Dating Dudes With Viruses

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    Jul 02, 2007 4:32 AM GMT
    So, I got some bad news last week--during the course of my supposedly monogamous relationship with my now ex-bf, where we did not use condoms for the past 3 years, I acquired Hepatitis C. In all likelyhood, this is due to chronic, undetected, bareback cheating (post-breakup I discovered a secret membership to a bathhouse here, and some revealing comments he made online on his practices there). God only knows what else he might have caught, but thankfully I am HIV- by PCR 2 weeks after our last fuck, and I tested neg for everything else.

    With that off my chest, I thought I would ask what people thought about dating guys who have one of the big nasty chronic viral infections you can get through sex (HBV, HCV, HIV).

    To add a personal twist, I met a guy recently who really seems to have dating potential. Unfortunately, he recently tested HIV+. What are people's thoughts on the two of us dating? We both know there is a lot to consider before deciding anything, and we are very concerned about the possibility of infecting each other. How big is this risk, with conscientious condom use? Do you think it's one worth taking?
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    Jul 02, 2007 5:27 AM GMT
    honestly mark, talk to your professors and see what they say. get the professional advice.

    here you are asking more for morals here. not to be brutally honest. nor mean to you or any other guy who would reply to this too. but morals are just things that people either agree with or not.

    honestly i say, talk to your teachers who know the actual knowledge, and experience in seeing things like this. so please ask them or go to a planned parenthood and find out that way. but please do ask for professional advice too.
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    Jul 02, 2007 10:54 PM GMT
    Just because some guy told you that he is negative didnt mean he is. A least this one is honest about his status.Unfortunately we cannot trust anyone this day. I will not take the risk of bareback with anybody, even to the person I love. Probably if you decided to date him , keep everything safe sex only.

    However even wearing a condom, only reducing the risk. Not eleminating it all together. I dont do anal sex (with or without condom) but I still have to take some risk by engaging in oral sex .
  • MikemikeMike

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    Jul 03, 2007 4:48 PM GMT
    Cisco,
    sorry to hear buddy, but you can lead a normal healthy lifestyle with proper precaution and keeping yourself in optimum health. I would ask a medical professional on this one. As a side note I got an e-mail from someone when I made an earlier post and when I stated that I have always wear condoms in every sexual encounter I have with men. (The only time I didn't was with my ex-wife. I never cheated on her. I would never put her at any risk). I was told you need to develop trust factor with men. I have been with the same guy for 2.5 years still I ALWAYS wear a condoms. Reason being for the most part men are men. Many guys I have spoken to on here and in life wear protection, but once in a relationship they stop. You r def. not alone because the break-up happens many times because someone has cheated.

    I hope guys read your post and learn-knowledge is power. Be well Cisco- peace!!

    chungo did u read this one??
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    Jul 04, 2007 12:12 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear about your relationship and health.

    I heard that Hep C is ore communicable than HIV and as you might know the combination of the two spells trouble for those involved.

    I suppose you could stick to safe sex and be ok as long as you understand that you can not slip and have a unsafe sex moment ever.

    Ultimately this will be your call whether you get professional advice or not.

    Humans are pools of viruses and all sorts of communicable things. Starting to date someone is quite an investment I find just for that alone. I can not imagine having one night stands. I never had one in my life and my health is better for it I think.
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    Jul 04, 2007 4:31 AM GMT
    In a very bizarre twist, I got good news yesterday.

    Apparently, the lab my primary-care doc uses ran the wrong test. He ordered a viral load after my antibody test came back positive, but they did another antibody test. He didn't read the results carefully enough, and sent me to the hepatologist, who ran another viral load. This one (the first one actually done) came back undetectable! It seems I was lucky enough to be one of the 1 in 5 that clear Hep C without treatment! I still need more tests to make sure this is real, but its potentially very very good news.
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    Jul 04, 2007 4:49 AM GMT
    That's freaking awesome.

