too shy to say hello

  • brendanmuscle...

    Posts: 593

    Jun 27, 2011 10:35 AM GMT
    I was at the pier dance and alegria yesterday...

    saw some guys i like, but im too shy to approach anyone! icon_sad.gif it sucks... i can only approach people comfortably online.. any suggestions?

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    Jun 27, 2011 10:42 AM GMT
    If you're too shy to do the approaching, try and catch someone's eye and smile in their direction and let them approach you icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 27, 2011 10:46 AM GMT
    The hardest part is saying hello icon_razz.gif After that it gets easier.

    Some people play the eyes game, just try and catch their eye and smile (but not too creepily icon_razz.gif). If they like you, then their eyes will linger on you and that's your moment to say hello or let it pass if you don't like their response.

    A more direct route, is to just say something situational, telling them you like something they are wearing is a good start or commenting about the party.

    You'll find that you want to keep talking to some people and some people you wish you never opened your mouth. Then you have to learn how to escape the conversation, which is a bit harder with some people haha.

    The best way to get over this anxiety is exposure, just start talking to people. Expect some of them to go badly, probably the first few people you talk to and then after a while you'll learn the tricks.

    As a disclaimer, I don't do any of this because I hate small talk. I'm introverted and I'm going to say something that interests me (usually neuro* related) and if they look at me like "wtf" then I just smile and move on icon_razz.gif.






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    Jun 27, 2011 10:47 AM GMT
    brendanmuscles saidI was at the pier dance and alegria yesterday...

    saw some guys i like, but im too shy to approach anyone! icon_sad.gif it sucks... i can only approach people comfortably online.. any suggestions?






    I feel ya on that part bud. I went out the other night, (which is rare for me to go since I work and spend time with family) I saw a few that I like but like you, I was shy, even approaching someone online is easy but at the same time, it depends on the guy if he thinks your cool or attractive.

    I wish I had advice about this even myself needs one too....icon_confused.gif
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    Jun 27, 2011 10:53 AM GMT
    ...you don't need to be shy. Muscle is GAY MONEY and you're a millionaire! Don't be cocky, be confident, you're good looking / sexy. Shy is a developmental issue; it's a hangover from adolescence. Recognize it and slather it constantly with adult know better. It will become less and less strong.



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    Jun 27, 2011 12:38 PM GMT
    May help to take the focus away from yourself for a moment and consider how other guys might see you. Because of your great looks and tremendous muscular build, most guys would not imagine you are shy. They probably would misinterpret that for being stuck-up and many would be intimidated by you. So you will have to make the first move.

    A few might be hostile, showing their jealously. Forget them. Of the others, I bet they would be thrilled if you showed any attention. Some might be a bit stand-off-ish, maybe intimidated or even nervous. So you would want to realize it and be the friendliest guy around. And if you're nervous and it shows, don't worry. It would make you come across as less intimidating.

    Have a positive attitude, plan to have fun, and show what a low-key, friendly guy you are.
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    Jun 27, 2011 12:44 PM GMT
    Shyness will disappear when you start taking a genuine interest in other people. See the beauty in all. When you meet someone, actively try to remember their name. Start asking questions about the other person, and get him to start talking. Most people like to talk about themselves. When someone makes a comment try to keep the conversation going by responding in a caring way. Ask plenty of questions. Try another venue than the bars/clubs. Don't be afraid to pay someone a genuine compliment. If he has beautiful eyes, tell him so.
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    Jun 27, 2011 12:51 PM GMT
    brendanmuscles saidI was at the pier dance and alegria yesterday...

    saw some guys i like, but im too shy to approach anyone! icon_sad.gif it sucks... i can only approach people comfortably online.. any suggestions?



    I am kinda shy too until after I first meet someone. I was in nyc on sat and Sunday and was in a similar situation as you when I went out. I imagine you are new to the whole gay clubbing/dancing thing too like me.

