Christian, and been in a 'grey area' about being gay for way too long.....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 07, 2011 10:30 PM GMT
    Yo-
    I'm 37 now, and have literally been running from being gay for the last 18 years. Yes, I know..that's a crazy long time. Because of the denial, I'm caught up with just hooking up now and then, feeling empty, and totally desensitized to a healthy relationship. I'm tired of it, and want to get over the massive wall I've built up.

    Anyone gone through the same thing? Can you offer some wisdom? Would love to hear from religious and non-religious. Thanks-
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    Jul 07, 2011 10:36 PM GMT
    Yes, have been through the self-hatred phase where God had cursed me to a life of being a pariah. Now that I'm older and hopefully wiser, I know the truth about myself -- that I am a loving, decent, kind, honest, sincere follower of Christ. I quit letting the world define me and decided to be a Christian in a practical sense i.e. treating others with respect, kindness, and dignity and try to be a good example. The Christian teachings are quite beautiful. Too bad so many choose to practice their agenda of hate against gays.

    Blessings to you and be courageous!
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    Jul 07, 2011 11:11 PM GMT
    I am not religious, but if your faith is something important to you, perhaps you should look for a church that looks at homosexuality from a different perspective. Maybe try the Metropolitan Community Church. They are all over the country and surely there must be one fairly close to you.
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    Jul 07, 2011 11:23 PM GMT
    I used to be sort of religious, and came to a point where I was in conflict because I couldn't be honest to who I was and reconcile that with religioun. So I dumped religion to the motherfucking curb and I'm completely happy now icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 07, 2011 11:29 PM GMT
    Its possible to maintain your faith and and embrace your sexuality at the same time. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise
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    Jul 07, 2011 11:42 PM GMT
    I guess i dont really have any helpful advice, but i can say that you aren't alone, and that i understand what you are going through to a certain point. I am religous and it was extremely difficult for me to admit that i am gay.

    I wish i could help you, but im not sure what to say. I just know that hooking up isnt going to help..I got over being lonely by talking making friends online that helped me feel like i had friends to relate with.. I havent gotten very far yet, but i am young.. so i have plenty of time to continue to work on it ..

    Best of luck to you.
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    Jul 07, 2011 11:45 PM GMT
    KSUOWL saidIts possible to maintain your faith and and embrace your sexuality at the same time. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise


    And what is your faith?
  • Mepark

    Posts: 806

    Jul 07, 2011 11:55 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidI used to be sort of religious, and came to a point where I was in conflict because I couldn't be honest to who I was and reconcile that with religioun. So I dumped religion to the motherfucking curb and I'm completely happy now icon_biggrin.gif


    I'm sort of going through that right now, but it makes me sick to my stomach and sad. How did you feel in the beginning?
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    Jul 07, 2011 11:58 PM GMT
    cold said
    Ariodante saidI used to be sort of religious, and came to a point where I was in conflict because I couldn't be honest to who I was and reconcile that with religioun. So I dumped religion to the motherfucking curb and I'm completely happy now icon_biggrin.gif


    Litterbug.


    Don't worry, I doused it with gasoline and then set it on fire before tossing it.
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    Jul 08, 2011 12:00 AM GMT
    Mepark said
    Ariodante saidI used to be sort of religious, and came to a point where I was in conflict because I couldn't be honest to who I was and reconcile that with religioun. So I dumped religion to the motherfucking curb and I'm completely happy now icon_biggrin.gif


    I'm sort of going through that right now, but it makes me sick to my stomach and sad. How did you feel in the beginning?


    It was an "oh god whyyyy" situation in the beginning. Then I realized religion, any religion, was a warped, twisted and totally fucked up FRAUD of a "middleman" between me and spiritual fulfillment. So I cut out the middleman.
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    Jul 08, 2011 12:05 AM GMT
    SC_BROTHA saidYo-
    I'm 37 now, and have literally been running from being gay for the last 18 years. Yes, I know..that's a crazy long time. Because of the denial, I'm caught up with just hooking up now and then, feeling empty, and totally desensitized to a healthy relationship. I'm tired of it, and want to get over the massive wall I've built up.

    Anyone gone through the same thing? Can you offer some wisdom? Would love to hear from religious and non-religious. Thanks-


    Search all your life and you'll find there is nothing more wrong about homosexuals than any other group of people. If the book fails to reflect the real world, you go with the real world. Meet with the episcopalians, they tend to know this issue and the bible very well.
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    Jul 08, 2011 12:10 AM GMT
    +10

    I am no fan of "religion", that is, man's ideas to try and bridge the gap between us and God.

    God's already done the heavy lifting of bridging the gap - we need only trust Him.

