Are you disowned from your family because you are gay?

  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Jul 08, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    Or, did your relationship with them, and people in general, strengthen when you came out?
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    Jul 08, 2011 4:21 AM GMT
    Oh my mom knew since when I was only five. icon_wink.gif

    But I only told them last year, my mom and dad, when I was 24. It hasn't strengthened my relationship with them since there are other factors at work, and they really don't know or, it seems, care to know who I date, etc.

    I already have a gay cousin, aunt, and uncle so its not a big deal for my relatives. They all love me.

    I think my relationship with my self became stronger more than with my family overall. Being able to not have to hide my tracks or lie about my life has reduced all that unnecessary stress and worry.

    I can share myself and not feel that inner voice judging me. Or at least, not SO loudly now. icon_razz.gif
  • brendanmuscle...

    Posts: 593

    Jul 08, 2011 4:26 AM GMT
    My parents really did not have any idea i was gay when i told them (around 18 or 19)- ive asked them several times if they did and they truely didnt think i was

    Fortunately, ide say our relationship has strengthened, they support me totally- and hugged me when i told them

    I feel very sorry and sad for the people who do not receive the same support from the people who should show them unconditional love. Some parents and people have it grinded into their heads that its wrong- and its very shallow they feel this way. For example, they may say "You may not choose to be gay, but you can CHOOSE TO ACT ON IT"
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    Jul 08, 2011 5:21 AM GMT
    I was disowned, assaulted and lied about among other things. Our relationship will never be strong, because they never really wanted a relationship with me in the first place, just my sister.

    I even tried telling them at 16 that I was "bi" because it would transition easier and it did nothing other than infuriate the bigotry that was my blood relatives.
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    Jul 08, 2011 7:15 AM GMT
    I told my mom I was Bi and she just stared then cried and asked if i could just choose to be with women. Needless to say, she made some bullshit reason to kick me out of the house, after crying in her room for 4 days and missing my sisters birthday. I was 17 at the time.

    Since then we are better, but it has taken a long time, and i had to couch hop a little at friends houses.
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    Jul 08, 2011 7:32 AM GMT
    Chaa_xwvn saidOh my mom knew since when I was only five. icon_wink.gif

    But I only told them last year, my mom and dad, when I was 24. It hasn't strengthened my relationship with them since there are other factors at work, and they really don't know or, it seems, care to know who I date, etc.

    I already have a gay cousin, aunt, and uncle so its not a big deal for my relatives. They all love me.

    I think my relationship with my self became stronger more than with my family overall. Being able to not have to hide my tracks or lie about my life has reduced all that unnecessary stress and worry.

    I can share myself and not feel that inner voice judging me. Or at least, not SO loudly now. icon_razz.gif


    If she could tell, then she really couldn't tell. People can't see in your head to see if you're same-sex attracted. What she could tell, probably, is that you acted like a girl or some other superficial thing that has nothing to do with something as innate as sexual orientation.
  • demonicius

    Posts: 26

    Jul 08, 2011 7:37 AM GMT
    my mom doesn't know im gay, i dont know what happen if my mom know im gay, maybe she get angry, because im only a single child of her.
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    Jul 08, 2011 7:42 AM GMT
    Let me put it this way; my Mom bought me a barbie when I was 4. She gave up on that when I dissected her. She was pleased to hear all was not in vain when I came out to her.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Jul 08, 2011 7:42 AM GMT
    Animus said
    Chaa_xwvn saidOh my mom knew since when I was only five. icon_wink.gif

    But I only told them last year, my mom and dad, when I was 24. It hasn't strengthened my relationship with them since there are other factors at work, and they really don't know or, it seems, care to know who I date, etc.

    I already have a gay cousin, aunt, and uncle so its not a big deal for my relatives. They all love me.

    I think my relationship with my self became stronger more than with my family overall. Being able to not have to hide my tracks or lie about my life has reduced all that unnecessary stress and worry.

