Would you date someone who has a kid?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 24, 2011 10:13 AM GMT
    Hey there RJ community! So wanted to get some advice...

    I met this great guy the other day and found out he has a kid from a previous marriage (he has since divorced, has come out and is now sharing custody). I never thought I'd date someone who has a kid, especially with me being so new to coming out...seems like it would be complicated. But the more I get to know the guy, the more interested I become. Any thoughts on this topic?

    Thanks!
    Brad icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 24, 2011 10:20 AM GMT
    Do you like kids? Then go for it. Love doesn't come around that often.
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    Jun 24, 2011 10:22 AM GMT
    I wouldn't rule him out. If you really like him, take it slow and see where it goes. Congrats on coming out!
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    Jun 24, 2011 10:24 AM GMT
    yah, I do like kids a lot...just concerned that it was from a previous marriage vs. adopting once in a committed relationship
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    Jun 24, 2011 10:53 AM GMT
    This could be a little complicated. Is your friend "out" with his ex-wife and how does she feel about it? Did his being gay result in the divorce? If your friend is not out, it will be more complicated.
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    Jun 24, 2011 11:15 AM GMT
    gay people cant have kids...

    this is silly
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    Jun 24, 2011 11:19 AM GMT
    go_vols saidHey there RJ community! So wanted to get some advice...

    I met this great guy the other day and found out he has a kid from a previous marriage (he has since divorced, has come out and is now sharing custody). I never thought I'd date someone who has a kid, especially with me being so new to coming out...seems like it would be complicated. But the more I get to know the guy, the more interested I become. Any thoughts on this topic?

    Thanks!
    Brad icon_razz.gif


    It might feel a bit weird at first, but why not just go for it? Children are great fun. One of my friends has an eight year old, and I've seen him grow up over the years and am constantly amazed. He is one of the funniest people I know, and having him in my life is an immense privilege. Kids see the world in a different way to adults, so they sometimes ask some pretty unusual and potentially uncomfortable questions, but if you're honest and open with them they really appreciate it. And you might even learn a few things too. Good luck! :-)
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Jun 24, 2011 11:29 AM GMT
    Kids can be tricky, moreso if they've had to deal with divorce, surely moreso if their father is gay and dating a man (if only for the resulting conversation).

    Don't jump the gun with this guy, either way. I would be cautious. Kids can get attached to people quickly, and that's not good if you guys don't pan out. I would put off meeting the child for some time.

    How old is his kid?
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    Jun 24, 2011 11:58 AM GMT
    jlly_rnchr said Kids can get attached to people quickly, and that's not good if you guys don't pan out. I would put off meeting the child for some time.


    ^^^^THIS. If the Dad has any brains, you won't be meeting the kid for quite some time. The younger the kid, the longer I would expect to wait before meeting them. But I wouldn't discount a guy just for having kids
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    Jun 24, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    I would be more worried about dealing with ex wife... They can be a bitch!! Lol I personally love kids and have dated a guy once who had one... The situation was a little different since he had full custody but it made us take things really slow, which was nice. But the kid just knew me as one of dads friends. We didn't work out romantically but still a good friend and I would totally do it again!
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    Jun 24, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    BostonVball said
    jlly_rnchr said Kids can get attached to people quickly, and that's not good if you guys don't pan out. I would put off meeting the child for some time.


    ^^^^THIS. If the Dad has any brains, you won't be meeting the kid for quite some time. The younger the kid, the longer I would expect to wait before meeting them. But I wouldn't discount a guy just for having kids


    THIS and THIS. I hate it when guys see an instant family and want to get involved with the kid quickly.

    Date the dude, wait to meet the kid for a long time.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 24, 2011 2:32 PM GMT
    sure
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    Jun 24, 2011 4:57 PM GMT
    I have two kids from my marriage. My ex and I are very, very close friends and have as good a relationship as you can have under the circumstances. She knows all about me and it was the cause of our breakup, but it wasn't ugly or bitter. It was sad, of course, but she felt sorry for the years in which I denied who I was. I am a very lucky man.

    My son knows I am gay, but his sister is too young. He took it like a champ... nothing has changed between us. I am seeing a couple guys and like the guy above said, I will not introduce them until it seems very, very serious. When it becomes an exclusive relationship, I will need to bring the children into it. Before then, a responsible parent keeps his private life private so that he can parent his children, not be their "buddy".

    That said, one guy I was seeing said that he always wanted children but could never have them. I said, "Just think... if you stick with me, one day in the future we will have everyone over for Christmas Eve or Easter or Thanksgiving and the children will come and they will bring THEIR children, and you will get to bounce a baby on your knee. A baby who will call you Grandpa and will not know a world without you in it."

    It makes me cry to think about it. My grandchildren will always have two granddads and think that the world works that way. What a nice thought, isn't it? Wouldn't you like to help that world exist?
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    Jun 24, 2011 5:05 PM GMT
    jlly_rnchr said Kids can get attached to people quickly, and that's not good if you guys don't pan out.


    I dated a guy who adopted a son with a troubled background and abandonment issues, and he dumped me (very honestly and forwardly) because he didn't think we'd work out on a longer term and he didn't want to bring someone into his son's life who wouldn't stay there. Admittedly a move I can't argue against.

    There's nothing wrong with dating a man with children, but you have to understand those kids will ALWAYS come before you do. Their needs will always come before yours. So prepare for that if you choose to do so.
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    Jun 24, 2011 5:05 PM GMT
    Yes. I would wait awhile to meet the kid though. It can be very tricky and a strain on a relationship though. I dated a guy who had a kid that he adopted with his former partner. He was basically a single parent and so finding times for dates was tricky at times. He was truly a great guy but our schedules had a hard time matching.
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    Jun 24, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    On a related note to my first post, I also dated a man with a newborn son. Wanna know what I did with him on the three dates we had? Spent hours in baby clothing stores. Spent hours in baby furniture stores. I sat in chairs while he shopped for his son. I waited in buildings while he took care of paperwork for his son.

    And that's how it works.
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    Jun 24, 2011 5:28 PM GMT
    I would...not right now though im only 21
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jun 24, 2011 6:04 PM GMT
    Supermann saidI would...not right now though im only 21


    Exactly!!

    We are in the prime of our lives!! We need to be concerned with our careers and goals before having to worry about children lol By the way, right now, I don't even like kids
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    Jun 24, 2011 9:03 PM GMT
    If you're mature enough to handle it, why not? I've found that gay guys with kids are actually very responsible individuals.
  • Rowing_Ant

    Posts: 1504

    Jun 24, 2011 9:09 PM GMT
    I wouldnt rule it out.
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    Jun 24, 2011 9:09 PM GMT
    Definitely, as long as they have their life together.
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    Jun 24, 2011 9:13 PM GMT
    No i love kids but no i won't do that
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    Jun 24, 2011 9:21 PM GMT
    BostonVball said
    jlly_rnchr said Kids can get attached to people quickly, and that's not good if you guys don't pan out. I would put off meeting the child for some time.


    ^^^^THIS. If the Dad has any brains, you won't be meeting the kid for quite some time. The younger the kid, the longer I would expect to wait before meeting them. But I wouldn't discount a guy just for having kids


    great advice....thanks! icon_razz.gif
  • Twenty_Someth...

    Posts: 1388

    Jun 24, 2011 9:32 PM GMT
    If I loved him, then how could I not love his kid??? icon_lol.gif
  • Life_Is_Good_...

    Posts: 109

    Jun 24, 2011 9:35 PM GMT
    of course. and when the kid turns 16 and can drive they become the designated driver on winery tours. win win!