I'm feeling conflicted about this guy

  • M4tt

    Posts: 84

    Jun 28, 2011 11:33 PM GMT
    I signed up on okcupid and messaged a few guys, went on a few dates and that was it until I met this guy and I started seeing him regularly once a week. I live in Brooklyn and he lives in Long Island and every Wednesday I make the trip out. I've seen him about 6 or 7 times and I've just accompanied him on his errands for a good part of the day and night then I head home. Its been like this every time, he has this project and that's how he spends his day off. Last Wednesday we got physical for the first time to the extent of cuddling/spooning (a little nipple play) and we shared our first kiss.

    We had plans that involved me staying over for the weekend but he canceled the night before because he felt that he wanted to go slower and got caught up in the moment when he asked me to stay over. So I went over next day and pretty much sat there while he put together IKEA furniture and his friend came by and drove me to get us both dinner then went home. I reakky do enjoy his company but it felt like I was a warm body in the room rather than a date.

    Yesterday I was frustrated and at the spur of the moment I called another guy from OKC I hung out with and have been recently thinking about and asked if he wanted to hang out again this week, he said yes and now I feel guilty like it was an act of betrayal to the first guy even though we're not in a relationship. I texted the first guy yesterday letting him know how frustrated I was and he said he just came out of a relationship and wants to take it slow and not jump into a relationship with me until he gets to know me better and said that he liked me after I said it to him. His basic feeling was he could ask a neighbor for help but he likes spending the time with me and hes getting to know me during our time together.

    What bothers me is that he said he wants to take it slow but he also said that he would be fine if I wanted to do anything sexual. This is my first go at a relationship and I'm wondering is this normal when seeking a relationship. This is a whole new territory for me and while its foolish to not want to get hurt the only thing on my mind is I don't want to hurt anyone.

    Any thoughts Gentlemen, am I doing anything wrong? Should I hang out with the second guy?
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    Jun 29, 2011 12:36 AM GMT
    In my experience... if something is conflicting.. then its not vibing together... you guys are not on the same wavelength.... dont bother with those kinds of situations... follow the right vibes for you

    If two guitar strings arent in tune, dont play em together... find strings that vibrate in tune
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    Jun 29, 2011 12:45 AM GMT
    ^hey GH nicely said icon_smile.gif


    I think: Hanging out with the second guy as friends...yes.

    As hookups...um, no. If he dares try something funny. Smack him silly.

    You should find someone who is on the same wavelength though. If you feel frustrated this early on, it's not a good sign.
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    Jun 29, 2011 12:56 AM GMT
    After 6 or 7 dates AND it's a good road trip AND he wants to take it slowly AND you are not in any official relationship with each other its sounds like he is great friend material...but nothing more. If you talk to and meet other guys you like more power to you. That's what dating is all about. Save the physical stuff for someone you are really into and someone who is really into you. It will be worth the wait.
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    Jun 29, 2011 2:11 AM GMT
    DavePhx1007 saidAfter 6 or 7 dates AND it's a good road trip AND he wants to take it slowly AND you are not in any official relationship with each other its sounds like he is great friend material...but nothing more. If you talk to and meet other guys you like more power to you. That's what dating is all about. Save the physical stuff for someone you are really into and someone who is really into you. It will be worth the wait.


    All of the above.
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    Jun 29, 2011 4:50 AM GMT
    Red alert, guy on the rebound. Run away lol.

    I am one, so I can say that.

    If he wants to "take it slow" then chances are he's not ready for a relationship yet. The speed you're describing is not inappropriately fast I don't think, especially for 6/7 dates.
  • M4tt

    Posts: 84

    Jun 29, 2011 8:20 PM GMT
    I just feel guilty about seeing another guy after I finally got him to say/admit that he likes me. I mean why did I force the issue if I'm just going to start seeing another guy?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 29, 2011 8:25 PM GMT
    M4tt saidI just feel guilty about seeing another guy after I finally got him to say/admit that he likes me. I mean why did I force the issue if I'm just going to start seeing another guy?


    Well realize you and the first guy are at two totally different points in viewing things. Very important thing. I did think it interesting that he wanted to take things slowly, but he is ok with sex....lol.

    I think the best thing for you is to get out there and experience a little here and there, don't feel committed to a guy just out of a relationship. See what else is out there.. nothing wrong with your being friends with Guy #1, just realize where things are at.
  • M4tt

    Posts: 84

    Jul 03, 2011 7:34 PM GMT
    A light update if you guys are interested!


    He sent me a text asking me out on a date to see Harry Potter in Times Square and asked if we could hang out in my neighborhood before we see the movie. It made me really happy to hear that coming from him! Rather than me going out there everytime to see each other. I'm looking forward to it!
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jul 03, 2011 7:44 PM GMT
    go with your gut instinct.
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    Jul 03, 2011 9:38 PM GMT
    Cut yourself some slack: that's why it's called Dating. Be honest: "I'm seeing other people," can get some guys off the pot or send them packing--either way?