    What worked for me was taking off my shirt and dancing lol. I got a lot more attention once I did that. Plus it feels better to wear less clothes lol.
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    Jun 27, 2011 3:08 PM GMT
    Yeah, I'll echo what others have said...You are totally unapproachable, so get over this fast.
    When you go out again tell yourself you will talk to 5 strangers and build from there.
  • papayachalice

    Posts: 58

    Jun 27, 2011 3:38 PM GMT
    brendanmuscles saidI was at the pier dance and alegria yesterday...

    saw some guys i like, but im too shy to approach anyone! icon_sad.gif it sucks... i can only approach people comfortably online.. any suggestions?




    Are you joking?
    You are muscular. All the muscle guys act like they are the god at these kind of parties. They only wait for people to come to them.
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    Jun 27, 2011 3:42 PM GMT
    u shy??!!! omg man just look at urself in the mirror...u is butifo...trust me aint nobody gonna ignore or try to get away from u icon_biggrin.gif and if they do then forget them
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    Jun 27, 2011 3:46 PM GMT
    papayachalice said
    Are you joking?
    You are muscular. All the muscle guys act like they are the god at these kind of parties. They only wait for people to come to them.


    That's exactly the problem. Muscle guys wait for other guys to come to them. So if you are a muscle guy who are into other muscle guys....you're gonna wait for a long time.

    I'd say just give the guys you're interested a look. You know how to do that right? For you to get to know them should be easy. icon_smile.gif


    Pure saidIf you're too shy to do the approaching, try and catch someone's eye and smile in their direction and let them approach you icon_smile.gif


    Good suggestion. I did that yesterday and I had at least 3 chances of being a slut yesterday. tehehe. but I didn't of course, because I'm not a slut.
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    Jun 27, 2011 3:48 PM GMT
    Well in all honesty if I'd happen to see the OP at the beach I probably wouldn't go talk to him either, who know, maybe those guys at the pier were like "oh look at that guy" but decided not to say anything cause they were just shy or intimidated.

    I always think that nobody else is gay. And probably other people think that too. Weird eh.
  • brendanmuscle...

    Posts: 593

    Jun 27, 2011 8:35 PM GMT
    wolverinecub86 said
    brendanmuscles saidI was at the pier dance and alegria yesterday...

    saw some guys i like, but im too shy to approach anyone! icon_sad.gif it sucks... i can only approach people comfortably online.. any suggestions?



    I am kinda shy too until after I first meet someone. I was in nyc on sat and Sunday and was in a similar situation as you when I went out. I imagine you are new to the whole gay clubbing/dancing thing too like me.

    What worked for me was taking off my shirt and dancing lol. I got a lot more attention once I did that. Plus it feels better to wear less clothes lol.


    i am not new to it at all, but my shyness never goes away! lol
  • brendanmuscle...

    Posts: 593

    Jun 27, 2011 8:36 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]brendanmuscles said[/cite]
    wolverinecub86 said
    brendanmuscles saidI was at the pier dance and alegria yesterday...

    saw some guys i like, but im too shy to approach anyone! icon_sad.gif it sucks... i can only approach people comfortably online.. any suggestions?



    I am kinda shy too until after I first meet someone. I was in nyc on sat and Sunday and was in a similar situation as you when I went out. I imagine you are new to the whole gay clubbing/dancing thing too like me.

    What worked for me was taking off my shirt and dancing lol. I got a lot more attention once I did that. Plus it feels better to wear less clothes lol.


    i am not new to it at all, but my shyness never goes away! lol

    for me taking the shirt off just gets me more looks, thats it
  • Spiritreaver

    Posts: 2086

    Jun 27, 2011 8:48 PM GMT
    You have no reason to be shy, just go for it man. icon_smile.gif I know exactly how you feel though, I'm working on it too.

    But nah, you shouldn't worry about it! Just go in and do it, take a shot, bite your tongue, sniff your armpit, whatever gives you that last bit of courage and just wing it. Honestly, you're big enough that I don't think any guy is gonna give you a hard time lol, they'd pissed their pants. icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 27, 2011 8:50 PM GMT
    brendanmuscles saidI was at the pier dance and alegria yesterday...

    saw some guys i like, but im too shy to approach anyone! icon_sad.gif it sucks... i can only approach people comfortably online.. any suggestions?



