Should I eat my pride and tell him how I feel? I really wanna date him!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2011 8:01 AM GMT
    Okay, here's what happened. I met the guy at friend's party last Saturday. I'm quite a shy type of guy, and to be honest, a little bit insecure so I basically wouldn't normally engage in a conversation with someone unless they start talking to me. Let alone initiate the flirting! So to cut the story short, I was pursued by the guy until we ended up in his apartment and me staying over until late afternoon of Sunday.

    Had coffee together outside and he asked for my number before I finally went home. To my delight, he texted me on Monday night to say hi. So a few messages were exchanged over the week and during this time I was highly infatuated with him. Like I can't stop thinking about him. I couldn't even sleep!

    Then came Friday (which was last night) where he texted to ask if I would like to go to this certain straight club sometime (it's my favorite place and he hates it). Of course I said yes, but when I asked if we should go this weekend, he said no because he's running out of cash and doesn't want to splurge. But then I went to a gay club last night and saw him there. In my head I'm like 'What the fuck? I thought you didn't wanna spend?'. He tried to give an excuse but I told him he doesn't have to explain anything as he doesn't owe me one. So at that point I thought that he's not really interested in me.

    So all through the night, I was somehow avoiding him and trying to restrain myself to show any affection. Though I like him so much, I tried to be cool and didn't want to look like I'm so into him even if I really am. I mean after what he did, I should just be waiting for his next moves otherwise it would look like I'm throwing myself to him. But somehow I think he also took it as me not being interested in him anymore, so he didn't make any moves. I think all through the night, both of us are just waiting who will give in. I certainly didn't want to for reasons I've already mentioned.

    I hate this feeling of uncertainty! I really like him and I just want to know if he feels the same way or if this is just for play. The way he behaved last night, it felt like he does like me. But come on, after what he did, he should be the one to make the first move, right? Should I eat my pride and tell him upfront how I feel for him to get this over with? Or should I wait for him?

    When we bid farewell last night, he said he still wants to go with me to this straight club and that he'll text me. I guess that would be another tormented week of waiting.

    Sorry for the very long post. I just don't have anyone to turn to who I think can relate to me.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2011 9:51 AM GMT
    I'll put it this way
    Chicken.Scared.jpg
    Best thing to do next time is make a move you obviously can't rely on him, just push him into the wall and kiss him for a few seconds. When he's into it pull away so he tries to keep it going and walk away so that way if he wants you he'll go after you if not he'll leave it at that. Either way you'll come out of your shell
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    Jul 09, 2011 10:46 AM GMT
    Did you notice if he was spending alot of money and was he alone or with friends?
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    Jul 09, 2011 10:50 AM GMT
    I think just had a couple of drinks and he was with his friends.

    Tonight I'm going out again to the gay club. I'm not sure if I should warm up to him if ever I see him or act like how I was last night.
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    Jul 09, 2011 10:57 AM GMT
    First, congratulations on showing the restraint you did.

    You can now deal with him on an equal footing. Maybe he is not as into you as you are into him. Perhaps he is not the relationship type. There may be a perfectly reasonable explanation for his sudden change of heart, but I think we all know that is unlikely. Proceed with caution.
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    Jul 09, 2011 11:42 AM GMT
    I think you should go do something with him prior to the next Friday. In the early stages of a relationship, you don't want it to cool off too much. Text him and see if he wants to do something on Sunday afternoon.
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    Jul 09, 2011 11:55 AM GMT
    Why are you being so passive?
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 09, 2011 11:59 AM GMT
    turbobilly saidWhy are you being so passive?


    Especially at 30 years of age....? icon_confused.gif
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    Jul 09, 2011 12:30 PM GMT
    I just didn't want to look desperate.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 09, 2011 12:32 PM GMT
    andymackenzie saidI just didn't want to look desperate.


    Please...stop worrying about how you think you will look.....chances are, the other guy will never see you the same way that you see yourself. ( food for thought here)

    And if for some reason you do seem desperate to him.....then it gives you you answer and the chance to move along to someone else. icon_wink.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 09, 2011 12:44 PM GMT
    Wow, I had to reread your post again to give you input.
    While I could probably write a book, I'll make it simple.

    I wish you didn't feel like you have to let others take the initiative with you.
    Instead of being a "doer and shaker" so to speak, you are allowing yourself to be the one "being shook", meaning, you don't sieze the initiative, but let others do it. That isn't a winning strategy. Now I know your response probably would be something like, "easy for you to say". I honestly can appreciate where you are coming from. I would really encourage you to take some initiative here. He has some interest in you. So what if he was at a gay club. Take him at his word at this point and make plans for another night out with him. Don't get all bent over one incident.

