I'm really shy...

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    Jun 30, 2011 3:52 AM GMT
    I'm really shy, how can I overcome this and be more outgoing? I'm not even sure how I can tell if a guy is gay and how would someone know if I am. I'm very normal and am just like your everyday straight guy. So its not obvious at all and most people I told had no idea. lol Any tips are appreciated. Thanks
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    Jun 30, 2011 5:30 AM GMT
    i dont think shyness is curable; its part of your personality! i mean you can start talking to people, start a casual conversation at the gym or on the bike path icon_smile.gif and keep the conversation going lol, but its easier said than done
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    Jun 30, 2011 8:17 AM GMT
    You need to take a little leap of faith. You aren't going to have more confidence without stepping outside your comfort zone so do something that you normally wouldn't do and the more you do something the more you'll be good at it. If you can't have conversations with people, try practicing on shop assistants which usually are willing to chat. If you study, talk to someone in your class you normally wouldn't and ask their opinion about a project. From there you can have a way to approach someone personally (and let them know something about you as well).
    I think getting to know people is the main thing and finding out if someone's gay or not comes naturally from there (you might have to offer to 'out' yourself) and well as finding someone that's interested in you.
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    Jul 01, 2011 1:03 AM GMT
    cycle7 saidI'm really shy, how can I overcome this and be more outgoing? I'm not even sure how I can tell if a guy is gay and how would someone know if I am. I'm very normal and am just like your everyday straight guy. So its not obvious at all and most people I told had no idea. lol Any tips are appreciated. Thanks


    When I was in my late teen's, early 20's I used to be very shy. I'm not sure you can overcome it overnight. As you get older, your experiences grow and you meet more people, I am sure you will automatically become less shy. That's what happened to me.
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Jul 01, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    Believe it or not, but I find shyness to be one of most attractive qualities about a guy. I like the challenge of getting to know him. I used to be rather shy as a child, but I'm much more 'to-the-point' and assertive as an adult. I have found the best advice for shy people is develop their own personal art of small talk. My college major and subsequent internships have forced me to develop such a facility.

    On the flip side, I lived with someone while in college who was painfully shy. No matter how much small talk and self-initiative I took to befriend him, he had a titanium exterior. He did eventually thank me for taking the initiative to get to know him, but he is still a mystery to me.
  • papayachalice

    Posts: 58

    Jul 01, 2011 1:38 AM GMT
    cycle7 saidI'm really shy, how can I overcome this and be more outgoing? I'm not even sure how I can tell if a guy is gay and how would someone know if I am. I'm very normal and am just like your everyday straight guy. So its not obvious at all and most people I told had no idea. lol Any tips are appreciated. Thanks


    Me too.
    My suggestion is to practice starting conversations with the people you're not really interested in. So you'll be less nervous, and you're not much concerned about the consequences.
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    Jul 01, 2011 1:59 AM GMT
    Shyness usually just means that you expend a ton of energy when you speak with people you don't know well. Extroverts are actually energized when they speak with people they don't know. I'm guessing that you would be really loyal and have a lot to say to close friends/people in your inner circle. These are just assumptions so I could be wrong.

    I was very shy right out of college and for the first years of my career. Then I was forced out of my comfort zone because my job depended on it (actually the reason why I took the job). It isn't about "overcoming shyness", but rather learning to expand your comfort zone so that you can strike up a conversation randomly without burning up so much of your energy. There are a lot of books, but I would start by reading "7 Habits..." or any book about public speaking, or even a Toast Masters course. Those types of books/classes will help you build your social stamina. Shy people do very well in many jobs and in life so don't let it discourage you bud. Good luck.
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    Jul 01, 2011 2:05 AM GMT
    Everybody's shy to varying degrees. The key is to not let it control you. If you find you're not doing something because you're shy, force yourself to do it. Take small steps if you like but take steps nonetheless. It helps me to remember that most people are more shy than I am. Good luck!
  • Twenty_Someth...

    Posts: 1388

    Jul 01, 2011 2:06 AM GMT
    Let me introduce to my friend Tequila! Your shyness will go away a couple shots of liquid courage in...icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 01, 2011 2:07 AM GMT
    Me = shy + 7
  • Linage

    Posts: 2

    Jul 01, 2011 2:07 AM GMT
    cycle7 saidI'm really shy, how can I overcome this and be more outgoing? I'm not even sure how I can tell if a guy is gay and how would someone know if I am. I'm very normal and am just like your everyday straight guy. So its not obvious at all and most people I told had no idea. lol Any tips are appreciated. Thanks


    Everything you described is exactly like me. Believe it or not. I could also use the tips but I think its just talking to people more often. Maybe talking with people more will make it alot easier after awhile icon_smile.gif

    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREShyness usually just means that you expend a ton of energy when you speak with people you don't know well. Extroverts are actually energized when they speak with people they don't know. I'm guessing that you would be really loyal and have a lot to say to close friends/people in your inner circle. These are just assumptions so I could be wrong.
    QFT
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    Jul 01, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    I was the same way at your age. I ended up in a sales job which terrified me. I read books on how to sell, read people & talk to people. It really helped. I became the top sales person & trainer for 3 different companies.

