So I feel like an idiot...

  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Jul 08, 2011 9:11 PM GMT
    **INCOMING RANT AHEAD**

    Seeing that the economy is so bad, Dr. Seuss rose from the grave to write "Green Eggs and Spam", my options have been limited in terms of searching for a job. I've had a part-time job with a Fortune Top 100 company for a decade now, but alas my attempts to advance have been shot down more times than I have been for asking people out for coffee (which is a lot!). It's a bizarre situation... I was given raises for my responsibilities and diligence and what not but that final piece was missing. At any rate, I digress.

    So, while discussing my horrible debt situation with student loans and the harassment from Sallie Mae, a friend (and someone I have a horrible crush on) suggested I go into the Marines as an officer and hopefully put my lackluster degree of Linguistics and Japanese to use. Doubtful, but it's mainly an answer to my debt situation. I've been in contact with a recruiter for Officers Candidate School and we were discussing a few things and what not. Herein lies my problem:

    My GPA was pretty pathetic. I didn't take school seriously because it wasn't challenging enough for me. Mind you I should have had no issues with acing things but laziness sets in quickly. Then again given my main major it was sheer memorization with not much practical application: which is college in general. The only thing that really challenged me were my language classes, specifically Japanese (even though my Linguistics classes involving language were equally as interesting, didn't count). I hopped around a lot 2/3rds of the way through my initial degree trying to find something else to pique my interest but couldn't find much. Nonetheless, I had aspirations to become a translator one day, but that fell apart when I was rejected from studying abroad in Japan in lieu of two 'C-level students' acceptance.

    So, in talking with an OSO, he noted that I have to kick my ASVAB up a few notches above the minimum in order to get a sneeze from his commanding officer. Hard to tell if this is just a ruse or not but we'll see. The minimum is a 73 for Officers Candidate School... today I took the test and got a 75. Not stellar at all, but given that I haven't touched math in 10 years I can't complain.

    Still, I can't help but shake the feeling of disappointment in myself for this. I don't wanna end up stuck in the job I'm at now. I'd like to be able to make a difference and enjoy doing it. Plus the debt loom but that is what it is due to my stupidity. My OSO told me I needed to score in the 80s yet I fell short. I feel like the reality that I was attempting to create is really just a dream and will forever be unobtainable. I've been hyping this up, people asked what's up, I told them... they laugh and/or snicker at the thought so it just gave me motivation to try and better myself. But now that this hit me like freight train doing off the tracks I'm feeling kinda down.

    I needs so cheering up icon_sad.gif

    If all else fails, I'll become a Pastafarian hoping that a meatball will appear to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 08, 2011 9:41 PM GMT
    You can do it! I have faith in you! icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 08, 2011 9:43 PM GMT
    幸福の扉が一つ閉まっても、
    もう一つの扉が開くのです、
    でも我々は閉まった方ばかり見続けるので、
    我々の為に開かれた扉が見えないのです。
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    Jul 08, 2011 10:08 PM GMT
    First just want to say that the military is a wonderful way to get yourself out of debt. And if you take the route I took, a wonderful way to get things done without ever getting into debt in the first place. There are so many benefits and loan repayment programs that people never use because they are so intimidated by the VA process. If you do join, USE your benefits because the military is going to use the hell out of you without guilt or shame and I don't care what anyone tells you, you will become a resource to be USED.

    Which is why I must also add that you need to make sure you are ready to take on the challenges and demands of the military. Believe it or not, when you're in a terrible situation, especially something life threatening should your mos ever take you there, money and bills suddenly don't seem so worth it.

    Also if you are a guy who is easily bored when you're not being challenged, get ready to be bored and frustrated a lot as idiots tell you what to do, and compromise you daily, but you can't do anything about it. You will question the process day and night, until the very end of your contract. So take the time to truly understand what your motivation is and why you are doing this, because during those times - which will surely happen - will need to remind yourself hold on to some peace of mind lol.

    That aside, you passed. so be happy. Believe it or not a lot of people actually fail the ASVAB for some reason. The army is bigger on the GT score than they are the overall score for becomming an officer. To become an officer, the army prefers a 110 GT score. I don't know what it is for the marines.

    An NCO at my unit spent many years working as a recruiter, and he says you can always study up a bit and re-test. I was going to do the same thing because my original plan was to eventually go officer, but my terrible math skills caused me to score just a tiny bit lower than required 110. Best part is you'll meet several people with scores that make yours seem pathetic, and yet they are vegetables, incapable of getting anything done, and won't come even remotely close to excelling as much as you do. I'm even in a MOS that requires a higher GT score than I have. But I was the distinguished honor grad during my cycle. Hence the reason why I feel they need to come up with better criteria than these stupid exams.