    Wow, talk about great news.
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    Jul 04, 2007 12:35 PM GMT
    A friend of mine is going through Hep C treatment right now, and it's quite a challenge for her. Consider yourself extremely fortunate if, in fact, you cleared on your own.
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    Jul 06, 2007 3:04 AM GMT
    either way, i am still happy this was posted, because it gives information to those who may need the help.

    you know i am happy things are all cleared with you. and even though it was a mishap in the lab, it is still good that you posted this for others knowledge as well.

    love ya bud.
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    Oct 02, 2007 1:32 AM GMT
    I just got out of a ten year relationship- I was positive when we met he was not-- after 10 years hes still negative --- its a big commitment--and alot of work, and Im not sure Id date someone who was not positive I feel we were lucky.........
    Ps...... WE are still very good friends !!
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    Oct 02, 2007 8:06 AM GMT
    My last relationship was with a guy that was HIV+. I knew this going into the relationship, as we had been very close friends for a while before we fell in love. We were extremely careful, took every precation we could, but there were a few scary times when we thought I might have been exposed (condoms do break, after all). He passed away 4 years into our relationship.

    That was a little over 10 years ago, and during that time, I chose not to be sexually active. I needed time to grieve and then decided to take more time to get to know myself better. I still get tested every 6 months and, fortunately, I'm still HIV-.

    Butchie is right... its a big commitment and a lot of work... and sometimes there's accidents and it gets real scary. But I don't regret having that relationship for one second. I learned a lot, I experienced things I may not have experienced otherwise, and I don't think I'd be the same person now if I hadn't experienced that relationship with him.

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    Oct 02, 2007 3:16 PM GMT
    I am HIV+ and my partner is HIV-, we have been together almost 10 years and I feel it is one of those "'til death do us part" scenarios. We are very close and monogamous. I always use a condom when he gives me head even though the risk is low (I frankly prefer oral sex with a condom anyways), but he does not use a condom when I give him a blowjob. I would insist on protection if we were in an open relationship since I do not want to be exposed to other STDs or to another strain of HIV. The biggest regret he has about my status is that he cannot use my sperm (he thinks I was a cute kid and wants one that looks like me). I find the biggest challenge in our relationship is sometimes the meds side effects can affect my lifestyle. One in particular (Sustiva) gives me insomnia so somedays I am operating on only 2 to 3 hours sleep. I have to eventually crash which can disrupt our plans. Overall though he has not regretted meeting me and is in for the long-haul.
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    Oct 20, 2007 12:00 AM GMT
    I wouldn't turn down dating someone who was positive. I was with a person for 11 years that was positive. We found out 8 months into our relationship when he developed pneumonia and landed in the hospital. He told me at that point that I was free to go, I didn't have to stay with him, and I said it would take a lot more than that to get rid of me. We are now split up for different reasons but remain close friends. We had 10 years that I never regretted. I am negative to this day, and know that with the proper protection and common sense you will be fine. So I say go for it, be safe, you'll be fine.
    Joe
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    Sep 30, 2008 7:32 PM GMT
    theciscokid said
    What are people's thoughts on the two of us dating? We both know there is a lot to consider before deciding anything, and we are very concerned about the possibility of infecting each other. How big is this risk, with conscientious condom use? Do you think it's one worth taking?


    I knew my late partner was poz when we met. We practiced 100% safe sex and I remain negative to this day. Tragically he died of AIDS, literally in my arms. I have no regrets regarding my choice to become his partner, because he was an angel who made my life better for knowing him.

    I also shacked-up with a guy in Miami for a week over a decade ago, who told me afterwards that he had Hep C. I went ballistic, to say the least. Always assume a guy you don't know is infected with something.

    I also dodged that bullet, by the grace of God I guess, or just dumb luck. My current partner and I are monogamous, yet we both get tested every 6 months, as a demonstration of good faith. I've never had an STD in my life, while he's had a few his doctor's told me about, but not contagious.

    Risk management is something you have to decide for yourself, with advice from those medically qualified. I never felt afraid with my poz partner.

    But I did worry that our life together would be cut short if he unexpectedly contracted some opportunistic disease. That's exactly what happened (PML).

    Tough call for anyone considering a poz partner. Losing my love tore my heart out; knowing him was a priceless gift. Whadda ya do?
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    Dec 29, 2008 3:57 PM GMT
    I think that you need to think about the posibility that you will get infected , could you deal with it? Are you read for that to happen? If you cannot say that you are ok with getting it then you need to stay away. Some poepel are fortunate and not get it but others are not so, we do not have the same practices nor do me use the same products and so forth. I am sure he would understand. I would hope that he would. If not the he is not worth it. It's your life health, and not something you can ever get back once it is gone.