Taking a "break" from a relationship...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 19, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    Have any of you taken a "break" or hiatus during a relationship?

    After 3 intense months of dating, I think I have fallen in love badly for a guy but somehow I don't feel it reciprocated to the same degree. (All HIS friends have observed this and commented on it with him already.)

    He says I don't realize that he must fly often (he flies 2x, 3x a week) and that he is going through a difficult period in his life (one of his 9 brothers passed away). Funny thing is that he has sought consolation from his close friends and family during his mourning period, but pretty much has kept his distance from me. I don't expect much communication while he is out of town. However, when he returns, I wouldn't mind some attention or acknowledgment via a phone call, text message, or in-person meeting.

    I have much respect for him as a human being. However, it could just be that he is "just not that into me" or that he has other priorities in life at this time.

    One of his friends suggested that I propose a "break" in the relationship and have him work out his feelings towards me during that time.
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    Jun 19, 2011 4:21 AM GMT

    "I have much respect for him as a human being. However, it could just be that he is "just not that into me" or that he has other priorities in life at this time.

    One of his friends suggested that I propose a "break" in the relationship and have him work out his feelings towards me during that time."

    You know, you have needs. He has needs too as demonstrated in these two lines. He needs to keep things cool (his personal issues).

    You need to move forward, and really this is not too soon. The right time is based on how either person feels; it's a relationship after all. You are there for each other, like a catcher's mitt, if I may be so pedestrian, lol.

    How is this resolved? I'm not sure, because I usually left these situations, but only after I'd given it several months. It felt odd to continually wish another to be more than what they would give. I needed someone who would walk over water, as I would for them. (Oh, I am going to get slapped from here to Timbuctoo on here, lol)

    -Doug
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    Jun 19, 2011 4:30 AM GMT
    jprichva saidHe has already "worked out his feelings" about you.

    He goes away; he doesn't call or write.
    He has a personal tragedy; he doesn't call or write.
    He talks to his friends; but to you he doesn't call or write.

    Really, what else do you need to hear?


    this!

    move on. everyone deserves to be wit someone who wants to be wit them and someone who finds comfort in them.... clearly he wants neither. You can do better and you'd be much happier in the long run if you broke it off. Don't be desperate- be confident in the fact that you know you deserve better
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    Jun 19, 2011 5:11 AM GMT
    "Taking a break from the relationship" is usually a phrase I hear associated with heterosexual relationships and when it has gotten to the point where they are saying that, divorce is usually not far behind.
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    Jun 19, 2011 11:05 AM GMT
    Yeah, I think it's pretty clear that you're not a priority in his life. I would move on and see other people. You don't have to cut things off with this guy but I don't get the sense that he'll really notice you aren't around. Sorry.
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    Jun 19, 2011 11:13 AM GMT
    I would say move on. Love hurts sometimes and I suspect that your friend just doesn't want to hurt your feelings and say, "It's over."

    When something is over, I want to ask, "Why?" Can you think of anything that might have jeopardized the relationship? On your part? This might be helpful for future relationships.
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Jun 19, 2011 11:52 AM GMT
    mdstudio saidYeah, I think it's pretty clear that you're not a priority in his life. I would move on and see other people. You don't have to cut things off with this guy but I don't get the sense that he'll really notice you aren't around. Sorry.


    +1

    Move on and be happy in your life.

    Life is too short to spend it trying to be there for someone who, it seems, has taken you for granted! icon_sad.gif
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    Jun 19, 2011 12:01 PM GMT
    running11 said
    jprichva saidHe has already "worked out his feelings" about you.

    He goes away; he doesn't call or write.
    He has a personal tragedy; he doesn't call or write.
    He talks to his friends; but to you he doesn't call or write.

    Really, what else do you need to hear?

    this!

    move on. everyone deserves to be wit someone who wants to be wit them and someone who finds comfort in them.... clearly he wants neither. You can do better and you'd be much happier in the long run if you broke it off. Don't be desperate- be confident in the fact that you know you deserve better

    Also agreed. Don't take a break, take a walk.

    And the brother's death is the excuse he'll use, to sound like the victim. Don't let it. You can't maintain a relationship if you both don't make an equal attempt at it. Sorry...
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    Jun 19, 2011 3:03 PM GMT
    Thanks guys! It looks like there is consensus--seems very black and white. Time to have the "talk" when he returns from Barcelona this week.

    ...again thanks!
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    Jun 19, 2011 6:36 PM GMT
    marcobruno1978 saidThanks guys! It looks like there is consensus--seems very black and white. Time to have the "talk" when he returns from Barcelona this week.

    ...again thanks!

    With all of the traveling he does, he's created plenty of "break time" between he and you. How much more break time do you guys need??? Barcelona? He could be wooing and cooing someone while he's there. Distance in a relationship is never good. If he really liked you, he would find a way to remain closer to you and make every effort to contact you.
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    Jun 19, 2011 6:48 PM GMT
    marcobruno1978 saidAfter 3 intense months of dating, I think I have fallen in love badly for a guy but somehow I don't feel it reciprocated to the same degree.

    He says I don't realize that he must fly often (he flies 2x, 3x a week) and that he is going through a difficult period in his life (one of his 9 brothers passed away).

    Also, if you were dating "intensely" for 3 months, but he travels 2-3x a week, how much time did you really spend together? You would be lucky just to spend 1 day a week with him which would amount to about 12 dates. That is NOT enough time to fall in love with someone or even get to know them. If I did my math right, he was practically gone during most of your so-called "intense" dating.
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    Jun 19, 2011 7:40 PM GMT
    End it.
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    Jun 19, 2011 7:43 PM GMT
    jprichva saidHe has already "worked out his feelings" about you.

    He goes away; he doesn't call or write.
    He has a personal tragedy; he doesn't call or write.
    He talks to his friends; but to you he doesn't call or write.

    Really, what else do you need to hear?


    + 1
  • melloyello

    Posts: 149

    May 22, 2012 6:03 AM GMT
    I've been on both sides of this.

    I've used it as code for "I like you enough to not want to hurt you but this isn't going to work out so we should really break up" and had it used in the same capacity on me by someone to get out of a LTR.

    I must say being on the receiving end made for shitty feelings; like I was always the one pursuing someone who wasn't looking back, only forward. It made me believe that I don't ever want to string someone along like that ever again.