This is why I wish people would TALK about who's going to be paying...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    So, I'm on vacation since Saturday and it's my last day I think...unless I change my mind.

    Anyhow, I came down just south of where I spent the weekend visiting someone which was like 5 hours from where I live. And then another 3-4 hours to where this guy I've been meeting up with lives....which is where we decided to go out to dinner, his idea. Mind you, we've met up about 5 or 6 times now so this was not a 1st time date.

    Now, before I came I asked him if he'd be willing to split the cost of a room with me because he lives with his sister. He's like, oh well I planned on taking you out to dinner and riding the tram over the mountain. I just don't have a lot of money. I was like, okay whatever then I'll just see about getting the room myself.

    Well last night, we go out to dinner and he takes me to this sort of expensive 'Northern Italy' restaurant. Now, I figured I drove all this way, got a hotel for us...that he'd be willing to pick up the tab. As soon as we finish putting our order in, he tells the waiter "can we have this on separate checks". I mean, the food (nor the bill) hasn't even come out yet...My plate was $27 with a Martini.

    I was shocked. I had to think about what I was going to say but a few minutes later I asked him, "so why did you get separate checks?" He says, "because I'm broke!" Meanwhile, the restaurant is FILLED with people. And I was like...well I'd think if I came all the way down here, and plus why would you take me out to the restaurant where all the Business men of the day are eating out at and expect me to cover my own tab? You should have said, "look, I don't have much to spend on dinner..." I would have gotten a hotel with a kitchen and made lobster at home! And on top of that he was complaining about the $10 pizza he ordered.

    I didn't make a huge fuss out of it because I came prepared to pay my share anyway, but I was royally miffed about the whole setup. And then when we went for ice cream afterwards, I had to pay my share again. I was like, what's the point of me even coming down? I have to pay for my hotel, pay for my gas, pay for my own dinner...while meanwhile you sit back and enjoy my company without putting in much effort to see that I'm being treated for all the effort I put into coming down here.

    If they can't mention payment because they are too afraid, then I'm going to just have to start picking restaurants for now on.
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    Jun 21, 2011 5:12 PM GMT
    So...your upset because he didnt pay your way?

    Thats what you get for being a gold digger, son.
  • ac416

    Posts: 273

    Jun 21, 2011 5:17 PM GMT
    even if you talked about it he'd still be cheap. the bill comes and both parties split it, friends, dates, whatever. but to ask for seperate cheques so god forbid he pays a penny of your share by mistake? if he had no money then even a hot dog on the sidewalk with good company is enjoyable, so he also seems to be lacking sense.
  • OCstang

    Posts: 12

    Jun 21, 2011 5:24 PM GMT
    Look at the bright side, at least he didn't expect you to pay for him.
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    Jun 21, 2011 5:42 PM GMT
    Well B., so how much extra money did you spend that you weren't expecting? Just wondering. Somewhere in the hundreds...? Yeah if he wasn't wanna pay for you he shouldn't have brought you to that restaurant. I would've been pissed as well.



    Chainers saidSo...your upset because he didnt pay your way?

    Thats what you get for being a gold digger, son.

    OCstang saidLook at the bright side, at least he didn't expect you to pay for him.


    Damn you guys are ruthless. lol
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    Jun 21, 2011 5:46 PM GMT
    what the fuck? this guy sounds like a piece of shit. are you kidding me. protip: worked as a waiter for years, anyone who needs a separate check to figure out an itemized bill is a RETARD.
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    Jun 21, 2011 5:46 PM GMT
    cityaznguy saidWell B., so how much extra money did you spend that you weren't expecting? Just wondering. Somewhere in the hundreds...? Yeah if he wasn't wanna pay for you he shouldn't have brought you to that restaurant. I would've been pissed as well.



    Chainers saidSo...your upset because he didnt pay your way?

    Thats what you get for being a gold digger, son.

