is this guy messing with my head?

  • emailaddress

    Posts: 313

    Jun 20, 2011 1:36 AM GMT
    This is yet another tragic depressing "love" story. please be warned before reading. somehow i think here is the right audience and i am going to get some advice.


    I have been fucking this guy,we know each other for about 2 years. hes 40 stocky, tats, some muscle, blonde dominant reliable man outside bedroom, good career, no-BS kinda guy. total insatiable slut inside bedroom. not the type i thought i would go for. always thought i was more into dark guys. really didnt think too much of him, just another guy. he tells me he loved me and I laughed it off. never thought i'd fall in love. never been in love, didnt know what love is.

    I had one massive exam that is famous for wrecking many marriages. didnt have time for him, my career seems to be falling apart, everything was coming at me at the same time. he was also travelling with work. thought it was fine not to talk to him

    I kept him waiting waiting waiting. not until he start telling me about other guys hes had, i start to get incredibly jealous. I start to realise i love him. they say when love comes, you will know. I didnt. when i said i love you back, he said he's moved on and was not ready for another relationship and how he "loved" me (past tense) but we can still meet. I was also in the middle of preparing for the exam and try to go through some emotional turmoil (not a good idea, not enough time). since then we have not met, he kept saying he is busy how much he cared about me and that he missed me. we kept in touch and exchanged text msg every week for half a year now. sometimes he texted me first and other times i texted him first. No meet. everytime my phone beeps, i wished it was from him.


    he told me yesterday that a guy from another city is coming down regularly to be with him and basically do what i had been doing to him and has been stay over with him every weekend, he probably paid for his airfare 8 or 10 weeks in a row. the same weekends hes been telling me that hes with his gfs and couldnt meet, and now hes decided he wants to be honest about it. but that guy is just cock to him. more about how he misses me, how the other guy is great, but he is not me. how i am the one. yet more "no i need casual sex" "you are not there/you dont have time", still no meet. hes sick from tonsilitus for the past week and we all know how you get that. No meet, dont want to give it to me. but is ok with having the other guy coming and staying over. because the other guy is just meat, he doesnt care. with me, he wants me to be healthy because he cares. how virus can be contagious. mate, youve been on antiboitics for the last week or two, vrius, right.

    I didnt sleep last night at all and now dont want to eat. I dont know what love feels like but i do know what it feels like when I have my heart broken.

    somehow i think i want to talk to him in person, we only texted each other, never talked on the phone before, so i wont call him, he wont pick up anyway. i dont know what to say, i guess telling him how i feel i guess. but he already know how i feel. I dont know what to do, but i know i want him for a serious relationship. am i ready for a relationship? probably not. does it matter?no.

    my immediate plan is pretty drastic and melodramatic, i want to go over to his place and wait in front of the door (not right in front, oh, please, i am not there yet) until he comes back from work (he lives in a aprtment block with telecom) and talk to him in person. i dont know what am i going to say, i guess telling him how strong my feeling are. i dont know what i am going to do and how he is going to react, i probably will cry, only adds to the drama he probably doesnt want in his life. I guess we want different things, he wants to slut out at 40, i want to be in a monogomous relationship at 26. its a gutsy thing to do but if can make me look like a desperate freak. should i go for the cut or should i hide my feeling and hope he will come back one day and like me more than the other guy. would a gay guy in his late 30s be touched such blind act of love or am i being naive?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2011 1:56 AM GMT
    If he is a confrontational guy, you might have a problem. It does not sound like he is the settle down relationship kinda guy. That's a tough call. I would let him go. Don't worry about it and move on. If he calls you, then let him have it. Don't go and confront him because you are asking for trouble and possibly even more heartache. Good luckicon_exclaim.gif
  • emailaddress

    Posts: 313

    Jun 20, 2011 1:58 AM GMT
    thanks for reading it thats the least i can say.
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    Jun 20, 2011 2:54 AM GMT

    Some guys say they love you to get you to drop your guard and to create a smoke screen that hides their sexual lust. If he's moved on in the sex department, you can bet he's still whispering sweet nothings to this guy. Besides, he had girlfriends and carrying on? He sounds like the typical older that wants to live out his sexual hay day. Just like you do; i don't think you are ready for more with him, just you became fond of him. Older guys have puppy dog eyes. But, want to hear the good news, he has paved the way for you to open yourself up to love next time and not push the guy away. I'm convinced this guy was acting, but if he wasn't, his love won't be wasted because you'll not lose out on love again and his love'll be the reason for that. Don't go see him. It's pretty concrete when a guy says..."oh, but you can come over for sex," that the glory days are gone. Next time, suck up the love like Pam Anderson backstage at the BET music awards. K, Cheers.





