Tell me if I'm being unreasonable?

  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Jul 05, 2011 2:50 AM GMT
    I made plans to meet a guy today to go for a walk. We were to meet at a highly visible landmark on our campus. Half an hour before we were to meet, he sent me a message on the website we were communicating on (not this one), telling me to be sure I was there because he wasn't going to wait around; if I wasn't there, he'd leave.

    So, I got there 10 minutes early, stayed for 25 minutes, no one was there or came by, so I gave up and left. I did a few errands, and got home an hour later.

    In retrospect, it probably would have been best to get each others' phone numbers, but we're both guilty of having not done that.

    Once home, I found some messages on that site telling me he was on his way, then one timestamped a few minutes after I left saying he guessed I wasn't showing up, and one 2 minutes after that saying he was going back home. As I got to my computer, I got another calling me an asshole for ditching him, and complaining about how he had waited for an hour and then had to walk all the way back home.

    I replied that I hadn't ditched him; I had been there early, and stayed 15 minutes after we were supposed to meet, and he hadn't shown up. I wasn't the asshole here, but rather he had stood me up. I also pointed out, in the ensuing exchange, that it was impossible that he had waited for over an hour, since it had been only 63 minutes between when I gave up and started walking away, and when he sent the message saying he'd waited for over an hour and then had to walk all the way back home. I have since been blocked from communicating with him.

    Now, normally, I give a guy half an hour before I decide I've been stood up, but his message telling me to be sure I was there because he wouldn't wait for me made me act a little differently. Still, the vehemence of him yelling at me when it seems pretty clear to me that he was the one who stood me up makes me pause. Am I in the wrong here? How should I have acted instead?
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Jul 05, 2011 3:02 AM GMT
    You did the right thing.

    Just be grateful for two things: you avoided dating this nut, and that he doesn't have your phone number.
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    Jul 05, 2011 3:19 AM GMT
    You are definitely not in the wrong. I'd just let it go, you definitely dodged a bigger bullet by things not going further with him.

    I can't believe he gave you that warning/ultimatum before you even met him! That's crazy.
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    Jul 05, 2011 3:40 AM GMT
    yea you did the right thing. wow it seemed to me like he had planned this. I mean you waited PLENTY of time for his slowass to arrive and then he supposedly got there 2 lousy minutes after you left...umm hello. THEN he has the audacity to yell and scream at you and then block you? wow...yea buddy im sorry but you DEFINATELY did the right thing icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 05, 2011 4:33 AM GMT

    "So, I got there 10 minutes early, stayed for 25 minutes, no one was there or came by, so I gave up and left."


    And then the other guy.....

    "I found some messages on that site telling me he was on his way, then one timestamped a few minutes after I left saying he guessed I wasn't showing up, and one 2 minutes after that saying he was going back home. As I got to my computer, I got another calling me an asshole for ditching him, and complaining about how he had waited for an hour and then had to walk all the way back home.

    That means he got there over an hour early and gave up at least 10 minutes before you were supposed to meet. I'm guessing 'after I left' means after you left home to go meet him.

    This isn't any fault of yours.
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Jul 05, 2011 4:40 AM GMT
    Sounds like you narrowly missed the crazy train.
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    Jul 05, 2011 4:55 AM GMT
    Guys who are not accountable are not worth your time. You did the right thing in dodging nutty over there.
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    Jul 05, 2011 4:59 AM GMT
    Here's a copy of my dating / hookup rules:

    1. Date anybody once
    2. His jeans shouldn't be larger than mine 
    3. He shouldn't use more product than I do. 
    4. No chiwawas
    5. No LA party Queens. 
    6. No face pic, no go. 
    7. No phone call, no go. 
    8. Meet at a place with an address.

    It helps weed out the loonies, closet cases and serial killers.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Jul 05, 2011 5:03 AM GMT
    MSUBioNerd said Half an hour before we were to meet, he sent me a message on the website we were communicating on (not this one), telling me to be sure I was there because he wasn't going to wait around; if I wasn't there, he'd leave.


    By this can I take a guess this guy was from adam4adam or craigslist?
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    Jul 05, 2011 5:48 AM GMT
    Clearly the guy has issues, and I'm thinking they aren't limited to time/timing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 05, 2011 5:55 AM GMT
    This is awesome.

    You did the right thing. In a situation like this calling him out on his shit was the best thing to do because clearly he was playing games with you and was willing to lie in order to make himself like the angle. Clearly he wasn't.