    OCstang saidLook at the bright side, at least he didn't expect you to pay for him.


    Damn you guys are ruthless. lol


    Sorry, fit4fundenver's bitching gets on my nerves.
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    Jun 21, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    Dating costs money. UNLESS, you expressly and out loudly say "I can't really afford to spend money" before you go on the date. If this isn't cleared up beforehand, the implication is that date is going to cost both of you money.

    That being said, I don't mind when someone occasionally pays something for me. But even if it's a situation of "hey I wanna take you to dinner!" and the social norm or whatever is for the guy taking you out to pay I ALWAYS anticipate I'll be paying my way and prepare to do so. I never go out thinking "yup the guy's gonna pay for me, it's a given!". Everything I consume, anywhere, I do it owning to the fact I can pay for it myself.
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    Jun 21, 2011 5:48 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidHe does bitch a lot. I don't think he is a happy person. But he does not deserve mean comments.


    Your right.

    Im sorry for being a bitch fit4fundenver.
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    Jun 21, 2011 5:50 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidDating costs money. UNLESS, you expressly and out loudly say "I can't really afford to spend money" before you go on the date. If this isn't cleared up beforehand, the implication is that date is going to cost both of you money.

    That being said, I don't mind when someone occasionally pays something for me. But even if it's a situation of "hey I wanna take you to dinner!" and the social norm or whatever is for the guy taking you out to pay I ALWAYS anticipate I'll be paying my way and prepare to do so. I never go out thinking "yup the guy's gonna pay for me, it's a given!". Everything I consume, anywhere, I do it owning to the fact I can pay for it myself.


    Agreed. I make it clear that I dont like spending money on a date, and if a guy wants to go somewhere nice, he needs to pay or im not eating.

    I can also see where Fit4FunDenver's date is comign from, with the seperate checks.

    I went on a date with a guy who ordered way more food than I did, ordered 2 more glasses of wine than I did (was high for the damn date) and wanted to split it 50/50. Yea, thats a deal breaker.
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    Jun 21, 2011 6:03 PM GMT
    ac416 saideven if you talked about it he'd still be cheap. the bill comes and both parties split it, friends, dates, whatever. but to ask for seperate cheques so god forbid he pays a penny of your share by mistake? if he had no money then even a hot dog on the sidewalk with good company is enjoyable, so he also seems to be lacking sense.


    I know I was kind of offended by it. And then he's like, "well you picked the place." I was like, umm...you walked me to the door of both of these places.

    I should have known he was going to pull something shady because I texted him when I got into the room. We were to meet at 5:30. Well I didn't get any response so at 6 I called him. He's like, oh I never got your text and I kind of ate something already.

    I was like, you couldn't bother to call me before you ate? You knew I was checking into my hotel...

    I stayed cool about it regardless but if I'm out of town with someone I can't be with someone who's penny pinching along. I mean, he's not giving me a place to stay here.
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    Jun 21, 2011 6:13 PM GMT
    I had a similar experience last summer. It was our first date though we'd been talking on the phone for two weeks. In the last phone call before our date he mentioned he'd had a garage sale over the weekend and made $500, which was more than he'd expected. I joked that I guess that meant he was taking me somewhere really nice for dinner. He laughed and said "Yes, I suppose I am!" He then chose the restaurant, a really good sushi place in a trendy neighbourhood. I said that that place was probably out of my price range and he said fine, we'll only have a couple drinks there as they do good cocktails and then we'll move on.

    So the evening comes along... We had a martini each, and then the waiter came along so we mulled over another... "Go on," he said, and then he ordered us not only another round but an appetiser. When the appetiser was finished he ordered 3 more dishes with "Oh, you have to try this." When those dishes came, our second cocktails were finished and he said "Hey, do you like Prosecco? Let's have a bottle!" And so it went... I seem to remember him ordering a dessert as well... And then the bill came and he said "So do you have cash or are you paying by card?"

