The SEXINESS factor

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    Jun 27, 2011 3:13 AM GMT
    Hi guys. I thought I post my usual Monday dating discussion thread a little early today, since I sense that this would be a good topic for us RJers to have a nice discussion about.

    OK so I was at Chelsea NYC this weekend (it was a blast btw), and I was in a restaurant with my friend Saturday night. This very good looking waiter came out and waited on us. Of course as a normal gay man, I was checking out the our waiter. While the waiter was very cute and good looking, there was something that turned me off about him, that I would not want to approach him. It's not that he wasn't friendly, but it was just that while he was good looking, he did not light a fire in my pants. I asked my friend who was sitting across from me.

    Me: "Hey, what do you think about our waiter?" *point with chin*
    Friend: "Well, he's certainly a handsome guy. Well..., but" *pause*
    Me: "But what? He's not your type physically?"
    Friend: "Well, he's handsome and certainly very nice looking, but in an ASEXUAL way."
    Me: "Asexual? WTH? What do you mean by that?"
    Friend: "Just that he's not sexy. I wouldn't want to have sex with him."

    I was a little confused. Until Sunday (today), I went back to the same Thai restaurant with another friend, let's call him J (as in JakeBenson). Well, what do you know, the SAME waiter was there again. So I asked J, what do you think of our waiter. And J., pretty much gave me a very similar answer, that this guy is beautiful and good looking, but doesn't have the sex appeal...but anyway, we later learned that our waiter was straight (and has a small booty). J. has straight-dar, apparently. Mine, of course, doesn't work. I assume everyone is gay unless proven otherwise.

    So my questions are:

    1. For you, does being good looking = sexy / sexually attractive.,
    2. If not, what factors contributes to that level of sexiness.

    I'm really asking this because there really are many good looking guys that I know, and they can't get a date. It's like they are not approachable or inviting enough, or sexually attractive enough for guys, and therefore is making guys turn their head at a different direction.

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    Jun 27, 2011 3:20 AM GMT
    WHITE DUDES with "white dudeness."
    That's just how I feel.
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    Jun 27, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    whether he is asian or not......duh. icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 27, 2011 3:26 AM GMT
    being good looking def does not = sexy
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    Jun 27, 2011 3:30 AM GMT
    Physical attractiveness does not always equate to sex appeal.
    You can set me up with the most handsome, well built guy with an awesome ass and a thick big dick, but if he doesnt turn me on MENTALLY, nothings gonna happen.
    I gotta sense a sort of 'substance,' certain intelligence in him.
    I've met some guys who werent particularly attractive, but their wit and candor, their sense of humour, and their casual, relaxed attitude got me rock hard! icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 27, 2011 3:33 AM GMT
    I think "The Sexiness Factor" is in the eyes, and how a guy carries himself.
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    Jun 27, 2011 3:34 AM GMT

    ..................................................919F4D8C2A.jpg

    I hope it's not this complicated. If it is, I will have that seventh cheeseburger after all.

    Tehe, good looking means you like, approve, or admire someones "looks": aesthetics, style, build, or what have you. And you would probably bang them, but you know, deep down, it will most likely Never happen.

    Sexy means you are physically "turned on" by that person and would have sex with them....and have deluded yourself into believing it could actually happen.

    So, was this waiter out of your friend's league?








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    Jun 27, 2011 3:39 AM GMT
    I see a lot of "good looking" and "handsome" guys who aren't "sexy".
    Confidence. Lack of it just puts the kibosh on sexy.
    Slumped shoulders, emotionless face, lack of energy in movement, sloppy grooming, and the list can go on and on. All of these things detract from what could be a very sexy person.

    I've also met some guys who aren't the best looking, but sure do ooze a certain raw masculine zexiness that just gets me all "Raaawwrr"!

    Combine looks and the sexiness factor and kapow! I'm in lurve!

