"Just talk to him"

  • rf_dal

    Posts: 380

    Jun 29, 2011 1:27 PM GMT
    There are regular waves of topics where people are too shy, confident in their own hotness, etc. to approach guys they think are hot. The advice for this is always the same: just talk to him / ask him out. Well, I've taken just this advice for a while now, and I'd like to share my results. Let's use the scientific method, shall we?

    Hypothesis: Guys that I like don't like me.

    Test method: Ask "hot" guys out myself, not waiting for them to initiate.

    Results: Myth: Plausible. My type is apparently "not attracted to me"

    Things I've learned: Repeated rejection sucks.

    Data to back up conclusion:
    Number of --successful-- dates: 0
    Hotlist reciprocation here on RJ: About 2%

    Other theories possibly proven as well:
    What works for you doesn't necessarily work for me.
    There really is such a thing as luck, and mine is bad.

    I'm of course being a bit silly here, but the information is true. My increased "ballsiness" has yielded no more results than being a wallflower. Just food for thought. ;)
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    Jun 29, 2011 2:27 PM GMT
    I hope you used "real world" data for this, as opposed to just using the internet. Since this and other sites are based almost all on looks and selected pictures, it has little basis for the way things realistically are. Personality and the way you interact count for a whole lot when you're chatting with someone in person. Also, pictures here are usually only 'from the best angles'.
  • rf_dal

    Posts: 380

    Jun 29, 2011 2:42 PM GMT
    Yes, real life examples.
  • rf_dal

    Posts: 380

    Jun 29, 2011 3:04 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    rf_dal said My type is apparently "not attracted to me"
    .

    Does this mean that you have come to accept that you are attracted to rejection or did you have a revelation that you can't judge a book by its cover?


    Uhm neither? I'm not attracted to rejection at all, and the other is no revelation at all, I knew that. It's just my sardonic way of saying the guys I'm attracted to in many cases don't reciprocate said attraction.
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    Jun 29, 2011 3:16 PM GMT

    Well, Bruce Banner, did you use a control group because if you didn't, this experiment is useless and its data, fruit from the poisonous tree.
    What places did you exactly go to and what is your type? What kind of atmosphere/environment was this experiment conducted?
    Also, I can't help but sense a slanted perception on your part toward the test subjects: yourself and men you find "hot." Again, for this to be a valid experiment, you need to be less bias. We should only be left to concentrate on your data, not your palpable introversion. Did you find a guy about your build, height, and aesthetics to go out to a different place and try this talking thing with guys he found hot, and then compared his approach, standards, limitations, and expectations to your own? Or, after you concentrated on talking to guys you found "hot", did you then switch to guys who weren't necessarily "hot", but interesting or in some other way attractive? Did you at least attempt another variation from your initial experiment, maybe, did you alter your demeanor/tone of voice, or change your clothes from dressy at one night spot to more casual at another?

    You experiment lacks dichotomy. We can't compare one set of circumstances to nothing. You seem to have compared one set of circumstances to perceptions you already had. That's hardly an experiment and if it were an experiment, it would be a biased invalid experiment.

  • rf_dal

    Posts: 380

    Jun 29, 2011 3:30 PM GMT
    LOL touche, right you are. The experiment shtick was more of a joke really. But to answer your question, yes, people who I'm not particularly attracted to but are interesting in other ways have agreed to go out with me. I don't feel like I need to purposefully wear certain clothes to appeal to a certain demographic though, that skews things. I wear what I usually would, not something to try and "trap" someone or make them believe I'm something I'm not. I'm honest if nothing else. ;)
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    Jun 29, 2011 5:39 PM GMT
    You are a good looking guy. I am wondering what kind of guys you are asking out?
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    Jun 29, 2011 6:06 PM GMT
    A few questions:

    What kind of guy are you attracted to?

    How many of these guys have you approached?

    How do you approach them?


    You're 31 and hot as hell, but if you're only attracted to guys in their early 20s, you're gonna have a problem with reciprocation. Likewise, if you're only attracted to stable mature men in their 40s, the guys you approach might be less likely to take you seriously, given that you're only 31.

    Also, there might be something in your approach... you might come across as too eager, nervous, shy, etc. When I approach a guy I think is hot, I'm usually a bundle of nerves, which can be a turnoff. I'm so concerned with making a good impression that I appear reserved and aloof, and guys think I'm not interested in them (or so I've heard). A good thing would be to invite a friend with you to a bar. Have your friend watch you as your approach a guy and then, if it isn't successful, get your friend's feedback. You might be amazed to learn that the way you come across to someone else isn't at all the way you think you're coming across, and a small change might have a big difference for you.

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    Jun 29, 2011 6:23 PM GMT
    rf_dal saidI'm of course being a bit silly here, but the information is true. My increased "ballsiness" has yielded no more results than being a wallflower. Just food for thought. ;)
    Oh but I'd say this is where your conclusion is flawed!

    It's like baseball. Old school would say, higher batting average, better player offensively. Not always the case. It's not about hitting the ball, it's about getting to first base. If you never make it to first base, there's little chance you will ever score. A patient batter can make it to first in many ways other than hitting the ball (walk, hbp, dropped 3rd strike).

    I'd say your increased 'ballsiness' (is that a word? LOL) give you a much better chance at reaching first and therefore scoring (no pun intended) than simply being a wallflower. Patience is the key. Don't concentrate on just hitting the ball but instead look for other ways to reach the bag (group activities, social gatherings, friends of friends). Put yourself in a position of being seen by others, recognized for something you do or like. Give them a chance to pitch to you, you may find that a walk is just as good as a hit when you score!
  • rf_dal

    Posts: 380

    Jun 29, 2011 7:14 PM GMT
    @theantijock - So, am I supposed to somehow change what I'm attracted to just because they, historically, don't work out? Could/would you do that? Of course I know when they don't like me back, it's pretty obvious, and I move on.

    @seattlechill- Thank you, and it's not always one very specific type. They've been all ages and walks of life. But in general, smart, funny, and a bit muscly. Not that I'm perfect, but I can't help what attracts me.

    @eb925guy- I know I know, that's why I'm not a lab scientist. ;) At this point I'm actually RELYING on the law of averages to find someone! hah
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    Jun 29, 2011 10:51 PM GMT
    rf_dal saidLOL touche, right you are. The experiment shtick was more of a joke really. But to answer your question, yes, people who I'm not particularly attracted to but are interesting in other ways have agreed to go out with me. I don't feel like I need to purposefully wear certain clothes to appeal to a certain demographic though, that skews things. I wear what I usually would, not something to try and "trap" someone or make them believe I'm something I'm not. I'm honest if nothing else. ;)


    I'm not sure where the snark in your reply is coming from, but taking a different approach and being multi faceted is not dishonest. Your "shtick" was no joke; one could tell you took yourself seriously, and were proud of yourself. So guys you are attracted to in other ways...how? What is your type? Is your type notably dissimilar from you?

    Demographic? I never mentioned a demographic. So the guys you find "hot" are out of your demographic. I wish I could say I was surprised.
    A trap? Your desire to fake confidence instead of being confident is entrapment. It doesn't compare with experimenting with patterns or textures to impress a man.