Attractive guys - do you find it harder to find a date?

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  Apr 17, 2008 5:29 PM GMT

  You guys know my story - I'm 22, just started going out to bars, and haven't had much success - atleast in regards to dating.
  
  I just got done reading a gay dating book, and the author stated that he's observed that better looking guys are less likely to get approached, and/or people are apprehensive to date them because they assume they're just players?
  
  Is this true? Because I notice when I go out, I get told how "hot", "sexy", and "very handsome" I am.
  
  Do other good looking guys have the same problem?

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  Apr 17, 2008 6:20 PM GMT

  Well, my perspective on this is this.
  
  If you're out and about, and you see a really hot guy, do you have the balls to go up to him and express your feelings, or do you get nervous, and even a bit afraid that you might get rejected?
  
  Me...I never think of myself how others seem to perceive me (I get told the same as you by others), but usually when I see a guy that I think is smokin', I'm too nervous to go up and talk to him because I don't think I have a snowball's chance in hell of getting anywhere with him.
  
  And I've been told this situation from numerous others as well. So no, I don't think people assume that "good looking" guys are players or anything, it's a matter of them thinking that the guy is out of their league.
  
  Ok, that and I typically find that the guys I hit it off with most aren't what would be considered the hottest guy in the place or what I think is hot fantasy wise, so that could have something to do with it as well =)

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  Apr 17, 2008 7:29 PM GMT

  Can I post here?
  
  No?
  
  
  *Bother... stalks off*

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  Apr 17, 2008 10:22 PM GMT

  I've found in my research that there are a lot of things working against attractive guys. On this site guys who define themselves as "athletic" are the most likely to be single.
  
  People might be less inclined to approach a hot guy but I've found most members of the gay community are pretty hesitant when it comes to doing that. If your dating strategy is to look good and get hit on you'll be waiting a while.
  
  I don't see how anyone would select against a guy because he was too hot though.

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  Apr 17, 2008 10:36 PM GMT

  vergence saidI've found in my research that there are a lot of things working against attractive guys. On this site guys who define themselves as "athletic" are the most likely to be single.
  
  People might be less inclined to approach a hot guy but I've found most members of the gay community are pretty hesitant when it comes to doing that. If your dating strategy is to look good and get hit on you'll be waiting a while.
  
  I don't see how anyone would select against a guy because he was too hot though.

  
  I would partly disagree. I think the majority of people on this site are above average in appearance or headed there. I have had a monogamous partner for about 5 years know and we are very much physical opposites. I define myself as "athletic."
  
  What I have found to be true is that I get hit on too often. I put a lot of effort into staying healthy for reasons other than appearance and I appreciate compliments but a lot of (drunkish) people fail to stop at a compliment and continue into unwanted advances.
  
  Of course, with no photo uploaded, it is hard to tell if you are one of those good looking guys

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• Buddha
  
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  Apr 20, 2008 6:26 AM GMT

  I agree with musclebud, from my experience I can say that if I see a really pretty/hot guy in the bar, I don't dare to go up to them because I'm just expecting them to reject me anyway.
  
  But in some rare cases I do talk to the pretty people... and in those cases I usually find them to be kind of boring. Maybe it's the hollow-effect in progress but it happens a lot. I'm not sure if it's because attractive people are used to the attention so they don't have to bother to be interesting.

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  Apr 21, 2008 5:56 AM GMT

  I never get approached or chatted up in bars or clubs. I always have to make the first move.

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• HndsmKansan
  
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  Apr 21, 2008 8:29 AM GMT

  Absolutely not... There are men who want to go out with me despite the fact I have a bf. I've had all kind of interesting things go down, including one what is happening right now by a dude at my gym.
  
  

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  Apr 21, 2008 9:24 AM GMT

  redheadguy saidI never get approached or chatted up in bars or clubs. I always have to make the first move.

  
  Be in Barasti this Friday. I'd cruise you sober

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• Timbales
  
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  Apr 21, 2008 10:50 AM GMT

  Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

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  Apr 21, 2008 8:24 PM GMT

  I don't consider myself to be "hot" or "sexy", but I know that most guys never talk to me because I look "unapproachable" (i.e.- "mean")...that bothers me more.

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• Laurence
  
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  Apr 23, 2008 10:22 AM GMT

  Hi Collegstud.
  
  Gay dating books are useless, why bother to read them?
  
  I have found (from my not very extensive research of not reading Gay books but going to lots and lots of Gay bars) that certain people attract more men than others. It is rarely to do with looks, but more to do with if they seem approachable.
  
  So some hot guys don't get offers and some do. Some ordinary guys get ignored and some don't.
  