    I put half on my card and didn't complain, though the price of it---well, it was about what I spend on groceries for two weeks. I really couldn't afford it. I don't think of myself as a pushover but him ordering all the food is just reflective of the way the conversation was all night. He would ask me something about myself and when I got about 3 words into a reply he'd change the subject or tell me what his own answer would be to the question, or on more than one occasion he would say something inappropriate like "So, what do you think, do you think you'd like playing with my nipples?"

    THAT, by the way, was not going to happen.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2011 6:25 PM GMT
    Maybe he was trying to figure out if you were the kind of guy to make drama. I think it pulled the answer out fairly well.
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    Jun 21, 2011 6:32 PM GMT
    Fit4FitnDenver said
    ac416 saideven if you talked about it he'd still be cheap. the bill comes and both parties split it, friends, dates, whatever. but to ask for seperate cheques so god forbid he pays a penny of your share by mistake? if he had no money then even a hot dog on the sidewalk with good company is enjoyable, so he also seems to be lacking sense.


    I know I was kind of offended by it. And then he's like, "well you picked the place." I was like, umm...you walked me to the door of both of these places.

    I should have known he was going to pull something shady because I texted him when I got into the room. We were to meet at 5:30. Well I didn't get any response so at 6 I called him. He's like, oh I never got your text and I kind of ate something already.

    I was like, you couldn't bother to call me before you ate? You knew I was checking into my hotel...

    I stayed cool about it regardless but if I'm out of town with someone I can't be with someone who's penny pinching along. I mean, he's not giving me a place to stay here.


    After reading this, I have to say that this guy sounds like a total tool. It doesn't seem that he's excited to get to know or spend time with you.
  • Aquanerd

    Posts: 845

    Jun 21, 2011 6:38 PM GMT
    I guess because I was raised by a Southern gentleman, I never had that problem. When I go out, I always am prepared to cover the total bill. Regardless of whether is is "just a friend" or a "DATE" date, I grad the bill. If they try to take the check or offer to split it, I tell them they can get it next time. That includes weekends or extended trips. If I can't afford the total cost of the room and other expenses, it is to expensive a trip for me to enjoy.
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    Jun 21, 2011 6:40 PM GMT
    yep... this is why they say you should never assume. You set yourself up for disappointment. At the same time, he told you he was broke when you asked him to split the cost of a hotel room. The rest of his actions, therefore, shouldn't have been as surprising as they were.

    I don't really understand why someone who is that broke would be going out anywhere for dinner in the first place? Is he in high school?
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    Jun 21, 2011 6:53 PM GMT
    hazardous saidMaybe he was trying to figure out if you were the kind of guy to make drama. I think it pulled the answer out fairly well.


    Who DOES that? Do you design little tests for your date on a first meeting? lol
  • Aquanerd

    Posts: 845

    Jun 21, 2011 6:56 PM GMT
    cdncuteboy said
    hazardous saidMaybe he was trying to figure out if you were the kind of guy to make drama. I think it pulled the answer out fairly well.


    Who DOES that? Do you design little tests for your date on a first meeting? lol


    Don't we all , subconsciously "test" our dates? Otherwise there would be way to many second dates. icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 21, 2011 7:04 PM GMT
    Aquanerd saidI guess because I was raised by a Southern gentleman, I never had that problem. When I go out, I always am prepared to cover the total bill. Regardless of whether is is "just a friend" or a "DATE" date, I grad the bill. If they try to take the check or offer to split it, I tell them they can get it next time. That includes weekends or extended trips. If I can't afford the total cost of the room and other expenses, it is to expensive a trip for me to enjoy.


    THIS!
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    Jun 21, 2011 7:07 PM GMT
    Aquanerd said
    cdncuteboy said
    hazardous saidMaybe he was trying to figure out if you were the kind of guy to make drama. I think it pulled the answer out fairly well.


