Were you out in College?

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    Jul 06, 2011 3:45 AM GMT
    So I basically came out my senior year of high school/freshman year of college. Maybe its just me, and maybe its just the guys I notice, but in my class at school the only guys that are out at my age are either too flamboyant, or just not my taste. I don't know exactly what my "type" is because I have such little dating experience, but I have a general idea of what I'm attracted to.

    I just was wondering how old some of you guys were when you came out, and how you started to meet other guys?

    I am going to try and get involved with the Rainbow Alliance at school just for shits and giggles to see what its about, and also hit up some of the gay bars, even though I hear they are somewhat trashy in STL.... I just haven't ever been huge on pride or making it obvious I'm gay, not that I don't appreciate/value you guys that are. icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 06, 2011 4:03 AM GMT
    I came out when I was 17. Still to this day I've had no close gay friends. I've had plenty of acquaintances, but the true friends I have, five, are all straight girls (oh yeah, one is a lesbian).


    Don't be close minded to meeting people for friendships (gay or straight). You never know who you'll run into just doing the things that make you most happy.

    Fuck, I'm going canoeing tomorrow with a 70yr old straight woman that could run circles around me, but I like her.

    Oh yeah, the question: Yes I'm totally out everywhere. It's hilarious when people ask me especially straight men,
    "So do you have a /g/..../b/.../p/....Partner?"
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2605

    Jul 06, 2011 1:00 PM GMT
    I came out at 19 at university.I was away from home,a very conservative,rural place.Most of my initial friends were straight and I told them,or they heard from someone else about me.I got involved with the gay society we had within the student union socially and politically,met other guys,went to gay 'friendly'(there were no fully gay places then) pubs,marches and rallies,etc.It all developed from there.
    Once you get mixing with gay guys you`ll find what your tastes are.The main thing is to enjoy yourself!
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    Jul 06, 2011 1:15 PM GMT
    I did it in my first week at college. It was pretty easy, people ask so do you have a girlfriend? Just reply no i have a boyfriend, or im gay. People really dont care either way, its a lot less dramatic than people make out
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    Jul 06, 2011 1:17 PM GMT
    Came out after i graduated high school and was in my 1st semester in college
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    Jul 06, 2011 1:20 PM GMT
    sadly, I was not. I was too busy trying to fit in like an asshole.
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    Jul 06, 2011 1:36 PM GMT
    yep!
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    Jul 06, 2011 1:42 PM GMT
    No, but there was this blond freshman on my floor that people noticed I was into. Embarrassingly, my roommate was on the track team with gorgeous blue eyes, so I was into him too. My roomie was decent about it, but the blond made jokes with his friends so out I came. Pity they were both straight as I'd still do either of them in a heartbeat -- especially the heartless blond.
  • swimjohn

    Posts: 252

    Jul 06, 2011 2:04 PM GMT
    I'm about to start college in the fall. Came out to my friends and family during my senior year of high school. I'm a bit nervous to see what it will be like being out in college. I've heard my University if pretty closeted from two different gay guys that I know there icon_sad.gif
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    Jul 06, 2011 2:07 PM GMT
    No. I came out really late.
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    Jul 06, 2011 2:13 PM GMT
    I wish that I had come out in college. I think I would have enjoyed the whole experience better. I dated a girl for the first two years of college and that fizzled out (surprise surprise). In college I threw myself at my schoolwork and did nothing else. The good thing was that I shined academically. Still, however, that didn't fill in the void that I knew I was missing.

    Even now, nearly ten years out of college, I look back with regret and sadness because I know I can never get those years back.

    I think it's great for you to get involved in gay groups and activities. It's something that I wish I had done because now that I'm 30 and hardly have any gay friends I feel more or less isolated even though I've been out for five years.

    I came out when I was 25.
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    Jul 06, 2011 2:19 PM GMT
    Out in college (early '80s), no. Active, yes. I was working through whether I was bi or not. I am not. By the time I went to work at Oregon State U. ('92) there were lots of out students. I wasn't that brave. Different time though too.
  • Rawrdo

    Posts: 343

    Jul 06, 2011 2:57 PM GMT
    I was/am out in college since the middle of my 2nd year, but it started out really slow. At first only those who were really close to me knew, and to the others I'd actually try and act straight (yeah, I know it's bad in sooo many ways, I was so dumb back then). Anyways, eventually I started getting more comfortable to the point that now if people ask I'll just tell them that yeah I'm gay, and they're pretty cool about it. Though generally, they don't even ask anymore, it's like they just know lol.
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Jul 06, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    To the OP, we are in the same boat. It really depends on the campus, and mine just doesn't have a whole lot of attractive out gay men. (Attractive to me in particular).

    None of them so far share any of my interests and have a yet-to-be-matured outlook on life. Flamboyant attitudes, no idea what a dumbbell is, and dumber than a bag of rocks, describes most of them. Ah, what a depressing response this has turned into.