  Unfortunately there isn't a magic formula that makes you approachable. But not scowling, smiling, and being confident enough to initiate a conversation will usually work.
  
  As for Gay dating. The only rule is that there aren't any rules, we are all different - thank God.
  
  Loz

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  Apr 23, 2008 8:03 PM GMT

  well at a bar or club it is pretty much socially intimidating to approach someone whose in a group and there are many variables. Just suck it up and make a move. The oppourtunity won't come to you, cease it yourself!
  
  Told that to a friend and he's more socially out going now and he's talking to people all the time now. I'm a bit envious.
  
  Now if i can take my own advice
  
  

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  Apr 23, 2008 8:27 PM GMT

  Timberoo saidDon't hate me because I'm beautiful.

  
  
  You are handsome Timberoo not beautiful, sorry to break the news. Hallie Berry is beautiful.

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  Apr 23, 2008 8:29 PM GMT

  Well I have never had a lot of intrinsic confidence or conceit about my looks, so I had to get a lot of feedback from a guy before I felt comfortable feeling he liked me physically. Being shy was more of a stumbling block for me than anything else.
  
  When I tested for HIV in 1995 I basically gave up finding someone for awhile while I concentrated getting my immune system shored up.

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  Apr 23, 2008 8:31 PM GMT

  Sedative14 saidCan I post here?
  
  No?
  
  
  *Bother... stalks off*

  
  
  
  Oh puhleeeeze Sedative14, you know darn well you should be posting here. If I was in the Philippines I would be phoning you up and telling you to give your head a shake!

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  Apr 23, 2008 11:09 PM GMT

  I think it possibly could be true...
  
  honestly!
  
  Those who aren't as gifted... make up for it in other ways, by trying harder, being more out going etc.
  
  All from the subconscious!
  
  Remember the cool guys against the wall at prom, yet the larger/ taller/ not as attractive guys are dancing... beacuse they need to prove themselves...
  
  just a thought.

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  Apr 24, 2008 12:58 AM GMT

  according to that research I should never get fat, always get young, and be single forever. But that's cool, I'm comfortable in my own skin.

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  Apr 24, 2008 1:47 AM GMT

  Theres gotta be more to life that looking really really ridiculously good-looking.

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• joeindallas
  
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  Apr 24, 2008 2:32 AM GMT

  it might be a 50/50 street here. Attractive guys put off a lot of ATTITUDE, and even if approached they give you a 15 sec window of aceptance. Don't cry for Me _________ fill in the blank.

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  Apr 24, 2008 5:58 AM GMT

  Wysiwyg60 said
  Oh puhleeeeze Sedative14, you know darn well you should be posting here. If I was in the Philippines I would be phoning you up and telling you to give your head a shake!

  
  
  *shakes head obligingly*

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  Jul 09, 2008 9:44 PM GMT

  really interesting read. sorta a damned if you do damned if you don't situation.

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  Jul 10, 2008 10:48 PM GMT

  You should try to keep yourself open to the potential in everyone you meet. Smile often and freely. I think the major problem is when a hot guy is 'broody' or appears shallow and lacks social skills.
  
  One of the things I've noticed at my time in bars and the gym is that most 'hot' guys are just as insecure as 'not-hot' guys. That's why they 'front' and 'puff-n-strut'.
  
  Peace!

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  Jul 11, 2008 5:39 PM GMT

  JBE60 said
  You are handsome Timberoo not beautiful, sorry to break the news. Hallie Berry is beautiful.

  
  
  Guys should be handsome, and women should be beautiful.
  I saw this girl about 5 years ago at the mall and she was so beautiful I just stood there staring.
  Everything about her; hair, eyes, face, smile, and particularly the way she was acting (demure).. she was simply beautiful. I actually got a pang in my chest and as shy as I am I would have asked her if I could take her picture if I had had my camera.

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• B71115
  
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  Jul 26, 2008 8:34 AM GMT

  Respectyourself saidwell at a bar or club it is pretty much socially intimidating to approach someone whose in a group and there are many variables. Just suck it up and make a move. The oppourtunity won't come to you, cease it yourself!
  
  Told that to a friend and he's more socially out going now and he's talking to people all the time now. I'm a bit envious.
  
  Now if i can take my own advice
  
  

  
  
  Take your own advice. You're great looking. I'd talk to you in a heartbeat. I think most of us would be amazed at how many guys check us out when we aren't looking. Sometimes they might be the guy we just checked out when he wasn't looking. So we both miss out.
  Last Friday night I saw a hot guy and let him walk away. He came up to me later and I could tell he was nervous. You never know.

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