Coming out backfire

  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jul 01, 2011 5:29 AM GMT
    Anybody have any stories of how they came out and it backfired in an unexpected way?

    When I came out to my mom who is in her 60s and has been married to my dad since the time of Moses... She was like are you sure? Maybe you should go on eharmony and see what kind of girls you may be interested in. Again, my mom is in her 60s. I'm no expert on the history of eharmony but I know the internet was not around when my mom was just dating and not married. I asked my mom, "what do you know about eharmony?" Turns out my mom created an eharmony acct and also had an emotional affair on the side w/ some dude. This was during a period where my parents marriage was on the rocks cuz my dad cheated. I told my mom I'd waterboard her if she didn't tell me who the dude was. She refused and I wasn't willing to fly from Dayton to Honolulu to kick some old guy's ass. Anyway, she pretty much caused more psych damage by telling me this than had I just not come out to her. Thanks mom *side eye*...

    Edit* I am very sarcastic. I make idle threats against my mom all the time. I don't follow through and she doesn't call the cops. It's prob the best mother son relationship in the world.
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    Jul 01, 2011 2:33 PM GMT
    WOW I think you need to get off your high fucking horse there sweet heart!

    Your father had an affair, your mother had an emotional affair and you demand to know who the guy was from your mother? what about what your father did?

    and at the end of the day it's really none of your business, your parents worked it out and moved on..
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    Jul 01, 2011 2:38 PM GMT
    WOW! What does this have to do with you coming out? I don't see the connection. Your mom shared some information with you and this is your reaction? It appears that she reacted better with your coming out.

    Apparently it work out for the better your parents are still married. How knows your mom friend could be responsible for their continued union ever thought about that.

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    Jul 01, 2011 2:46 PM GMT
    Story is so much better then the one where the best friend beats the shit out of you.
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    Jul 01, 2011 2:47 PM GMT
    right after i told my dad, magically one of my friends came over to give me a hug and to tell how much he loves me no matter what and also magically that night my grandma wanted to have a talk to me about the proper use of condoms and safe sexual practices
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    Jul 01, 2011 2:49 PM GMT
    I hope it worked out for you and they have come around to support you.

    As for coming out stories, I came out to some friends when I was 15 and they promptly dropped me.

    I made some new friends and came out again when I was 17 and those assholes stopped calling.

    Finally I made some real friends and came out at 20 and it was all good.

    But when I came out to my right wing Dad at 21, his mother died the next day, I swear to God. We had to drive out to the funeral and spend the whole week with his family. What a nightmare....icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 01, 2011 2:54 PM GMT
    Strange story but it makes a point about holding other people's opinions higher than our own self esteem. The typical outing story is about fearing what other people will think? It the clear light of truth "other people" are in no position to make any judgment about anything. Gay men tend to empower their persecutors because of low self esteem.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 01, 2011 3:00 PM GMT
    Perhaps tuning into FOX news could have helped ease some of your tensions over the incident.

    icon_biggrin.gif

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    Jul 01, 2011 3:05 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidPerhaps tuning into FOX news could have helped ease some of your tensions over the incident.

    icon_biggrin.gif



    flameon01.jpg
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    Jul 01, 2011 3:14 PM GMT
    You know how we expect the worst when coming out to your parents, say possible disownment, kicked out, severed relations etc. Well my parents took it well as most people who have understood it. My dad said "I think you are in a phase. At some point we are all curious and envious with the same sex. But don't worry, you will grow out of it." Then my mom went the whole buddhist route saying that its not natural, like two yangs don't match up properly. Believe me I ended up getting a whole lecture on karma and how this choice is not proper. Then my mom started asking questions about how does the sex work? icon_eek.gif I know, i was too! "did you have sex?" I said yes. "Its not natural, we are disappointed. But we hope you grow out of this phase.

