I just had a really awkward night out...

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    Jun 24, 2011 6:39 AM GMT
    Let me start off by saying I am heavily intoxicated.

    So I met this guy on OKcupid awhile ago and right form the start we hit it off pretty well. We hung out about 3 times and then ended up hanging out at pride. Then I did something soooo incredibly stupid (because I'm totally new at actually liking a guy that isn't a total toolbag) and told him I as incredibly attracted to him. We talked about it and he told me he actually had feelings for someone else, which was totally cool. We decided my deceleration wasn't all that awkward and we could still go on hanging out as friends (which is great because he truly is a really awesome guy).

    Fastforward to tonight, we go to a lesbian bar (don't hate, 10 bucks gets you in the door and 8 free drink tickets plus free lesbian food. Duh WINNING) we have an AWESOME time, I mean we are bouncing nerd references off of each other left and right. We end up going to another bar (actual music and dancing) and we are having an even better time, we are dancing, laughing, and just enjoying each others company. And with each song passing I find myself more and more attracted to him, the only thing's running though my head are "god you're awesome" and "please remember it's totally wrong to kiss him".

    Long story short the more I get to know him the more I like him and the more I realize he's better off not getting too involved with me (which is easy I guess since he's not interested in me like THAT). Would it be wrong if I ended it? It's not because I can't have him romantically...it's more of a preventing a "what if" in the strange case that he actually changed his mind, because if that happened I don't think I have it in me to stop it.
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    Jun 24, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    It's not wrong to end it, but to abruptly end it would be a bit strange. Maybe distance yourself and let it be gradual. No harm no foul if he doesn't take initiative to seek you out, but you are purposefully staying away from him.
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    Jun 24, 2011 8:06 AM GMT
    TrevorMark saidIt's not wrong to end it, but to abruptly end it would be a bit strange. Maybe distance yourself and let it be gradual. No harm no foul if he doesn't take initiative to seek you out, but you are purposefully staying away from him.


    That doesn't sound so bad...
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    Jun 24, 2011 12:13 PM GMT
    You can't lose nor miss something you didn't have to begin with. I'm referring to a romantic involvement.

    Good compatible friends are hard to find. Think long and hard before you distance yourself.

    BUT... if it's causing you emotional pain/frustration being around him perhaps a temporary hiatus is in order so you have the time to sort things through. Patience is key. Make sure you move on romantically and continue to date and not get hung up on this guy unless he reciprocates and shows interest on a deeper level.

    It'd be a shame to miss out on what could be a great and lasting friendship.
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    Jun 24, 2011 12:18 PM GMT
    This is a very confusing post.
    So you've made a new friend but you are also crushing on him, yes? And he's not into you that way. And now you want to know if you should stop hanging out with him because if he changes his mind and finds out that he is into you "that way" then you would date him. And that would be bad? Really?

    If my synopsis is correct then my advise is the opposite of Trevor's. Having a great gay friend is somewhat rare and you should keep him. He said that he's not into you so you do need to get over him asap. Does he have any cool friends you could date?
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    Jun 24, 2011 12:23 PM GMT
    End what? The illusion that something may come of this? If so, yes. End that. He's been honest with you. Just dancing and "bouncing nerd references" after a few drinks isn't remarkable.

    End a nice friendship? Not necessarily. He sounds like someone you'd like to be with, even if not THAT way.

  • HndsmKansan

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    Jun 24, 2011 12:24 PM GMT
    I think it should be all about how much you value the friendship. He clearly likes hanging with you and reason to be friends with the guy. I say, learn to keep your emotions under control and respect his wishes. and enjoy your friend. I would back off if you find you can't respect him. Don't create drama, pretty black and white to me.
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    Jun 24, 2011 12:48 PM GMT
    Doomsday said:
    And with each song passing I find myself more and more attracted to him, the only thing's running though my head are "god you're awesome" and "please remember it's totally wrong to kiss him".

    This looks like the alcohol was talking rather than rational thinking. Just relax and have a good friendship. It will be fine.
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    Jun 24, 2011 2:59 PM GMT
    You have good times with him so start dating someone else immediately to take the romantic pressure from The nice friendship. Win win
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    Jun 24, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    icon_redface.gif

    If everyone could pretend this never happened I think the world would be a better place icon_eek.gif And this is why drunken internet use is a terrible thing (that and I tried to make a prokchop omelette when I got home last night)!