    But I wish the best of luck to you, and all I can really say is don't lose hope and just study. Its a small sacrifice for your intended goal.
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    Jul 08, 2011 10:52 PM GMT
    Never fear, my noodly appendage has appeared.

    Reading through your profile text as well as your original post it is obvious that (a) you are clever, (b) you are thoughtful, and (c) you march to the beat of a different drummer, which is an especially noteworthy thing seeing as you want to irrevocably pledge your body to be a faceless numbered unit for the Pentagon to have their way with you and discard you like a used condom when and if you say "wtf mate" before your honorable discharge goes through.

    There are other options out there for you in life - the Fortune 100 life and the military life are only going to hold you back and beat any individuality and cleverness out of you. You should hold on to those very attractive (and rare) traits and try to nurture them into something that is rewarding interpersonally as well as professionally - rather than attempting to just haphazardly step into a situation where you will need to abandon any traces of intelligence or capabilities to think for yourself. Edgar Allen Poe did not have a very successful "military life" at West Point and he is not the only example. Certain sorts of people are not cut out for that - and the one thing they have in common is that they were clever enough to figure out something else that was going to work for them.

    You should be writing for McSweeney's or have a syndicated slice of life column ... you are good with words. Have you ever thought outside the box on how to use that to your pecuniary advantage?

    And - who would turn you down for a coffee date? icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 09, 2011 5:37 AM GMT
    kuroshiro saidSo I feel like an idiot... I'm feeling kinda down.... I needs so cheering up icon_sad.gif.... If all else fails, I'll become a Pastafarian hoping that a meatball will appear to me.

    First of all you're not an idiot!, just remember! "Ain't no mountain high enough to keep you from getting your dreams!" ..... Believing in yourself is one of the first steps to success. If you don't have confidence in yourself, it will be difficult to succeed in anything "It all depends on you" .... Good luck! "you can do it!" Smiley

  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Jul 09, 2011 7:10 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxi saidYou can do it! I have faith in you!


    Haha, thanks =)

    Chaa_xwvn said幸福の扉が一つ閉まっても、
    もう一つの扉が開くのです、
    でも我々は閉まった方ばかり見続けるので、
    我々の為に開かれた扉が見えないのです。


    Well now if that doesn't look familiar icon_razz.gif Ergo my bad translation of Helen Keller's quote. icon_razz.gif

    Halfstep saidFirst just want to say that the military is a wonderful way to get yourself out of debt. And if you take the route I took, a wonderful way to get things done without ever getting into debt in the first place. There are so many benefits and loan repayment programs that people never use because they are so intimidated by the VA process. If you do join, USE your benefits because the military is going to use the hell out of you without guilt or shame and I don't care what anyone tells you, you will become a resource to be USED.


    Oh I intend to. 90K in loan debt isn't going to disappear overnight ;) It's just dealing with Sallie Mae that will be the headache and a half. I'm already a used resource at my job so it's pretty much just a lateral using and abusing for me... only with bombs and gunfire thrown into the mix ;)

    Which is why I must also add that you need to make sure you are ready to take on the challenges and demands of the military. Believe it or not, when you're in a terrible situation, especially something life threatening should your mos ever take you there, money and bills suddenly don't seem so worth it.


    A part of my reasoning for doing this is to stop the "laziness" and "wayward" path that life is taking me. I think it's a discipline and structured regiment that I need at this point. I look back on my life now and I'm filled with so many regrets, more than someone my age should have. It's a harsh reality knowing that you can't go back and correct past transgressions but instead clean the slate and try and move forward. I've talked at length about it (more or less) with my buddy and I'm aware of the dangers involved but at the same time I'm also denying it. Sadly, if you've seen the movie Battle: Los Angeles (the one that recently came out), I'm scared that I'll be that Lieutenant. :/

    Also if you are a guy who is easily bored when you're not being challenged, get ready to be bored and frustrated a lot as idiots tell you what to do, and compromise you daily, but you can't do anything about it. You will question the process day and night, until the very end of your contract. So take the time to truly understand what your motivation is and why you are doing this, because during those times - which will surely happen - will need to remind yourself hold on to some peace of mind lol.


