First impressions

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2008 3:56 PM GMT
    Does anyone else find it annoying when all you receive are messages that say "hey sexy" or "you're hot" or in my case "i love your body hair" icon_lol.gif

    I mean, for a first message, i guess that's fine, but why not try asking more about me, or better yet, telling me something about yourself? I once received a message from a guy saying i was hot, so i messaged him back with a long message about what i've been up to, my workouts, and what fetishes i'm into, and all i got as a reply is "wow, that's sexy" icon_rolleyes.gif

    cmon guys, put at least some thought into your messages; I want to get to know you, not just hear about how great it is that im 19 and ultra hairy! icon_smile.gif

    but anyway, that's my rant for the day!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2008 3:59 PM GMT
    Yes. I rarely answer such thoughful emails. PULEEEZE!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2008 6:07 PM GMT
    Guilty as charged. LOL
    In most cases, my basis for pursuing a member here is their reply to my one-liner message. If it goes beyond "thank you" or better yet, ends with a question returning the favor, he is surely worth knowing.
    I messaged one guy here asking for the brand of tank top he was wearing on his main photo. I followed up and waited until he got it back from the cleaners! In between that, we had some funny exchange of messages. Now we're not e-mailing anymore.
    Sometimes I just drop a message to 'bookmark' him from my sent items, since there is no other way to come across his profile again if I wanna 'review' him. Or is there?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2008 9:04 PM GMT
    zimatar saidGuilty as charged. LOL
    In most cases, my basis for pursuing a member here is their reply to my one-liner message. If it goes beyond "thank you" or better yet, ends with a question returning the favor, he is surely worth knowing.
    I messaged one guy here asking for the brand of tank top he was wearing on his main photo. I followed up and waited until he got it back from the cleaners! In between that, we had some funny exchange of messages. Now we're not e-mailing anymore.
    Sometimes I just drop a message to 'bookmark' him from my sent items, since there is no other way to come across his profile again if I wanna 'review' him. Or is there?

    His tank top was at the cleaners? I get hell for just my dress shirts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2008 9:12 PM GMT
    Very boring. Rarely gets my attention.

    “Perhaps the world's second worst crime is boredom. The first is being a bore.”


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2008 9:14 PM GMT
    BearCub17Does anyone else find it annoying when all you receive are messages that say "hey sexy" or "you're hot" or in my case "i love your body hair"


    I love your body hair! icon_redface.gif

    LOL, j/k. Funny coz I just hotlisted you like... 2 minutes ago. hmmm... icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2008 9:16 PM GMT
    One-liner emails are just fillers. They are your basic openers to anyone and I think they are just fine.

    I'm guilty as hell for sending one-liner or cheesy emails to people as an opener. If' my way of seeing if they willrespond back and from there I ususaly go a little more indepth and ask themmore serious questions pertaining to their personality or whatever. I can completley understand why people do it too. It's much easier and saves a person the the time and hassle of writing a pararagh to someone only to not have it answered or responsed. Also sometimes it's nice to just start off with simple compliments before pouring out your whole life story in a paragragh too. It usually seems a bit drastic and it often creeps people out. TMI can be hurtful.

    If you get an email that say something like "WOW! Sexy bod" or "I Like your body hair" then take it as a compliment and pursue the conversation further with the individual who sent you the email by replying back somethinglike "Thanks" and maybe give a few compliments back. First impressions go both ways and is usually a double-edged sword so just think about that before being so quick to not reply back to some of these emails you recieve.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2008 9:16 PM GMT
    now class..take a look at this example that happened last night:

    Random guy: not bad looking ass. the pic of you laying on the table, i'd get on top of that. haha

    Me: I'd appreciate if you would be a bit more respectable when your trying to approach a person.

    Random guy: okay

    Then he apologized, which is fine...but that right there gives off the first impression of a nasty guy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2008 8:33 AM GMT
    But really...Doesn't this simply reinforce the most enduring stereotype, "Men are pigs?"
    While I would agree that all men are not pigs, the ones who are make the rest of us look bad.