    And another thing. Just because this one dude showed you interest, don't get all wrapped up in him. I think you will set yourself up for "hurt" if it ultimately doesn't work out. Keep in mind there are others waiting for you
    to take the initiative with THEM. If I were single and I saw a cute guy and we hit it off, I wouldn't hesitate to ask him out. If this doesn't work, I'd like to hear you thinking about the same.

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    Jul 09, 2011 12:54 PM GMT
    andymackenzie saidOkay, here's what happened. I met the guy at friend's party last Saturday. I'm quite a shy type of guy, and to be honest, a little bit insecure so I basically wouldn't normally engage in a conversation with someone unless they start talking to me. Let alone initiate the flirting! So to cut the story short, I was pursued by the guy until we ended up in his apartment and me staying over until late afternoon of Sunday.

    Had coffee together outside and he asked for my number before I finally went home. To my delight, he texted me on Monday night to say hi. So a few messages were exchanged over the week and during this time I was highly infatuated with him. Like I can't stop thinking about him. I couldn't even sleep!

    Then came Friday (which was last night) where he texted to ask if I would like to go to this certain straight club sometime (it's my favorite place). Of course I said yes, but when I asked if we should go this weekend, he said no because he's running out of cash and doesn't want to splurge. But then I went to a gay club last night and saw him there. In my head I'm like 'What the fuck?'. He tried to give an excuse but I told him he doesn't have to explain anything as he doesn't owe me one. So at that point I thought that he's not really interested in me.

    So all through the night, I was somehow avoiding him and trying to restrain myself to show any affection. Though I like him so much, I tried to be cool and didn't want to look like I'm so into him even if I really am. I mean after what he did, I should just be waiting for his next moves otherwise it would look like I'm throwing myself to him. But somehow I think he also took it as me not being interested in him anymore, so he didn't make any moves. I think all through the night, both of us are just waiting who will give in. I certainly didn't want to for reasons I've already mentioned.

    I hate this feeling of uncertainty! I really like him and I just want to know if he feels the same way or if this is just for play. The way he behaved last night, it felt like he does like me. But come on, after what he did, he should be the one to make the first move, right? Should I eat my pride and tell him upfront how I feel for him to get this over with? Or should I wait for him?

    When we bid farewell last night, he said he still wants to go with me to this straight club and that he'll text me. I guess that would be another tormented week of waiting.

    Sorry for the very long post. I just don't have anyone to turn to who I think can relate to me.


    See the underlined part. I assume that this means you guys were physically intimate, at least to some degree, right? I dunno how guys are, but some guys lose interest after they sleep with you. On the contrary, for some other guys, if you don't go all the way and end up f*cking each other on the first night, he sees it as a rejection (I know, psycho right?), gets butthurt, and lose interest in you.

    My suggestion is that if you guys have mutual friends, ask them how his dating history is like. You really have no strategy of any kind unless you know more about him. Hope this helps.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2011 1:03 PM GMT
    at first i thought the topic was "I really liked this guy at pride, should i eat him" all these topic are running together

    lolcat.jpg
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    Jul 09, 2011 1:06 PM GMT
    Yes, we did have sex three times that night (or I should say day cos we arrived his apartment at 6am already). He was the one who texted me first after that night and he was the one who suggested to meet up again so I thought he was interested.

    Unfortunately we don't have common friends so I can't really get info about his dating habits and analyze his personality. But I totally get what HndsmKansan is saying. I should make my move. So what if I would look desperate? At least there will be no more What Ifs.

    Thanks for all your inputs!
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    Jul 09, 2011 1:11 PM GMT
    waxon saidat first i thought the topic was "I really liked this guy at pride, should i eat him" all these topic are running together

    lolcat.jpg


    LOLOLOLOL. Hilarious!
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    Jul 09, 2011 1:16 PM GMT
    Okay, on second thought, what if that would freak him out and preempt something nice that could happen?

    Argh! This dating thing is so freaking complicated!
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 09, 2011 1:18 PM GMT
    andymackenzie saidOkay, on second thought, what if that would freak him out and preempt something nice that could happen?

    Argh! This dating thing is so freaking complicated!