    After dealing with his nonsense and calling him out I personally think you dodged a bullet. Why deal with a guy can't keep it real and lies?
  • Midas426

    Posts: 965

    Jul 05, 2011 6:09 AM GMT
    FredPDX saidHere's a copy of my dating / hookup rules:

    1. Date anybody once
    2. His jeans shouldn't be larger than mine 
    3. He shouldn't use more product than I do. 
    4. No chiwawas
    5. No LA party Queens. 
    6. No face pic, no go. 
    7. No phone call, no go. 
    8. Meet at a place with an address.

    It helps weed out the loonies, closet cases and serial killers.
    With the exception of #1 and #2, those are the same rules I generally apply.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 05, 2011 6:17 AM GMT
    Midas426 said
    Here's a copy of my dating / hookup rules:

    1. Date anybody once
    2. His jeans shouldn't be larger than mine 
    3. He shouldn't use more product than I do. 
    4. No chiwawas
    5. No LA party Queens. 
    6. No face pic, no go. 
    7. No phone call, no go. 
    8. Meet at a place with an address.

    It helps weed out the loonies, closet cases and serial killers.


    There's just two flaws with those set of rules.

    PEOPLE LIE ONLINE AND YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE TRUTH UNTIL YOU MEET THEM IN PERSON.

    Even then if your detecting skills are good there's always the chance their lying skills might be better than your detector. All about trial and error. Plus at the same time you sorta contradict yourself when your first rule is: 1. Date anybody once since the rules after that suggest you wouldn't date just anyone once.

    I'm just saying. Sounds like not a lot of thought went into those rules. LOL.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 05, 2011 11:48 AM GMT
    He sounds a bit schizoid. Best avoided.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 05, 2011 11:58 AM GMT
    Well from what I know of you over the last couple of years, you are certainly a reasonable person. The whole thing "smacks" of a lack of serious intent.
    If he wanted to be there, he would have been. The note he sent you prior talking about "not waiting around", would have put me off almost to the point I would have cancelled the whole thing. The end result was you put yourself out and he apparently didn't give a damn (and probably lied about it as well).

    Move on and find someone who deserves your sincerity.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 05, 2011 12:01 PM GMT
    It's just as well you missed each other. This guy has problems that you are best not to be a part of. This is his big game and he probably does it all the time to people.
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    Jul 07, 2011 5:11 AM GMT
    You did the right thing and as you know, you're well rid of him. Thankfully, you didn't waste any time on dates with him - you found out his true colors in advance.

    A few years ago I was stood up by a guy. We were supposed to meet at a restaurant. I showed up on time, went inside and waited almost a half hour. I went home and contacted this clown. He admitted he was there all the time, and had actually watched me exit my car and go in. He stayed in his car - afraid to meet me, because he suddenly realized I was exactly what I promised, and he realized (he admitted) that he had "fudged" on his age, height and especially - weight. He was too chagrined to meet me, so he just left - - - leaving me cooling my heels. After I thought about it, I did remember seeing a fat slob sitting in a badly dented Ford - watching me as I went into the restaurant. I now realized this was my "date" so - good riddance!

    icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 08, 2011 2:05 AM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidYou did the right thing and as you know, you're well rid of him. Thankfully, you didn't waste any time on dates with him - you found out his true colors in advance.

    A few years ago I was stood up by a guy. We were supposed to meet at a restaurant. I showed up on time, went inside and waited almost a half hour. I went home and contacted this clown. He admitted he was there all the time, and had actually watched me exit my car and go in. He stayed in his car - afraid to meet me, because he suddenly realized I was exactly what I promised, and he realized (he admitted) that he had "fudged" on his age, height and especially - weight. He was too chagrined to meet me, so he just left - - - leaving me cooling my heels. After I thought about it, I did remember seeing a fat slob sitting in a badly dented Ford - watching me as I went into the restaurant. I now realized this was my "date" so - good riddance!

    icon_cool.gif


    Similar thing happend to me once and it has forever made me all the more cautious when meeting strangers online. Some trolls will go to such elaborate lengths... it's really sad when you think about how desperate they must be.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jul 08, 2011 2:11 AM GMT
    Yay I'm on page one of a realjock post and someone might read it! If a guy is making rules like that before you even met him, let alone fell in love and married him, run the other way. If a guy has bothered anybody enough that you would post a forum on here complaining about it, RUN AWAY. I'm beginning to think I'm the only decent guy on the internet worth meeting. I would never treat a guy the way you are all talking about.