How do you keep your man interested in you?

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    Jul 08, 2011 2:42 AM GMT
    Hi guys, I've recently got into a relationship with my current boyfriend for a month and we hit it off from the start, talking, smsing and facebooking each other late into the night. He's been nothing but good to me, even accompanying me on my trip to Sydney just two weeks after getting to know each other. I hardly see him as he lives about an hour away by train so when we do it really means alot.

    Quite recently though it feels like we're drying up. I know that he cares alot about me but we're not talking as much as we used and for that reason it's bothering me quite abit. I guess it has to do with facebook, having status updates and all that. Sometimes I get a little jealous that he has more things to say with his friends than me. I know it's the period where our relationship starts to lose it's novelty and.. mature I guess but I just want a little more attention.

    The thing is, I'm abit afraid to confront him about the issue as I don't wanna sound naggy and clingy. I know he needs his space and his friends but I just wanna get him interested in me again.

    Any relevant advice, thoughts would be appreciated thank you.
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    Jul 08, 2011 2:53 AM GMT
    I can identify with this. Limerence is defined as the period of time when a relationship is just blossoming and both people in the relationship are in basically euphoric states of mind. Limerence can last anywhere from a month to up to a year.

    Based on your post, I'd say that the limerence has started to wear off from your new relationship, as you've pointed out. This is normal---and it SUCKS, doesn't it?

    I completely understand where you're coming from because I myself am having an issue with my current boyfriend. We have been together longer (going on 10 months), but the story is similar: I loved the way he acted and treated me at the beginning, and then after a few months it had all worn off. I also don't want to seem clingy, but there's obviously an issue.

    I wish that I had an easy answer for you, but because I am struggling with the same thing, I don't. The strange thing is that I feel like I haven't changed but that HE has. Do you feel like that too?
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 08, 2011 3:01 AM GMT
    He has grown "comfortable" with you in the relationship, therefore even though he still cares for you as much as he ever did....the "new" has worn off and you're kind of like a straight couple when the honeymoon is over....still together...but settled and comfortable. Find new ways to show him affection and to keep the relationship intimate and interesting. icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 08, 2011 4:34 AM GMT
    Hmm if you're talking about the way he treats me, I don't really find him changed. Maybe it's too early but he still does make the effort to plan activities for us and is surprisingly gentle towards me dispite his rascally and scallywag ways.

    But in terms of communication yea I think he sometimes takes it for granted that a gd morning and gd evening is enough for one day.

    @me11, Your situation is probably similiar to mine with 9 months more experience i guess. Sorry to hear that and hope things work out for you and your guy.

    @malefeet, I've tried asking him over serveral times and it's starting to sound like a nag. Actually I would love to go over and find him but he lives with his parents (he's not a bum, he earns his own money and studies at a local Uni) and they'd be horrified to find out that way. We're working on coming out together but it's abit hard at the moment. Could it be that I've asked him over so many times that he's beginning to dread having a conversation with me? I've stopped asking that since.
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    Jul 08, 2011 5:06 AM GMT
    me11 saidLimerence is defined as the period of time when a relationship is just blossoming and both people in the relationship are in basically euphoric states of mind. Limerence can last anywhere from a month to up to a year.

    Based on your post, I'd say that the limerence has started to wear off from your new relationship, as you've pointed out. This is normal---and it SUCKS, doesn't it?

    How I handle this, cause I know all about the fade of limerence:

    - When I walk in the door, I always call out "Hello, my love!" Or when he comes home, the same welcome, And I give him a big hug.
    - I buy him gifts all the time. And he does me.
    - I remind myself how lucky I am to have him. Who else would have me?
    - I touch & hug him a lot.
    - When he wants to go somewhere that I don't, usually some restaurant, and I see he really wants to, I drop my objections and agree. His happiness outweighs my reluctance. And once there, I make sure I have a good time, for his sake, if not my own. To be sullen & ill-tempered would be unforgivable.

    Yah know, your job is to make your partner happy. Hopefully he feels the same way about you. Even when you evolve from the entertaining novelties of first dating, to the often dull realities of daily living together. You find a new joy in being with him, the joy of having a man you know & love, all to yourself.

    It doesn't happen to all, and so you move on. But when it does happen it's magical, when you realize he's a keeper, and he thinks the same of you.

    How do you keep your man interested in you? By being interested in HIM, first and foremost. If he thinks the same way about you, you're gonna be together for the rest of your lives.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 6:40 AM GMT
    from Pulp FictionMia: Don't you hate that?
    Vincent: What?
    Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
    Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.
    Mia: That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 6:57 AM GMT
    threaten to break up with him. that will get him on his toes again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 8:59 AM GMT
    Keep inshape and get in better...do not threaten to break up with him thats horrible to do haha...just wrong
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 9:04 AM GMT
    I guess givin good dick has always been the way i kept my relationships as long as i did, but as a trade off, most of my relationships became mostly physical afterwords and i ended up breaking it off....
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    Jul 08, 2011 9:18 AM GMT
    How to keep a man interested in you.....
    BE THE BOYFRIEND OR MAN YOU want in your life... like attracts like

    To keep a boyfriend...BE ONE... no profiles, no sex chatting... be Good Giving and Game in bed

    9780743225304.jpg
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    Jul 08, 2011 9:26 AM GMT
    jagger84 saidI hardly see him as he lives about an hour away by train


    This is the big issue here. Making a relationship work is hard - making a long distance relationship work is even harder. Facebook and texting and Skyping are not enough for a relationship.

