I've developed a relationship with my best friend.

  • PBLH

    Posts: 196

    Jun 25, 2011 11:37 AM GMT
    Hi so for several months now, my best friend and I have had this ongoing sexual relationship. At first it was our little seceret but we eventually got caught by our other friends. It was a little embarrassing as we both tend to date guys that are the complete opposite of each other. We have expressed our thoughts and feelings about the situation but have not really came to a conclusion as to what we are besides friends. We always say that we have to have that conversation but seem to never make time for it. It's honestly the best chemistry we've both experienced with a guy but we just can seem to talk about our relationship that we are unofficially in. How do I break the ice on this one as I tend to keep everything bottled up inside. He states that he's usually very vocal about his emotions but he never brings it up unless someone inquires about us and he always states we need to talk.
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    Jun 25, 2011 12:43 PM GMT
    sounds cute to me
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Jun 25, 2011 12:48 PM GMT
    What's the hold up? You're sleeping together, it's clear you guys "like each other like that". What's to talk about? I'm assuming one or both of you need a definition.
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Jun 25, 2011 12:57 PM GMT
    Shouldn't you end up with someone who is your best friend anyways? Or a complete stranger?

    Peace,
    Bardy
  • PBLH

    Posts: 196

    Jun 25, 2011 1:08 PM GMT
    It appears to be that easy, I feel that I'm ready for the challenge but not sure he is. Last night we hung out and he fell asleep without getting under the covers so I'm thinking he's no longer interested... But I do think I'm going to just speak on the situation because I really want to make sense of everything or just move on.
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    Jun 25, 2011 1:12 PM GMT
    I would say to just let it flow without trying to analyze or have a discussion about "'til death we part." Go with it and let love take over.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jun 25, 2011 1:14 PM GMT
    sounds like a "win/win" situation to me.


    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 25, 2011 1:17 PM GMT
    Well, if he always states that you two need to talk (from your last line) then I'd suggest the two of you do this. You'd do better if you began no longer bottling stuff up inside. That makes for a rather difficult relationship. icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 25, 2011 2:28 PM GMT
    PBLH saidLast night we hung out and he fell asleep without getting under the covers so I'm thinking he's no longer interested...

    This could actually mean the opposite of what you think. It could mean, simply, that your relationship has evolved to a level of intimacy where it is ok to not be "touchy-feely" all the time. This is a deeper level of intimacy. My partner and I have been together nine years. We've lived together for six of them. Do we cuddle every night? Hell, no. Especially not if it's a warm night!

    Sometimes, when you're really tired, it is a great feeling to know you can just pass out, on top of the covers, or even on the couch, with that inner knowledge that the person you love is there, beside you, or at least somewhere around you. Your guy probably experienced that bliss as he fell asleep near you, knowing that with you, he can be himself--even his I'm-tired-tonight-and-I-just-want-to-fall-asleep self.
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    Jun 25, 2011 2:50 PM GMT
    I kinda had to do the same with a friend once and had that "talk." There's really no easy way to do it. You just gotta, for the sake of the friendship and both your sanity.
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    Jun 25, 2011 2:52 PM GMT
    19c79 said
    PBLH saidLast night we hung out and he fell asleep without getting under the covers so I'm thinking he's no longer interested...

    This could actually mean the opposite of what you think. It could mean, simply, that your relationship has evolved to a level of intimacy where it is ok to not be "touchy-feely" all the time. This is a deeper level of intimacy. My partner and I have been together nine years. We've lived together for six of them. Do we cuddle every night? Hell, no. Especially not if it's a warm night!

    Sometimes, when you're really tired, it is a great feeling to know you can just pass out, on top of the covers, or even on the couch, with that inner knowledge that the person you love is there, beside you, or at least somewhere around you. Your guy probably experienced that bliss as he fell asleep near you, knowing that with you, he can be himself--even his I'm-tired-tonight-and-I-just-want-to-fall-asleep self.


    EXCELLENT POINT! Just because you have started sleeping with him you shouldn't start making all kinds of assumptions (does he or doesn't he still love me). That is the beauty of friendship and something so many gay man fail to see as they search for the ultimate Prince to lift them out of their despair.

    I've only had one open relationship and it was with someone who told me from the start he didn't want a relationship. He became a great friend and we were honest and open about everything. I felt the sex lacked some intensity and we had very different interests in life. It ended very smoothly and I count on him as one of my lifelong loving friends. If you guys handle this well that could be one of two possibility with the other possibility being a life long couple.

    The discussion has to center around whether your new found intimacy will create tensions in your friendship such as jealousy. I suggest you carefully read the article below. It is very enlightening. It sounds like what you two have is real what most of the others are looking for is a fairy tail.

    http://planetwaves.net/jealousy.html