  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2011 3:04 AM GMT
    emailaddress saidmy immediate plan is pretty drastic and melodramatic, i want to go over to his place and wait in front of the door (not right in front, oh, please, i am not there yet) until he comes back from work (he lives in a aprtment block with telecom) and talk to him in person.


    Do. Not. Do. It.

    Whatever else you do, DON'T show up randomly at his house. That's a no-no.

    My advice to you is to let him find you if he wants. I'm speaking from experience.

    But regardless, just please please please don't go to his house without an invitation. Please.

    That kind of thing only looks bold and romantic in movies. In real life, it makes you look like a crazy person.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jun 20, 2011 3:06 AM GMT
    You guys had a fling.
    Now it's over.
    I feel that you're mistaking some hot sex for love.
    And, your jealousy is always going to be a problem for you, driving guys away.

    He already told you that he's moving on, and you have to do the same thing.

    Going over to his house will only make him angry.

    It's over.
    Accept that, and move on.

    "Mr. Right" can't find you while you're making yourself crazy over this guy.

    Concentrate on your education.
    Get that out of the way so that you'll have a firm foundation to carry you through life.

    THERE ARE MILLIONS OF OTHER GUYS OUT THERE.

    And, stop texting him.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jun 20, 2011 1:10 PM GMT
    Time To Move On to another guy. he's done with you.


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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2011 1:55 PM GMT
    Sounds confusing... in my experience, if its confusing, cut it off
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2011 8:04 PM GMT
    emailaddress saidshould i go for the cut or should i hide my feeling and hope he will come back one day and like me more than the other guy. would a gay guy in his late 30s be touched such blind act of love or am i being naive?

    I guess he's not the right person for you!.............. He obviously doesn't make you happy or feel good about yourself and you want more from a relationship than what he is giving you at the moment. I understand you have been together a long time! but "your relationship is not working" If you can't save the relationship, at least save your pride!,lol.... I think it's time for you to move on! good luck!Smiley
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2011 8:25 PM GMT
    Webster666 saidYou guys had a fling.
    Now it's over.
    I feel that you're mistaking some hot sex for love.
    And, your jealousy is always going to be a problem for you, driving guys away.

    He already told you that he's moving on, and you have to do the same thing.

    Going over to his house will only make him angry.

    It's over.
    Accept that, and move on.

    "Mr. Right" can't find you while you're making yourself crazy over this guy.

    Concentrate on your education.
    Get that out of the way so that you'll have a firm foundation to carry you through life.

    THERE ARE MILLIONS OF OTHER GUYS OUT THERE.

    And, stop texting him.


    +1 Great post. I can tell you from experience that Webster is 100% correct here.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jun 20, 2011 8:26 PM GMT
    Time to give up on this one.

    Just think, a major part of the tension was the exam and he should have been able to deal with that, fo your ske.

    He has found someone else, told you about it, and perhaps tried to let you down easy by keeping in touch. You have to let go.

    Ad have you ever considered that it may not be tonsilitis? Throat clap?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 20, 2011 8:57 PM GMT
    Dude seriously, you need to let that go. It seems like he's playing you. I mean when he said he was in love with you and you didn't responsd and then he tells you about all the other guys he's been with, that clearly states he wasn't really feeling what he said he was. A lot of people think they love someone but it's really lust or a strong like. Love is something that wouldn't cause one to hurt the one they claim they love and mess around with other guys. You should just let him go and find another guy. There's someone out there for you, you're a good looking guy so you shouldn't have much trouble finding someone. Time and distance is the only thing that will get you through this. It'll be fine man. We've all been there. Just do you and let that d-bag go. You'll be happier in the end once all your contact with this guy is diminished. Remember, aim to be happy and don't chase someone that doesn't really want you or have mutual feelings for you.
  • emailaddress

    Posts: 313

    Jun 21, 2011 7:26 AM GMT
    lol, THANKS guys. went to the gym instead. now that my hormone is cleared away. i am glad i didnt do it. what a freak i would have made myself.

    still couldnt resist texting him yesterday, but he started texting me first, cant resist, replied, exchanged a few lines, trivial. I guess was ok.

    now everything is more clear now, he is flying another guy over from another city for sex. it means what it is, what an asshole! i am the kinda of guy who dont really take a hint, but what happened speaks for itself.


    a lot better today. I guess i wont be talking to him again anytime soon.