Other Gay Guys

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 10:33 AM GMT
    how come its so hard to talk to gay guys that im trying to be friends with in real life, when i have a billion straight friends i talk to daily and dont stumble on words?

    anyone else have this problem?
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    Jul 08, 2011 11:06 AM GMT
    AMEN! I can't keep any gay male friends or make any long lasting connections with them.
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2605

    Jul 08, 2011 11:26 AM GMT
    Yes,to some extent.My gay friends seem to want constant excitement,action,gossip,etc.,or be funny and witty all the time.The straight guys often seem more laid back and relaxed.It`s easier to be with them sometimes.Our friendships seem longer,slower.
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    Jul 08, 2011 11:28 AM GMT
    Lincsbear saidYes,to some extent.My gay friends seem to want constant excitement,action,gossip,etc.,or be funny and witty all the time.The straight guys often seem more laid back and relaxed.It`s easier to be with them sometimes.Our friendships seem longer,slower.


    This.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 11:34 AM GMT
    Are you afraid of other gay guys or something?
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    Jul 08, 2011 11:38 AM GMT
    It's analogous to a straight guy wanting to be just friends with a straight girl, which happens, but it's infrequent and kind of nuanced (usually one has feelings for the other at one point)

    Personally I just want friends right now. I don't think I'm looking for anything more serious than that, and that's not what most guys want to hear.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 08, 2011 11:39 AM GMT
    Because with your straight friends you don't feel the need to compete, or to worry if your friends are having sexual thoughts or ideas. icon_question.gif
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    Jul 08, 2011 11:42 AM GMT
    no, i think its more nervousness. its far and few in between when i can find someone like me that is chill and relaxed, AND is gay, AND isnt in the closet, AND could end up being a good friend.

    really has nothing to do with being afraid, just dont understand why i can be so sociable with most people, but those that are "family" just make me stumble over words and i make a fool of myself.
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    Jul 08, 2011 11:44 AM GMT
    closer85 saidIt's analogous to a straight guy wanting to be just friends with a straight girl, which happens, but it's infrequent and kind of nuanced (usually one has feelings for the other at one point)

    Personally I just want friends right now. I don't think I'm looking for anything more serious than that, and that's not what most guys want to hear.


    and that sounds fine to me. i dont want to rush into a relationship, but friends are nice. I just feel like i live with a bunch of breeders, and it would be nice to have someone as a friend who is more relatable
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    Jul 08, 2011 11:45 AM GMT
    stone66 said
    closer85 saidIt's analogous to a straight guy wanting to be just friends with a straight girl, which happens, but it's infrequent and kind of nuanced (usually one has feelings for the other at one point)

    Personally I just want friends right now. I don't think I'm looking for anything more serious than that, and that's not what most guys want to hear.


    and that sounds fine to me. i dont want to rush into a relationship, but friends are nice. I just feel like i live with a bunch of breeders, and it would be nice to have someone as a friend who is more relatable


    Good luck. But it's hard because of the whole...potential for attraction there that's not there with straight guys (debatable) and women.
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    Jul 08, 2011 11:49 AM GMT
    closer85 said
    stone66 said
    closer85 saidIt's analogous to a straight guy wanting to be just friends with a straight girl, which happens, but it's infrequent and kind of nuanced (usually one has feelings for the other at one point)

    Personally I just want friends right now. I don't think I'm looking for anything more serious than that, and that's not what most guys want to hear.


    and that sounds fine to me. i dont want to rush into a relationship, but friends are nice. I just feel like i live with a bunch of breeders, and it would be nice to have someone as a friend who is more relatable


    Good luck. But it's hard because of the whole...potential for attraction there that's not there with straight guys (debatable) and women.


    No kidding, especially if they are attractive to you, but like i said, not wanting a relationship. i just hate living with jocks who swear they are going to turn me straight again, haha. just need friends who talk about more than pussy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 4:38 PM GMT
    For me... I was always shy so, it didn't matter if the guys were straight or gay. However, now that I'm older and work hard on the shyness, I am actually much more comfortable with gay men than straight men.

    (By the way, I see you are in Lubbock. I was raised 20 miles east of there. Most of my family are still in the area.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 4:39 PM GMT
    Not me. I have tons of gay friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 4:42 PM GMT
    I have only a two gay friends that I'm really close with.

    the others are acquainted of fbs
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    Jul 08, 2011 5:56 PM GMT
    PaulNKS saidFor me... I was always shy so, it didn't matter if the guys were straight or gay. However, now that I'm older and work hard on the shyness, I am actually much more comfortable with gay men than straight men.

    (By the way, I see you are in Lubbock. I was raised 20 miles east of there. Most of my family are still in the area.)


    I was raised around dallas, but have lived almost everywhere in texas, at least all the bigger places i think.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 6:03 PM GMT
    I don't have this issue, and I don't think it's a gay problem. It's a male problem. Lots of men cannot be friends with a person they may (or may not) want to sleep with. I know a guy who will only be friends with attractive men he could see himself sleeping with, even if he never does actually have sex with them.