    I believe in Him, but I have very little trust in the rantings of some of His more rabid fans.
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    Jul 08, 2011 12:41 AM GMT
    It kinda reminds me of people who are overweight, unemployed and/or unhappy and who look for answers in late night infomercials. "Sick of being overweight?? Get professional weight loss help with Jenny Craig!!" "Need more money?? I make $12,000 a month working from home!!" "Unhappy? Send me money and I'll fix that!!"

    And what they don't realize? The person who holds the key to your happiness, to your self-improvement, to your physical and mental health...is you. It's inside you. All of it. You are good enough with what you have and who you are to make yourself happy and fulfilled.
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    Jul 08, 2011 12:44 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidIt kinda reminds me of people who are overweight, unemployed and/or unhappy and who look for answers in late night infomercials. "Sick of being overweight?? Get professional weight loss help with Jenny Craig!!" "Need more money?? I make $12,000 a month working from home!!" "Unhappy? Send me money and I'll fix that!!"

    And what they don't realize? The person who holds the key to your happiness, to your self-improvement, to your physical and mental health...is you. It's inside you. All of it. You are good enough with what you have and who you are to make yourself happy and fulfilled.


    This sounds just as preachy as something a pastor would say. Just sayin...
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    Jul 08, 2011 12:49 AM GMT
    KSUOWL said
    Ariodante said...The person who holds the key to your happiness, to your self-improvement, to your physical and mental health...is you. It's inside you. All of it. You are good enough with what you have and who you are to make yourself happy and fulfilled.


    This sounds just as preachy as something a pastor would say. Just sayin...


    Preach it, brotha! icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 08, 2011 12:53 AM GMT
    Christianity is a massive joke that has enslaved, disenfranchised, created a permanent underclass, directly sponsored racism/sexism/homophobia/eugenics, and has held back progress for centuries for significant tax advantages and financial planning that directly benefits the largest landowning entity in the world. Human stupidity and Christianity's marriage is the most efficient (and evil) hegemonic device ever unleashed (moreso than the Balrog and even the Rancor icon_eek.gif ) for rubes who are too concerned with conformity to question everything and critique every inherent flaw in logic that dictates their life from a long-dead hand that has been continually revised, re-written by Kings, re-revised, re-re-written by Kings, and re-re-revised and re-re-re-written to adapt to the King's whim and fancy to control and maintain order for his own pecuniary gain and to maintain a stranglehold on the working poor who might otherwise actually pick up a mace and start aiming for the King's face.

    How about we start there, hmmm?

    And Jesus was black. Way black. But he was Jewish. He was Sammy Davis Junior propelled through time in a DeLorean and you all missed the second coming (no, not that kind) icon_eek.gif

    Non-religious view chiming in ^^
    The more you know™
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    Jul 08, 2011 12:57 AM GMT
    "Yo?" You are 37 and using the word "yo" like some street thug?

    Anyway, forget the whole christian, organized religious bullshit.
    Whether a church is gay "tolerant" or "accepting"....who needs their charity. They are irrelevant.
    If you have a need to have a relationship with whatever god you believe in, and it makes you happy, then be reverent to it, he, what/whomever. But do it on your terms. Seems to be more natural to be spiritually connected one-on-one to whatever you believe in.
    Be happy.
    And stop using "yo" like common street trash. icon_rolleyes.gif
    Tristan
  • shawn06

    Posts: 337

    Jul 08, 2011 1:00 AM GMT
    spaghettimonster saidChristianity is a massive joke that has enslaved, disenfranchised, created a permanent underclass, directly sponsored racism/sexism/homophobia/eugenics, and has held back progress for centuries for significant tax advantages and financial planning that directly benefits the largest landowning entity in the world. Human stupidity and Christianity's marriage is the most efficient (and evil) hegemonic device ever unleashed (moreso than the Balrog and even the Rancor icon_eek.gif ) for rubes who are too concerned with conformity to question everything and critique every inherent flaw in logic that dictates their life from a long-dead hand that has been continually revised, re-written by Kings, re-revised, re-written by Kings, and re-re-revised and re-re-re-written to adapt to the King's whim and fancy to control and maintain order for his own pecuniary gain and to maintain a stranglehold on the working poor who might otherwise actually pick up a mace and start aiming for the King's face.

    How about we start there, hmmm?

    And Jesus was black. Way black. But he was Jewish. He was Sammy Davis Junior propelled through time in a DeLorean and you all missed the second coming (no, not that kind) icon_eek.gif

    Non-religious view chiming in ^^
    The more you know™


    ummm.... ok

    You should consider getting out there now, stop worrying about religious reasoning and do what u feel is right. A belief is a belief, you can alter what you believe as that is your freedom. Anyone can tell you what they think is true but you are capable on deciding if you believe it all, a little, or not at all. You have already waited way to long and if you continue down that route you may end up severely regretting it when you are older.