    Who DOES that? Do you design little tests for your date on a first meeting? lol


    Don't we all , subconsciously "test" our dates? Otherwise there would be way to many second dates. icon_smile.gif


    mm, I disagree. The scenario I described, if it was really a "test" as was suggested, is about someone putting on a totally different personality to see what my limits were. I think we all tabulate our date's "pro" and "con" points, but to actually see how they react in a completely contrived situation is a little extreme, especially on a first date!
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    Jun 21, 2011 7:09 PM GMT
    cdncuteboy said
    Aquanerd said
    cdncuteboy said
    hazardous saidMaybe he was trying to figure out if you were the kind of guy to make drama. I think it pulled the answer out fairly well.


    Who DOES that? Do you design little tests for your date on a first meeting? lol


    Don't we all , subconsciously "test" our dates? Otherwise there would be way to many second dates. icon_smile.gif


    mm, I disagree. The scenario I described, if it was really a "test" as was suggested, is about someone putting on a totally different personality to see what my limits were. I think we all tabulate our date's "pro" and "con" points, but to actually see how they react in a completely contrived situation is a little extreme, especially on a first date!


    Especially on a first date? Especially any time in my life.

    I dont think Hazardous was serious, he was just calling fit4fundenver a drama queen, that is all.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Jun 21, 2011 7:13 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    cityaznguy saidWell B., so how much extra money did you spend that you weren't expecting? Just wondering. Somewhere in the hundreds...? Yeah if he wasn't wanna pay for you he shouldn't have brought you to that restaurant. I would've been pissed as well.



    Chainers saidSo...your upset because he didnt pay your way?

    Thats what you get for being a gold digger, son.

    OCstang saidLook at the bright side, at least he didn't expect you to pay for him.


    Damn you guys are ruthless. lol


    Sorry, fit4fundenver's bitching gets on my nerves.



    I enjoy his bitching, I think his threads are very entertaining.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2011 7:18 PM GMT
    Aquanerd saidI guess because I was raised by a Southern gentleman, I never had that problem. When I go out, I always am prepared to cover the total bill.

    Well, ah hope you know, suh, that we do have some gentlemen in the Noth, as well. LOL! Actually ah lived 14 years in the Deep South, and ah know there are indeed gentlemen there. (Spoken in my most appalling acquired Southern accent from an earlier generation icon_redface.gif )

    And I agree, like you I always go out prepared for every contingency. Or if I can't on that occasion, then I don't go out, or else only do those things I can afford. And let my companion(s) know my limited resources.
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    Jun 21, 2011 7:30 PM GMT
    Fit4FitnDenver saidIf they can't mention payment because they are too afraid, then I'm going to just have to start picking restaurants for now on.

    I dunno, awkward situation, which might have been handled better. I think he may have wanted to show you a good time, the nicest restaurant.

    But while he did pay his share, it was "Dutch treat" and not what you were evidently led to believe. Maybe even he didn't realize the prices and found himself over his head, with little choice once you were there.

    As for your business-man analogy, it varies greatly, mostly according to circumstances. I think the default is that everybody gets separate checks, UNLESS, somebody is there with his/her clients, and then they pay (it's likely on a company expense account, anyway). Or it's the Big Boss with his subordinates, and then he/she may take the check (and likely also going on an expense account). Plus other examples, the point being don't judge this guy you met according to business practices.

    I do wonder, however, about you finding it strange to ask for separate checks BEFORE the food is served, rather than afterwards. Most restaurants & servers prefer you ask them about separate checks as your order is taken.

    Especially those places that are computerized, otherwise the change is a big hassle for them. Not to mention that some places won't do a separate check, expecting the diners to sort that out among themselves.
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    Jun 21, 2011 8:00 PM GMT
    If it was such a big issue (which clearly it was to him), he should have mentioned it before you got within a thousand feet of a restaurant. There is absolutely no shame in being a little hard up, but his behaviour was somewhat clumsy and ungracious.