GUT CHECK: Would you hang with overweight friends?

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 18, 2011 5:16 PM GMT
    We were at Friday night dinner with a group of us last night and we talked fitness.

    One of the guys who is only an acquaintance asks me, "Well would you hang with those of us who are less than fit"? He was being honest, not
    sarcastic.

    I was a little shocked by the comment. I asked him what he meant. He isn't overweight but about 20 pounds. He was more direct, "So all are your good friends fit bodies"?? There were a couple of snickers. My response...
    "I have friends of all kinds... male, female, fit, overweight, straight, gay, educated and less so. I'm not that shallow".

    It did make me a little uncomfortable, however. It isn't the first time something like this has come up.

    So would you hang with overweight friends or acquaintances in public?
    What if they were grossly fat? Where would YOU draw the line?
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    Jun 18, 2011 5:18 PM GMT

    Yes
  • Aus92

    Posts: 328

    Jun 18, 2011 5:21 PM GMT
    I dont have a single friend who I would class a ripped or anything. Plus in my own eyes I think im overweight so Im not going to single someone else out for it.
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    Jun 18, 2011 5:22 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said Sounds like a ridiculous question


    You're right, it does.
  • Orias

    Posts: 51

    Jun 18, 2011 5:24 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said
    So would you go out to dinner with two overweight friends? Sounds like a ridiculous question, but would you? Where would YOU draw the line?


    Yeah I would, I'm friends with them not their fat. My line would be drawn though if they try to mock me for wanting to take care of myself.
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    Jun 18, 2011 5:26 PM GMT
    They are friends to have a good time with, going to see a movie, have dinners or such. I couldn't care less about their weight, only how much fun they are to be with.

    I don't have enough friends to build up artificial hurdles to filter them through.
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    Jun 18, 2011 5:26 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said

    So would you go out to dinner with two overweight friends? Sounds like a ridiculous question, but would you? Where would YOU draw the line?


    Of course I would and I do. I have friends who are thin, average, fit, and overweight. I love them regardless of their weight.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 18, 2011 5:42 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    HndsmKansan said Sounds like a ridiculous question


    You're right, it does.


    Not really. I've noticed how many gay guys seem to point out others that are overweight and make derogatory remarks.
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    Jun 18, 2011 5:48 PM GMT
    Of course, but we do seem to be drifting farther apart. "Dinner" is about the only activity that we seem to have in common these days. We don't talk about anything related to fitness or actually doing active sports, because they take any thing I say as some sort of indirect insult.
  • Aus92

    Posts: 328

    Jun 18, 2011 5:49 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said
    Ariodante said
    HndsmKansan said Sounds like a ridiculous question


    You're right, it does.


    Not really. I've noticed how many gay guys seem to point out others that are overweight and make derogatory remarks.


    Yeah everyone does that though but if its friends you're not going to alienate them.

    Hell im no saint. Ive been known to laugh and people on the street from afar.
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    Jun 18, 2011 6:18 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said
    Ariodante said
    HndsmKansan said Sounds like a ridiculous question


    You're right, it does.


    Not really. I've noticed how many gay guys seem to point out others that are overweight and make derogatory remarks.


    The word "friends" in the thread title threw me off. But I suppose there are many different classifications of what a friend can mean to someone. I guess there are people who classify indifferent strangers they go out with who judge them behind their backs for their physical appearance as "friends".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 18, 2011 6:23 PM GMT
    I never reject people based on their looks.
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    Jun 18, 2011 6:24 PM GMT
    I would hang with someone overweight, but I don't know about those who are 300 lbs or more. Obesity is another issue.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 18, 2011 6:31 PM GMT
    There's rampant obesity in my family. I don't view overweight or obese people as monsters that should be shunned.
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    Jun 18, 2011 6:34 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said[W]ould you hang with overweight friends or acquaintances in public?

    Perhaps that question should be clarified further since going to public venues like movies and restaurants with overweight friends is not the same as going with them to bars, clubs and parties. Also, taking your overweight friends with you for a night on the town to use as wingmen isn't necessarily a good reflection on you.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 18, 2011 6:34 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidThere's rampant obesity in my family. I don't view overweight or obese people as monsters that should be shunned.


    I would hope you don't either icon_smile.gif

    My question in this thread and why it was brought up to me hinged on "shallowness" and "perception" by those who asked it.... I wasn't
    very happy with their question, but as one of them put it..... you know how
    "perfectionistic" gay men can be.. and I can tell you, I know gay guys
    who won't associate if you don't have a certain job, income level or looks.

    I have always hated that bullshit.
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    Jun 18, 2011 6:42 PM GMT
    I guess it'd do me good to remember a lot of gay men live in places with high density populations of other gay men, and frequent places where they are constantly surrounded by gay men, e.g. gay bars. There's bound to be a high school mentality in places like those. I kind of live in my isolated tower, so it's easier for me to be relieved of those pressures.
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    Jun 18, 2011 7:28 PM GMT
    vincent7 saidI would hang with someone overweight, but I don't know about those who are 300 lbs or more. Obesity is another issue.


    Interesting point of view..
    At what weight does a person become less valuable as a friend.
    Saying you don't know about those who are 300 lbs...probably the people who need friends the most.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 18, 2011 7:34 PM GMT
    I have a friend who is 400+ lbs. If I invite this person to dinner with us, I have to call the restaurant ahead of time to make sure they use armless chairs. This person happens to have the sharpest wit of anyone I know and will have you laughing so hard your ribs will hurt the next day. Good people come in all sizes, shapes and colors. To put shallow limitations on friendships is to miss out on some very interesting people!
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    Jun 18, 2011 7:35 PM GMT
    Easy, this is one of my character flaws perhaps.
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    Jun 18, 2011 7:45 PM GMT
    I don't have a litmus test on the people I hang around with. That said, I tend to associate more with those who share common values and interests, and also who motivate me in some way. Health and fitness are important to me, along with physical activities, so I tend to associate with folks who have those interests, along with having a good personality, good values, and being reasonably intelligent.
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    Jun 18, 2011 7:47 PM GMT
    No, absolutely not. That's disgusting.

    I'm joking. My friends come in all shapes and sizes. And if genes are any indicator, I'll be a bigger guy myself once I get older. However, it's unlikely anyone would openly admit to being that shallow. Hell, most people probably couldn't even admit that to themselves.
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    Jun 18, 2011 7:49 PM GMT
    I have several heavy friends/acquaintances. Who cares? I am not "interested in them" so it is very easy to be a good friend and not complicate matters by trying to get their clothes off ... plus they know where the good buffets are and are always down to split a pizza and have some beers with you. Try doing that with an obnoxious twink talking about "carbs" or a body-builder type who goes to look in the mirror and flex for a few minutes as he mulls over how many minutes on the Stairmaster in the morning it will take to unwind that slice of pizza.

    Heavy people have more fun the way I see it. You never hear "carbs" or "calories" in conversation and that makes me happy icon_biggrin.gif

    And I haven't drawn a line yet. One of my friends has gained so much weight since her divorce she really looks like the Shallow Hal girl and I think we are a few 3am iHop runs away from her actually collapsing the booth.
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Jun 18, 2011 7:53 PM GMT
    There's no reason why I wouldn't. I never ever pick and choose who I hang out with based on looks.
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    Jun 18, 2011 8:08 PM GMT
    Of course I would. Draw the line? You're kidding, right?