sex with multiple dates during the dating phase

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 21, 2011 9:03 PM GMT
    before a commitment is made, you're dating a couple people to see who you like and are having sex with both. do you think it's wrong?


    feels like opening your gifts early to me. i would feel like i was betraying both of them as it was said to be dating and not implied to be just friends or a hook up.

    i'm not creating this topic because i'm doing that, someone else is and it's making me think.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 21, 2011 9:13 PM GMT
    No.

    If your committed, then yes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 21, 2011 11:03 PM GMT
    Chainers saidNo.

    If your committed, then yes.


    Yup.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 22, 2011 12:45 AM GMT
    i find the idea that someone i'm dating is fucking someone else to be absolutely torturous. doesn't matter who i'm dating. if i'm not committed i just don't have sex with who i'm dating. that's like taking people out for a test drive. they're not cars.

    yes, i'm on the receiving end, obviously. kind of bitter.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 22, 2011 12:46 AM GMT
    According to one of my exes, yes. Turns out he was doing the same anyway...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 22, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    I think anything before you or him says, "I love you" is okay. After the ILUs then you should sit down and have a talk, then become monogamous...if you guys are not into open relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 22, 2011 2:39 AM GMT
    I don't think it is wrong.

    I am seeing someone now and we haven't made a commitment.

    I told him off the bat that I'm not really ready to get into another relationship so soon because my last one ended only about a month ago. I told him that he can see/date other guys if he wants because I wouldn't want him to put all his eggs in one basket.

    Between friends, family, training, work/school, I barely have any free time so I have just been seeing him exclusively. He told me he's in the same boat, but either way, I don't mind if he does see another guy.

    I think two people just have to be upfront and talk about it so that there's no surprises.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 22, 2011 6:28 AM GMT
    If you didn't have a talk about being exclusive/monogamous then you're free to date other guys if you desire.
    If you think things are getting serious and haven't made any plans to be monogamous, you probably should tell the guys that you are still dating/having sex with someone else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 22, 2011 8:39 AM GMT
    Ermine saidIf you didn't have a talk about being exclusive/monogamous then you're free to date other guys if you desire.
    If you think things are getting serious and haven't made any plans to be monogamous, you probably should tell the guys that you are still dating/having sex with someone else.

    This. Yup.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 22, 2011 1:51 PM GMT
    thanks for the responses, this actually really helped me get things into perspective, specifically yourname2000. if a lot of people think that's normal though, than he's not as bad as i thought he was yesterday. i'll just ignore him and see if he tries to get a hold of me, that might answer whether or not i keep dating him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 23, 2011 2:27 PM GMT
    or, i opted to talk to him maturely about it instead icon_redface.gif

    he's very understanding and we're on a hiatus until he's ready to seriously date. i just wish the timing was better, he's had a lot of bullshit lately icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 25, 2011 8:52 PM GMT
    Does it bother me? a bit on some level, which is odd because I did the same thing. Like even me and my ex before we started officially dating would try to pry and find out if we were sleeping with other people and we'd always get mad about it and yet we were both doing the same exact thing. It was pointless really because we were just casually dating at the time and hadn't made any promises.

    the truth is, until you and that individual establish your ground rules, no body can really complain.

    Until you tell him you don't want him sleeping with anyone else but you and he says ok, then really he's free to do whatever he wants.

    Thats the point of not being committed to someone. You're free. And its up to you to make your concerns clear early, so you know if you want to stick around or not.

    For me now, if I was seeing someone romantically, I would like to of have already established that we're not even seeing other people anymore by the time we start having sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 26, 2011 11:27 AM GMT
    It's kind of a touchy situation, especially since I never have been in that kind of situation.
    Honestly, it would bother me a little... I mean... I don't think I could date other people while seeing a guy, especially if I really liked him. And part of the reason why I wouldn't be comfortable if the guy I was seeing was doing that is because what if he instantly drops me because he likes the other guy better...? I don't know, it's just one of my little fears. But I can also see how it isn't as bad as it could be. Now, if the two people were in a committed relationship and weren't open, that would be a problem.