Girls and girlfriend topics

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2011 7:12 AM GMT
    I am 22 and a closeted gay guy. I was wondering how you guys go about situations when your straight-identified mates discuss about girls or their girlfriends? I had a girlfriend before and can also share a little part my story to them but when such topics are brought up I begin to feel really uncomfortable.

    Don't ask me to come out because I am not ready yet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2011 2:43 PM GMT
    Why would you seek advice from a population of predominantly open and out gay men about the best methods for you to remain closeted?

  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Jul 02, 2011 2:48 PM GMT
    osakarob saidWhy would you seek advice from a population of predominantly open and out gay men about the best methods for you to remain closeted?



    Because not all of them came out at a young age. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2011 2:59 PM GMT
    The ages that people on this site came out have little to do with the advice that Casper2011 is soliciting. He wants counsel on how to "go about situations" (whatever that means) when his straight friends talk about their girlfriends.

    What he is intimating is that he wants advice for how he can dodge, obfuscate and lie to friends so that he doesn't have to come out of the closet. It is my experience that the majority of RJ users are happily out and well adjusted. We aren't likely to offer him any valuable advice on how best to lie to deceive others.
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    Jul 02, 2011 3:00 PM GMT
    I'm going to take a guess and say that they're not that close to you after all, so what I would do is just go with the flow, and be about as honest as you can. Remember- they are your friends, so if you feel REALLY uncomfortable about talking about girls, then figure out a way to change the subject or ride it out. Sadly, there are some things that you may have to deal with that are incredibly uncomfortable. Also- if you need to add something to the conversation, tell the truth, but feel free to white lie at any time to save face. Do you understand what I'm saying?

    However, since someone once said "the truth will set you free", this is the beginning of the end of your closeted days. Start by coming out to your absolute closest ring of friends and then just expand out from there as need be. Hell- find some other gay friends of your own.
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    Jul 02, 2011 3:42 PM GMT
    I guess you keep on doing what you've been doing when the subject comes up- lie, avoid the topic, change the topic, or say 'I don't discuss my personal life' which of course is very odd since your friends are a part of your personal life. You say you are not ready to come out, which is fine, but until you do those are your options.
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Jul 02, 2011 3:50 PM GMT
    osakarob saidThe ages that people on this site came out have little to do with the advice that Casper2011 is soliciting. He wants counsel on how to "go about situations" (whatever that means) when his straight friends talk about their girlfriends.

    What he is intimating is that he wants advice for how he can dodge, obfuscate and lie to friends so that he doesn't have to come out of the closet. It is my experience that the majority of RJ users are happily out and well adjusted. We aren't likely to offer him any valuable advice on how best to lie to deceive others.


    Who really gives a shit? It's his choice to come out when he wants to, he shouldn't be looked down upon for not wanting to. He clearly said he wasn't ready yet.

    You assume the MAJORITY are out. Where's your basis for this? What proof do you have that the majority are out? The majority you speak of may very well be 51% because that would be the majority. Some people just aren't ready to come out yet for certain reasons. Some may not be emotionally ready while others know it won't be safe for them yet.

    Just because things may have gone all peachy for you when you came out doesn't mean it will/has for others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2011 3:56 PM GMT
    What many people have said: they don't appear to be that close to you.

    All of my friends "knew," before I was out to them. It's just about being comfortable with yourself. You need to accept yourself before others can accept you (or you realize that acceptance).

    Besides, if they end up rejecting you, why would you have wanted to stay friends with them in the first place? Life is tragically short. Make the most of it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2011 4:00 PM GMT
    TheKrisPandemic said
    osakarob saidThe ages that people on this site came out have little to do with the advice that Casper2011 is soliciting. He wants counsel on how to "go about situations" (whatever that means) when his straight friends talk about their girlfriends.