    I understand shyness is a hard thing to get over. My bit of advice act. Picture how you ideally want to interact with some then try to act it out. Worked for me in some of the most awkward moments. =)
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    Jun 27, 2011 9:00 PM GMT
    Shyness is due to the fact that we are afraid of being rejected. So instead of saying hi, hello or good morning we don't say a word. What I did, I started saying good morning to people I saw walking on the street. Cured me right up.
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    Jun 27, 2011 9:16 PM GMT
    commonman saidShyness is due to the fact that we are afraid of being rejected. So instead of saying hi, hello or good morning we don't say a word. What I did, I started saying good morning to people I saw walking on the street. Cured me right up.


    21cggth.jpg
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    Jun 27, 2011 9:20 PM GMT
    You don't look shy at all to me but if you are it's only natural just be cool and go with it
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    Jun 27, 2011 10:00 PM GMT
    brendanmuscles saidI was at the pier dance and alegria yesterday...

    saw some guys i like, but im too shy to approach anyone! icon_sad.gif it sucks... i can only approach people comfortably online.. any suggestions?



    Sometimes I find myself in that situation but I've learn the best way to approach someone you're interested in is by using laughter. PG Jokes and laughing at silly things always breaks the ice. Just enough to make them lower their guard and you got it covered. For me that seems to work every time.
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    Jun 27, 2011 10:08 PM GMT
    brendanmuscles saidI was at the pier dance and alegria yesterday...

    saw some guys i like, but im too shy to approach anyone! icon_sad.gif it sucks... i can only approach people comfortably online.. any suggestions?



    Just do it, people are more scared of you than you are of them.
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    Jun 27, 2011 10:32 PM GMT
    Pure saidIf you're too shy to do the approaching, try and catch someone's eye and smile in their direction and let them approach you icon_smile.gif

    What? And then say "yes" to an obvious "slut"?! icon_smile.gif

    That was always my problem. I'd never approach anyone, and I didn't trust people who approached me.
    Obviously this is a non-starter.

    Lucky for me, my partner (of 15 years) approached me and we had met once before (he was dating a friend of a friend) so I didn't dismiss him as a "slut" for that. (:

    I'm still shy and dislike talking to people I don't know (though not as much as I hate small talk, including pop culture).

    Give yourself permission to talk to strangers.
    Self-confidence is tricky, but I think you'll do ok.
    You need to think that, too, and then make it so. (:
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    Jun 27, 2011 10:35 PM GMT
    brendanmuscles saidI was at the pier dance and alegria yesterday...

    saw some guys i like, but im too shy to approach anyone! icon_sad.gif it sucks... i can only approach people comfortably online.. any suggestions?



    Same here, I have never approached a guy in person, so rarely meet anyone.
    Online I try ,but usually get rejected,lol.
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    Jun 27, 2011 11:44 PM GMT
    Evan87 said
    commonman saidShyness is due to the fact that we are afraid of being rejected. So instead of saying hi, hello or good morning we don't say a word. What I did, I started saying good morning to people I saw walking on the street. Cured me right up.


    21cggth.jpg


    ^^^^^ icon_lol.gif Too Funny

    I have to say Evan offers some great advice. I'm in sales and I am forced to speak to strangers on a daily basis, but I too am very shy when it comes to approaching other guys, even on dates I get all shy and quiet sometimes.

    I know that when I'm nervous I tend to stutter and stumble over my words, which makes me look/sound stupid, so I tend to clam up sometimes. It means I'm too focused on what they think of me rather than just being me.

    If you take the approach that you could care less if he likes you or not then you tend to not be as shy because you don't care what he thinks of you that gives you the freedom to be yourself. I doubt any man would look at you and not be interested.

    When you think about it the worst that could happen is he says no...but if you don't try then your answer is guaranteed to be no.

    Your good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it...people like you

    icon_wink.gif