blactor said Many gay men , I am learning - have "peter pan syndrome" and I fear I'm gonna get hurt
There is no validity in limiting this to gay men. People tend to be scared and are not always comfortable handing their own emotions. This is a big reason why I believe people use drugs and get drunk. So that they can survive their pain. They simply don't know how to handle it, heal it and let it go and move on.
He really could use some help. I am not suggesting that you take responsibility for him but perhaps don't feel so insulted when he contacts you and opens up when he is drunk. He simply cannot handle his pain when sober. I feel sorry for the guy.
I wouldnt personally take it as disrespectful. Maybe you should think about why it is so.... offensive? to you. Clearly the guy is going through some stuff.... and if your feeling is that he is not ready, then you're probably right.
EDIT: I agree that it would be nice of you to be patient with him. But for real, if you can't tolerate his displays of emotion in times/ways that you deem inappropriate.... then maybe he isnt the right guy for you... at least now.
I suppose Nno one said you had to be nice. If you don't want to/cannot deal with the baggage, there are better ways of dealing with that issue rather than getting angry at him....