    What he is intimating is that he wants advice for how he can dodge, obfuscate and lie to friends so that he doesn't have to come out of the closet. It is my experience that the majority of RJ users are happily out and well adjusted. We aren't likely to offer him any valuable advice on how best to lie to deceive others.


    Who really gives a shit? It's his choice to come out when he wants to, he shouldn't be looked down upon for not wanting to. He clearly said he wasn't ready yet.

    You assume the MAJORITY are out. Where's your basis for this? What proof do you have that the majority are out? The majority you speak of may very well be 51% because that would be the majority. Some people just aren't ready to come out yet for certain reasons. Some may not be emotionally ready while others know it won't be safe for them yet.

    Just because things may have gone all peachy for you when you came out doesn't mean it will/has for others.


    But in neither of your two posts have you offered any suggestions about how to deal with the question the OP has asked here about the situation of when friends bring up girls and girlfriends. So what is your suggestion of how he deals with the girlfriend question?
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jul 02, 2011 4:17 PM GMT
    casper2011 saidI am 22 and a closeted gay guy. I was wondering how you guys go about situations when your straight-identified mates discuss about girls or their girlfriends? I had a girlfriend before and can also share a little part my story to them but when such topics are brought up I begin to feel really uncomfortable.

    Don't ask me to come out because I am not ready yet.
    here is what you do. hell you talk about your experience with your last girlfriend. if it makes you uncomfortable than leave or you do what i use to do you talk about what you enjoyed doing too.
    if it got too graphic than i would say whoa buddy, i think you are sharing way too much
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jul 02, 2011 4:20 PM GMT
    osakarob saidThe ages that people on this site came out have little to do with the advice that Casper2011 is soliciting. He wants counsel on how to "go about situations" (whatever that means) when his straight friends talk about their girlfriends.

    What he is intimating is that he wants advice for how he can dodge, obfuscate and lie to friends so that he doesn't have to come out of the closet. It is my experience that the majority of RJ users are happily out and well adjusted. We aren't likely to offer him any valuable advice on how best to lie to deceive others.
    dude, if you had nothing say than why leave a post. get off your high horse or should i say high hills and move on. jeeze, the guy is not out when he is ready he will come out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2011 4:21 PM GMT
    Having been in the same situation as you when I was your age, I'd agree with the other guys that it's best to just change the subject. There's no getting around the awkwardness of these types of conversations. I totally understand that you are not ready to come out yet. You shouldn't have to come out until you're ready.

    What you might see start to happen is that you might withdraw from these straight guy friendships if you start to feel more and more insecure.

    I'll never forget back in college when I was 18 in conversation with a close straight friend of mine I stated that I wanted to be single. He then asked me "Are you gay or something? Because if you were that's okay." I unfortunately was too afraid and still not 100% sure at that point to admit that I was.

    The friendship with this guy has suffered over the years because I am still not out to him. This is why I say that you might withdraw from certain straight guy friends.
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Jul 02, 2011 4:41 PM GMT
    Iceblink said
    TheKrisPandemic said
    osakarob saidThe ages that people on this site came out have little to do with the advice that Casper2011 is soliciting. He wants counsel on how to "go about situations" (whatever that means) when his straight friends talk about their girlfriends.

    What he is intimating is that he wants advice for how he can dodge, obfuscate and lie to friends so that he doesn't have to come out of the closet. It is my experience that the majority of RJ users are happily out and well adjusted. We aren't likely to offer him any valuable advice on how best to lie to deceive others.


    Who really gives a shit? It's his choice to come out when he wants to, he shouldn't be looked down upon for not wanting to. He clearly said he wasn't ready yet.

    You assume the MAJORITY are out. Where's your basis for this? What proof do you have that the majority are out? The majority you speak of may very well be 51% because that would be the majority. Some people just aren't ready to come out yet for certain reasons. Some may not be emotionally ready while others know it won't be safe for them yet.

    Just because things may have gone all peachy for you when you came out doesn't mean it will/has for others.