    I can share myself and not feel that inner voice judging me. Or at least, not SO loudly now. icon_razz.gif


    If she could tell, then she really couldn't tell. People can't see in your head to see if you're same-sex attracted. What she could tell, probably, is that you acted like a girl or some other superficial thing that has nothing to do with something as innate as sexual orientation.



    I disagree. Mom's have an innate sense about these things. Granted, there are stories where the mom is just shocked, but I would bet 9 out of 10 gay guys will tell you that their mom knew long before they told their mom they were gay.
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    Jul 08, 2011 7:44 AM GMT
    my mom was shocked. i really dont know why she cared. she is somewhat of a hippie....

    she told me later she just didnt want my life to be harder than it had to be
  • Huxley7

    Posts: 57

    Jul 08, 2011 8:13 AM GMT
    My parents are very conservative evangelical christians, and my relationship with them has unfortunately been tenuous at best over the last four years since I came out. :-/

    I did make a lot of great new friends after coming out, though.
  • brendanmuscle...

    Posts: 593

    Jul 08, 2011 9:18 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    Animus said
    Chaa_xwvn saidOh my mom knew since when I was only five. icon_wink.gif

    But I only told them last year, my mom and dad, when I was 24. It hasn't strengthened my relationship with them since there are other factors at work, and they really don't know or, it seems, care to know who I date, etc.

    I already have a gay cousin, aunt, and uncle so its not a big deal for my relatives. They all love me.

    I think my relationship with my self became stronger more than with my family overall. Being able to not have to hide my tracks or lie about my life has reduced all that unnecessary stress and worry.

    I can share myself and not feel that inner voice judging me. Or at least, not SO loudly now. icon_razz.gif


    If she could tell, then she really couldn't tell. People can't see in your head to see if you're same-sex attracted. What she could tell, probably, is that you acted like a girl or some other superficial thing that has nothing to do with something as innate as sexual orientation.



    I disagree. Mom's have an innate sense about these things. Granted, there are stories where the mom is just shocked, but I would bet 9 out of 10 gay guys will tell you that their mom knew long before they told their mom they were gay.


    My parents really did not know.

    I've asked them several times if they had any clues- and they both have said no. I was like if there were any, please tell me, and they said they did not know any

    My parents always knew i had an obsession about muscle though since about age 5- but never connected that to me being gay
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    Jul 08, 2011 9:25 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    I disagree. Mom's have an innate sense about these things. Granted, there are stories where the mom is just shocked, but I would bet 9 out of 10 gay guys will tell you that their mom knew long before they told their mom they were gay.

    I must be that one out of ten.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Jul 08, 2011 9:37 AM GMT
    My mom reacted completely differently than my dad did.

    Mom flipped out and Dad was like...."Whatever."

    Mom is way pentecostal. Dad is....70's/Rocker/dont give a fuck type.

    My mom flipped out for DAYS. So I finally sat her down and put it like this....Im SERIOUS....lol

    "Mom.....you're from Arkansas and Dad is from Texas. Thats like taking stagnant pond water and raw sewage and expecting Evian...."

    She calmed down.

    HA!

    I dont know where I heard that but it worked...
  • aaronkei

    Posts: 211

    Jul 08, 2011 9:38 AM GMT
    Nothing really changed in the long run. I was told I could be cured of course that back fired on my grandmother when she took me to a conselor. My dad is a worthless bastard anyway and my mom is a paranoid schizophrenic so she constantly lies and changes her beliefs and arguements on a daily basis so I don't pay her much mind. I've had a tough road and it ain't gonna get any easier but I will take it as it comes and at least I'm going to college icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 08, 2011 10:18 AM GMT
    It's brought my mom and me closer together. My dad passed away years ago but I'm sure he would have accepted it. My brother, who I haven't spoken to in years, texted me that he will always love and support me.
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2605