    Haha, so that's different than the retail job that I'm doing now... how? icon_razz.gif

    That aside, you passed. so be happy. Believe it or not a lot of people actually fail the ASVAB for some reason. The army is bigger on the GT score than they are the overall score for becomming an officer. To become an officer, the army prefers a 110 GT score. I don't know what it is for the marines.


    I can't say I'm familiar with the GT score, but if it's the others that were on the sheet in my file that I was looking over I don't think I did that good on the other sections: 112/114 were on there :/ I think that's my line score? Who knows.

    An NCO at my unit spent many years working as a recruiter, and he says you can always study up a bit and re-test. I was going to do the same thing because my original plan was to eventually go officer, but my terrible math skills caused me to score just a tiny bit lower than required 110. Best part is you'll meet several people with scores that make yours seem pathetic, and yet they are vegetables, incapable of getting anything done, and won't come even remotely close to excelling as much as you do. I'm even in a MOS that requires a higher GT score than I have. But I was the distinguished honor grad during my cycle. Hence the reason why I feel they need to come up with better criteria than these stupid exams.


    I bought two ASVAB books right off the bat. Odd thing is, the computer questions were somewhat different than what was in the book. My buddy put it best: "Grades don't make a good candidate." It's my main bone that I have with education in general. Most of it is just regurgitating what you were force fed with no practical application... hardly conducive to learning but that's me. At least with Japanese it wasn't something you could just memorize to get by. You had to understand the grammatical constructs or you would be sunk.

    But I wish the best of luck to you, and all I can really say is don't lose hope and just study. Its a small sacrifice for your intended goal.


    Thanks =) I'm trying to stay positive!

    spaghettimonster saidNever fear, my noodly appendage has appeared.


    That just sounds dirty. *adjusts halo* Ignore the horns holding it in place, please!

    Reading through your profile text as well as your original post it is obvious that (a) you are clever, (b) you are thoughtful, and (c) you march to the beat of a different drummer, which is an especially noteworthy thing seeing as you want to irrevocably pledge your body to be a faceless numbered unit for the Pentagon to have their way with you and discard you like a used condom when and if you say "wtf mate" before your honorable discharge goes through.


    Hi! My name is doormat! Nice to meet you =) I'm accustomed to being used and abused when it comes to things so I'm sure this will be nothing different for me. However, I thank you for noticing a couple of the quirks that make me who I am. Not many people see that, really ;)

    There are other options out there for you in life - the Fortune 100 life and the military life are only going to hold you back and beat any individuality and cleverness out of you. You should hold on to those very attractive (and rare) traits and try to nurture them into something that is rewarding interpersonally as well as professionally - rather than attempting to just haphazardly step into a situation where you will need to abandon any traces of intelligence or capabilities to think for yourself. Edgar Allen Poe did not have a very successful "military life" at West Point and he is not the only example. Certain sorts of people are not cut out for that - and the one thing they have in common is that they were clever enough to figure out something else that was going to work for them.


    I think that's part of the reason why I feel like I'm getting stupider as the days go by. Graduation was over a year ago for me and I feel like I've stopped learning in some regards. I've tried picking up on new things but it's like the synapses in my brain have been severed. The receptor proteins that can alter the gross firing pattern of a neuron don't seem to be operating properly icon_razz.gif

    I try and keep up with my writing as best I can via my translations and what not. Although it seems that I delve more into Engrish than anything these days :/ I've never been fully confident enough in my writing to pursue anything related to that simply because I'm too much of a go go go person. Desk work bores me. I'm a people person haha.

    You should be writing for McSweeney's or have a syndicated slice of life column ... you are good with words. Have you ever thought outside the box on how to use that to your pecuniary advantage?


    I can't say I've heard of McSweeney's... but pe
  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Jul 09, 2011 7:30 PM GMT
    Gah... it cut off all my responses D:!
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    Jul 09, 2011 7:39 PM GMT
    Individuality and cleverness do not necessarily pay the bills. A career in the armed forces is not for everyone, but it can be a very good way of getting your finances in order. That said, money should not be your main motivation. As I am sure you are aware, military service is a lifestyle, as well as a job. Your language skills will be put to good use. You will get lots of free benefits, including free gym membership (not to mention lots of eye candy). You will also get messed around, a lot. You can advance as far as you want, provided you are prepared to toe the line. Give it a try. You will probably surprise yourself.

    I will be leaving next year, aged 47, mortgage free and debt free, with a decent immediate pension. Not bragging, just saying what you can achieve in terms of fringe benefits.
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    Jul 09, 2011 8:10 PM GMT
    If you feel there is no way to advance in your part-time job, move on. It doesn't matter if it is a Top 100 company or not.

