and sweep you off your feet. Good luck! sex isn`t everything, and the fact that you`re a virgin is sweet and endearing. Keep it up! save it for the right person!!!

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• EricPrado
  
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  Jun 18, 2011 12:25 PM GMT

  You're cute ;) And the dude above me is right, sex ain't everything. Don't rush things as there's nothing wrong with being a virgin. My first time was with this guy from hs who i had no feelings whatsoever. if I could go back, I'd wait until i was in a solid relationship and that way it would of been more special (cheesy I know lol)
  
  Don't do hookups. Find yourself a nice guy and then go from there. If you feel you're uncomfortable with your weight then address that issue to gain a little more confidence. But no worries, the time will come just remember to use a condom

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  Jun 19, 2011 4:36 AM GMT

  I made the mistake of dating someone because I was desperate. I wasn't attracted him physically, his personality sucked and he was far too needy. The significance in that is that he's the only guy I've dated (I've dated several women, but I'm gay, not bi), and I've realized that there's no value in dating (or sleeping with) someone who doesn't mean anything to me. I'm actually very happy we never became physically involved (he refused to use a condom so it went no further).
  
  Having a car's nice, but someone determining whether or not he'll date you because of a car isn't someone you want to date. Your weight is only a big factor because you think it is -- someone who wants you only for your body isn't what, in my opinion, you seem to be seeking. However, if you choose to change that, this site's a good place to do so.
  
  Your guy will come, but its going to be difficult for him to approach you if he doesn't know you're gay. I struggle with the same thing -- I'm out to some people, but I run in a pretty conservative crowd (engineers), so it still remains mostly only to my close friends. I've gotten to the point where I'll just ask guys "so, what team do you play for," or "what're you in to, guys or girls," but that's something that needs to be done tactfully.

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:05 AM GMT

  derPinguin said I've gotten to the point where I'll just ask guys "so, what team do you play for," or "what're you in to, guys or girls," but that's something that needs to be done tactfully.

  
  
  And when you say "tactfully" you mean you take catuion when asking because thst certian individual could be offended??

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  Jun 20, 2011 4:02 AM GMT

  ipike360 said

  derPinguin said I've gotten to the point where I'll just ask guys "so, what team do you play for," or "what're you in to, guys or girls," but that's something that needs to be done tactfully.

  
  
  And when you say "tactfully" you mean you take catuion when asking because thst certian individual could be offended??

  
  
  Yes, offended is a possibility. I'm also careful to do it only somewhere I'm safe in doing so. I'm in a semi-conservative area, and I'm not going to go to a bar in say, Laramie, and ask a guy if he's into guys.

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  Jun 20, 2011 4:37 AM GMT

  This one time at Jew camp... my first experience was when I was 20. With a really hot guy who I really liked and was another counselor. He pursued me, but thought I was straight and just horny (no alcohol required). I had to come out to him when we crossed paths again - 7 years later (by which time he was in a LTR). That was my last year at camp and I went back to college... staying in the closet.
  
  In some respects that might have been good - I focused on my schoolwork - but I was also tormented inside. If I could do it over again, knowing what I know now, I'd do it differently. It would have been good to have gay friends, to talk about things and have a support network (pre-internet).
  
  I remember how terrified I was in the closet, how scared to let anyone know I was gay. It didn't help that 2 of my best friends were extreme homophobes. I'm still not totally out (to clients, to my straight football team), but that doesn't really hold me back - given that I'm out to family and the friends I interact with on a daily basis.
  
  While I know that inside it is just as difficult, I think it is easier to come out these days. There are gay characters on TV (who aren't monsters). There are out celebrities. I don't remember the stats, but most people already know someone who is gay (and most don't have a problem with that). I believe a majority also supports the repeal of DADT, ENDA and even gay marriage. Compare this to 20 or 40 years ago... when the numbers were likely in the 10-20% range.
  
  So I think you should start with coming out. At least to a certain extent. You mention you are going to school - most have gay groups. That may be a good place to start. Both for yourself, and perhaps to meet someone. You think your mom already knows and mentioned no resultant fire and brimstone. So it sounds like things aren't too bad on the home front.
  
  What do you think?
  

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  Jun 20, 2011 6:40 AM GMT

  That's really only a question you can answer. If you feel good about yourself, then don't change anything. But if you don't feel good about yourself, you probably have an idea of what you want to improve. Try and remember the difference between something you can fix (weight) and something you cannot without surgery, fix (genetics).
  
  Being in the closet severely limits your options, because you can't really be open and available to other people. Are you anywhere close to coming out?
  
  If you are, you can try some dating websites (they actually work really well in areas where there are not many gay people -- in places like NYC its mostly creeps ).
  
  Do you want a relationship with someone or just sex? Sex isn't hard to get, just go to a gay bar enough

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