Dear Ex (just read it, or post advice, or rant too)

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    Jun 30, 2011 11:00 PM GMT
    You know what you’re pathetic. You don’t care about Edmond, you just don’t want to be alone. And you know that you can’t live up to my standards so you avoid me because you feel so low every time you fuck up and I am disappointed in you. You’re better off sticking to young inexperienced people; they won’t know that they can do better than you for a few more years, so there is some method to your madness. They’ll think they’re lucky just to have someone to hold them for the first time, to listen to them for the first time, and over look the fact that you’re a pot head, a failure in school, an emotional eater, and a spoiled coddled only child with self esteem issues because your daddy thought you were fat and lazy too

    Sorry I asked you to be better. Sorry I said I thought you could do great things in life. It must have been too much pressure for you to handle.

    But fuck wasn’t I just as pathetic? All frantic and surprised, caught off guard when I called you today and your new bf answered the phone. 1 month after our break up, you’re going steady with the guy you said lacked substance, was boring, had terrible taste in movies, music, was embarrassing to be around and wasn’t anything compared to me. The one you only started hanging out with because the guy you fell in love with during my deployment doesn't call you anymore? That you missed me and if I could ever take you back because nothing was ever going to be better than me? Didn’t you tell me that 3 days ago? But two days ago you and Edmond are going steady?

    Damn, how pathetic did I look spouting out pointless questions like: “Does your new bf know that you spent up all of my deployment money on nothing? over 16,000 dollars gone without a trace, not even used on bills? That you fell in love with another guy while I was away? That you’ve been fucking random people - some even unprotected - and that you said all that terrible shit about Edmond just 3 days ago? Would he still want to date you if he knew all the details?”

    In which I realize now, 15 minutes after saying goodbye, fuck why I am so bent over this. I can't control the emotions I'm feeling, but damn are you helping me dodge a bullet. Because you're fucked up some how. Something is simply wrong with you and I'm praying for your new bf, the one too stupid to realize that he shouldn't be dating a guy who just got out of a 4 year relationship one month after his break up (and after only seeing the guy for what 2 weeks?), that you grow up quick enough and develop enough balls and self esteem to not fuck him over out of fear too. He's only 18 years old, and should not be introduced to gay dating by someone as low as you.
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    Jun 30, 2011 11:05 PM GMT
    Every breakup has 2 sides. Would you be willing to post a letter as to how you think your ex might respond to this bitter letter? Hugs to you!
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    Jun 30, 2011 11:15 PM GMT
    His response when I said some of this to him was that he couldn't handle being alone and my deployment was too much for him and it wasn't fair to him and it hurt too much having me gone for so long.

    In which I say, I only took this deployment so that he could quit his job and go to school, but oh yeah, he failed those classes because he was hanging out with the guy he fell in love with.

    RAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How the fuck do I make this go away? I know all the right answers, I know all the things i'm suppose to say. I know deep down inside I truly have no intentions of getting back with him and yet why is it that everytime the door closes I get angry and hostile?

    Like I was clearly just as unhappy over the past 4 months. It just became too much to deal with. but then I feel like so much of my anger is his ability to fall in love before we even broke up, and when that didn't go right just simply start going steady with yet another guy.

    Its clearly desperate and part of his inability to be alone and yet I'm pissed. Because its not that easy for me.
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    Jun 30, 2011 11:25 PM GMT
    Half step said:
    His response when I said some of this to him was that he couldn't handle being alone and my deployment was too much for him and it wasn't fair to him and it hurt too much having me gone for so long.

    Hmm, this sounds so ego-centric and narcisstic on your ex's part? Didn't he think it wasn't fair to you as well? Especially when you're serving and protecting you country. Did he pay any of the bills?

    I can understand your RAGE. What to do. I think you are making a first step in talking about it on RJ. Is there a gay support group where you can talk somewhere in your community?
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    Jun 30, 2011 11:50 PM GMT

    Some bills he paid, some he didn't. He completely neglected the car insurance and I had to pay a bunch of tickets because of it. Our monthly bills were only a little over 1,000. I've made over 20,000 so far in this deployment. He had spent it all.

