Interrupted a friend making a mistake

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  Jun 19, 2011 3:23 PM GMT

  I had plans to help a married female friend with some work at her house yesterday. I got there a little earlier than expected, and I interrupted her in the middle of having relations with another guy (not her husband).
  
  We chatted a bit about this because I didn't know that she was having any problems with her husband. Listening to her story, she says it just isn't exciting for her anymore.
  
  It's not my business to get into the middle of their marriage issues, but I told her she needs to be honest with her husband if she is seeking sex partners outside of their relationship.
  
  I'm not asking for advice on how I should approach this. I'm just curious how you all would handle it?

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  Jun 19, 2011 3:40 PM GMT

  Tell her "Ennis, girls don't fall in love with fun."

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  Jun 19, 2011 3:43 PM GMT

  If the guy was hot, I'd high five her and ask for all the juicy details.

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• wild_sky360
  
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  Jun 19, 2011 5:59 PM GMT

  It depends how close you are to her...and her husband. Loyalty to him requires some action. Loyalty to her requires respecting her privacy. A sexual dalliance isn't the end of the world, but it can easily lead to an emotional involvement which is more of a betrayal to the spouse. This is more a warning sign that they need some help, with perhaps a fixable problem.
  
  The door has been opened for a conversation she may have no one else to share with. Perhaps the discovery was careless...or subconsciously allowed to occur. Your posts here are uncannily on target. You are intuitive and kind; and she may have selected you to talk her through this.

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:01 PM GMT

  Hmmm well, I would have earlier on thought not to mess with their business.. but lately Ive known a lot of people who got involved with people who were in relationships without them knowing about it, and all the friends (of the married person) being in the know and not saying a word...
  
  Question is: do I mess with the person in a relationship and tell them to be honest?
  
  Or: Do I say nothing and let the partner be angry in the future for being quiet?
  
  Or: Do I tell the partner and let her/hiim get angry at me for being the bringer of bad news?
  
  tough I think this is tougher than choosing who to vote for president lol

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:02 PM GMT

  So you are the coitus interruptus?

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:13 PM GMT

  I don't know what I would do... I mean, I semi-understand because of human nature and we're not MEANT to be monogamous... but I feel for her husband. :/

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:22 PM GMT

  it isnt necessarily a mistake

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:25 PM GMT

  its none of your business. thats how you handle it.

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:27 PM GMT

  "relations" could be anything. Was it full on intercourse and sex?!?
  
  I don't know what I would do...that's a tough one. Good luck!

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:27 PM GMT

  I dunno how you should handle it, but I think her husband should have sex with you as a thank-you.

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:30 PM GMT

  I would really just go ahead and tell the husband. In the end, EVERYONE will be grateful the truth came out.

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:30 PM GMT

  raindrops saidI would really just go ahead and tell the husband. In the end, EVERYONE will be grateful the truth came out.

  
  
  LOL

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:32 PM GMT

  raindrops saidI would really just go ahead and tell the husband. In the end, EVERYONE will be grateful the truth came out.

  
  
  yeeeeeeeeaaaaahhh... because you're obviously all about full disclosure.

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:33 PM GMT

  AvadaKedavra said

  raindrops saidI would really just go ahead and tell the husband. In the end, EVERYONE will be grateful the truth came out.

  
  
  yeeeeeeeeaaaaahhh... because you're obviously all about full disclosure.

  
  
  I was assuming he was being sarcastic.

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:35 PM GMT

  Dallasfan824 said

  AvadaKedavra said

  raindrops saidI would really just go ahead and tell the husband. In the end, EVERYONE will be grateful the truth came out.

  
  
  yeeeeeeeeaaaaahhh... because you're obviously all about full disclosure.

  
  
  I was assuming he was being sarcastic.

  
  
  I was not at all being sarcastic. But if I were in the husband's position, I'd definitely want to know the truth.
  
  I'm not sure I get your comment avrawhatever.

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:37 PM GMT

  raindrops said

  Dallasfan824 said

  AvadaKedavra said

  raindrops saidI would really just go ahead and tell the husband. In the end, EVERYONE will be grateful the truth came out.

  
  
  yeeeeeeeeaaaaahhh... because you're obviously all about full disclosure.

  
  
  I was assuming he was being sarcastic.

  
  
  I was not at all being sarcastic. But if I were in the husband's position, I'd definitely want to know the truth.
  
  I'm not sure I get your comment avrawhatever.

  
  
  its ok. somtimes its better to not understand.

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:38 PM GMT

  You mean you blew the perfect opportunity to use your phone's camera?

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:41 PM GMT

  raindrops said

  Dallasfan824 said

  AvadaKedavra said

  raindrops saidI would really just go ahead and tell the husband. In the end, EVERYONE will be grateful the truth came out.

  
  
  yeeeeeeeeaaaaahhh... because you're obviously all about full disclosure.

  
  
  I was assuming he was being sarcastic.

  
  
  I was not at all being sarcastic. But if I were in the husband's position, I'd definitely want to know the truth.
  
  I'm not sure I get your comment avrawhatever.

  
  
  Thats even funnier then.

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• rnch
  
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  Jun 19, 2011 6:53 PM GMT

  Dallasfan824 saidits none of your business. thats how you handle it.

  
  
  
  Q F T

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  Jun 19, 2011 6:57 PM GMT

  TrevorMark saidI don't know what I would do... I mean, I semi-understand because of human nature and we're not MEANT to be monogamous... but I feel for her husband. :/

  
  
  Did you just say we're not meant to be monogamous??
  
  *heart breaks* lol j/k

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  Jun 19, 2011 7:02 PM GMT

  AvadaKedavra said

  raindrops saidI would really just go ahead and tell the husband. In the end, EVERYONE will be grateful the truth came out.

  
  
  yeeeeeeeeaaaaahhh... because you're obviously all about full disclosure.

  
  
  Rofl.
  
  To the OP, you don't handle it. It's really none of your concern.

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  Jun 19, 2011 7:03 PM GMT

  Greenhopper said
  Did you just say we're not meant to be monogamous??
  
  *heart breaks* lol j/k

  
  Some are, some really aren't.
  
  Baby, I'll be as monogamous as you want me to be. lmfao.

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  Jun 19, 2011 7:04 PM GMT

  Heh, sooner or later the truth will reveal itself. It's pretty difficult to keep something like this hidden for long. It could trigger a vicious cycle of lying and deceit. The sooner the problem is dealt with, then there's more of a chance for she and her husband to work through it should they decide to stay together and get counseling or divorce.
  
  You caught her, so I'm sure she's already going through some sort of guilt trip. I think you can offer to address her as a friend and ask if anything is wrong with her. You're entitled to that as a friend. But she's on her own when it comes to dealing with her husband.

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  Jun 19, 2011 7:09 PM GMT

  pocketnico saidHeh, sooner or later the truth will reveal itself. It's pretty difficult to keep something like this hidden for long. It could trigger a vicious cycle of lying and deceit. The sooner the problem is dealt with, then there's more of a chance for she and her husband to work through it should they decide to stay together and get counseling or divorce.
  
  You caught her, so I'm sure she's already going through some sort of guilt trip. I think you can offer to address her as a friend and ask if anything is wrong with her. You're entitled to that as a friend. But she's on her own when it comes to dealing with her husband.

  
  
  You are not entitled to anything. I know gays LOVE drama and to insert themselves in so they become the center of attention but they need to step back sometimes. This is one of those times.

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