    But in neither of your two posts have you offered any suggestions about how to deal with the question the OP has asked here about the situation of when friends bring up girls and girlfriends. So what is your suggestion of how he deals with the girlfriend question?


    What's your point? That because I haven't given a suggestion, I'm not allowed to voice my opinion?

    My actual suggestion would be to just bullshit. Fabricate a story and stick by it. He wasn't specific enough for me to use any specific examples. The funny part is, you're more worried about my suggestion than the OP is..

    i1RmY.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 02, 2011 4:48 PM GMT
    TheKrisPandemic said
    Iceblink said
    TheKrisPandemic said
    osakarob saidThe ages that people on this site came out have little to do with the advice that Casper2011 is soliciting. He wants counsel on how to "go about situations" (whatever that means) when his straight friends talk about their girlfriends.

    What he is intimating is that he wants advice for how he can dodge, obfuscate and lie to friends so that he doesn't have to come out of the closet. It is my experience that the majority of RJ users are happily out and well adjusted. We aren't likely to offer him any valuable advice on how best to lie to deceive others.


    Who really gives a shit? It's his choice to come out when he wants to, he shouldn't be looked down upon for not wanting to. He clearly said he wasn't ready yet.

    You assume the MAJORITY are out. Where's your basis for this? What proof do you have that the majority are out? The majority you speak of may very well be 51% because that would be the majority. Some people just aren't ready to come out yet for certain reasons. Some may not be emotionally ready while others know it won't be safe for them yet.

    Just because things may have gone all peachy for you when you came out doesn't mean it will/has for others.


    But in neither of your two posts have you offered any suggestions about how to deal with the question the OP has asked here about the situation of when friends bring up girls and girlfriends. So what is your suggestion of how he deals with the girlfriend question?


    What's your point? That because I haven't given a suggestion, I'm not allowed to voice my opinion?

    My actual suggestion would be to just bullshit. Fabricate a story and stick by it. He wasn't specific enough for me to use any specific examples. The funny part is, you're more worried about my suggestion than the OP is..

    i1RmY.gif


    Calm down, I was just suggesting you add something to help the OP. Feeling a little angry today?
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Jul 02, 2011 4:51 PM GMT
    Iceblink said
    TheKrisPandemic said
    Iceblink said
    TheKrisPandemic said
    osakarob saidThe ages that people on this site came out have little to do with the advice that Casper2011 is soliciting. He wants counsel on how to "go about situations" (whatever that means) when his straight friends talk about their girlfriends.

    What he is intimating is that he wants advice for how he can dodge, obfuscate and lie to friends so that he doesn't have to come out of the closet. It is my experience that the majority of RJ users are happily out and well adjusted. We aren't likely to offer him any valuable advice on how best to lie to deceive others.


    Who really gives a shit? It's his choice to come out when he wants to, he shouldn't be looked down upon for not wanting to. He clearly said he wasn't ready yet.

    You assume the MAJORITY are out. Where's your basis for this? What proof do you have that the majority are out? The majority you speak of may very well be 51% because that would be the majority. Some people just aren't ready to come out yet for certain reasons. Some may not be emotionally ready while others know it won't be safe for them yet.

    Just because things may have gone all peachy for you when you came out doesn't mean it will/has for others.


    But in neither of your two posts have you offered any suggestions about how to deal with the question the OP has asked here about the situation of when friends bring up girls and girlfriends. So what is your suggestion of how he deals with the girlfriend question?


    What's your point? That because I haven't given a suggestion, I'm not allowed to voice my opinion?

    My actual suggestion would be to just bullshit. Fabricate a story and stick by it. He wasn't specific enough for me to use any specific examples. The funny part is, you're more worried about my suggestion than the OP is..

    i1RmY.gif


    Calm down, I was just suggesting you add something to help the OP. Feeling a little angry today?


    Not one bit. I usually prepare myself, this is a forum. You can't fully tell the tone of another person's message. icon_cool.gif