    I'm currently deployed. I am out to my team, but none of them know how to help out with this sort of thing. Its too much to ask from them.

    but i looked into it about a week ago and there is one in my area back at home that I plan on going to. I really need it, because it all happened so suddenly, from out of no where, and I just had to adjust to it, while dealing with all the pressures and stressors of being out here.



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    Jul 01, 2011 12:04 AM GMT
    I know you are hurting right now, but there is a silver lining to this. You'll save lots of money. Who knows maybe you'll even meet someone while on deployment??
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    Jul 01, 2011 2:53 AM GMT
    1) Breakups are hard.

    2) This letter seems erratic and incoherent from one emotion to the next. It sounds very self-centered; I'm not saying you're a self-centered person, but I can only hear in the background, "How could you do this to ME?"

    If there really is rage that you are experiencing, a therapist could be very helpful.

    3) Give it some time to really understand what you got out of the relationship in a positive way. This may take a few years, but it's rather sure to happen. Maybe the only positive thing you can take is that you are the only one that should have control of YOUR money or better it end now than later (just an example).

    Have some grace and walk away. Sometimes it's hard to admit we are imperfect and admit defeat.
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    Jul 01, 2011 2:55 AM GMT
    Class is knowing not to discuss such private matters in public, whoever is to blame.
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    Jul 01, 2011 3:52 AM GMT
    Yeah, I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. I can't believe the extent to which some people can be so mean and inconsiderate. Thanks for sharing the story. I think you know what to do now-never let anyone walk all over you. Be safe in Iraq.
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    Jul 01, 2011 4:06 AM GMT
    Im so sorry icon_sad.gif....this breaks my heart. I have a saying when a whole bunch of bad shit happens there is always balance life is about balance...so something good is coming hold on tight and be strong. I know your heart is shattered but you will love again,,,..just thank god that he wasn't your one and only. Im sure you learned your lessons ....again i wish you the best.
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    Jul 01, 2011 4:20 AM GMT
    dramaaa bomb!
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    Jul 01, 2011 4:36 AM GMT

    You should read this to a techno beat and post it on YouTube, instant viral and played in all the clubs I'm betting. I'd download it! You've got a way with words and I felt the pain. It was like virtual reality. Now I hate this guy too....but the emotional eater part struck too close to home personally for me. icon_confused.gif I want to eat right now after reading that. icon_cool.gif

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    Jul 01, 2011 4:47 AM GMT
    Exes are stupid. Right?
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    Jul 01, 2011 4:53 AM GMT
    Art_Deco saidClass is knowing not to discuss such private matters in public, whoever is to blame.


    I agree.
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    Jul 01, 2011 10:30 AM GMT
    NewNDiscreet said
    Art_Deco saidClass is knowing not to discuss such private matters in public, whoever is to blame.


    I agree.


    You know, you can spend your whole life worrying about class and appearances, or do whats going to make you feel better. I have NO ONE to talk about this, and trust me no one out here wants to hear me bitch about my break up while people are getting killed everyday.

    Get hit with all of this in the situation I am currently in, and then speak to me about class.

    That being said, I'm sorry for those of you who were stressed out by my post, but last night was a very shitty night for me and I just needed to rant and it get if off of my chest to other human beings, if even over the internet. I accept that between my deployment and the breakup, I will need to seek some support when I finally get home. Which hurts my pride a bit, but I'd rather take that route than remain stifled.

    I had worked really hard to get past a lot of the resentment over the past month and had truly started to make peace with it. And yet it wasn't really real until his new bf answered the phone, it was like the last nail in the coffin and at the moment I was forced to truly mourn the lost of our relationship and doing so immediately filled mr with confusion, fear, dread and panic - which did not lead to one of my more graceful moments lol.

    After a good nights sleep, however, I do feel so much better and know that its time to move on. And honestly after all of the terrible stuff that we did to each other, its truly for the best anyway. Just didn't expect it to be so soon. I was simply one of those silly guys who thought that my first official relationship was going to last forever lol. But its all been a very big learning experience and I think I'll do better next time because of it.


    Life goes on. Thanks for the support.
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    Jul 01, 2011 11:19 AM GMT
    I could kind of undstand him needing sex I suppose... but I guess he was not as emotionally invested to you as you to him. How long have you two known each other before you went off to war?