why am i harboring feelings for this guy?

  • chocobear

    Posts: 12

    Jun 23, 2011 9:05 PM GMT
    alright, at first, I thought whatever feeling I had would go away, but whenever I meet other people (guy or girl), it just feels...empty.



    so here's the story; i had a friend from hs who transferred to my college last year. didn't know him very well in hs, and we hung out from time to time in college. one day out of the blue he tells me he's bi and we did some stuff a couple times.. he was a pretty hot guy, 'better' than who I usually met in my small college town of farmers and hispanics (who apperantly have a thing against black people in general... im just saying it like it was). eventually, he went kinda crazy about being in the closet and we simply stopped talking...

    when he wasn't being paranoid about his sexuality, he was a pretty chill guy to be around, and when we messed around, he was legitamately better, funner, and more natural about everything than the people I had met the past 2 years of being out. tbh, it felt...right for once just to do stuff with him.

    at first, since he was insanely closeted and didnt want ANYONE to know, to the point of threatening me at every conversation i had with him, along with constantly going on about his old girlfriend while he's messing around with me/new gf's, I just didn't care about whatever feelings i had for him.

    I thought maybe having sex/meeting other guys would get rid of these feelings, but I just found everyone to be insanely...unsatisfying. between the guys that were just cheating on someone else, guys 10-30 years difference to my age, or guys simply ashamed of thier sexuality at some level, whenever I met with them, I'd get turned on, but half way through it would just go....well, flaccid. then i'd kick them out or vice versa...

    the problem is I don't even know if im attracted to guys anymore... after that one guy, everyone's kinda unsatisfying, whether I (try to) date them, meet and talk to them, or have sex. it just isn't doing it for me. idk...


    personal background (to understand better): been in college for 2 yrs, came out in late hs/early college, lived in a small college town, met...quite a few people who 'arent into black people', even black people lol, and most of the 'out' guys at the school I either know, or they're in the theater program (most of whom do not mix well with me from the get-go). I've turned to sites like this to essentially talk to people, but idk...again, it's all confusing for me now =/

    *I'll edit and clean up this thread better when I get more time, it's just on my mind at the moment.*
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    Jun 23, 2011 9:18 PM GMT
    Well, it sounds like this guys fears are paralyzing him from being in a relationship. I don't' really think he can commit anything to you while he has these fears.

    So, you are left in limbo hoping he gets over them and comes back to you. I think for your own mental health you have to decide that it's not going to happen anytime soon and you can't keep waiting for him.

    You seem to involve a lot of emotion in these decisions, maybe the hook-up scene isn't enough for you? Maybe you are looking for some companionship beyond the bed sheets. Companionship that this guy is terrified to provide.
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    Jun 23, 2011 10:37 PM GMT

    I was going to tell you to quit acting like a baby and become satisfied; you've got two more years or so and then you're home free. As for this guy, forgetta bout it. If a guy always complains when he's with you, even if it is about the weather; he's passively aggressively voicing dissatisfaction from his end. Not that your cast off who you called unsatisfactory would derive any pleasure from knowing, but it appears you are unsatisfactory to this guy. See, it's a viscous cycle: they are unsatisfactory to you, you're unsatisfactory to him, he's unsatisfactory to someone else, and no one winds up being happy-except for those who decide they'll be happy anyway: bi, older, closet, whatever, be happy with it because a UFO is not going to beam satisfactory replacements from the heavens. Or, are you a little princess who needs everything to go your way; of course not, you're a man; you could create a lush oasis in HELL. It's a man's ability. Don't feel bad about living in that backwater; you know that term: if you can make it here you can make it anyplace? If you can manage happiness there, you'll be set any where you go from here.The advantage is an experience like that humbles you. You'll never get someplace with a great selection of gay men and squander the opportunity because you'll know what it's like not to have. If you continue to be a nit pick though, you'll find yourself still unsatisfied even without a reason.
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    Jun 24, 2011 12:35 AM GMT
    chocobear saidthe problem is I don't even know if im attracted to guys anymore... after that one guy, everyone's kinda unsatisfying, whether I (try to) date them, meet and talk to them, or have sex. it just isn't doing it for me. idk...it's all confusing for me now.

    Maybe you've been feeling this way because your life is already too complicated!,

    People are too complicated,

    It's too hard to be with people,

    I'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever understand anyone,

    Well I guess no one will never ever ever ever ever understand me too,lol......

    Welcome to the club!icon_lol.gif