    People are weird! This is not new.
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    Jul 08, 2011 6:14 PM GMT
    stone66 saidhow come its so hard to talk to gay guys that im trying to be friends with in real life, when i have a billion straight friends i talk to daily and dont stumble on words?

    anyone else have this problem?


    I do. I talked about this in another thread and it seems to be a fairly common topic on this forum. . Many new gay friends I meet will often will tell me how I need to loosen up...even when I feel happy, relaxed and perfectly comfortable in what I'm doing at that moment. Maybe it's something I project that comes off bad in the gay world...who knows.. I am not exactly sure what it it but it does not occur when talking to or meeting straight friends. We all need friends who can identify with us...I find it just takes a little more work finding and maintaining the gay variety. Once you do..you'll have a bond that is likely to last forever...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 6:37 PM GMT

    I've just about given up trying to make gay friends. I guess I'm too picky. I want gay friends that aren't sluts [Can't we just be friends, why do you have to try and get me in bed]. Don't do drugs and believe in fidelity. In a perfect world, my partner and I would know other gay couples that are just as committed to each other, just as laid back, non alcoholic, hard working "normal"[forgive my use of the word 'normal', I can't think of a better word right now] people.

    I don't want [to be so jaded] to lump the gay community into a general category of superficial, sex hungry drugged out party zombies but it's the only face I've been shown. Until I'm shown the opposite, I'm perfectly fine with my straight friends that fit what I want/need/ out of friendship.
  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Jul 08, 2011 6:43 PM GMT
    Maybe it's you?
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    Jul 08, 2011 6:50 PM GMT
    trainhard2011 saidMaybe it's you?


    ouch, but i guess honesty is needed, lol. guess ill just continue stumbling over myself trying to find a friend i can actually relate to.
  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Jul 08, 2011 7:12 PM GMT
    stone66 said
    trainhard2011 saidMaybe it's you?


    ouch, but i guess honesty is needed, lol. guess ill just continue stumbling over myself trying to find a friend i can actually relate to.


    What's ouch about that? I don't know...not honest, just maybe it's not just 'gay guys'. Oh well...good luck.
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    Jul 08, 2011 7:16 PM GMT
    trainhard2011 said
    stone66 said
    trainhard2011 saidMaybe it's you?


    ouch, but i guess honesty is needed, lol. guess ill just continue stumbling over myself trying to find a friend i can actually relate to.


    What's ouch about that? I don't know...not honest, just maybe it's not just 'gay guys'. Oh well...good luck.


    in that case, of coarse its me, but im asking if anyone else has that problem. im not saying its the other guy's fault. just wondering if anyone has insight into why its harder to talk to gay guys than it is straight guys. seems it should be the opposite
  • papayachalice

    Posts: 58

    Jul 08, 2011 7:51 PM GMT
    I have similar feelings.
    I'm in a few gay sports leagues. But I always feel diffcult to make friends with most of the people there. Although they seem to get along with each other, I'm sad that I feel I'm left out.
    Then I thought it's a language issue. But I work professionally and my English is good enough for me to advance in my career. Maybe it's te culture barrier.
    Anyways, I feel if I want to be friends with them, I have to go to bars to hang out with after the sports, which I don't have time. And they play beer pong or flip cups which Im too old for. My point is to be friends with them, I have to spend a lot of time drinking partying with them. I consider that is a waste of time. Sometimes they can't even carry a good conversation. Like other mentioned, they want fun, excitement, gossip,.... Any fun at the moment. If I'm not showing up, I'm sure nobody will think about me.
    I don't know if that summarize the majority of the younger gay population. But it's very hard to make friends with them. Sometimes I feel they just want to be entertained even some of they are actually very boring.
    Maybe that's the wrong I'm seeking friends from. But I do have a few close gay friends who don't fall in that stereotype.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 7:52 PM GMT
    stone66 said
    in that case, of coarse its me, but im asking if anyone else has that problem. im not saying its the other guy's fault. just wondering if anyone has insight into why its harder to talk to gay guys than it is straight guys. seems it should be the opposite


    I go through this too.

    I think the above posters cover a lot of it, but just to agree and my two cents:

    Of course gay guys are harder to deal with. Adding in a sexual element, even if it's only possible/theoretical, changes things, deep in our lizard brains if nowhere else. Making a new friend involves risk: putting yourself out there, finding common ground, subjecting yourself to rejection and judgment, etc. Add in "Does this person want to sleep with me / do I want to sleep with him", even if you're not consciously thinking that, changes one's demeanor. It's... perfectly natural, really.

    It's not really bad or good; it just is. A sexual element to a meeting, even if off the radar, changes how we feel and act, even if we don't want anything sexual out of the friendship. Add that to the fact that a lot of us (based on the RJ posts I've seen) struggle to make friends or find gay guys we "fit" with, and the stakes from a simple "Hey, nice to meet ya" conversation feel a lot higher. Being nervous, etc. is an understandable reaction to that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 8:01 PM GMT
    People are people to me. I don't tend to see any individual aspect as intimidating unless they are just rude to me.