Admissions of a “middle –aged” party boy wannabe”…..

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    Apr 20, 2008 8:06 AM GMT
    Ageing is not always a "graceful" thing!

    I have been out this Saturday evening, having a BLAST, like any other weekend and realize that I want to be a “Party Boy”! I enjoy it and it seems to bring me to life like no other activity! Also, I find almost strangely, that I did not get “picked up” or otherwise “pick anyone up” this evening….it has indeed been a STRANGE DAY from the non-existent Columbus RJ outing at the Zoo, to this evening in the bars for me.

    In my college days, life and times were very different for me. The late 70’s and early 80’s…I was not “out” and not even aware that I was gay, although my “credentials” as a “party monster” were firmly and safely established! Also, back then I was not in the physical shape that I am now….a HUGE world of difference! And I had just joined the bastion of straightness back then, a fraternity! Times were so different!
    Now, I find that 230 am, closing time in Ohio bars, comes way too soon and I am left with too much energy and more often than not, looking for the next “great piece of ass”…. Or at least some "good dick" to go down on! I am only too aware of how this reflects on me and makes me seem like a real slutty “whore”…not something that a man in his late 40’s really needs to entertain. Still, I never had the chance to do this “exploration” in my teens and 20’s and I feel “free” to do my version of what happened in “the movie “Searching for Amy”, at this point in my life…so why not! Still…does anyone else have this “wild streak” that is unresolved and unquenched? If I was a “sex addict” I would understand, but …it isn’t always about “SEX” it is more about the pounding music in my body and the appeal of just dancing and drinking and having fun! 25 years ago I never had, nor could I give myself permission to be this person, now, I don’t want to stop this person! I certainly don’t want to set the clock back 25years, but it is fun to have my current “experiences and awareness” and be able to “play” as I should have 25 years ago…..I don’t know that anyone else on this site can appreciate where I am now and where I was then, and how those dichotomies are playing out in my life now….would be entertained to hear how you all handle(d) this.
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    Apr 20, 2008 10:11 AM GMT
    A 34-year old gay boy in hotpants, rollerskates and a straight bar in an Islamic country. Hmmm???
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    Apr 20, 2008 11:11 AM GMT
    Hah hah hah Zim...gold...Put you hijab on.
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    Apr 20, 2008 4:43 PM GMT
    Gee, Sporty G, I can't appreciate your experience personally because I did all my late night drinking and dancing when I was 18-24 and I knew I was 'gay' before I was 6.

    Just wanted to encourage you to "follow your bliss" (was that Joseph Campbell?) and don't fret about age-appropriate behaviors. That's advice I need to follow, too.

    And thanks for bringing a more personally relevant issue to this forum.icon_smile.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Apr 20, 2008 4:58 PM GMT
    Sporty_g saidAgeing is not always a "graceful" thing!

    I have been out this Saturday evening, having a BLAST, like any other weekend and realize that I want to be a “Party Boy”! I enjoy it and it seems to bring me to life like no other activity!





    So, at 47, you've decided you want to be a "Party Boy"? This in itself, for me anyway, raises a few red flags. Nothing wrong with going out, at any age, and having a good time. After all, no one ever said that once you turn a certain age that "The Party" has to grind to a halt. That being said, even party boys have to grow up sometime, and you'll grow old fast trying to keep up that lifestyle --- especially if drugs and excessive alcohol are involved.
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    Apr 20, 2008 5:04 PM GMT

    "Do The Damn Thang, Sporty G!"

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    Apr 20, 2008 5:06 PM GMT
    You're never too old to party.

    I have the hangover from hell today. Join the club.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 20, 2008 5:08 PM GMT
    Sporty, I agree with Curious Jock totally....

    Nothing wrong with some fun time, especially if you didn't get it years ago.


    But think about the consequences of your party lifestyle if you make a mistake... and I don't mean STD's, I mean how it is going to affect your general health (and yeah...work). I know of several men who came out late (one was married) and they are engaging in the lifestyle you describe. I find it a little disquieting, but its your life. Just think about what you are doing Sporty.
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    Apr 20, 2008 5:08 PM GMT
    CarlosGringo said
    Just wanted to encourage you to "follow your bliss" (was that Joseph Campbell?)

    Yes, that was Joseph Campbell.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 20, 2008 5:08 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidYou're never too old to party.

    I have the hangover from hell today. Join the club.



    Well Redhead... we were talking about that smell in London on the other thread....LOLicon_lol.gif
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    Apr 20, 2008 5:10 PM GMT
    Someone's gonna get kicked out of his chair in a minute.
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    Apr 20, 2008 5:31 PM GMT
    I can relate - I feel like I missed the whole party phase - not cause I wasn't out but I got into a long term relationship really young and had to behave. I did the bars and clubs but I never DID the bars and clubs - always had to hold back.

    Now I'm ready to rip it up - as long as I'm in bed by ten. Oh, and I can't be working the next day.

