I turned a guy into a raging homophobe.

  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Jul 06, 2011 4:39 AM GMT
    Hi everyone. So, I'll cut straight to the point. I asked this guy out who I swore on my life was into me. I mean the dude could not keep his eyes off of me or could not, not be near me. I asked him out thinking this is what the next step should be. The guy went crazy, told his friends what fag I was, and is homophobic any chance he gets. I mean terribly homophobic. He's also deeper into religion and is a Republican. The guy removes all gay people from his social networking sites.

    Could what I have done been so bad? I am sick over this. The guy is a huge homophobe now, and it's my fault. I mean it's non-stop anti-gay.

    Need advice on what is wrong with him. Have you ever gone through this? Thanks everybody.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2011 5:02 AM GMT
    The louder they scream, the further they are in the closet. I was not quite as brash in my day, but this behavior usually denotes that he has something to "hide" and you touched a nerve. Especially when he's hiding behind religion... You did nothing wrong. He is just terrified to face the facts.
  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Jul 06, 2011 5:06 AM GMT
    He is loud. Very loud. Real hateful towards gays. And, he hates me with a passion. He sleeps with women though. I am pretty sure he does.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2011 5:11 AM GMT
    trainhard2011 saidHe is loud. Very loud. Real hateful towards gays. And, he hates me with passion. He sleeps with women though. I am pretty sure he does.


    Then walk away from this, completely. All you did was ask him out.

  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Jul 06, 2011 5:15 AM GMT
    I have. I ran for the hills. I hear though that he's really awful. Removing gay people from Facebook? That's too much.
  • danielvn

    Posts: 222

    Jul 06, 2011 10:56 AM GMT
    Sounds like just another psycho to me. If I were you, I wouldnt care less.
  • Cuchullain

    Posts: 64

    Jul 06, 2011 11:29 AM GMT
    Reckon you dodged a bullet there. You paid the guy a compliment. Too bad he didn't have the grace to accept it.

    "The guy is a huge homophobe now, and it's my fault."

    The guy is a huge douchebag and it's nobody's fault but his own. If he wants to make a theatrical production out of it, let him. Who gives a shit.

    Straight dudes can be such a bunch of homos sometimes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2011 11:49 AM GMT
    I know it is a cliche, but his behaviour reeks of internalised homophobia.
  • denus

    Posts: 46

    Jul 06, 2011 11:49 AM GMT
    He was already a bigot before he met you. You just happened to present yourself as a target to his foolishness. It's nobody's fault but his own.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2011 12:18 PM GMT
    Stay away for a long time. He'll message you on the equivalent of Facebook when he's 40. It's not a new story. Go and enjoy life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2011 12:25 PM GMT
    yea - he's phobic of his own homosexuality. Look at all those conservative Republicans who are always caught smoking some pole in a restroom or something.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2011 12:40 PM GMT
    Mil8 saidI know it is a cliche, but his behaviour reeks of internalised homophobia.



    +50


    He is to be pitied, but dont try to help him. He will not accept it until he accepts himself. It is a sad story. If you run into him, be pleasant and walk away with dignity and calm. Don't argue with him about anything.

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jul 06, 2011 1:08 PM GMT
    Andreas73 saidThe louder they scream, the further they are in the closet. I was not quite as brash in my day, but this behavior usually denotes that he has something to "hide" and you touched a nerve. Especially when he's hiding behind religion... You did nothing wrong. He is just terrified to face the facts.




    QFT, by my own experiences
  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Jul 06, 2011 1:12 PM GMT
    His reaction is way over the top. His hate for gay people is almost comical.
  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Jul 06, 2011 1:15 PM GMT
    theantijock saidI thought we could only turn guys gay. I didn't know we could turn them into homophobes. Nobody told me about this new power of ours. Did someone forget to put it on the agenda?


    Lol...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2011 1:18 PM GMT
    (1) he´s gay and in denial.
    (2) He´s unbalanced and you´re best off with him out of your life.

    Be glad you get rid of another nut case from your circle.

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Jul 06, 2011 1:23 PM GMT
    Lostboy said(1) he´s gay and in denial.
    (2) He´s unbalanced and you´re best off with him out of your life.

    Be glad you get rid of another nut case from your circle.

    icon_biggrin.gif


    Aside from that, he puts everybody down. All of his friends. He is an angry dude.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2011 1:24 PM GMT
    Yikes. Total closet case. Nothing wrong with your gaydar or actions. His problem.

    "Methinks he doth protest too much."
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Jul 06, 2011 1:25 PM GMT
    I think the internalized homophobia thing is often over played, but in this case I think it's exactly right. I think he was probably into you, was checking you out, and that what he's really upset about is that this time he got called on it.
  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Jul 06, 2011 1:29 PM GMT
    Yes, it was a 180 personality. Before I asked him out, he was a great guy. Then after, that guy is gone.
  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Jul 06, 2011 1:31 PM GMT
    Don't guys who are closeted though want or need someone they can talk to and trust?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2011 1:34 PM GMT
    Andreas73 saidThe louder they scream, the further they are in the closet. I was not quite as brash in my day, but this behavior usually denotes that he has something to "hide" and you touched a nerve. Especially when he's hiding behind religion... You did nothing wrong. He is just terrified to face the facts.


    Sums it up nicely.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2011 1:35 PM GMT
    trainhard2011 saidDon't guys who are closeted though want or need someone they can talk to and trust?


    Nope.

    And in all the time you spent together you never picked up anything that he was like this?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2011 2:45 PM GMT
    Uh, I think I have to dissent here from the chorus of others who have told you what you wanted to hear.

    You were the one who made assumptions, correct? You interpreted his behavior as being interested in you and you ended up being very, very wrong. Your actions are yet another example of the cliche of the gay guy hitting on a straight man. Nothing more.

    True, after you asked him out, he could have politely told you that he wasn't into guys and left it at that. But he didn't. Not everyone who is uncomfortable with gays is a furnace of fiery homophobia. Nor is the fact that he is Republican or religious de facto evidence of internalized self-hate, like many here have suggested. That is a naive and unsophisticated assessment.

    For whatever reason, you touched a nerve and he doesn't want anything to do with you. So what if he deletes gays from his social networking sites? Prejudice is his prerogative.

    You claim to "be sick over this". Why? Is it because you know that the fault here lies with you? If you knew that he sleeps with women, why did you ask him out?

    The fact that he didn't know you were gay before you asked him out suggests that you weren't forthcoming to him. And the fact that fact that you knew he sleeps with women before you asked him out makes you look predatory.

    A lot of gay guys manage to never mistakenly hit on a straight guy. Generally this is because they live their lives openly and transparently. Their friends, family and associates know about their sexuality and the issue isn't a big deal. That also means that we know about theirs and don't make the mistake of inappropriately hitting on them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 06, 2011 3:01 PM GMT
    The reality is some straight guys are deeply curious inside or at least crossed their mind. Not all, but some. But perhaps you are mistaking his friendliness with coming onto you. icon_biggrin.gif

    Now that the cat is out of the bag. Regardless whether he is homophobic or in gay denial only time will tell. There is no need to try to explain. Just let things cool a bit and maybe at least a friendship will remain.