    I really don't think after a month you should be entering a period where your relationship loses it's novelty, especially if you don't see each other that often.

    If it doesn't seem like he's willing to make much effort, or put you above his friends, and you feel like you have to struggle for his attention - well, I think the writing is on the wall. Sorry for being harsh.
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    Jul 08, 2011 9:28 AM GMT
    Remind him that before he knows it he will be in a walker with adult diapers or a colostomy bag, that the pickins are getting pretty slim and then who's going to want him??? haha Just kidding...(it doesnt work anyway)
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    Jul 08, 2011 9:30 AM GMT
    lol believe or not i'm the introvert and he's more the extrovert leader but in bed, it's the total opposite and he's very submissive. I don't think the physical part is the issue. I try to be more extrovert but it is difficult at times. I'll be travelling with him on monday, should I tell him that I'm feeling abit unwanted?
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    Jul 08, 2011 9:34 AM GMT
    speak your mind.... to a point. dont come off as complaining, but rather do something, like ask if he WANTS to spend more time together.

    speaking from experience, i dont always say the right thing in the right way, but i dont hold back and keep stuff to myself
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    Jul 08, 2011 9:43 AM GMT
    I think instead of talking to him about it, just do something about it. Small surprises do a lot to keep things moving along for me, as well as listening. Like Art_Deco said, be interested in him. Too often I meet guys that just want to impress with their taste in music, etc to show they are "cool", but they do it at the expense of knowing more about their date. I'm young, but even I know relationships are about him, not me.
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    Jul 08, 2011 9:45 AM GMT
    I will write a book about meeting really nice, normal, stable guys and how to keep them in a LTR with all of my tips and all of my advice.

    Then you read the book and do the exact opposite. That should work.
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    Jul 08, 2011 9:56 AM GMT
    Alpha_Muscle saidI will write a book about meeting really nice, normal, stable guys and how to keep them in a LTR with all of my tips and all of my advice.

    Then you read the book and do the exact opposite. That should work.



    lol, that was good....
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    Jul 08, 2011 10:09 AM GMT
    The infatuation phase of a relationship is based largely upon rather nebulous qualities such as physical appearance and arousal templates, according to psychological studies, and lasts around 12-18 months. beyond that, the relationship depends upon the establishment of deeper connections and is fundamentally a matter of choice. each member determines the cost and value of remaining in the relationship and chooses to remain or leave. for me, the appreciation of all the wonderful qualities of my partner keeps me fascinated with him and the prospect of continuing to grow together while exploring this world. while many folks--myself included--can become irritated with another person's eccentricities and foibles and consider leaving, ultimately these are often temporary frustrations and just serve to strengthen the relationship when communication lines are open. as long as you both have solid self esteem and remain in the relationship by choice rather than a desperate fear of being alone, wonderful things happen as the years roll by. certainly we've had a rocky road and have been apart for brief periods, but i truly believe i've found my life partner and am committed to this journey we're on. love to me takes work to grow. hope that didn't sound too damned clinical, but that's been my experience. by the way, we've been together over fourteen years now. icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 08, 2011 3:01 PM GMT
    You cannot force someone in a relationship to do what he doesn't want to do. If you're not getting what you want in the relationship, perhaps you're simply not compatible. An honest discussion might be in order. If that discussion doesn't cure the "defect" in the relationship, then it might be time to move on. People do change, but it doesn't mean that you have to put up with it.
  • rf_dal

    Posts: 380

    Jul 08, 2011 3:08 PM GMT
    the amazing sex
  • Jimmy201001

    Posts: 40

    Jul 08, 2011 3:23 PM GMT
    I always thought good sex was enough but it's clear that it's not. What I've learned is to quickly move on from any guys who are not willing to make the effort to spend quality time with me (after giving them a 2nd chance even). For example, I halted all contact with an ex who promised we'd be always remain friends (removing him from Facebook etc..) because he didn't text me for a month after the break up. When it comes to making time (and sacrifices) it must be entirely mutual.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 3:43 PM GMT
    A month is not a very long time and maybe he's just trying to figure out how serious he wants it to be. If YOU want it to become more serious I think you can let him know.

    If you are both in the closet it's going to be hard, because that's a lot of weight to add to a relationship. Maybe it's wise to concentrate on coming out first.
  • rf_dal

    Posts: 380

    Jul 08, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    That was a joke, btw. Not that I give him amazing sex but that it's the answer ;P
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 4:43 PM GMT
    When in doubt talk to him about it. He may very well feel the same thing about you. Too much in our society we do too much assuming and a quick easy fix is to just approach him on the issue. You'll feel better and he may not realize he is doing that to you.
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    Jul 08, 2011 6:04 PM GMT
    Rope, chains, handcuffs, and a shallow well.

    Not only does he stay interested, it loves putting lotion on its skin.