Advice on meeting gays

  • KnuxNole

    Posts: 219

    Jul 03, 2011 7:35 AM GMT
    I went to a gay bar to try to put myself out there...and felt relaxed after working on that for a while and building confidence. However, noone smiled in my direction, said hello to me, shoved me without caring, and basically didn't seem interesting in wanting to become friends. I was the only person by myself: everyone was in groups of 3-5, so obviously I couldn't intervene there. I feel like I did absolutely nothing wrong, but I dunno if I'm blind or missing something. I was hoping going to a gay bar tonight would strengthen my confidence, but I felt like a failure, and I hate failing exams in school, so this is the same feeling :/
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    Jul 03, 2011 10:36 AM GMT
    That really does stink dude... I'm sorry it didn't go well...
    I can't really be sure on what you did because I have never been to a gay bar or club and it doesn't seem like you did anything wrong. My only advice is to just keep trying, I'm sure you'll be able to make a few friends. Try looking for someone who isn't with someone and go up and say "hi" and try to start a conversation. Just remember to relax and if the guy is not interested, just respectfully leave him alone and try to find another guy to talk to. And if you can, why not try talking to one of the groups? I know it's pretty silly but who knows, maybe they might be open to talking to others.

    I hope your next venture goes well Knux
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    Jul 03, 2011 10:54 AM GMT
    Perhaps try going on a different night, specifically a weeknight when the place isn't as busy.
  • Aquanerd

    Posts: 845

    Jul 03, 2011 11:57 AM GMT
    Do what you like to do, and go where you lie to go. That way when you meet someone that you click with you will already have something in common. Bars are not my first choice for a night out, so I rarely go unless friends invite. As a swimming, I joined a Gay swim team. Instant group of friends that started a geometric increase in the number of friends I'm met. I've met guys at church events, while traveling, shopping, and of course when just hanging out with friends.

    Sounds to me that you might not a bar person. someone that really enjoys bars and clubs would think nothing of entering into a group and moving on if the group wasn't interesting/interested.

    Bottom line, if you are doing something you enjoy, you will make you self more appealing to other guys. Plus, if you don't meet someone, at least you enjoyed yourself and don't feel bad.

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    Jul 03, 2011 12:15 PM GMT
    Hey Knux, sometimes you have to invest a little time in a bar and become a regular. The bartenders will start to know you and sometimes introduce you to others in the bar. There is a certain xenophobia (fear of strangers) in a neighborhood bar situation. Frankly, I do not like bar politics and don't go to bars anymore. A good ice breaker is to buy a round of drinks for the bar and the bartender as well.
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    Jul 03, 2011 12:47 PM GMT
    Keep putting yourself out there and don't let one bad experience turn you off. Over the years I went to gay bars hundreds of times, sometimes with friends and sometimes by myself. There were some nights that were lots of fun, and other nights I went home depressed. Never knew before I went out how the evening was going to turn out.
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    Jul 03, 2011 1:01 PM GMT
    Going to a gay bar alone can be extremely dispiriting. I would never advise it. I would try dating via the internet. A lot of cynical people will scoff at this advice, but you just have to be selective and a bit savvy. I have had many successful dates this way (and by 'successful' I am not talking about hooking up; although, of course, that has happened too).
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    Jul 03, 2011 1:11 PM GMT
    Well, bars aren't the best for meeting people if you're straight either, so try not to think of it as something you did wrong or could've done better. Any environment where it is hard to hear is going to be hard for meeting people. And since so many people go out with people they feel comfortable with, it's even harder to draw them away from their click.

    If you're going to go to the bar, stand, literally, next to the bar. That way you catch people when they're ordering drinks and motionless. You can crack a joke, or offer to buy them a drink or strike up a conversation. Otherwise, I think most of us here have realized that there isn't a formula for meeting gay guys. The best way, I've found, is to use the gay sites to find people in your area who are gay. Through Adam4adam, I've discovered that literally half of the guys at my gym are gay. Which, ironically, makes me not go to that gym as often lol.

    Also, when a profile says "new to the city/area", I've found that those are the people who are often most open to meeting. The internet is a tool for finding guys and things to do.
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    Jul 03, 2011 8:57 PM GMT
    Bars have different vibes, from what I understand. Sometimes if you go to a "friendly" place that is dominated by a clientèle composed mainly by people who wish to connect to those they already know, you won't have a good chance of meeting new people (including romantic prospects).
    Then again, I never like bars or considered them good places for friend-making.