    Honestly asking for advice here is difficult when most people are not gonna be christian. They are going to put down your religion and try to convince you of how wrong it is, they are essentially the same people in organized religion as they do the same thing just with a different argument. Such as the guy I'm quoting, some are just as closed minded about religion as the pope is about gay marriage. You need to decide on that and there is nothing wrong with being a christian and being gay.
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    Jul 08, 2011 1:02 AM GMT
    alphatrigger said+10

    I am no fan of "religion", that is, man's ideas to try and bridge the gap between us and God.

    God's already done the heavy lifting of bridging the gap - we need only trust Him.

    I believe in Him, but I have very little trust in the rantings of some of His more rabid fans.


    X10!!
    (can I get an "Amen", Bruthas?)
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    Jul 08, 2011 1:03 AM GMT
    alphatrigger said+10

    I am no fan of "religion", that is, man's ideas to try and bridge the gap between us and God.

    God's already done the heavy lifting of bridging the gap - we need only trust Him.

    I believe in Him, but I have very little trust in the rantings of some of His more rabid fans.


    +1000

    Nicely said man!
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    Jul 08, 2011 1:06 AM GMT
    I was raised in a very religious family. From this, I always felt that being gay was wrong in the eyes of my religion. I think that this is one component or reason why I am still not completely comfortable with myself. However, after feeling alone for many years (and being sick of it), I've started to put myself out there more. I have actually dated, and I feel like I'm making progress. While, I'm not a regular church-goer, I do keep many of the teachings in the New Testament close to me. My advice to you would be to make slow progress and try to break down the wall slowly over time. If your goal is to have a healthy relationship, try to make friendships with gay men you're comfortable with. There are gay friendly churches, and when I was living in another city, I made several good gay friends through that venue. Look for a venue that you would be most comfortable with, and pursue it. Hope that helps.
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    Jul 08, 2011 1:07 AM GMT
    I know a gay mormon couple who are going through the same thing. Really conflicted with their religion because they believe they should get into the "highest" tier of heaven but they will only ever get to the 2nd because they will never be able to get married "correctly" according to the book. They just struggle with the "why" question.

    Not much help but it happens in a lot of religions where gay's get conflicted when they are pretty religious.
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    Jul 08, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    KSUOWL said
    Ariodante saidIt kinda reminds me of people who are overweight, unemployed and/or unhappy and who look for answers in late night infomercials. "Sick of being overweight?? Get professional weight loss help with Jenny Craig!!" "Need more money?? I make $12,000 a month working from home!!" "Unhappy? Send me money and I'll fix that!!"

    And what they don't realize? The person who holds the key to your happiness, to your self-improvement, to your physical and mental health...is you. It's inside you. All of it. You are good enough with what you have and who you are to make yourself happy and fulfilled.


    This sounds just as preachy as something a pastor would say. Just sayin...


    *shrug*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    spaghettimonster saidChristianity is a massive joke that has enslaved, disenfranchised, created a permanent underclass, directly sponsored racism/sexism/homophobia/eugenics, and has held back progress for centuries for significant tax advantages and financial planning that directly benefits the largest landowning entity in the world. Human stupidity and Christianity's marriage is the most efficient (and evil) hegemonic device ever unleashed (moreso than the Balrog and even the Rancor icon_eek.gif ) for rubes who are too concerned with conformity to question everything and critique every inherent flaw in logic that dictates their life from a long-dead hand that has been continually revised, re-written by Kings, re-revised, re-re-written by Kings, and re-re-revised and re-re-re-written to adapt to the King's whim and fancy to control and maintain order for his own pecuniary gain and to maintain a stranglehold on the working poor who might otherwise actually pick up a mace and start aiming for the King's face.

    How about we start there, hmmm?

    And Jesus was black. Way black. But he was Jewish. He was Sammy Davis Junior propelled through time in a DeLorean and you all missed the second coming (no, not that kind) icon_eek.gif

    Non-religious view chiming in ^^
    The more you know™


    icon_sad.gif .... this thread is supposed to be for helping a guy with his troubles.. not venting out your anger at christianity..
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    Jul 08, 2011 1:12 AM GMT
    athlet29 saidI was raised in a very religious family. From this, I always felt that being gay was wrong in the eyes of my religion. I think that this is one component or reason why I am still not completely comfortable with myself. However, after feeling alone for many years (and being sick of it), I've started to put myself out there more. I have actually dated, and I feel like I'm making progress. While, I'm not a regular church-goer, I do keep many of the teachings in the New Testament close to me. My advice to you would be to make slow progress and try to break down the wall slowly over time. If your goal is to have a healthy relationship, try to make friendships with gay men you're comfortable with. There are gay friendly churches, and when I was living in another city, I made several good gay friends through that venue. Look for a venue that you would be most comfortable with, and pursue it. Hope that helps.



    Awwwh this sounds like great advice.. i wish i was this good at helping others icon_biggrin.gif