    Seriously though, getting in touch with the party boy is an important stage for a lot of gay guys. You put it well in your post when you describe how it's a kind of freedom and openness you never experienced before. For so many of us we watched from the sidelines and envied others (str8 people) being able to let loose and be themselves - and we had to pretend to be having fun.

    So now that you've discovered your inner party boy have fun, fuck safe and enjoy the joy of play.
  • Paradigm_Shif...

    Posts: 251

    Apr 20, 2008 5:54 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    "Do The Damn Thang, Sporty G!"




    Guilty, how the hell do you find these videos.... lmao !!

    Sporty: I say go for it!!! Im sure you're well aware of any risks, and I imagine you know how to hold down your job. Go have fun!!

    They say 40s the new 30!
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    Apr 20, 2008 6:29 PM GMT
    I love going out dancing with a bunch of friends. We'll dance until the lights come up. I don't drink, so there's no hangover to deal with. It's a blast and afterwards, we'll go out for 'breakfast' and that's just adds to the fun.
    I don't go to hookup as I'm too shy to and I'd rather just dance. Besides, if I have a 'hookup' approach to the evening, it will invariably ruin the evening. I've not met anyone in a dance/club/bar that's 'sponge worthy' in almost 20 years anyway.
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    Apr 20, 2008 6:44 PM GMT
    LOL, "sponge worthy." Great reference.

    I think bgcat has it down. Go out, dance, flirt, make out, but drink mostly water! If you're not wasted, you'll avoid most of the downsides of going out.
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    Apr 20, 2008 7:24 PM GMT

    I went out last night and didn't drink (very much)...I believe I had just as much fun as the drunk people, if not more and I didn't have a hangover to deal with this morning either. Only downside is my perma frown comes out in most social settings unless I drink so it was annoying how everyone kept asking me why I was so pissed off.
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    Apr 20, 2008 7:38 PM GMT
    It is fun to go out and dance all night with friends - the dance places are crowded - the lights, the music, the boys dancing in cages suspended high above the floor - it's all good! Just don't do it too much - don't get too drunk - no drugs - and be very careful who you bring home. Call a cab if you don't have a friend who is the designated driver. Stay safe!
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 20, 2008 10:06 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidYou're never too old to party.


    I agree. I made cake and punch and got paper hats for everyone!
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    Apr 20, 2008 10:30 PM GMT
    Well this is interesting. I agree that there is nothing wrong with wanting to go out and party and that age shouldn't be a factor but after a while there comes a time when it seems childish, especially when you reach a certain age, and down right unsightly.

    It sounds to me that when you had the chance to get on that boat you missed it in your younger years so natural that boat has sailed. That's something you are just gonna have to deal with. It's truly a sad sight to see someone half a century old still trying to run around like some teenager. However you want to pursue this is your business but there are consequences for your actions. One would be how you are viewed by your peers.

    You sound like one of those guys who life is living the night til it ends. That's not healthy for someone nearly 50.
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    Apr 20, 2008 10:48 PM GMT
    spook911 saidthis sounds sadly pathetic. A man approaching his 50s and dusting off a lost dream of his youth , searching for a thousand unwearied meaningless, superficial discardable conquests. If this is the kind of attention you desire or crave and if you find it emotional when last call comes than maybe you should try counseling for midlife crises.


    Mid Life Crisis? Wow, Sporty G if this is the case, then you need the proper trappings for a mid life crisis when you go out.

    Black beaded vest w/ gold this

    red sports car this

    HOT guys for adri to look at and this

    LMAO, come to think of it, I could use these things as well.

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    Apr 20, 2008 11:00 PM GMT
    I say more power to you, if you're having fun and not hurting anybody else. My personal thoughts on the subject of gay clubs and bars isn't very inspiring, I'm afraid.

    When I was 21, I remember having a conversation with a 34 year old guy who told me that bars are "the only thing we really have as gay guys." I think he meant there weren't other outlets for our sexuality? At the time, all the bars were unmarked holes in the wall, and they depressed me, but I am more of the introspective type. I think that gay guys (myself included) take on a disingenuous persona when they enter the gay bar, and it feels weird to me. Plus...who can enjoy conversation when you have to shout over loud music to be heard?

    To this day, I never get the urge to go to gay bars. I get pawed and molested and always feel like punching guys out for not having any manners and for acting like tacky creeps who only stare at me instead of responding like a man would when I say, "hello." I'm not going to voluntarily partake in any situation that makes me want to punch someone's lights out. Ugh...sounds like I have some issues of my own, but I would just like to say that there is a huge world of fun out there for gay guys and it has nothing to do with gay bars where there's a ton sissy bad attitude and too much standing and posing.

    But never say never. Maybe I'll have a delayed party boy reaction when I'm in my 60's to make up for all the 'fun' I could have been having in Weho? icon_twisted.gif
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    Apr 20, 2008 11:39 PM GMT
    Call me out of line here, because I can't entirely relate because well, my dad is about that age. However, I fail to see the problem.