    Jul 08, 2011 11:34 AM GMT
    I put off telling my family anything until I was 37,but I think my mother knew all along.When I did tell her she was very calm and cool about it.It didn`t really change anything.We were close anyway.It brought me closer to my sisters,about the same with my brother.Friends have remained the same.Thankfully,no one took against me.I`ve been very lucky compared to some guys I know.
    I think I was lucky generally to have been born into and brought up in a large,loving,close family.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 08, 2011 11:42 AM GMT
    I was disowned from 1979 ( when I came out) until 1997 ( when my dad passed away). After he was gone, my family re-initiated contact. icon_neutral.gif
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    Jul 08, 2011 1:35 PM GMT
    Started in 1994, got better until September of 2010 and finally May 2011 there is no more communication.

    Just Me, Myself & I.. Oh and My sister in Australia, and my 2 dogs and FRIENDS ARE MY FAMILY!

  • patmos9990

    Posts: 146

    Jul 08, 2011 1:56 PM GMT
    Vaughn saidLet me put it this way; my Mom bought me a barbie when I was 4. She gave up on that when I dissected her. She was pleased to hear all was not in vain when I came out to her.


    The thought of dissecting a Barbie is funny to me. I used to beg my sister to play with her Barbies with me.
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    Jul 08, 2011 2:03 PM GMT
    I just turned 28, I came out to my parents when I was 22 bc I had told my life-long best friends and they convinced me my parents already knew, but we're just waiting for me to tell them. Needless to say my mom and dad were at my apt one night and I told them. Surprisingly, they both took it bad, but my mom cried for months, blaming herself bc she smoked when she was pregnant w me and begged me to change, thinking I chose this.. Although a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders, my mom insisted I keep it to myself and not tell my 4 older or brothers or two sisters.

    Six years later, things have gotten much better. I still have not told my bros, but I know they know. I ended up telling my sisters last year and like I said, they knew but we're waiting for me to tell them. They are my biggest supporters as well as my father. I'm sure my bros know bc I've never brought a girlfriend home. It's crazy bc my bros and I are so close in age (one year apart) and we're always doing things together. I've been the best man in two of their weddings with another wedding next October, and god-fathered three of eight nieces and nephews.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that they know I didn't choose this. I'm still the same ole "Shauny" I always was. I don't act gay nor do I get involved in the scene, which is my choice bc it's something that never interested me. I'm just a regular dude who likes dudes! Anyone considering coming out, keep in mind that I come from a very hardcore, conservative Italian family. That does not mean your family will react the way my parents did. If you want to come out, just do it and prepare yourself for the worst just in case it doesn't go as smoothly as anticipated like I did. Then know with time, it really does get easier. If your family disowns you, they never gave a shit about you in the first place! Do some shots before-hand, it helps take the edge off. Good luck icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 08, 2011 2:48 PM GMT
    I know i could never come out to my mother, she would no doubt disown me and never speak to me again.. I have a step cousin that came out to my uncle and he was disowned from the family, never to come back again or mentioned in conversation. He just disappeared and wont be heard of again. I dont want that to happen to me, because i care more about being close with my mother than not having to hide from her.. Anyway, being in a completely different country from my mom makes it less of an inconvenience and more easy to hide. So im not worried.
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    Jul 08, 2011 5:04 PM GMT
    Vaughn saidLet me put it this way; my Mom bought me a barbie when I was 4. She gave up on that when I dissected her. She was pleased to hear all was not in vain when I came out to her.
    The Barbie? Or you mom?
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    Jul 08, 2011 5:31 PM GMT
    Things are strained, to say the least, but slowly getting better. My parents are highly religious, and stubborn to boot. My sister knows, and has no problem with it. I haven't told my brother yet, because he was too young at the time I left home. That will change later this year!

    Aside from an aunt and a cousin (who I think might also be gay, but afraid to say so), I'd guess very little of my extended family knows. My parents haven't exactly been truthful in telling people why I moved away... haha.
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    Jul 08, 2011 5:33 PM GMT
    I disowned them. They cramped my style.