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    Jun 27, 2011 3:42 AM GMT
    Yes this is very much possible. Much like when I look at a girl. They can look good but it doesn't get juices flowing thats for sure.
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    Jun 27, 2011 3:53 AM GMT
    Good looking doesn't do it for me. All about the way he/she handles themselves so for me confidence is a sexy factor.
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    Jun 27, 2011 4:28 AM GMT
    GigoloAssassin saidPhysical attractiveness does not always equate to sex appeal.
    You can set me up with the most handsome, well built guy with an awesome ass and a thick big dick, but if he doesnt turn me on MENTALLY, nothings gonna happen.
    I gotta sense a sort of 'substance,' certain intelligence in him.
    I've met some guys who werent particularly attractive, but their wit and candor, their sense of humour, and their casual, relaxed attitude got me rock hard!
    icon_wink.gif

    Go on. I would like to learn more about this. Is it about like an interaction that you have with someone? In another words, is it possible that someone on RJ, through just internet interactions (which a lot of it is based on intellectual communications), turn you on? And has that happened before? Sorry that's a tangent but it's within the context of my thread.



    Iron_Casanova said
    So, was this waiter out of your friend's league?

    Actually no. Both of my friends are very handsome and good looking.
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    Jun 27, 2011 4:38 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidI see a lot of "good looking" and "handsome" guys who aren't "sexy".
    Confidence. Lack of it just puts the kibosh on sexy.
    Slumped shoulders, emotionless face, lack of energy in movement, sloppy grooming, and the list can go on and on. All of these things detract from what could be a very sexy person.

    I've also met some guys who aren't the best looking, but sure do ooze a certain raw masculine zexiness that just gets me all "Raaawwrr"!

    Combine looks and the sexiness factor and kapow! I'm in lurve!


    You know A, I'm really glad that you brought this up. I find this to be very true. There are times that when you close yourself off, then you'll see that it's like you are literally repelling guys away. It's like Johnson & Family made a guy-repellent spray called "Unsexy!" and sprayed it on you. This is also true for me; guys normally don't approach me unless I have actually gave them a look of interest. I dunno if it's sexy, per se, but it's usually inviting enough that it doesn't repel guys away. Hahaha.


    Corvin saidGood looking doesn't do it for me. All about the way he/she handles themselves so for me confidence is a sexy factor.

    I think this is very interesting. Does this mean that having confidence = sexy? I dunno. Sometimes when you look at a guy, he's sure of himself, he looks even like a warrior with a fierce look in his guys. Sometimes that turns off people too, because he looks too powerful, but not necessarily sexy though. Care to elaborate a little bit more on that?


    Chainers saidYes this is very much possible. Much like when I look at a girl. They can look good but it doesn't get juices flowing thats for sure.

    I thought everybody in SF is bisexual...? icon_razz.gificon_razz.gificon_razz.gif
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    Jun 27, 2011 4:44 AM GMT
    choi ho jin.

    He is sexy and good looking.
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    Jun 27, 2011 4:47 AM GMT
    To be honest, I have no idea what makes someone sexier... some people seem to have it, others dont, but I cant put my finger on it..

    I def know its not in someone's looks, its in their aura, their energy, what they exuberate, how they carry themselves, their attitudes, their personalities
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    Jun 27, 2011 4:51 AM GMT

    cityaznguy said

    Iron_Casanova said
    So, was this waiter out of your friend's league?

    Actually no. Both of my friends are very handsome and good looking.


    ...lol, but not sexy? And where exactly does handsome rank? icon_lol.gif Dude, thx for that final push needed to log off. Really think you're a cool cat regardless. Well, yeah...cool. Geez, lol.

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    Jun 27, 2011 4:55 AM GMT
    dekiruman saidchoi ho jin.

    He is sexy and good looking.

    Here let me help you.

    choi-ho-jin20281229.jpg

    Choi-Ho-Jin1.jpg?t=1280629504

    This is not good for my self-esteem btw. I'm doing this as a public service. I believe in giving back to the community unlike SOME PEOPLE who just take take take and crave compliments from RJ members. (not pointing finger btw but you know who you are.)
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    Jun 27, 2011 4:56 AM GMT
    Iron_Casanova said
    cityaznguy said

    Iron_Casanova said
    So, was this waiter out of your friend's league?

    Actually no. Both of my friends are very handsome and good looking.


    ...lol, but not sexy? And where exactly does handsome rank? icon_lol.gif Dude, thx for that final push needed to log off. Really think you're a cool cat regardless. Well, yeah...cool. Geez, lol.