    You are spending too much time on "What could happen".....and not enough time on " What will happen." icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 09, 2011 1:24 PM GMT
    navi_saiyan2 saidI'll put it this way
    Chicken.Scared.jpg
    Best thing to do next time is make a move you obviously can't rely on him, just push him into the wall and kiss him for a few seconds. When he's into it pull away so he tries to keep it going and walk away so that way if he wants you he'll go after you if not he'll leave it at that. Either way you'll come out of your shell


    LOL WTF this is soooo drama queen spectacular.

    Do not do this.


    Just let him know ur still interested by suggesting you get together again sometime, and if he never responds back, you know he isnt interested.
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    Jul 09, 2011 1:55 PM GMT
    Omg u sound like me! And it is often easier said than done. LOL. Just go for it!! U already have spent "quality time" together and saw him at the gay bar so in the "is he gay or not?" part of there isn't any surprises. Quit being passive and go get him - I don't necessarily mean sex him but out of all your "what ifs" the only one u should be concerned with is what if your miss out on a beautiful thing?! You miss an opportunity that u might regret later. Now get out there!! #slaps your ass


  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jul 09, 2011 2:03 PM GMT
    You're allowed to feel head over heels for someone, but in reality you have only known him for a few weeks. A lot of what is running through your head is fantasy, which is mentally healthy, as long as you know it's not reality. This feeling is called infatuation. Of course he is interested in you. Is he as interested in you as you are in him? If he is, he is also infatuated and thinking irrationally. You've only known each other for a few weeks.

    Give it time and him time. I totally understand his financial situation. If I am on a date I want to have some cash to spend. If it's just hanging out with buddies they can buy me drinks all night and I don't have to spend a dime(don't worry, I buy them drinks when I have the money, and bring top shelf alcohol to their bbq's, etc).

    As perhaps others have pointed out, I'm kinda surprised you're 30. We all have our immature moments and perhaps it's because you came out late or something, I don't know.

    I'm sure if you both like each other and give each other space and try to understand one another, you shouldn't have too many problems. The first few dates are always the hardest.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jul 09, 2011 2:13 PM GMT
    honestly, you need to stop being so passive. damn, just ask the guy out already. if he doesn't want to spend a lot of money. tell him you will pay and he can pick up the tab the next time
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    Jul 09, 2011 4:16 PM GMT
    there's two things I'm curious about:

    - if you didn't already have plans and he wanted to go out with you to a club you like why the hell didn't you go?

    - suppose he only budgets for one big party night a week? What'd be wrong with that?
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    Jul 09, 2011 4:21 PM GMT
    new_guyme said
    navi_saiyan2 saidI'll put it this way
    Chicken.Scared.jpg
    Best thing to do next time is make a move you obviously can't rely on him, just push him into the wall and kiss him for a few seconds. When he's into it pull away so he tries to keep it going and walk away so that way if he wants you he'll go after you if not he'll leave it at that. Either way you'll come out of your shell


    LOL WTF this is soooo drama queen spectacular.

    Do not do this.


    Just let him know ur still interested by suggesting you get together again sometime, and if he never responds back, you know he isnt interested.


    So the pushing against the wall thing is a no no? It seems kinda hot to try that.
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    Jul 09, 2011 7:14 PM GMT
    CHIdude said
    new_guyme said
    navi_saiyan2 saidI'll put it this way
    Chicken.Scared.jpg
    Best thing to do next time is make a move you obviously can't rely on him, just push him into the wall and kiss him for a few seconds. When he's into it pull away so he tries to keep it going and walk away so that way if he wants you he'll go after you if not he'll leave it at that. Either way you'll come out of your shell


    LOL WTF this is soooo drama queen spectacular.

    Do not do this.


    Just let him know ur still interested by suggesting you get together again sometime, and if he never responds back, you know he isnt interested.


    So the pushing against the wall thing is a no no? It seems kinda hot to try that.


    It's a HELL FUCKING no, I gotta stop posting stuff when I'm all tired and junk.

    Bad advice from me icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 09, 2011 7:25 PM GMT
    new_guyme said
    navi_saiyan2 saidI'll put it this way
    Chicken.Scared.jpg
    Best thing to do next time is make a move you obviously can't rely on him, just push him into the wall and kiss him for a few seconds. When he's into it pull away so he tries to keep it going and walk away so that way if he wants you he'll go after you if not he'll leave it at that. Either way you'll come out of your shell


    LOL WTF this is soooo drama queen spectacular.

    Do not do this.


    Just let him know ur still interested by suggesting you get together again sometime, and if he never responds back, you know he isnt interested.


    I agree with Maine Guy and I think he's hotter than fuck!