    In some ways it turned out well, but boy did my mom get really detail about the mechanics of gay sex. I was kinda unprepared for that.
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    Jul 01, 2011 3:18 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidPerhaps tuning into FOX news could have helped ease some of your tensions over the incident.

    icon_biggrin.gif



    I don't know which was worse. When my dad would point out a chick and say, "Ya sure you don't want that?" OR being forced to watch The O'Reilly Factor....icon_cry.gificon_lol.gif
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    Jul 01, 2011 3:40 PM GMT
    I think just like you want your mom to understand and accept you for who you are, you should also try to understand the circumstances she became attached to the other man. Its almost like you don't want to be judged but were quick to judge her.
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    Jul 01, 2011 3:47 PM GMT
    charlitos saidright after i told my dad, magically one of my friends came over to give me a hug and to tell how much he loves me no matter what and also magically that night my grandma wanted to have a talk with me about the proper use of condoms and safe sexual practices


    ur grandma?? icon_confused.gificon_lol.gif
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jul 01, 2011 6:35 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidWOW I think you need to get off your high fucking horse there sweet heart!

    Your father had an affair, your mother had an emotional affair and you demand to know who the guy was from your mother? what about what your father did?

    and at the end of the day it's really none of your business, your parents worked it out and moved on..

    You sound like you've been unfaithful and you're still dealing w/ the guilt, sweet heart. My dad cheated on my mom 14 years before I came out to my mom. We've moved well past it so you should prob do the same. Uhhh if my mom is gonna hint at it you best fuggin' believe I'm gonna expect the full story. Maybe you just don't have a very close relationship with your mom. Poor child.
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jul 01, 2011 6:37 PM GMT
    Ducky47 saidWOW! What does this have to do with you coming out? I don't see the connection. Your mom shared some information with you and this is your reaction? It appears that she reacted better with your coming out.

    Apparently it work out for the better your parents are still married. How knows your mom friend could be responsible for their continued union ever thought about that.

    My mom going on eharmony and flurting with another man has nothing to do with me coming out. Her dirt overshadowed my coming out talk with her. I really didn't think my OP was that hard to follow... Silly me.
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    Jul 01, 2011 6:39 PM GMT
    Ehm, dont you think you're parents' relationship is their business??
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    Jul 01, 2011 6:43 PM GMT
    why are you pissed at your mom? I don't know the whole situation but it sounds like if you dad woulda kept it in his pants she never would have had an eharmony in the first place.

    If not for that eharmony account, your parents might even be divorced....you never know. It's your dads fault your mom stepped out, don't be pissed at the eharmony guy.
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jul 01, 2011 6:51 PM GMT
    LOL I think I should have given a little more background in my OP. I came out to my mom last winter at 30yo... I came out because I'm in the military and at the time I was preparing to deploy to Afghanistan. I was concerned that what if I die in Afghanistan and I never let my parents know who their son really was. I came out because I felt they should know. I didn't come out to be accepted like some gays LOL!!!

    I have been independent of my parents for the last 12.5 years. I love my parenst but I don't give 2 shits about any judgements my parents make about me. I don't live under their roof and I take full responsibility for all of my decisions. Sheeit... They call me for money!

    Kandyass, I love Fox news. I don't care how fierce your lisp is. I will always love Fox news. Anyway, it's hot as balls here in Afghanistan. Happy Canada day to all my Frankies and Square Heads. I got to meet Rick Mercer and Bubbles woooot!
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jul 01, 2011 6:55 PM GMT
    Greenhopper saidEhm, dont you think you're parents' relationship is their business??
    Ehm, no!! I don't know what it's like where you're from but I'm from Hawaii. If something is up in the familiy it's the business of every member of the family.
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jul 01, 2011 7:01 PM GMT
    rjb2001 saidYou know how we expect the worst when coming out to your parents, say possible disownment, kicked out, severed relations etc. Well my parents took it well as most people who have understood it. My dad said "I think you are in a phase. At some point we are all curious and envious with the same sex. But don't worry, you will grow out of it." Then my mom went the whole buddhist route saying that its not natural, like two yangs don't match up properly. Believe me I ended up getting a whole lecture on karma and how this choice is not proper. Then my mom started asking questions about how does the sex work? icon_eek.gif I know, i was too! "did you have sex?" I said yes. "Its not natural, we are disappointed. But we hope you grow out of this phase.