    Moudi saidnow class..take a look at this example that happened last night:
    Random guy: not bad looking ass. the pic of you laying on the table, i'd get on top of that. haha
    Me: I'd appreciate if you would be a bit more respectable when your trying to approach a person.
    Random guy: okay
    Then he apologized, which is fine...but that right there gives off the first impression of a nasty guy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2008 8:37 AM GMT
    Well it would not be me as l don't do hair on body!!

    But if anyone attempts to message me like hey sexy l don't mind ? What's the big deal? You have a delete button l guess on your PC?
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Apr 20, 2008 9:44 AM GMT
    If you want him to be more wordy
    why not say ... Hey dude lets chat sometime

    but some guys that's all they got in them
    everybody isn't like you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2008 9:51 AM GMT
    Moudi saidThen he apologized, which is fine...but that right there gives off the first impression of a nasty guy

    So I guess we instantly bonded on my approach to you when I came across that current profile pic of yours, eh? icon_surprised.gif

    JustJohn saidHis tank top was at the cleaners? I get hell for just my dress shirts.

    'Cos prolly you're HUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEE!!!icon_wink.gif
    p.s. I also sweat like a pig, does that count as bad?icon_lol.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 20, 2008 11:57 AM GMT
    Well I agree its very nice to get an email that asks for some background information or the like.

    The reality is... when one takes the first move on a site like this, the instigator doesn't know if there will be any response back. I can appreciate why the first e-mail might be short.... and I do get the "Your hot" comment. I usually just thank them. If the person at the other end wants to continue the conversation ..... they will do so, believe me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2008 12:01 PM GMT
    I have zero chest hair...So I do not bare such a horrible burden.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2008 12:32 PM GMT
    Sometimes a passing compliment whether via email or out in the real world, is just that, a passing compliment. The internet exposes everyone to a variety of persoanlity types you might not come across otherwise. Everyone's style is different. Not everyone wants to know your life story. Don't take it so seriously. Accept a compliment gratioulsy and move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2008 12:46 PM GMT
    Oh lighten up Francis! Take it for what it is, a compliment.
    You want the ice broken? That does it perfectly.
    What's a person supposed to say? Do they know what they're supposed to say in your mind? How do you get any dates? Who would date you for very long?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2008 1:49 PM GMT
    John...icon_rolleyes.gif



    What I believe BC17 is getting at above is that there is a mature way and a non mature way to talk to someone you do not know and set the standard of a first impression. It is not like we are talking to people in a bar and do not have a clue into the life of this person. I mean, he's on a site called RealJock so he obviously has an interest in fitness, sports, both, or just guys that do. He considers himself to be a "cub". He has filled in some of his profile so that we all know hes a student in Baltimore at John's Hopkins studying to be a Biomed...etc etc etc. Trust me there are other things that you can say that add value to a simple "nice chest hair".

    Statements like those normally leave the reader to assume that you are only looking for something physical or that you are throwing a compliment out because it is completely closed ended. "Nice chest hair" like "nice ::insert body part here::" does not ask for a response of any kind. Here's an example for those that don't understand:

    "Nice chest hair"
    "Thanks, I know."

    ....conversation over, first impression poor, execution poor, delivery poor...etc etc etc. You in turn know nothing exactly as much as you knew going into the situation and come out empty handed. Instead, you could talk to him about a variety of other topics and through that the fact that you are attracted to him will shine through - as you are taking an INTEREST IN HIM not just what is growing out of his skin.

    Once we learn to use our upper brains more in "complimenting" someone, then maybe less of us would be complaining about "why I can't get a date" or running to Manhunt for quick satisfaction.

    icon_eek.gif

    But I could be wrong.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2008 2:17 PM GMT
    When I email someone for the first time I typically write: "hey, what's up? You're hot!"
    When I randomly message someone. But this is the default. Usually I try to write something, but if they haven't given me anything to work with in their profile or I can't connect with anything in their profile then generally it's just a passing compliment on their physique. Gay people don't compliment each other enough. We're too competitive with each other.