    I have to venture outside of campus, far outside campus (10-30+ miles), to find date-able men.

    There are a good deal of hot gay men on this campus, but they all hide in the frats and don't come out till their mid-20s to early 30s, or never. It's such a shame.
  • shred_thegnar

    Posts: 157

    Jul 06, 2011 3:19 PM GMT
    Yes, very accepting university as I find most are.
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    Jul 06, 2011 4:03 PM GMT
    swmrh911 saidSo I basically came out my senior year of high school/freshman year of college. Maybe its just me, and maybe its just the guys I notice, but in my class at school the only guys that are out at my age are either too flamboyant, or just not my taste. I don't know exactly what my "type" is because I have such little dating experience, but I have a general idea of what I'm attracted to.

    I just was wondering how old some of you guys were when you came out, and how you started to meet other guys?

    I am going to try and get involved with the Rainbow Alliance at school just for shits and giggles to see what its about, and also hit up some of the gay bars, even though I hear they are somewhat trashy in STL.... I just haven't ever been huge on pride or making it obvious I'm gay, not that I don't appreciate/value you guys that are. icon_smile.gif


    That's the thing though. Since a gay man is supposedly just a man with same-sex attractions, something like being able to tell that a guy is gay just by observing them doesn't make sense. Especially since attractions are innate and otherwise unobservable qualities. But, as you have observed, it's often true because guys confuse(for whatever reason) being attracted to the same sex and as being associated with what is socially accepted as being feminine.

    The truth is, there are many guys at your school who also have same-sex attractions. Some are hiding that truth and others, like yourself, don't hide it. The only reason it seems like it's only you and the flamboyant guys who are out is because you have a host of other same-sex attracted guys who have behaviors that aren't defined by their sexuality. They're "normal", as ill defined as that word is, in the sense that they don't let their innate attractions superficially dominate their outward behavior. That's why you can't seek them out by looking at guys in a crowd.

    If you want to meet guys like yourself, you can join groups, go to clubs/bars, or you can just make friends with guys you esteem. I prefer the last myself because, even if it turns out somewhere down the line that the attraction is not mutual, I've at least made a great friend in the process. That's the g0y approach anyway. But which one you choose depends on what you're looking for out of a relationship with a guy.

    Good luck!
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    Jul 06, 2011 4:08 PM GMT
    ya UofT was awesome, all my friends were straight tho
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    Jul 06, 2011 4:48 PM GMT
    Animus said

    The truth is, there are many guys at your school who also have same-sex attractions. Some are hiding that truth and others, like yourself, don't hide it.


    I guess I didn't word that properly. I'm actually completely out to all my friends. I just have had a hard time finding like-minded gays to hang out with. I haven't ever lied about it, and I haven't denied the fact either since being at school. I'm sure there are other gay guys at school that I just need to take the initiative to find.
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    Jul 06, 2011 4:56 PM GMT
    I'm gonna be a junior in the fall and no, I'm not out. Being on one of my college's sports teams is what's stopping me. icon_confused.gif I plan on coming out after college.
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    Jul 06, 2011 5:01 PM GMT
    In college now and out
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    Jul 06, 2011 5:05 PM GMT
    maxskyler saidIn college now and out


    this

    also my school might as well be called homo university, they are known for fashion, design, drama and music lol.

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    Jul 06, 2011 5:06 PM GMT
    I came out second semester of my sophomore year. I went to a really conservative, Catholic school and most of my friends were your typical 'bros' so it didn't go over well with a lot of, but I'm really glad I did it. As for meeting people, I'd suggest checking your Theater, Art, English, and Poli-Sci programs - they'll be hiding there somewhere.
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    Jul 06, 2011 5:29 PM GMT
    I came out at 18 pretty soon after beginning my freshman year at college. Glad I did. Too many cuties to not be out during your college years. I had a lot of gay friends in college and did meet some of them by joining the college gay student organization. Still, most of my friends were straight, but that is just because of the numbers- there is more of them.
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    Jul 06, 2011 5:30 PM GMT
    Yep. I was outed right before college, and I didn't really see ay reason to hide it. Everybody in my department knows it, even the professors. Not that I go announcing it down the halls or anything... I have some tact! icon_cool.gif

    I joined my school's GSA, but I quickly found out it was the local meat market. It didn't hurt to check it out though. It just didn't end up being my thing. No idea what it's like everywhere else.

    Most guys I've met/liked/dated came out of the woodwork. It's not something I put a lot of effort into looking for. If it happens, it happens, then great!

    Just be yourself, and be the best 'you' you can be. (wow, cliché much?) Don't worry what people think. The best people don't attach importance to how out you are (did that make sense?). All they care about is WHO you are.
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    Jul 06, 2011 5:40 PM GMT
    i first came out during my junior year in college, and then was completely out to everyone important in my life by my senior year.