    LOL Iron I love your humor icon_wink.gif. Where is the little bear....???
  • ohioguy12

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    Jun 27, 2011 4:56 AM GMT
    For me, if someone is good looking and seems to be low maintence they are sexy, while high maintence guys can be good looking, they aren't guys I wanna have sex with because they tend to look fake.
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    Jun 27, 2011 5:13 AM GMT
    cityaznguy said
    GigoloAssassin saidPhysical attractiveness does not always equate to sex appeal.
    You can set me up with the most handsome, well built guy with an awesome ass and a thick big dick, but if he doesnt turn me on MENTALLY, nothings gonna happen.
    I gotta sense a sort of 'substance,' certain intelligence in him.
    I've met some guys who werent particularly attractive, but their wit and candor, their sense of humour, and their casual, relaxed attitude got me rock hard!
    icon_wink.gif

    Go on. I would like to learn more about this. Is it about like an interaction that you have with someone? In another words, is it possible that someone on RJ, through just internet interactions (which a lot of it is based on intellectual communications), turn you on? And has that happened before? Sorry that's a tangent but it's within the context of my thread.


    I crave smart conversations with anybody. It doesnt mean we have to talk politics or science, or something deep all the time, but even a lighthearted subject can be thought provoking, and interesting enough to exchange a decent dialogue with.
    The issue i have with internet dialogue is that, im not actually physically present with that person. I can check out at any given moment, come back to it later and respond at my convenience, and vice versa; and sometimes ill forget, cause im slightly ADD, lol!
    So we have to be physically together to engage in conversation. Im also quite touchy feely so, using all my senses will determine my attraction[to him].


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    Jun 27, 2011 5:56 AM GMT
    Greenhopper saidTo be honest, I have no idea what makes someone sexier... some people seem to have it, others dont, but I cant put my finger on it..

    I def know its not in someone's looks, its in their aura, their energy, what they exuberate, how they carry themselves, their attitudes, their personalities


    +1. It depends on your personality and what you see as sexy. Good looks, well groomed, decently dressed is all considered good looks for me. Sexy is how a guy carries themselves, their attitude, and connecting them on an intellectual level too. If a guy makes me start studdering and blushing thats when you know i so want him.. Its a core feeling. icon_razz.gif
  • austex85

    Posts: 572

    Jun 27, 2011 6:00 AM GMT
    i think this is why i don't find a lot of gay men sexy when compared to straight guys—the good-looking gay men usually seem too "put together" and lack that rugged, unintentional rough-around-the-edges look that straight men have.

    no doubt the gay men are good looking, sometimes even gorgeous. but it's almost rare that i get super turned on by them. throw me in almost any straight bar here in austin, though, and i'm going crazy lol.
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    Jun 27, 2011 6:00 AM GMT
    To me, sexiness is someone like JakeBenson; He's very honest, confident, intelligent, funny and very good looking!!
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    Jun 27, 2011 6:04 AM GMT
    Like the other guys said, being good looking =/= sexiness.
    Being good looking is all about the physical, build, bone structure, symmetry, skin, teeth, eyes, hair, etc.
    Physical features might help someone seem sexy, but there is much more to it. I find intelligence, playfulness, and artistic expression sexy and they have nothing to do with a guy's physical features.

    Like your friends said, some guys who are handsome just give off a sexless vibe.

    Sometimes it's a physical feature that makes me find an otherwise classically handsome man unattractive. I was talking to a friend about various movie stars, newscasters, and politicians who are handsome, but that I don't find attractive. The common denominator: thin lips. I don't find thin lips kissable, so I don't see these handsome men with thin lips as being sexy.
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    Jun 27, 2011 6:09 AM GMT
    I'd say good looking is about having certain features that are viewed as good looking regarding the body, face features/lines etc.

    Sexy is about how that person projects into you. The way he talks, moves,acts etc. The way he carries himself.

    The bottom line is that one does not need to excel at "good looking" features to be sexy. ... and in the end the sexy wins!
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    Jun 27, 2011 6:13 AM GMT
    austex85 saidi think this is why i don't find a lot of gay men sexy when compared to straight guys—the good-looking gay men usually seem too "put together" and lack that rugged, unintentional rough-around-the-edges look that straight men have.


    I got you man, I got you!
    Straight men have that rough yet relaxed allure about them, drives me crazy!
    And if theyre smart and touchy feely like me, and im all over them, hahaha!