    Unfortunately it made me sick of people. Now I know I can talk to them but I cant stand to, lmao.
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    Jul 01, 2011 2:45 AM GMT
    Lots of beer... icon_lol.gif

    I was always the wallflower. As shy as anyone you could find. It took me 25 years to get to a point of being able to meet strangers and I still get very nervous when I do it.

    The only thing I can suggest is being around crowds of people as much as you can, especially with any friends you have that are outgoing. They will always introduce you to other people which gives you the perfect opportunity to try to make small talk. Just a thought. It never worked for me, though. LOL

    Seriously, it's rough being shy. I know. I still have trouble with but, I can talk to someone if I want to badly enough. However, I could never be in sales. lol

    Good luck.
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    Jul 01, 2011 2:59 AM GMT
    Me too. Like someone above said, it's part of your personality, and is nothing to be ashamed of or too worried about. It's true that the social, gregarious sort have a bit of an edge in life, but shy guys can do just fine.
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    Jul 01, 2011 3:01 AM GMT
    cycle7 saidI'm really shy, how can I overcome this and be more outgoing? I'm not even sure how I can tell if a guy is gay and how would someone know if I am. I'm very normal and am just like your everyday straight guy. So its not obvious at all and most people I told had no idea. lol Any tips are appreciated. Thanks


    sup baby?
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    Jul 01, 2011 3:27 AM GMT
    cycle7 saidI'm really shy, how can I overcome this and be more outgoing? I'm not even sure how I can tell if a guy is gay and how would someone know if I am. I'm very normal and am just like your everyday straight guy. So its not obvious at all and most people I told had no idea. lol Any tips are appreciated. Thanks


    Practice, practice, practice....
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    Jul 01, 2011 4:49 AM GMT
    Thanks guys, this is helping.
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    Jul 03, 2011 4:28 AM GMT
    when i want to speak some one over the phone or in person. I get tongue-tied and my mind goes blank. icon_redface.gif ONLY! if this person is very interesting. In fact...I find a lot of people very intriguing. my shyness is very high, it feels like I am a young baby boy again, hiding under my blanket...smiling icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 03, 2011 4:36 AM GMT
    cycle7 saidI'm really shy...
    ... so you post a thread on the internet for the whole world to know.
    Doesn't seem so shy when you think of it that way.
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    Jul 03, 2011 4:44 AM GMT
    Shyness can be generally overcome if you're given a little confidence...

    Keep yourself out there, beleive in yourself and beleive that you deserve whatever it is that you want in life.

    Shy is cute, confidence is sexy.

    You're a good looking fella, you'll get used to picking who is straight and who isn't and realise that sometimes the rules go out of the window too ;)

    Just be freindly, polite and easy going, be up to chat to whoever, whenever and you'll find that even if someone isn't Gay, they'll still like you for who you are.

    Cheers ;)
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    Jul 03, 2011 4:53 AM GMT
    sc69 saidShyness can be generally overcome if you're given a little confidence...

    Keep yourself out there, beleive in yourself and beleive that you deserve whatever it is that you want in life.

    Shy is cute, confidence is sexy.

    You're a good looking fella, you'll get used to picking who is straight and who isn't and realise that sometimes the rules go out of the window too ;)

    Just be freindly, polite and easy going, be up to chat to whoever, whenever and you'll find that even if someone isn't Gay, they'll still like you for who you are.

    Cheers ;)


    This is gold ^^^ thanks dude ;)
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    Jul 03, 2011 4:56 AM GMT
    First of all, don't worry about what other people think of your sexuality or straight acting or gay acting. Just act like yourself. Nobody really cares about sexuality; the one's that do are probably gay or bi themselves.

    Anyway, I'm shy also and can get misunderstood as aloof, uninterested or snobby. I'm overcoming my shyness as I meet more people.

    The advice in addition to what's already been said is to get out and meet more people, each social experience helps lead you a step toward being more social. It may take a while to open up and you'll have some people not want to hang out with you again because they don't understand you're shy; but the patient ones who become your friends (or more) are worth it.

    And like others said you'll become more social as you get older. I will say part of being shy is your personality and while you'll be able to overcome it in time you can't really get rid of all your shyness. That's fine because everyone is shy to varying degrees.
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    Jul 03, 2011 5:05 AM GMT
    My problem with shyness is that it takes me a while to fully open up to people. I am so shy when I meet new people that I just freeze up... After I get to know them better I open up... People are always shocked when the get to know me better because I am so much different than the quiet guy that didn't even say one word when they first met me. I am random, socially awkward, clumsy as hell, and with a personality that can fill the ocean!
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    Jul 03, 2011 5:15 AM GMT
    well i was reading through some of the answer guys have given you... Some are really good and some are just plain ignorant.

    My opinion would be let yourself be. Shyness will be overcome in time, but just start a conversation with the simplest questions. "How are you?""What is it that you do?""Tell me a little about yourself" just be simple.

    Don't worry about what other people think. Don't worry if they think you are gay or not, if you are "straight acting" or not. Just be yourself, but start expanding your comfort box.

    I really wish you the best! icon_biggrin.gif

    P.S. BE YOURSELF!!! icon_razz.gif
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    Jul 03, 2011 5:26 AM GMT
    When you're 21 you can go to some clubs. Im not saying go there to hookup. You can go there to practice your meeting people skills and find some new gay friends to chill with, without worrying about them being straight. This might help you in your being shy problem. Good Luck