Anyone else have few gay friends?

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    Jul 02, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    Thanks to everyone who replied to my post a few days back. It was greatly appreciated. I feel that I'm getting some of my confidence back. This forum is really good for me because as the title of this topic states, I have few gay friends to talk to about relationship stuff and gay life in general.

    Is it okay that I have very few gay friends? Am I way behind from where I should be socially? I am 30 years old but have only been out for four years.

    My closest gay friend is my ex with whom I was together for over three years. We parted amicably and still keep in touch and see each other every few months. Besides him is a friend from high school that I see only a few times a year. Other than these guys, that's really it for me. While I have met several gay people over the years both when I was in and out of the closet, none of these people I would consider actual friends. Just people I came across during various stages of my life. Most of my good friends are straight females. I feel comfortable talking to them about my relationship issues or questions. Somehow things just turned out this way.

    My current boyfriend of 9 months has several gay friends he sees and hears from on a regular basis. I have been introduced to handful of these guys since we've been dating. All have been nice and we will occasionally socialize together.

    My boyfriend is 10 years older than me so he has obviously had more time to meet more people. I never really wished that I had more gay friends until I started comparing myself to the amount of friends that he has.

    I guess I have to admit that I get jealous and sad when I hear about guys who have close groups of other gay friends that go through everything, good and bad, with each other.

    Thoughts on this?
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    Jul 02, 2011 3:52 AM GMT
    icedrops saidI don't have any at all.


    icedrops, thanks for response. Not having any gay friends is very isolating. When I was your age, I didn't have any gay friends either, although the next year my friend from high school came out. It took me until I was almost 26 to do the same, however.

    In my opinion what you have going for you is that you're still really young. I'm sure that you will have at least one gay friend over the next few years. If I was secure about my sexuality back when I was your age, I'd probably have met more gay guys and hopefully formed friendships by the time I was 25. Don't despair, at least this forum exists, which is better than nothing. I wish I had found a website like this 11 years ago when I was your age.
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    Jul 02, 2011 4:32 AM GMT
    I've been out for one year and I only have two gay friends that I trust and talk to - one actually started out as a hookup.
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    Jul 02, 2011 9:55 AM GMT
    same here :/ i have two gay friends i have never met :/
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    Jul 02, 2011 10:23 AM GMT
    I only have one local gay friend, but only because I don't hang out in the gay scene very often...just when I'm looking for a quick hookup. And my one gay friend started as a hookup (still a friend with benefits).

    So really it's by choice, not chance. After all, I've been "out" almost 20 years and find no need to collect gay friends just because they're gay.
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    Jul 02, 2011 10:29 AM GMT
    I am the same as you (me11). I don't have any close gay friends, but it's not because I haven't tried. I just don't click with any of them. I feel being plugged in to the gay network is the best way to meet someone. At least you are doing something right if you have a boyfriend already for 9 months!
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    Jul 02, 2011 11:33 AM GMT
    I know plenty of gay people, but I don't consider them to be the kind of friends who would have my back - no matter what! The friends who have done that and continue to do so are straight. If you collect a handful of people, regardless of sexual orientation, who really care about you, you are living successfully. In the mean time enjoy your interactions with all the gay guys and see what develops.
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    Jul 02, 2011 1:27 PM GMT
    I don't have any "close" gay friends, but I don't really consider gay/straight to be a qualifier as being a friend, so I don't actually go out looking for gay people to befriend icon_razz.gif

    I do know quite a few gay people, but like you most of my friends are girls.

    It is nice to be around gay people, that is part of the reason I love living in NYC. I get inappropriately giddy whenever I see gay men holding hands and especially kissing in public. I think its great and being from a place where it rarely happens gives me a really warm feeling. So, yes I think there is something to be said for having gay friends but don't beat yourself up over finding them. Good friends will come icon_smile.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jul 02, 2011 1:36 PM GMT
    living here in one of the gayest "gayborhoods" (marigny-bywater) in one of the Great Gay-Friendly cities (New Orleans); most of my friends here are gay. in this part of town you are considered gay/bi unless you prove otherwise.

    at work i am the only gay guy there (although one or two guys do tweak my "gaydar").

    it's really not a big deal for me what your sexuality is; i don't consider myself to be defined by what i do behind closed doors.
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    Jul 02, 2011 1:36 PM GMT
    i have few gay friends... none i have met yet
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jul 02, 2011 1:37 PM GMT
    Shashank_Rosberg saidi have few gay friends... none i have met yet


    Many More than you think!

    icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 02, 2011 2:54 PM GMT
    You will only find adjusted, happy, and secure gay men in big cities. The more open and visible gay people are the more happy they are, and the less likely they will bash gay people for not being as good a friend as a straight guy or other insults they can think of where themselves and gay people in general are inferior in everyway.
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    Jul 02, 2011 7:04 PM GMT
    I've had a few online gay friends but none in person, except a bisexual woman. I could definitely use a real life friend who was my type of person, but then I'd have to leave the house.
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    Jul 02, 2011 7:07 PM GMT
    I don't have any. There's one guy at work, he's cool and we go to happy hours and group lunches with other coworkers but were not friends outside of work or anything. I really don't have any close gay buddies. This website is the extent of my so called gay life.
  • austex85

    Posts: 572

    Jul 02, 2011 7:18 PM GMT
    i don't have many gay friends either. it sucks sometimes if you want to go out and do something "gay" and you have no one to turn to, but otherwise, i think i'm a lot more sane than those with all gay friends
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    Jul 02, 2011 7:21 PM GMT
    Right now, I have just one. There's another at work but we barely even saw each other this year. When I first started out on my own, I did have a group of gay guys to hang out with, but I lost them all when I moved (*sigh*). Things have never been the same. You're not alone. Just be yourself and most importantly be nice. Be a good listener, be useful, and there's few people who will not want you around them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2011 7:29 PM GMT
    I have a bunch of gay friends, but none of them live near me. Locally, I have none (well, that I know of.haha)
  • chameleon

    Posts: 126

    Jul 02, 2011 11:14 PM GMT
    i find it difficult to make friends with gay men in may area as well. Going out "where the boys" is such a scene that i have very little interest int he people i meet. there are not a lot of other venues around here. that, and the gay guys who are looking to have a circle of gay friends, a "family" as it were, already do, and at 34 it is hard to break into that. those little groups are often so very established already. fortunately, i have a great friend, a straight woman, who is like a sister to me, and in the end i prefer one truly great friendship to many shallow ones
  • Twenty_Someth...

    Posts: 1388

    Jul 02, 2011 11:17 PM GMT
    I have 1. His name is Brett.
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    Jul 02, 2011 11:20 PM GMT
    austex85 saidi don't have many gay friends either. it sucks sometimes if you want to go out and do something "gay" and you have no one to turn to, but otherwise, i think i'm a lot more sane than those with all gay friends


    agree 100%. dont really have many gay friends so i don't go to gay bars often. i'm actually not scared to do things on my own, but it's kind of lonely going to bars without somebody
  • matt13226

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    Jul 02, 2011 11:28 PM GMT
    The only gay friends are the ones I have here on realjock
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    Jul 02, 2011 11:49 PM GMT
    I have a few gay friends and I feel blessed for having them in my life.
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    Jul 02, 2011 11:50 PM GMT
    matt13226 saidThe only gay friends are the ones I have here on realjock


    Same here, most of my gay friends are on RJ or Facebook. My ex wanted to remain friends after we broke up so there is one. Its also a good thing that he lives far away.

    Overall it really depends on your type of lifestyle. If you really are into the gay scene, its good to have more gay friends cause I'm sure it will be a more lively experience. However if you're not really into the scene, a small handful is fine. Someone you can talk to and vent.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jul 03, 2011 12:05 AM GMT
    I only have a bi friend. His name is Steve. He has the most spectalular body and he loves coming over to cuddle with me before he picks up his gf at work. He's 31.
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    Jul 03, 2011 12:32 AM GMT
    paganurse saidi find it difficult to make friends with gay men in may area as well. Going out "where the boys" is such a scene that i have very little interest int he people i meet. there are not a lot of other venues around here. that, and the gay guys who are looking to have a circle of gay friends, a "family" as it were, already do, and at 34 it is hard to break into that. those little groups are often so very established already. fortunately, i have a great friend, a straight woman, who is like a sister to me, and in the end i prefer one truly great friendship to many shallow ones


    I can definitely relate to your situation. I also feel that at our age (I'm 30) it's more difficult because there are so many well established groups. I can't even imagine being part of one at this point.

    When I was with my former boyfriend (we were together for three and a half years) we were a very isolated couple---he hadn't even really MET anyone gay, while I at least had had some exposure. You would think that we would have met other couples or something but that never happened. My new boyfriend is very different; he has a large group of friends.

    What's sad is that our age technically isn't old, but I often feel like I've missed the boat as far as ever having the experience of having a close-knit group like some other gay guys have. At least this forum proves that I'm not the only one in this situation.