The First Impression Conundrum

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    Jun 29, 2011 11:19 PM GMT
    SOOO... As much as it pains me to admit this, and be nice guys, but I have this problem with making really bad first impressions because of nerves.

    A guy and I could be talking on the phone, texting, emailing back and forth and really getting along and connecting but in person I have a problem relaxing and letting the date go where it may. I tend to babble and ramble on when I'm nervous so I can say things that can offend my date by accident, or just dominate the conversation, which can be equally irritating, I know. Sometimes it's just the opposite and I can clam up and not say much at all (This is usually out of fear I will do the first two things I just mentioned).

    It's not that I have lack of confidence either. I'm not pompous or full of myself at all, I know I really am a good guy, attractive, fun, adventurous, funny, and romantic and I just want to find my life long partner. I use to be really good at this back in the day but It has been nearly 10 years since I have dated and I'm having trouble relating to people in the real world verses text or emails

    Does anyone else feel they have had this problem or at least has some advice on what I can do to solve it?

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    Jun 29, 2011 11:27 PM GMT
    Hey Nick, you really express yourself quite well on this thread. Think upon an initial conversation with someone as a tennis match. Talk some and turn the conversation back to the other person. Ask lots of questions about the other person. I think your perfect match is right around the corner. Just have fun!icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 29, 2011 11:58 PM GMT
    Thanks Vincent,

    I'm trying to but I'm finding that dating sucks!!

    Either they're more focused on just trying to sleep with you, can't carry on a conversation, or they are just clearly uninterested in getting to know me. At least that's what it feels like.

    I guess I'm just being whiney or bitchy.
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    Jun 29, 2011 11:58 PM GMT
    vincent7 saidHey Nick, you really express yourself quite well on this thread. Think upon an initial conversation with someone as a tennis match. Talk some and turn the conversation back to the other person. Ask lots of questions about the other person. I think your perfect match is right around the corner. Just have fun!icon_biggrin.gif

    Good advice. Always seem more interested in the other guy, than telling him about yourself. If he wants to know he'll ask -- wait for the prompt.

    Sometimes a natural transition will occur.

    "I was born in Toledo," he says.

    "I grew up near there!" you reply. "What schools did you attend?"

    Always keep trying to relate it back to him. Keep it short & simple. Most guys are flattered by interest in them. If they wanna know more about you they'll ask.

    If he has no interest in you, then maybe you should have no interest in him, and no need for a second date. But let him lead you. You'll learn more about him by listening than by talking about yourself.

    I always try to relate to a guy. Having been everywhere that's easy. But common interests are good. You're looking for commonalities, not overwhelming him with yourself. He'll get the whole history later, if there are laters.