    In some ways it turned out well, but boy did my mom get really detail about the mechanics of gay sex. I was kinda unprepared for that.
    Lol yikes. I don't know if anything can prepare me to have the bees and the bees talk with my mom lol.
  • denus

    Posts: 46

    Jul 01, 2011 7:14 PM GMT
    rjb2001 saidYou know how we expect the worst when coming out to your parents, say possible disownment, kicked out, severed relations etc. Well my parents took it well as most people who have understood it. My dad said "I think you are in a phase. At some point we are all curious and envious with the same sex. But don't worry, you will grow out of it." Then my mom went the whole buddhist route saying that its not natural, like two yangs don't match up properly. Believe me I ended up getting a whole lecture on karma and how this choice is not proper. Then my mom started asking questions about how does the sex work? icon_eek.gif I know, i was too! "did you have sex?" I said yes. "Its not natural, we are disappointed. But we hope you grow out of this phase.

    In some ways it turned out well, but boy did my mom get really detail about the mechanics of gay sex. I was kinda unprepared for that.


    I have to admit, this is the first time I've ever heard of someone's parents or loved one disapproving of gay sex because of Buddhist religious reasons...
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    Jul 01, 2011 8:09 PM GMT
    When I told my best friend he looked at me and started laughing and me too and then we both stopped, looked at each other and started laughing again and we went on like this maybe 20 minutes until my abs were hurting and then we went out for a beer icon_lol.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 01, 2011 8:17 PM GMT
    CarbGoggles said

    Kandyass, I love Fox news. I don't care how fierce your lisp is. I will always love Fox news.


    Cute, I don't have a lisp, thanks.....give me my Kansas anytime, Mister..

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    Jul 01, 2011 8:27 PM GMT
    Ironically, as much as my lesbian god aunt was going out her way to get me to accept myself, she was actually still in the closet and was engaged to be married to a guy she'd been living with for 2 years! She'd told me she was gay before she'd even told her own kids or loving fiance!

    She came out to me one day because she thought I was gay and aimed to get me to come out to her by saying she was taking me to a movie and instead taking me to a pride festival - which as welcoming and loving as it was, was not my scene.

    Instead of ever telling my god aunt, I actually ended up telling her very masculine girlfriend one day. But only because of how she asked it. Instead of asking me if I was gay, she just said how long have you known you were gay? She also promised she wouldn't tell anyone.

    She ended up telling my god aunt who told my mom that I said I was gay and forced my mom to sign me up for affirmations groups that I wasn't ready for. I was 14 then and squirmed my way back into the closet until I was 16.

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    Jul 02, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    CarbGoggles said
    lilTanker saidWOW I think you need to get off your high fucking horse there sweet heart!

    Your father had an affair, your mother had an emotional affair and you demand to know who the guy was from your mother? what about what your father did?

    and at the end of the day it's really none of your business, your parents worked it out and moved on..

    You sound like you've been unfaithful and you're still dealing w/ the guilt, sweet heart. My dad cheated on my mom 14 years before I came out to my mom. We've moved well past it so you should prob do the same. Uhhh if my mom is gonna hint at it you best fuggin' believe I'm gonna expect the full story. Maybe you just don't have a very close relationship with your mom. Poor child.

    No I haven't the best relationship with my mother, she died two months ago.

    No, never cheated, gotten close, real close but never have.

    What your mother and father did is not for your to judge, they are there own people, they are adults and they are your parents, if you expect them to accept you, you should accept them. We all have flaws.