    If you are working just part-time, find a full-time job or start working another part-time job or two.

    I'm all for a young man serving his country. But, with the route you seem to want to go, you may end up miserable because it doesn't sound like your heart is in it.

    The other thing that was mentioned are the government programs for option on work in lieu of repayment or to have part of the debt forgiven. If I were you, I would check into those other options.

    Good luck,

  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jul 09, 2011 8:11 PM GMT
    Halfstep saidFirst just want to say that the military is a wonderful way to get yourself out of debt.

    l





    IT'S ALSO A WONDERFUL WAY TO GET YOURSELF KILLED, especially since we're in an endless war in Afghanistan.


  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Jul 09, 2011 9:29 PM GMT
    I have no question that my heart is in it. In fact, an article on CNN the other day about a gay soldier that was killed really struck a chord with me an reinforced my decision to want to serve.
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    Jul 09, 2011 9:46 PM GMT
    Can't say much, except to give you a hug...

    Remember to start to train your mind to better focus and not get lazy about things.

    And I agree with most of what everyone is telling you...
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    Jul 09, 2011 9:54 PM GMT
    kuroshiro saidI have no question that my heart is in it. In fact, an article on CNN the other day about a gay soldier that was killed really struck a chord with me an reinforced my decision to want to serve.


    Reading through this thread I have been struck by your attitude towards a whole lot of things - your education , towards work, even your own sense of self - and it seems to be pretty negative

    Your comment above to me is the first indication of a positive attitude - sort out your attitude and this will provide the direction and answers you seem to be looking for - good luck
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 09, 2011 10:44 PM GMT
    Negative thought breeds negative action....
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    Jul 09, 2011 10:55 PM GMT
    Kumpi o pi, tha should help, everybody loves boobies
  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Jul 09, 2011 11:02 PM GMT
    ozmuscle2 said
    kuroshiro saidI have no question that my heart is in it. In fact, an article on CNN the other day about a gay soldier that was killed really struck a chord with me an reinforced my decision to want to serve.


    Reading through this thread I have been struck by your attitude towards a whole lot of things - your education , towards work, even your own sense of self - and it seems to be pretty negative

    Your comment above to me is the first indication of a positive attitude - sort out your attitude and this will provide the direction and answers you seem to be looking for - good luck


    There is no denying that I'm negative towards myself. I never have acknowledged anything positive about myself because I see it as a way to keep myself going. I've made a lot of mistakes that I wish I could correct due to my negativity and overall retrospect in life. This, however, is something that I'm actually yearning for.

    My decision to do this has solicited a storm cloud of scoffing and doubt amongst friends, coworkers and my own family. I've more or less ostracized myself with this, but I'm pushing myself to come out on top to slap everyone in their collective faces.

    Thank you for your well wishes though.
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    Jul 09, 2011 11:18 PM GMT
    kuroshiro said
    ozmuscle2 said
    kuroshiro saidI have no question that my heart is in it. In fact, an article on CNN the other day about a gay soldier that was killed really struck a chord with me an reinforced my decision to want to serve.


    Reading through this thread I have been struck by your attitude towards a whole lot of things - your education , towards work, even your own sense of self - and it seems to be pretty negative

    Your comment above to me is the first indication of a positive attitude - sort out your attitude and this will provide the direction and answers you seem to be looking for - good luck


    There is no denying that I'm negative towards myself. I never have acknowledged anything positive about myself because I see it as a way to keep myself going. I've made a lot of mistakes that I wish I could correct due to my negativity and overall retrospect in life. This, however, is something that I'm actually yearning for.

    My decision to do this has solicited a storm cloud of scoffing and doubt amongst friends, coworkers and my own family. I've more or less ostracized myself with this, but I'm pushing myself to come out on top to slap everyone in their collective faces.

    Thank you for your well wishes though.


    Yeah, I was going to post something similar to what ozmuscle2 said. And as you said, you have established a pattern of negative and pessimistic behavior. Your friends and family are doubting you based on passed behavior. But with a slight attitude change, they're going to be in for a pleasant surprise. But don't do it just to surprise them. Do it to surprise yourself. Trust me, you'll be surprised. Did that just make sense??? icon_smile.gif
  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Jul 09, 2011 11:25 PM GMT
    Haha, that's the thing though... very few people are aware of that side of me. It's not something that it outwardly apparent when you get to know me... that is unless there's a flashing sign that appeared above my head in recent months/years... haha