    To clarify though I wasn't upset because of a lack or romantic involvement, I think i was just having an alcohol induced reaction to all the willpower I used up not making an idiot of myself.

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    Jun 24, 2011 3:55 PM GMT
    Awww.. icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 24, 2011 4:24 PM GMT
    Some of the advice on here is a bit ridiculous and doesn't take into account your feelings for him. All these people saying 'oh he seems like a great friend, keep him' .. friends are not hard to come by.. honestly they aren't. Those who say they are.. well, they live in caves or just play farmville all day.

    This is not about how great he is. It's about you. What do you want? You obviously want more than he is ready to give to you. Do you really think you'd be able to maintain a friendship, and just a friendship (really now, .. we both know the answer). Should you maintain such contact and such with him, it may end up with you:

    1. Annoying him, as it will be obvious you want him badly
    2. Prevent you from meeting other people as your intentions and focus may be solely on him
    3. Give you frustration as you see him date/flirt with others.

    The answer is quite obvious. The question is whether you can handle making a tough decision now for long-term benefit.

    No one is suggesting cutting him off. Rather, put boundaries on what you do with him, and what you will allow yourself to get involved with.. for your own sanity and because you like him.

    Good luck. I have to go play farmville now in my cave.
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    Jun 24, 2011 4:41 PM GMT
    Hawken saidSome of the advice on here is a bit ridiculous and doesn't take into account your feelings for him. All these people saying 'oh he seems like a great friend, keep him' .. friends are not hard to come by.. honestly they aren't. Those who say they are.. well, they live in caves or just play farmville all day.

    This is not about how great he is. It's about you. What do you want? You obviously want more than he is ready to give to you. Do you really think you'd be able to maintain a friendship, and just a friendship (really now, .. we both know the answer). Should you maintain such contact and such with him, it may end up with you:

    1. Annoying him, as it will be obvious you want him badly
    2. Prevent you from meeting other people as your intentions and focus may be solely on him
    3. Give you frustration as you see him date/flirt with others.

    The answer is quite obvious. The question is whether you can handle making a tough decision now for long-term benefit.

    No one is suggesting cutting him off. Rather, put boundaries on what you do with him, and what you will allow yourself to get involved with.. for your own sanity and because you like him.

    Good luck. I have to go play farmville now in my cave.


    This. I'm pretty good with boundaries and once I set them up you rarely need to worry about them being crossed (im also not much of a risk taker lol). True friends are not hard to find, but awesome geek friends are, especially awesome geek friends you can get drunk and dance with (and then hang out with and kill zombies together). I think my alcohol induced dazed compromised my judgement a bit, and I reacted a little dramatically.

    You did pretty much catch what I meant though icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 24, 2011 4:44 PM GMT
    I won't lie, I tried to delete this post out of embaressment but every time I try theres an error icon_redface.gif
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    Jun 24, 2011 5:33 PM GMT
    DoomsDayAlpaca saidI won't lie, I tried to delete this post out of embaressment but every time I try theres an error icon_redface.gif


    You shouldn't feel embarrassed. It wasn't stupid for you to say you were attracted to him.

    His response sounds like a classic rejection. He has feeling for someone else.
    One thing is sure; he is NOT into you. Not a big deal. Move on.





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    Jun 25, 2011 8:18 PM GMT
    Never be embarrassed about your emotions or how you feel.

    Cheers.
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    Jun 25, 2011 8:19 PM GMT
    I went to a lesbian bar once and a lesbian pushed me. icon_sad.gif
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    Jun 27, 2011 12:20 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidI went to a lesbian bar once and a lesbian pushed me. icon_sad.gif

    And how did that make you feel? icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 30, 2011 8:33 PM GMT
    I've been around the block a few times and heard this tale of the friend crush many times over. And as painful as it might be to hear, I gotta tell ya - it always ends badly.

    Usually you fall for him because he has all these great qualities and initially you're really disappointed that he's not interested. But you tell yourself you can still be friends, because he has all these awesome qualities, right? It seems crazy to end the connection when you could transform it into something else.

    The problem is the more you spend time with him - and such awesome times because you like him so much - the harder you're going to fall for him. and the more you're going to fuel your fantasy that something may come of it.

    The truth is it never does and always ends in tears. (If anyone knows of a situation like this where it didn't I'd like to know).

    You don't want a friendship with him no matter how hard you try to convince yourself - you want him to be a lover. And he cannot be that for you so it's a much better idea to move on, as painful as it is to do.

    We'll be here for you to get you through the grieving period.