    My thoughts are, the first email should be short because what if they are not attracted to you or they have attitude or whatever. Why put in a huge amount of work into that first email. For me that first email is metaphorically like eye-contact in real life. You make eye-contact, generally you get a good impression if someone likes you or not.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 20, 2008 2:26 PM GMT
    I just say Thank you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2008 2:51 PM GMT
    javaman9999 saidWhen I email someone for the first time I typically write: "hey, what's up? You're hot!"
    When I randomly message someone. But this is the default. Usually I try to write something, but if they haven't given me anything to work with in their profile or I can't connect with anything in their profile then generally it's just a passing compliment on their physique. Gay people don't compliment each other enough. We're too competitive with each other.

    My thoughts are, the first email should be short because what if they are not attracted to you or they have attitude or whatever. Why put in a huge amount of work into that first email. For me that first email is metaphorically like eye-contact in real life. You make eye-contact, generally you get a good impression if someone likes you or not.


    I agree with you to an extent even though I do not think you were replying to me. I believe that it depends on the venue.

    Sites like Manhunt or anywhere a penis can be a main pic...I think that response is perfectly acceptable because there...it is what it is.

    Here I feel is slightly different in the fact that we have a bit of a view of the persons life and in trying to get to know someone you should use that to your advantage and form something more interesting to the person you are messaging. Think about it, who is more memorable - the guy who said "hey sup?" or the guy who said something more and took a chance. That's the joy of life. Taking risks.

    No?

  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Apr 20, 2008 3:53 PM GMT
    BearCub17 saidDoes anyone else find it annoying when all you receive are messages that say "hey sexy" or "you're hot" or in my case "i love your body hair" icon_lol.gif

    I mean, for a first message, i guess that's fine, but why not try asking more about me, or better yet, telling me something about yourself? I once received a message from a guy saying i was hot, so i messaged him back with a long message about what i've been up to, my workouts, and what fetishes i'm into, and all i got as a reply is "wow, that's sexy" icon_rolleyes.gif

    cmon guys, put at least some thought into your messages; I want to get to know you, not just hear about how great it is that im 19 and ultra hairy! icon_smile.gif

    but anyway, that's my rant for the day!


    I think that BearCub has a legitimate complaint. I am not trying to talk for him, but from what I interpreted from his post, he is not upset about anyone messaging him with "your hot or nice body hair", but when he replied with a detailed message back that the original messenger did not respond in kind. I think by sending someone an opening message it signals that you have some interest in the guy. I mean he is a Bio Medical student at John Hopkins! You should be able to chat with him for hours on that subject alone!! Good luck here Bear Cub! I hope you continue to post in these forums!! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2008 4:22 PM GMT
    People have different reasons for being here. Some see it as just another gay cruising site and those are the ones who send messages like that.

    Others are here for more platonic reasons: the workout advice, the fourms, the camaraderie, etc.

    I look at Moudi's example above and I agree with him, that kind of initial message is boorish and offensive. What makes someone email a random stranger and comment that they'd like to mount his ass?

    I like to send and receive messages here as much as anyone, but I'm not here looking for a hookup. I'm here to get to know people and be entertained by the forums and chat. I would never send someone a crude, suggestive message. It's just unseemly.

    And if I receive one (thankfully, I haven't yet) my reply would depend on how crude the message was. If it's not too bad, I'd remind them to be a little more polite. If it was just plain gross, I'd ignore it and block them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2008 4:34 PM GMT
    At least you don't get "open ur privates" as an opener from someone with no pix on their profile. I just respond with "no" if i can be bothered.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2008 12:27 AM GMT
    RSportsguy got what i was saying, sorry to confuse people, lol.

    I'm fine with the short messages as an opener, but i usually write back decent responses to openers, and it pisses me off when i get nothing back except a generic compliment.

    But i guess most of you are right; a compliment is a compliment, and not everyone is out to have detailed conversations on a gay fitness website. icon_razz.gif

    But if anyone does want to chat, hit me. We can talk about how hot my chest hair is =)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2008 12:29 AM GMT
    Um, just be happy someone's complimenting you in the first place. What you do with that is entirely up to you....

    If you're not interested and/or not in the mood to reciprocate the compliment, so be it, but shit...there's no reason to complain.