    Courage and bonne chance. And don't take it too hard if you don't meet anyone interesting. Who's going to hit the bull's eye at the first try?
  • swimmer8671

    Posts: 429

    Jul 03, 2011 9:25 PM GMT
    dress sluttier icon_rolleyes.gif

    haha i kid i kid, maybe a better way to meet guys is to get involved in things you like that may be gay oriented. Like a gay swim club, or a gay football team, or something along those lines.
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    Jul 03, 2011 9:29 PM GMT
    swimmer8671 saiddress sluttier icon_rolleyes.gif


    This definitely works. I've tried it on dates and going to clubs/bars. When you show more skin or wear tighter clothing, more guys flash their pearly whites at you. No joke.
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    Jul 03, 2011 9:31 PM GMT
    I did the same thing you did OP last week. I just went out to dance though to test myself if I could go out alone and enjoy myself. And I did because I brought my earplugs icon_smile.gif No hearing loss for me!

    Problem is if it's not a specifically gay-oriented sports team, you don't know if whomever you are crushing on is gay.

    Also, I have a dilemma of whether I should pick something I know I'm good at but bored with (ie swimming/water polo) or try something new and scary (gymnastics)...or do something easy, different, and not intriguing/stimulating but a team sport like volleyball/softball. Either way, I'm going to have to fork out a chunk of money to invest into said teams for a crap shoot at whether people on them may or may not be gay. And if it's a gay team, what if you aren't into anyone on it...or worse, everyone on it wants in your pants and they've all slept with each other...kinda gross. Thoughts?
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    Jul 04, 2011 12:36 AM GMT
    Were you wearing glasses, try wearing contacts, maybe that'll help, cuz glasses make you look too serious-looking, I dunno.icon_confused.gif
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    Jul 04, 2011 1:24 AM GMT
    cityaznguy said
    swimmer8671 saiddress sluttier icon_rolleyes.gif


    This definitely works. I've tried it on dates and going to clubs/bars. When you show more skin or wear tighter clothing, more guys flash their pearly whites at you. No joke.


    Yup, works for me too.
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    Jul 04, 2011 1:41 AM GMT
    wildtype87 said
    cityaznguy said
    swimmer8671 saiddress sluttier icon_rolleyes.gif


    This definitely works. I've tried it on dates and going to clubs/bars. When you show more skin or wear tighter clothing, more guys flash their pearly whites at you. No joke.


    Yup, works for me too.


    Or you just sit there and look adorable. Does that work too? In my twenties I did that a lot. But tighter clothes work better and I got approached more often. My second summer fling came that way, at a bar. And all I needed to do is to sit there and smile.

    ftr_easy.png. < PRESS HERE
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    Jul 04, 2011 2:07 AM GMT
    Young newbies to gay bars should take a fag hag with them. They can be an ice breaker, like a human version of the 'I like you, do you like me? 1.Yes 2.No' letter.
  • havingfunmtl9...

    Posts: 258

    Jul 04, 2011 2:21 AM GMT
    Keep persisting! Everyone has a bad night out, and those nights just help you appreciate every smile, grab, and free drink even more!! Slap a smile on your face and don't be shy to approach guys. Confidence is sexy!
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    Jul 04, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    cityaznguy said

    Or you just sit there and look adorable. Does that work too?


    Nah. I'm short, so I have to stand, otherwise people gloss over me or mistake me for an inanimate object...

    ...come to think of it, people mistake me for an inanimate object sometimes even when I'm standing. icon_lol.gif
  • KnuxNole

    Posts: 219

    Jul 04, 2011 6:24 PM GMT
    I might try gay-related sports club or special interests, since there might be gays who are in their 20s who I can find platonic friendships and stuff with. I want to go to another gay bar, but I guess I might have to search around online to see which ones might be friendly to people who are new/shy/dont have gay friends yet.

    I dont own contacts icon_sad.gif But I do have what some people call "stylish" glasses...haha

    And I don't have any fag hags. I relocated to a new state so the people I've met so far are all straight males. The two girls I do know seem to be the type that don't like talking to any guys since they all hit on them >_>