Dating dichotomy.

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    Jul 09, 2011 12:17 AM GMT
    I have a dilemma. How do I get a guy, or at the very least, someone to like me for who I am, and who is willing to be with me and who is a good, confident, sane person if I myself have NO self-esteem?
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    Jul 09, 2011 12:18 AM GMT
    oh ,and here's the actual dilemma: how do I get self-esteem, if the only way to get it is by dating someone which WILL make me feel good about myself?
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    Jul 09, 2011 12:19 AM GMT
    If you have no self-esteem - which means you don't like yourself - how can expect someone else to like you?
    Learn to love yourself and others will love you too. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 09, 2011 12:23 AM GMT
    Self-esteem must come from within. Make a list of those best qualities that you have. Of course, a supportive friend who doesn't criticize and bereat you all the time can help also.
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    Jul 09, 2011 12:25 AM GMT
    But the problem is how can i like myself, if nobody ELSE does? I don't mean to throw a pity party here, but I'm no stranger to rejection, and knowing nothing else is kind of hard to get past...
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    Jul 09, 2011 12:39 AM GMT
    ShadowofIntent saidBut the problem is how can i like myself, if nobody ELSE does? I don't mean to throw a pity party here, but I'm no stranger to rejection, and knowing nothing else is kind of hard to get past...


    Why do you think no one likes you? What don't you like about yourself?
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    Sep 03, 2011 5:17 AM GMT
    yeah, i've have/had esteem issues before too. i've entirely changed my career path to improve it..

    obviously no easy solution, i've worked on improving myself by thinking (and by actions) about helping others.. dont know if that makes sense, but it's a day by day thing.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Sep 03, 2011 5:30 AM GMT
    To be honest...you're fucked.....You need to learn to love yourself before trying to love someone else....If you don't ...your viewed as needy and clingy....guys hate that....Second...you'll be used by every guy who needs a place to stay...money....worship......he'll use you til you become some jaded soul who says fuck this...You end up alone with a house full of cats....neighbors callin duh city on yo ass cause yo house stinks....love and respect yourself man...cause you deserve the same from others....BUD
  • Tyinstl

    Posts: 353

    Sep 03, 2011 5:37 AM GMT
    ShadowofIntent saidoh ,and here's the actual dilemma: how do I get self-esteem, if the only way to get it is by dating someone which WILL make me feel good about myself?


    Better yourself until they stop rejecting you.

    Oh, and you don't have to date someone to have them make you feel good about yourself. Even just knowing people find you attractive can do the trick.
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    Sep 03, 2011 5:40 AM GMT
    Ok, so I see you are a political science major. So think of your dating life as a political campaign. Is isn't about who you really are but how voters perceive you. You don't have to have self esteem just start acting like you do. Act like you are the bomb and guys will begin to treat you like you are. And the added bonus like the say in AA, fake it till you make it. After awhile of acting like you are the bomb you will realize that you are!
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    Sep 03, 2011 5:40 AM GMT
    Learn to love yourself first. Be somewhat "selfish". Think about what you want and not so much what others want for you or want from you. Do stuff that you enjoy and stuff that you are good at. Focus all your attention on the stuff that you want. And in the mean time, feel good and have fun.

    That's all. That's how you build confidence.

    Oh, f*ck what others think of you. That's how you build self-esteem.
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    Sep 03, 2011 5:50 AM GMT
    You more than anyone else know why people don't like you. Make a list. Each item on that list can be changed, by you and only you. Join athletic or social clubs or just hitting the gym on a regular basis can get you acquainted with guys with similar interests and then friendships develop from that.

    To start with you are good looking, young, tall, and intelligent. So from the get go you have advantages.that others may not have.

    Make a plan and just say what the hell and go do it.

    I don't even know you and I like you already. You had the determination to talk about how you feel and just lay it out there. If you are able to do that here then there no reason why you can't make changes in yourself that you will like.

    Best of luck and keep us posted!

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    Sep 04, 2011 10:02 AM GMT
    ShadowofIntent saidI have a dilemma. How do I get a guy, or at the very least, someone to like me for who I am, and who is willing to be with me and who is a good, confident, sane person if I myself have NO self-esteem?


    You can't. No until you get some self-esteem.
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    Sep 04, 2011 10:06 AM GMT
    ShadowofIntent saidoh ,and here's the actual dilemma: how do I get self-esteem, if the only way to get it is by dating someone which WILL make me feel good about myself?


    No, this is the most common mistake people do. A relationship is not going to make your self-esteem better, it can even get worse. First you have to work in yourself, and how valuable good you are, then, when you find it, and when you feel good with yourself, you will be able to be happy with someone, otherwise any relationship that you could have is destined to failure.