    Look, bro, a few things stand out here. One, the moral of the story, if any curious or confused, or closeted guys, or guys that are living in hiding are reading this, don't wait 25 years of your life before you give yourself permission to be who you are. Live your life, live it fully, live it now, live it on your own terms.

    Next the thing that sticks out at me, is this, who is anyone else to decide what's right for you? Are you looking for affirmation that this is okay? Are you looking for someone else to understand? Not sure exactly what it is your looking for. To me it seems you have down what you need to. You know you can't go back 30 years, it doesn't sound like you are trying to. It sounds like maybe for the first time in your life you're cutting loose and being who want to be. Fuckin kudos to you bro, some never learn that lesson. I say screw anyone else's opinion, you're the guy that has to get up and look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, if you're cool with who you are and what you're doing then you don't need anyone else to come along and affirm that this is okay for you. Of course there are the fine lines that apply at 50 or at 25, 1.) do what you will as long as you don't hurt anyone else, 2.)say what you'll do then do what you say - that means showing up for work on time and capable of doing your job, 3.) be responsible for being safe - sexually - as in don't be part of the spread of the problem, and physically as in make good decisions about not driving and about who're going be around/with.

    These things aren't that hard. With a little common sense, and planning before hand, things flow and you can live to party it up another day. Personally, I don't drink much because its completely contradictory to my dedication to lifting, running, health and peak performance. When I do drink, I drink a glass of water in between every drink, it keeps me hydrated, keeps a drink in my hand, and prevents me from accidentally drinking more then I should.

    Bottom line is this in my view: There is nothing more sacred in the universe then creation enjoying itself, in all its forms, including all the forbidden ones. There is nothing inherently evil about getting a killer bj, or a great piece of ass, as long as its understood to be on mutually agreeable terms and no one is getting hurt. To repress your natural urges, your essential personality to fit into some bullshit sterotype of how someone is "SUPPOSED" to behave at some certain age is the root of ignorance. I find it amazing when I hear that shit out of otherwise intelligent gay men. Well guess what buddy, you are "supposed' to like women too, but nobody busting your chops for being who you are... F*ck that man.

    Be who you are live your life, enjoy the sacredness of humans enjoying the full range of life's experiences. I've watched people die right before my eyes and I can tell you one thing for certain, when your last days come, you won't regret the fun you let yourself have, you won't regret the shoulds you didnt follow, but you will damn well regret the things you always wanted to do, but never let yourself do. It will be the things you wanted most but denied yourself that will be your greatest regret, and chances are good you will say if I had it to do over, I would've broken more rules, I would've done it earlier, I would've partied, I would've danced, I would've sang in the shower, I would've talked to every hot mofo I seen, and I would've lived my life fully on my own terms.

    Now slap yourself for needing anyone to tell you you're okay, and go dance, and bring home a party boy or two, just take a cab and wear a rubber.
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    Apr 21, 2008 12:52 AM GMT
    Hey SportyG, listen toYngHungSFSD. He speaks truth. But then also learn that the party scene, while fun for a while, is also pretty lacking in depth, soul, and spirit. Not individually. I know people for whom dancing is their church. But as a past-time, going out partying can fulfill some deep primal urges for community, tribe, and movement. Or it can be an abyss into which one throws oneself because one has nothing else to do.

    It all depends on YOU.

    Have fun. Glad you finally figured out that there are things you want to do. Go do them. Go collect some regrettable stories you shouldn't regret. And then when you get to the other side (hopefully safely), you can look back and see what it all meant to you.

    Having been through that tunnel twice - once as a young straight college guy, and once again as a 28-30 year old emerging gay guy, I can say that it holds no real interest for me now other than as something to do once in a very long while, with some really good friends. Otherwise, I'd rather work, workout, have fun outside, see friends, do sports, meditate, or a thousand other things.

    And once in a while, I want to throw myself into the pit, lose myself in the music, and be part of the tribe for a whole night.

    Learn what it is, what it does for you, and how to use it and not get side-swiped by it.

    Good luck. See you on the other side.
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    Apr 21, 2008 1:05 AM GMT
    spook911 saidthis sounds sadly pathetic. A man approaching his 50s and dusting off a lost dream of his youth , searching for a thousand unwearied meaningless, superficial discardable conquests. If this is the kind of attention you desire or crave and if you find it emotional when last call comes than maybe you should try counseling for midlife crises.


    I always find that when I call people sad and pathetic, it really breaks down the barriers and they totally open up to what I have to say. I'm guessing spook has changed a lot of lives with this approach.

    K

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    Apr 21, 2008 1:14 AM GMT
    SportyG
    My advice is to party like its 1999! (am I dating myself?)
    When you are done you are done.
    Be safe and have a great time.